by Sosie Frost
Something thudded against the floor. A retaliatory crash shook the windows. Glass shattered. My brothers shouted.
Just a normal Thursday at two AM for the Payne family.
“Of course I’m sure,” Rem said.
“Is she sick sick or sick?”
“I don’t know. What’s sick sick?”
“Scarlet fever. Pneumonia. Has she lost a leg?”
Rem practically growled. “Her legs are both accounted for. What the hell do I do? How do I tell if its scarlet fever? What if she’s really sick?”
She wasn’t, but I doubted I could convince him of that. “Is she warm?”
“She’s always a goddamned furnace. I sweat buckets when she sits in my lap.”
Another threat of violence from downstairs. Quint slammed a door. A string of profanities followed. It would be the third time he’d threatened to leave. His suitcase was parked near the door almost as often as mine.
“Is she sniffling?” I asked.
“Yeah, there’s all this gunk in her nose.”
“Coughing?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it a bad cough?”
“How the hell should I know? Aren’t all coughs bad?”
Well, I wasn’t getting back to sleep tonight. “Is it a chesty cough? A throaty cough? Post nasal drip cough?”
Rem lost his patience. “I have no clue! It sounds like this…”
The sound he created was no more child’s cough than it was constipated donkey.
“If that’s the case, you might want to grab the shotgun,” I said.
He swore. “Cas, can you just help me before I go insane? I haven’t slept all night.”
“What a coincidence,” I said. “I can’t get any sleep either.”
Varius was now in on the fight. A clatter rose from the kitchen. The usual frustrations echoed through the house. You’re not Dad. Dad left me in charge of the farm. You’re not in charge of us. We have to make these decisions together. You already made the decision and never asked. You never put in the effort…
My midnight mediations—or meddling, as Tidus called it—had never once calmed my arguing brothers before. It certainly wouldn’t do a freaking thing now, not with an emptied six pack of beer and four years’ worth of repressed rage surging through their veins. Tensions were high after Mom died. They worsened when Dad got sick. And now?
Another broken glass downstairs.
This family wasn’t blood anymore—binding contracts and executive directives were all that kept us together. It was Dad’s last wish that the family come together, make unified decisions, and become whole again.
That son of a bitch had a sick sense of humor.
“Cassie, I’m out of my element here,” Rem said. “I don’t know what to do for her.”
Damn my heart of gold. Lugging it around really weighed me down. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Thanks, Sass.”
He shouldn’t have thanked me yet. Agreeing to help was easy enough. Escaping the house was the tough part.
God only knew what I’d have to clean up in the morning. Broken glass. Jules’ face—again. I never wanted to spackle another wall as long as I lived. It wasn’t worth wandering into the middle of the fracas to inform them that I was going to visit Remington Marshall.
I’d be back before they’d slept off the buzz. Quick like a bunny. Quick like a bunny who wasn’t about to change out of her pajamas or do more than ponytail her hair.
I tossed a windbreaker over the spaghetti tank and my pink fuzzy bottoms, exchanged the slippers for flip-flops, and did what any respectable woman would do when brothers armed themselves with whiskey and dug trenches in the kitchen. I shimmied my booty out the bedroom window and climbed down the rain gutter.
“What the hell are you doing?”
My feet hadn’t hit the porch roof before I got busted.
I flattened myself against the roof, shushing Tidus with a quick finger to my lips. Not like he’d ever listen. He hopped the railing and hauled me off the roof before I jumped to the ground.
“Cassi, we have doors.”
He reeked of cigarette smoke.
I slapped his shoulder. “You promised to quit!”
He snorted and pointed towards the kitchen. The yelling even echoed outside. “You head into that hellscape. Tell me what you’d do to escape the insanity.”
“I wouldn’t smoke.”
“No. You’d just risk a very breakable neck by climbing out the window.”
