Shallow River

by H. D. Carlton

  “Don’t you worry, baby, this little sweet boy is going to be out soon and you won’t feel anything else but love. I promise you that.”

  Before Amelia can come up with a response, she’s screaming again.

  “Start pushing,” Dr. Jackson orders. I can only assume Amelia’s listening based off her purple contorted face and the intensified screams coming out of her mouth. David holds her hand, not looking the least bit bothered by the fact that Amelia is currently crushing it. No, he’s too busy staring down between Amelia’s legs in wonder.

  A couple minutes later, tiny screams replace Amelia’s. Tears are already streaming down my face by the time Dr. Jackson places the baby in Amelia’s waiting arms.

  An indescribable love shines on her and David’s face as they stare down at the new love of their lives.

  “Hi baby Beckham,” I say hoarsely, tears clogging in my throat. I sniffle and coo over his cute, little squished face.

  Amelia glances at David before smiling up at me.

  “Beckham River,” Amelia says. I stop cooing and stare down at Amelia in shock. “River is his middle name. And David and I would be really honored if you’d be his godmother.”

  A sob bursts from my throat. I slap a hand over my mouth and nod my head, overwhelmed by my love for my two friends and their baby.

  Beckham is pulled from Amelia and in a matter of seconds, exhaustion takes over her face. She settles back down while David goes to have his own time with Beckham.

  “I love you, River,” Amelia says tiredly.

  I grab my best friend’s hand. “I love you, too Amelia.”

  EIGHT MONTHS LATER

  “I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE you two together,” Julie gushes, her clasped hands under her chin as she gazes at Mako and mine conjoined hands with excitement.

  A little over the top, Julie.

  We decided it was time to come over for dinner. It’s just us three now. A vast difference from the last time I was here, over a year ago now. The Ghost Killer didn’t truly kill Ryan, nor did Matt ever suffer any real consequences for his actions—other than losing his wife and adopted son—but, they’re both still ghosts to us. Neither of them are here, but we can feel their presence anyway.

  I finish chewing the best apple pie ever and I smile wide at her, appreciative of her acceptance more than she’ll ever know. And I appreciate this delicious apple pie, too.

  I made Mako wait to announce our engagement after he slipped that ring on my finger over eight months ago. I felt it was proper considering it hadn’t even been a year since Ryan’s death and I’d already moved on from him. And Julie was still recovering from her recent divorce with Matt to top it off. This woman has been through a lot in the past year. Too much. So, I think had I moved on with anyone else, Julie might not have been so excited. Not that I would’ve ever saw her again anyway.

  Mako confessed what he knew about Matt the day his parents visited him in the hospital. Lying in a hospital bed, recovering from a gunshot wound. Mako blames the morphine for letting it slip when he did, but he doesn’t have regrets. Julie, of course, went into denial. But eventually, Matt admitted he did touch Ryan.

  It was a whirlwind of drama after that. Julie wanted Matt to go to prison, but there was no proof. Ryan is dead. The only downside of that fact, I guess. So, Matt got away with it. He claims he never touched any other boy—only Ryan. Mako and I will never know if that’s true, but I have a feeling Mako is going to be keeping a close eye on Matt for as long as he lives.

  Mako is healing from that blow, too. I at least had the luxury of knowing my mother was a piece of shit from the start. Mako was lied to his entire life, believing Matt to be an amazing father, and respectable guy. He’s still coming to terms with it, but he’s getting better.

  He still has Julie. We both do.

  About three months after the incident with Billy, Mako was promoted to Sergeant. At his ceremony, I finally faced Mako’s mother. After a heartfelt apology—which I truly meant in my soul, because despite Ryan being an abuser, it’s not easy for anyone to bury their child—she forgave me immediately. She assumed I was too distraught by Ryan’s death to come around, and I obviously had a good excuse for not attending the funeral.

  Mako and I didn’t announce that we were together that day—I slid the ring off my finger before facing her—but when Mako’s ceremony ended and he came to stand beside me, I could see in Julie’s dark-rimmed eyes a spark of hope.

