“What do you want me to say? You know I care about you, Blaze. Is that what you want me to say? I think I’ve proven that to you time and time again.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“I told you no.”
“Did you kiss her?”
“She kissed me a couple times.” I clenched my jaw. “Amy, please don’t do this.”
“Have you ever seen her naked?” He looked away and scrunched up his face. It hurt me immediately picturing him seeing her with no clothes on. “Has she seen you naked?”
“Some parts.” He looked down at the floor and avoided eye contact.
“What parts?”
He grabbed my arms and looked at me and he wasn’t happy. “Damnit, why are you doin’ this? It doesn’t matter what happened earlier tonight. It meant nothin’ to me and you should have known that when I came runnin’ right to you. I will always be there for you, Amy. Now, you can go on with your little tude, but at the end of the day, you know what I’m waitin’ for and it ain’t that little blonde.”
He kissed my hands and released them as he walked over to the second bed and flopped down on it. He took his hat and covered his face with it, before crossing his arms and appearing like he was going to sleep.
I just stood there like an idiot, watching him. I put my hands on my hips like it made me tougher. “She probably has rabies, you know.”
He never moved from his position. “Guess I better get a vaccine then.”
I huffed and puffed and finally laid on the opposite bed across from his. I tried to get myself comfortable, but couldn’t seem to fall asleep knowing he was that close to me. If he was messing around with Heather, I couldn’t be with him. It was nasty to me and even though I knew his intentions were for something good, it made me sick.
Finally, after I’d counted sheep, recounted every step I took and even opened and closed my eyes until I couldn’t hold them open anymore, I still couldn’t fall asleep. Exhaustion hit me and I began to sob. I felt the bed move and his arms around me before I could argue with him.
His lips brushed my ear. “Wrap your arms around me, Blaze.”
I turned around and nestled my body into his. His strong arms reached around my back. “Thank you for saving me.”
“Thank you for lettin’ me. I don’t like sharin’ either, darlin’.”
Chapter 17
Conner
Things with Amy didn’t get any better after that night. Heather called me right after I dropped Amy at her car and after the drama it caused, I just wanted to get the whole nightmare over with. Ty was a walking time bomb, but I refused to tell him what I was doing. I needed to get this girl to talk to me, instead of just trying to fuck my brains out.
I decided to go another route and take the girl somewhere without a bed. To avoid seeing Brina and having her fill Heather in on who I really was, I thought it’d be best to take her to the next town over. I picked Heather up at her house, which was cool since I now knew where she lived. Right away she started rubbing all over my pant leg. “I’m so glad you called.”
“Me too. Do you like Italian?”
She started playing with her phone as I drove out of her development. “Yeah, I dated this guy that was obsessed with it, but it’s fine.”
“I guess I should have asked if you were seein’ anyone.”
“No, it’s been over for a long time. I thought we were going to reconnect, but he turned out to be a liar.”
I needed to keep this conversation going. “Was it a serious relationship?”
“Let’s just say we had different opinions on the term serious. I wanted to be his girlfriend and he just wanted someone to cheat on his girlfriend with.”
“Sounds like a real asshole.” Saying that made me smile. I kind of pictured Ty listening like I was wearing a wire. It would have been kick ass to see his reaction. “Do you ever run into him. I hate towns that are small like this.”
She was still looking down at her phone texting. “I saw him a while back. If I never saw him again it would be too soon. How about you? Do you have someone special at home? You’re not married are you?”
“No, not married. I have a complicated relationship with someone, but it’s nothin’ serious. She’s married to a real asshole who treats her terrible.”
“So, do you still see her?” She immediately was interested in the conversation.
“Please don’t think bad of me for wanting to hook up with someone who was married. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” This was working out better than I thought. I was baiting the bitch.
“No, never. Sometimes you can’t help who you fall in love with.”
“Yeah. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m here and she’s there.” I grabbed her thigh and squeezed. “Besides, I am thinkin’ there are other possibilities out there.”
She smiled and looked me in the eye. I winked at her and made her blush.
When we finally got to the restaurant she had told me all about her mother and her brother, but no more about her ex. I knew I couldn’t just find it out without being obvious and that it was going to take time. I just hated that I was doing it at all.
I’d never cared about a girl like I cared about Amy and it hurt me to think that she was picturing me with someone else. I also hated that she was stuck living with that asshole.
Heather and I had a nice meal and continued to talk about many things. I talked about my family, but left out the details of who they were and where they lived. We talked about college, which I lied about attending. She talked about her and her roommate hooking up and I have to admit that was kind of a hot dinner topic. What guy doesn’t want to hear about two chicks getting freaky? One sure fire way to not have sex with a chick was to get her too drunk to function. In the past I had hated when a girl got too drunk to fuck, but in this case, I found it to be a resource.
I dropped Heather off, hoping to get a look inside of her house and get her to spill about Ty, but her mother pulled up from working at the hospital and left me standing on the front sidewalk with nothing but a goodnight wave.