Tidus wasn’t as tall as my other brothers, but he made up for it with meathead strength. His muscles were wrapped in tattoos and leather. His hands might’ve crushed me, but, underneath the petty criminal record and scars, he was a teddy bear pushed onto the wrong side of the law.
And it was Rem who gave him the shove.
“Cover for me,” I said. “I’m going out.”
No hesitation. “Nope.”
“I used to do it for you.”
Still a no. “That’s different.”
“How so?”
“Cause I’m…and you’re…” His eyes had an electric quality to them, far brighter green than the rest of my brothers. “Where the hell are you going in your jammies?”
Who was he to judge me…just because the pink pants had little strawberries embroidered and the word Sassy emblazoned on the butt.
“These are totally real pants,” I said.
I never gave my brother enough credit. “You’re going to see Rem!”
“Fine. Don’t cover for me.”
“Why are you getting involved with him again?”
I wasn’t involved. Maybe mixed-up. “I’m not, not that it’s any of your business.”
Tidus scowled. “Drop the attitude, Sassy. I don’t want you moping around here for another five years because of that bastard.”
“That bastard is your best friend.”
“That’s how I know he’s a bastard.”
“If you were that worried, why did you have me take the clothes and toys up to the cabin?” I frowned. “And why didn’t you tell Jules or the others that he was in town?”
Tidus rubbed his face, but the displeasure didn’t fade. “I owe Rem for a lot of shit, okay? He fucked up, but I’m not gonna forget what he did for me. But that doesn’t mean I’ll let him hurt you again.”
“He never hurt me.”
“Yeah, right. That’s why there’s a parade of guys here on the weekends, begging to take you out.”
“And here I thought that would relieve my big brother.”
“We’d rather see you with anyone but him.”
I flicked my car keys in my hand. “The baby is sick. I’m going to make sure she’s okay.”
Tidus let me pass, but he called after me. “And then what?”
What did he think? “And then I’m going to make passionate love to Rem, and we’re going to run away to Vegas, spend all of our money on a roulette wheel, and live out the rest of our lives on a sunny Mexican beach.”
“Stay out of trouble.”
“You can trust me.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about.”
Likewise. Tidus still considered Rem a friend. My other brothers? They’d arm themselves with pitchforks and iPhone flashlights and march up the mountain to save a virtue that wasn’t theirs to protect or Rem’s to take.
Not that they needed to worry. I’d already told Rem—I was leaving town. Definitely and for real this time. I was only staying long enough to ensure he’d only use electrical tape to fix a broken toy, and then I was gone. Off the farm. Away from the fights, anger, and resentment.
I loved my brothers, but I’d run out of framed pictures to hang over holes in the drywall and lost enough sleep breaking up their fights. Until they made peace, I needed to find my own.
It took me a half-hour to sneak up the terrifyingly windy mountain road in pitch blackness. I sweated by the time I reached the cabin and tumbled out of the car in relief.
Rem owed me b
ig time for this.
The cabin’s front door was unlocked. I knocked and let myself in.
Rem greeted me without a shirt.
This night wasn’t going to get any easier.
Was he a man…or was he a monster made of pure muscle? His back, chest, arms, abs, everywhere ripped with strength. And decorating it all? Tattoos. Bright sleeves down his arms and across his chest.
A snake was his preferred design, coiling over one arm, across his shoulders, and down the other. The bright cacophony of colors practically slithered as his muscles flexed. Bands of red, yellow, and green swept in an almost tribal pattern across his skin. He’d drawn the design himself when we were young, even incorporating trees and foliage to hide the snake. A dogwood tree. Never thought a man could look so fearsome with delicate flowers tattooed over his massive biceps.
He’d inked himself with a new tattoo—a design so out of place, so deliberately positioned, it nearly ruined the aesthetic of his sleeves. The sunflower didn’t belong on his skin, especially over his heart. He hated the things.
But sunflowers were my favorite.
Good thing Rem was distracted, rooting through the kitchen drawer. I checked my chin for drool then stopped him before he marched out of the kitchen with a meat thermometer.