  We felt today was finally the day to announce our engagement. We told Julie that our connection blossomed when he saved me from the Ghost Killer. It was easy to spin a love story from the knight who saved the princess from the dragon’s lair. Mako’s mother gobbled the story up and had said it was only natural that we would be drawn to each other.

  “I just know Ryan would love you two together,” she continues. My smile falters and it takes an immense amount of strength to keep it on my face.

  “Mom,” Mako admonishes. “Don’t make it weird.”

  Way over the top, Julie.

  She waves her hand, nonplussed by her words. Bringing up Ryan is still… touchy. Julie is still grieving and sometimes even saying his name will have her bursting into tears. Every time I witness her pain, guilt lodges deep inside of me.

  I’m not a sociopath. She’s living with a hole in her chest every day because I murdered her son. Did he deserve it? Absolutely. But Julie? She didn’t deserve anything that came her way. I wish there were a way I could take away her pain without taking back my actions, but we’re living far from a perfect world.

  “It’s okay,” I say lightly. “I think he would’ve been happy, too.”

  Mako squeezes my hand in response. Ryan would’ve been livid. But the good thing about that is Ryan’s dead.

  TWO YEARS LATER

  “OH, FUCK.”

  “What?”

  “Ohhhh, fuck,” I groan. My husband bursts into the bathroom, nothing but basketball shorts on, nearly toppling over me in his pursuit to save me from… I don’t know what he thought he needed to save me from.

  He stops short, inspects my perfectly intact body and then looks back at me again with confusion. I inspect his body in return, momentarily distracted from his crisis when I get a good look at his six pack abs and tattoos covering both arms.

  I’ll never get used to how delicious he is.

  “What?” he asks again, drawing me back to reality.

  “This!” I exclaim, shoving the stick in his hands.

  He looks down at it with a mixture of shock, awe and horror. Somehow, all three of those emotions are equally prominent on his beautiful face. I’m still feeling those same emotions myself.

  Pregnant.

  Only a few years ago, I had looked down at a pregnancy test and felt like my life was possibly ending. I was in an abusive relationship with an evil man who was trying to trap me. He drugged me with antibiotics so my birth control would deactivate, just so I could never leave him. Luckily, the test came back negative.

  Now, my husband looks up at me with just one emotion. Love.

  We weren’t planning on having a baby for another couple years. Children was something we openly discussed and agreed on, but neither of us have been quite ready to take that next step. We’ve been enjoying our time together a bit too much and have been content staying selfish for the meantime and just being together.

  Plus, Beckham has kept both of us teetering away from that edge, too. Amelia and David’s kid is quite a handful. He stays with Mako and I twice a month, and by the time Amelia comes to pick him up, we have a handful of new gray hairs sprouting and dark circles under our eyes. And every single time, Amelia drives away cackling.

  After everything came out about Ryan, and I admitted to Amelia that Alison is not an evil, sabotaging bitch like I led her to believe, Alison found herself thrown into our little family. She’s considered Auntie Ali to Beckham and probably just as traumatized as Mako and I are after she babysits him.

  And now, Ma
ko and I no longer have an option to be selfish.

  Because we’re having a fucking baby.

  “How do you feel?” he whispers, his hands sliding around my waist and pulling me close. I look down at where our chests meet. In about eight months, a big round belly is going to prevent us from getting this close. Because there’s going to be a full-grown baby between us.

  “I’m scared. Terrified actually.”

  He nods his head, the same sentiment written on his face.

  “I’m scared, too. This is sooner than we expected, but I’m ready for it.”

  I stare into his eyes, trying to find any hint of a lie. Some indication that he’s dreading the idea of having a kid with me. But all I can find is devotion.

  My chest fills with warmth. “As long as you’re by my side, I’m ready too.”

  He smiles wide, showcasing his white straight teeth and causing the skin to crinkle around his eyes. Mako has the most beautiful fucking smile I’ve ever seen. It’s so goddamn genuine. Every time I see it, it feels like staring straight at the sun. It’s beautiful.

  I like that word now. Mako has put a new meaning to it. Just like he’s put a new meaning to life.

  My eyes settle on the scar from his gunshot wound. It’s a constant reminder how much Mako has done for me. Sacrificed for me. From showing up in my life and trying to get me to see the light and help me, from covering up his brother’s murder for me, and then coming to save me from Billy and getting shot in the process.