She drunk text me as I was driving home, but I’d already failed at getting what I needed, so I just ignored her. I was getting closer and she was trusting me. I need to figure the shit out soon.
I’d gotten in the habit of memorizing Rick’s schedule, so I knew when I could text Amy. We’d been talking more on a friend level and even though I wanted her more every day, it never got to the point where she gave me the go-ahead.
What are you doing? – C
Reading a book – A
Is it about how to leave your husband and be with a real man? – C
You wish – A
I do! How was your day? – C
Busy. How about you? – A
I kept thinking about this beautiful redhead. – C
What about her? – A
How much I miss holding her and kissing her. – C
Well maybe she is afraid of where your mouth has been. – A
Maybe the last place it’s been was between her legs. – C
Yeah right! – A
Fine, don’t believe me, Blaze. You’re going to kiss me at the baby shower, even if I have to make you. –C
Goodnight Conner! – A
Goodnight Beautiful. – C
It was difficult for me to not be able to have the woman I wanted. All my life, I pretty much had my choice of women and now the one I wanted more than anything was unavailable. I kept waiting for her to leave her husband but it wasn’t happening. I knew she didn’t love him, in fact she hated him.
Between work on the farm and dealing with living with my family, it was easy to keep busy and not dwell on my sadness. I’d never thought about using drugs to get over my depression. I wasn’t that depressed, really. I just wanted something I couldn’t figure out how to have. My sister kept a close eye on my activities and Ty hinted several times that she suspected I had a thing for Amy. If she only knew how bad of a thing I had, she wou
ld have been flipping out with her big ole belly.
Since I knew all about her shower and the fact that the whole family was coming to stay, I had a bunch to do before the big day. I had to be careful around my nosey cousins when Amy showed up. They would have me figured out in seconds.
Ty and Amy had done all of the party planning so it was natural for her to show up even before the family arrived. Ty had taken Miranda and Bella to church and left us to start getting everything set up. My face lit up when she walked in the door. Everyone else had just left for church and would be at least two hours and the rest of the family was still in route.
She walked right in and sat her stuff down. “Hey.”
I had just gotten out of the shower and left my shirt off so it would drive her crazy. My hat was turned around backwards because I knew I’d want to kiss her as soon as I saw her. I approached her and grabbed her by the hands, pulling her back to my bedroom. She held my gaze while we walked and never tried to stop me.
Once we were in my room, I closed the door and leaned her up against it. I took my hands and moved the hair away from her face. I could feel the heat between us as I approached her until our mouths were almost touching. “Tell me to kiss you, Blaze.”
She closed her eyes. “You know we can’t.”
“Is that what you really want?” I brushed my lips over hers.
“No.”
“If you could have anything right this minute, what would you choose?” I kept brushing my lips over hers.
Her eyes opened and she looked right at me. “You.”
I kissed her bottom lip first, taking my time. When I felt her hand on my chest, I started backing us up to my bed. She reached down for my pants and started unbuttoning them. I kicked them off of me once they fell to the floor. Her shirt came up over her head next as well as her hook in the front bra. It had been so long since I’d been with her this way that I laid her down and fell on top of her, immediately taking her soft nipple into my mouth and sucking on it until it became hard.
I licked around her areola and bit at her nipple one more time before moving to the other side. As I cupped it in my hand and began rubbing it with my lips, she moaned and licked her own. I kept thinking about her sweet tongue and wanted it all over me. I kissed down her stomach and pulled off her jeans. When I got to her panties, I licked over her hot sex until the fabric became wet and I could start to taste her through the cotton. She brought her knees up and placed her palms on them. I held her legs and moved her panties to the side with my teeth, nuzzling my nose up her pussy until I reached her clit. Her body jerked when I tapped it with my nose. I used one hand to pull off her panties as I kissed her inner thigh. I loved hearing her moan, especially when she knew I was about to make her feel so good.
I licked over her little bud, flicking it several times with my tongue. Each lick made her jerk her body and I grabbed her legs to hold her still. Her pussy lips glistened with my saliva and I used my tongue to separate them and enter into her sex. I could taste her musky arousal as I licked from the base of her pussy to her clitoris. When I knew she was on the verge, I sucked her clit into my mouth and sucked it hard. She bucked and cried out before finally relaxing. I kissed my way back up to her lips and shared her own juices in our next kiss. She moaned more when she tasted herself on my tongue.
“Do you want me to stop, darlin’? You gotta tell me now, before I can’t.”
She shook her head as she kissed me again and wrapped her legs around my waist. “No, please don’t stop, Conner. I want you so bad. I want you inside of me.”
She kissed the base of my neck and slid her tongue all the way down to my chest. I watched her nibble on my tiny nipples before licking them. She kissed over the cross tattoo on my chest and came up again to drag her tongue over my mouth. I grabbed her body and stilled her, never stopping our lips from coming back together. “Don’t stop.”
This woman was perfect. Everything she did to me, made me want her more. Her touch was like electricity and her tongue was better than any drug I’d been consumed in.