“What are you doing?”
Rem frowned. “I think Tabby has a fever, and this is the only thermometer I have. But I’m not sure where to stick it.”
“Back in the drawer!”
He grunted and tossed it in the sink. “Fine. What do I do?”
I dropped the windbreaker on the couch and peeked into the Pack-N-Play. A bundle of fuss greeted me. Tabby pouted. Kicked. Pretty sure she gave me the finger. She rubbed hard at her nose.
“She’s pissed,” Rem said. “I moved her here so she wouldn’t wake Mellie.”
Poor thing. I patted her tummy. “Aw, what happened, Tabs? Don’t feel good?”
She declined to answer, preferring to wail instead. This must have been a common sound. Rem groaned.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said.
Nothing really to do. Tabby calmed a little as I picked her up and cuddled her close. “It’s just the sniffles.”
“How do you know?”
The little blonde had turned into a mass of frizz. Her hair tickled my nose as she burrowed into my shoulder. I rubbed her back.
“I just do, I guess,” I said. “It’s instinct. I’m used to kids. I know the signs.”
Tabby made a grabby motion with her tiny fists towards Rem. He hesitated as long as a man could reasonably delay before surrendering to the little girl. He took her to the couch, but she still wasn’t happy until they settled down together. I perched on the sofa’s arm, keeping a respectable and modest distance between my pink jammies and the conniving serpent staring from his wrist.
“Have you changed her?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“Fed her?”
“She didn’t really want to eat.”
“Did she drink some water?”
“Yeah.”
Better than I’d thought he’d do. “Okay. Try to get her to sleep.”
He didn’t like that answer. “That’s it?”
“She has a cold,” I said. “Rest will help.”
“But there’s nothing else you can do?”
“Short of magic?”
Rem raised his eyebrows. “I’m a desperate man, Cas. Bippity Boppity Boo this shit. If it’d make the kid feel better, I’d shank the fairy with her own wand.”
“Let’s not hold Mickey Mouse hostage yet.” I scooted next to him and nudged his side. Those muscles were hard as a rock. “Tabby has a cold. It’s part of growing up. Cuddle her, keep her warm, and pray she doesn’t wake Mellie.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. Now we can take her to the doctor tomorrow to make sure. Do you know which pediatrician Emma used for them?”
“Probably none.”
“None?”
Rem bit his words before answering. “I mean, I don’t know. She never said what she did when they got sick.”
“We’ll call Doctor Barlow tomorrow.”
“Who?”
“Simon Barlow.”
Rem fumed. “You gotta be kidding me.”
“He opened a practice in Butterpond. He’s great with kids.”
“Fuck me.” He corrected himself as I glared at him. “Sorry, Tabby.”
Rem went silent. Poor guy. Not like he knew what to do for a sick baby or a sick sister.
“How is Emma?” I asked.
I thought he didn’t hear me. He stayed quiet for a little too long. “Doing okay.”
“We could take the kids over to visit. She might like to see them.”
“No.”
Harsh and quick. I flinched. So did he.
Rem apologized and gestured to the baby. “If she’s sick, Mellie might get sick too. I don’t want to drag them around Emma.”
“Oh, the chemo. Right.”
“Yeah. Right.” He gave Tabby a couple pats to her bottom and settled into the couch with a heavy sigh. Dark circles traced under his eyes, but his smile could still melt parts of me that had no business warming for a man like him. “You sure you don’t want to be a nanny? You’re good at this.”
“I should be. I babysat enough in high school. Plus that degree I’m lugging around should prove it, even if it doesn’t seem to impress any schools in the area.”
“So why not do it?”
“It’s too much of a risk.”
“So, you’d rather stay on the farm instead?” He snorted. “You can either wait for another job to fall into your lap, or you can pray for rain instead.”
Yeah. My family had learned that the hard way. “Tell that to Jules. He’s dead-set on rebuilding the farm. Crops. Animals. Everything.”