  Mako owed me absolutely nothing when we first met. I was just another fly in his brother’s spider web. Just like Alison had been. He was the only one who knew the true nature of Ryan Fitzgerald. And instead of letting the flies be eaten alive, Mako went out of his way to untangle the web we were weaved in and help us get away. I owe my life to this man. To this day, Alison shares the same sentiment.

  “Do you think I’ll be a good mother?”

  “I think you were shown the perfect example of what a mother shouldn’t be. I think you’ll be perfect.”

  My shoulders drop with relief. Mako’s right. Barbie did everything wrong with me. Which is exactly why I haven’t seen her since I gifted her the house in Shallow River. Barbie didn’t deserve any part of the gift, but I wanted to cut all ties with her. What happens to her and that house is no longer a concern to me.

  Mako admitted he went to see her when Billy first took me. He never said what he told her, but by the way Barbie looked at Mako with reluctant respect, and maybe a little bitterness, I imagine he did the equivalent of running her through with a truck and then reversing back over her.

  “You’re going to be such a great dad, too. If we have a girl, I know she’ll be a virgin until she’s thirty.”

  He laughs. The sound fills me with so much happiness. “Nah. I refuse to be one of those dads that try to control their daughter’s sex life. I always thought it was creepy when guys do that. The only thing I have the right to do is show her the right way a man treats his woman, and she’ll learn that from watching us together. And I can only hope she’ll be honest with us, so we can make sure she knows if she’s being treated right.”

  Unexpected tears spring to my eyes. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear what type of parent Mako plans to be. But knowing that he’ll be so fucking good to our kid is causing all types of emotions to rise within me. So much fucking love and happiness. And definitely a whole lot of horniness.

  He smiles at my reaction. My cheeks flush red with embarrassment. I’m not usually a crier.

  “Hormones,” I mumble.

  I stifle his laugh with a kiss, shutting him up quickly. I’m so ready to live the rest of my life with this man. And the best part is we’re only just getting started. I pull away and rub a hand across my stomach.

  “I already know what I want to name her if it’s a girl.”

  “What’s that, baby?”

  I smile, looking down at my flat stomach. I’m already excited to see my belly grow.

  “Camilla. I want to name her Camilla.”

  He gives me a wide smile. “That’s beautiful.”

  THE END

  If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence and needs support, please call 1-800-799-7233, or if you are unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.

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  For My Readers

  Whatever this book made you feel, I would be entirely grateful for you if you would consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads. Author’s livelihoods are centered around your feelings and thoughts, and I would absolutely love to hear them. Reviews and sharing your love mean the world to me, and they mean the world to author’s as a whole 

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  Acknowledgments

  I’m not sure where to begin with this one. This story is personal to me. It was therapeutic. It was my version of revenge against the men who continuously escape justice and prey on women. And although there’s nothing that will ever fix the pain put upon women since the dawn of time, this is my form of justice.

  And to the men who are suffering from abuse, I also stand with you. No one deserves to feel this pain.

  I guess first and foremost, I’d like to thank you. For reading this book. For suffering through the darkness alongside River. For being strong. And for not judging a girl who is has suffered an immeasurable amount of pain and handled it the only way she knew how.

  Secondly, I’d like to thank my beta readers for helping this story come together. To Micheala Knight, Jessica Brown, Melissa Morris and of course my mother, Lisa.

  A huge thank you to my editor, Sarah Lamb. No one has believed in this story quite like you, and I’m incredibly thankful for you.

  Last but not least, thank you Chris Schade for the beautiful cover. You kick ass.

  About The Author

  H. D. Carlton grew up in a small town in Ohio, and suffered for years by the hands of Mother Nature cursing the area with all four seasons in the span of a week. By day, she does boring adult stuff, by night, she’s putting her imagination into words as her cat climbs all over her. She published a few poems back in her days, but now she is devoted to turning poetry into a story. A story that preferably features wicked worlds with the worst kind of villains that don’t talk about themselves in third person.

  Learn more about H. D. Carlton on hdcarlton.com. Join her newsletter to receive updates, teasers, giveaways, and special deals here.

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