She gasped when I slowly entered her and wrapped her legs around my back. I couldn’t stop kissing those perfect lips of hers as we began swaying back and forth. Our rhythm was so in sync as our bodies crashed together, filling the heated room with sounds of pleasure.
Without releasing, I sat up and secured her legs tighter around my back again. She began rocking her hips and grinding them into me. I ran my hands into the sides of her hair and pulled her face into mine. Her blue eyes sparkled as I watched the different expressions taking over her face. I held onto her ass and squeezed the cheeks as I pulled her into me. She leaned back, letting me take in those perfect tits, and grabbed my nipples with her fingernails. I closed my eyes and tried to decide whether it was pain or pleasure. Letting the sensations run through my body, I felt my release and grabbed around to the back of her shoulder to hold her tight against my body.
She cried out as my erection emptied inside of her and relaxed her head on my chest. I continued to kiss the top of her head and hold her tight. After a few moments, I knew we had to get up and get cleaned up. I cupped her cheeks and kissed her tenderly. “What are you doin’ to me, darlin’?”
She shrugged and started climbing off of me. I grabbed her and pulled her back onto the bed. “As much as I love watching you walk around naked, I’m not ready to let you go just yet.”
“People are going to be here and there’s nothing done. Do you want them to find out about us?”
I ran the back of my hand over her cheek. “I don’t give a damn who knows. How much longer are you goin’ to make me wait before admittin’ that we are good together?”
She shook her head and looked away. “Conner, please don’t do this. We can’t.”
“We can’t, or you don’t want to?” We were sitting on the bed facing each other and my heart was beating so damn fast just talking to her. “Amy, I think about you all the time. I’m tired of wonderin’ if I gotta wait another six months to be with you.”
“It isn’t that I don’t want that. You know I do. We just can’t yet.”
“When then? When are you goin’ to finally be free?”
“When are you going to stop this bullshit plan of seducing Heather? Even Ty would say you were an idiot if he knew what you were doing.” She cocked her eyebrow and I knew the subject pissed her off.
“It’s not like I’m sleepin’ with her.”
“Not yet!”
“Woman, all you have to do is decide to be with me and there won’t be anyone standing in our way. I can promise you that.”
She shook her head and started putting her pants back on. “You don’t know what you want Conner. For you, it’s about the chase. If I was single, you probably wouldn’t even be interested. I’m older than you and have nothing to offer.” She motioned her hands between the two of us. “This is all about the excitement. It’s not real.”
“You don’t believe that.” I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms. “You’re wrong. At first maybe it was about gettin’ in your pants, but it ain’t like that now. Once I had you, I knew I wanted somethin’ more. You can deny it all you want, but I ain’t never wanted a woman, like I continue to want you.”
“I need time, Conner. I need you to be my friend right now.”
I put my hands in my face and held them there for a second. “I ain’t never met a woman as stubborn as your ass. I will break that wall and you will be mine.”
She patted my leg and kissed the top of my head. By the time I looked up she was walking out of my room.
Chapter 18
Amy
Spending time with Conner and Miranda’s family always made me envious. They were all so close and I wanted that for myself. Conner kept pushing my buttons during the baby shower. Every time he got a chance he was catching me standing alone in a corner and reminding me of what we had done in his room.
I wanted to believe that he had real feelings for me, but I think some
times he forgot that I’d known his sister for a long time and she had told me all of the stories about him. He wasn’t exactly the poster boy for relationships, in fact, she told me once that he didn’t do them at all. Still, the man was always around for me. I could call him in the middle of the night and he would answer.
In the next month Rick became overwhelmed with his new job. His daughter was pretty much living with her boyfriend, behind her father’s back. I kept busy with work and saved up two thousand dollars without anyone noticing. It wasn’t enough to move out, but it gave me hope that it would come soon. When I did leave, I would be without a job and a place to live.
Since Rick was always on the road, we got along better when he was home. His new schedule kept him away for four days out of the week and normally he would sleep for two whole days when he was home. He claimed the money was better, but I never saw a cent. I had no idea what our bills were, not that I even cared anymore.
I stayed focused, becoming even better friends with Conner, while keeping my distance from him. It was easy with Rick being seemingly happy at home. His drinking was lighter and we hadn’t had any kind of confrontations. I knew that he knew I was unhappy though, because there was no chemistry between us. Several times he had initiated sex with me and I ended up just lying there the whole time. I couldn’t get into it. He repulsed me so much that I loathed him.
I will never forget the day when I decided to write my father a letter. I told him how I needed him in my life. It was hard for me to mail it out but I did it anyway. I also reached out to my brother and sister, who I found on the internet, living in other states. It was difficult for me to admit, even on paper, how my life had turned out. It was also hard knowing that the only person I could talk to about it was Connor.
He said he wanted more from me, but I couldn't see past my current situation to take that kind of leap. It was like he kept hanging on even when I gave him a million reasons to stop being my friend. I felt like in some ways I was using him for his kindness. I didn't want to be that person, so I ended up pushing him further away. Still, my feelings never changed for Connor, and at the end of every day he was all that I wanted and what I would never have.
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