“Why?”
I lowered my voice as Tabby finally closed her eyes. “Because that’s what Dad wanted for us.”
“Jules never got along with your dad.”
Yeah, I remembered those fights. “I guess he had a change of heart.”
Rem shuffled with the baby towards the Pack-N-Play. I helped settle her into the blankets, and we tip-toed away with bated breath while she closed her eyes.
Crisis averted, for now.
I sunk into the couch, unsure why I was even telling them any of this. “The family’s not doing so good. Mom’s been gone for four years. Dad, three months. None of my brothers even spoke to each other at the funeral. No one came home for holidays. No one stopped by to visit. There’s too much hate.” I nearly laughed. “And now Jules thinks he’ll solve every problem by planting some corn.”
“Maybe he will.”
“He wants me to stay and help.”
“Why don’t you?”
I smirked. “You, above anyone else, should understand why I want to leave.”
He extended an arm behind me, still on the couch, but inviting me closer. “Enlighten me.”
“Because I want to be like you.”
Rem nearly choked. “Like me? You don’t want to be like me, Sassy.”
“Why not?”
“You can’t even hold an axe,” he said. “Canadian winters aren’t for you.”
“So I’ll buy a coat,” I said. “Point is, you got to leave. You hopped in your car, drove away, and started a brand-new life away from here.”
“It’s a lonely, cold, and miserable life.”
“Well, I don’t think I’ll be a lumberjack.”
“Don’t think I should be one either.”
I leaned against the couch, almost grazing his arm. “Then why did you go?”
A dangerous question, especially in the middle of the night when exhaustion accidentally unstuffed all the curiosities and pains and feelings I’d shoved deep into the pit of my stomach, where they belonged. Besides, Rem might have offered a dangerous answer, something neither of us were prepared to admit.
His fingers dr
ifted to my cheek. I craved his touch, but he only twisted one of my curls, pinching it just to watch it spring back in place.
“Why didn’t you leave yet?” he asked.
“I had to stay.”
He nodded. “And I had to go.”
“You didn’t even say goodbye.”
Rem’s eyes had a way of darkening when he got serious. “Would you have wanted to hear it?”
Yes.
No.
It didn’t matter because the past was done and we’d all suffered enough for it. Nothing would change what had happened, no matter how many times I’d hit eighty-eight miles an hour on the highway, hoping it’d propel me back five years to prevent everything from falling apart.
“What happened that night, Rem?” I whispered. “Really. What happened in the barn? What happened with the fire? What happened when you ran away?”
He teased another one of my curls. “That’s all in the past. Who can remember it?”
“I can.” I brushed his hand away only to hold it close. To feel him. To enjoy a warmth that wasn’t mine to share. “Tell me. Please.”
The shadows lifted. He flexed his fingers between mine, light and dark, smooth and calloused. With a little tug, he pulled me closer.
In another world, in another time, and with no less than two glasses of wine, I might have snuggled against his chest. Now, I knew better.
So why did I let his strong fingers stroke the back of my hand?
“Long ago…” He sighed. “An idiot boy met a pretty girl.”
“How pretty?”
“Prettiest he’d ever seen. Had all these crazy curls in her hair. Gorgeous smile. And a booty that—Lord have mercy—would have driven any red-blooded man to his knees.”
I wasn’t impressed. “Beauty is such a curse. Can’t find any jeans that fit it, can’t trust any of the neighbor boys to not be intimidated by it.”
“Well, that boy was intimidated. Only thing he could do was run far, far away.”
“Why?”
“To protect her virtue.”
And now I knew it was a fairy tale. “You honestly thought you were gonna score back then?”
“You didn’t stand a chance, Sassy.”
“What sort of girl do you take me for?”
“The kind of girl who needed a good roll in the hay.”
“Kinda hard to roll when you burned the barn down.”
He frowned. “It would have been worse if we’d—”
