By Mary B. Moore
© 2017 Mary B. Moore
All Rights Reserved
No part of this book may be reproduced, copied or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system without written expressed permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is purely coincidental.
Formatting and Cover Design: SK Designs
http://sexykittendesigns.com/
Cover Photographer: Adobe
Editor: Emma Mack, Ultimate Editing Co.
The use of actors, artists, movies, TV shows, and song titles/lyrics throughout this book are done so for storytelling purposes and should in no way be seen as advertisement. Trademark names are used in an editorial fashion with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or if it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and please purchase your own copy.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior express, written consent of the author.
This book is intended for mature adults only. Contains sexual content and language that may offend some. Suggested reading audience is 18 years or older. I consider this book as Adult Romance. If this isn’t your type of book, then please don’t purchase it.
This book is covered under the United Kingdom’s Copyright Laws. For more information on the Copyright, please visit: https://www.gov.uk/copyright/overview
COPYRIGHT
TABLE OF CONTENTS
DEDICATION
SPECIAL NOTE
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
MORE BOOKS
For centuries, wars have been fought by brave men and women and millions of lives have been lost.
To date, roughly 7,222 U.S. Military personnel have been killed in the Iraq/Afghanistan Wars.
Operation Herrick in Afghanistan claimed 456 British military lives. Operation Telic claimed 179 in Iraq and the War on terror has, to date, claimed 510.
Personnel from other militaries who fought alongside us and thousands of civilians have also been casualties of war.
Statistics show that at least 20% of our Veterans suffer from PTSD. Only 50% seek help for it, but as many as 5-8,000 from the US alone commit suicide equating at 1 suicide every 22 minutes. War doesn’t just kill you in the field.
To our military personnel present, past and future - thank you for your service, your sacrifices and your dedication. Real-life heroes exist in a variety of uniforms and stand under a multitude of flags.
“When you go home,
Tell them of us and say,
For your tomorrow,
We gave our today.”
John Maxwell Edmonds
Lest we forget…
To the two superheroes in my life –
Lee and Paul thank you for wearing
your capes and for being true heroes.
Screams and moans broke through the high-pitched ringing in my ears as my head spun. Coughing and choking on the acrid smoke, I tried to find the rest of my team, but it was just too dense. Every breath in, felt like my lungs were on fire.
Trying to shake off the dizziness, I rolled onto my front and went to move a knee under me so that I could stand up, but a sharp burning pain in my side stopped me.
What the fuck had happened? It was just meant to be a routine run to check the edge of the parameter that we’d set up yesterday. The area had been confirmed to be incendiary free so where had all of the smoke come from?
Giving myself a shake, I crawled forward looking for clean air. Every time I coughed, the burning and pain in my side got worse so I kept as close to the ground as I could, hoping that I’d get to fresh air soon.
I looked down as my hand hit a piece of metal, and roughly three feet in front of me was an arm. Just then the wind blew and the smoke and dust cleared slightly and the lifeless eyes of Siglo stared back at me with the mangled wreckage of the Vee that we’d been riding in…
The yelling woke me up and I sat up with a shout, looking around me to see what the hell was going on. Realizing that it was my own screaming that had woken me up, I scrubbed my hands down my face to try and get rid of the mental images that haunted me every night. Thankfully, we were in a motel so the others hadn’t heard me. I knew if they had heard me, they’d understand as we’d all been there that day so we all had the same nightmare.
The dreams were so realistic that I could smell the smoke and various burning objects from that day. Moving my legs over the edge of the bed, I shook my head and breathed deeply to get rid of it and slow my heart rate down. Reaching back, I put my hand on my side, feeling the jagged scar that would always serve to remind me of what had happened. I deserved it. I’d been in charge that day, if I’d said ‘no’ or had taken a more cautious approach, then they would all still be alive.
Getting up, I walked toward the bathroom to wash the stench off me. Every night it was the same routine, and I could still smell the burning in my nose. No matter how often I showered, the smell of smoke never left and my hands were still red with the blood that they had on them.
Standing under the hot spray, I thought about what we were doing today. Seeing the lives that men that I’d served with like Coleman, Mace, Neil, Dante and the others now lived, we’d decided to set down roots. I hadn’t been back to my home town in Baton Rouge since I’d left for my first tour in the Marines, and I’d be a lying sack of shit if I didn’t admit that I was worried about it. The beautiful face that came into my mind made me lean against the wall and close my eyes. Was I ready to see her? I knew that she still lived there so I wouldn’t have to go hunting for her, but would she want to see me after everything and all the time that had passed?
We had just purchased an old hotel amongst the eight of us to live in so I didn’t have any choice now. I had to see her; I also needed to see her.
Dumping our shit in our rooms in the property, we did a walk through looking at what work needed done. It wasn’t in bad condition, but fuck me did it need upgrading. After agreeing on a plan of action, we decided that we needed a drink and I knew just the place to go. I was also hoping that I’d see her there.
Leading them to a bar called Griffin, I waited until we’d all parked in front of it before growing a set and getting off my bike.
“Last one in buys the beers,” Leo jeered, moving quickly toward the door.
The others all followed closely behind him, and there was a tussle with them
all pushing each other out of the way. I wasn’t interested in that shit just now though; I was too busy wondering how she’d react to seeing me.
Following the guys in, it took a minute for my eyes to get used to the dimness of the place. The first thing I saw, was her standing behind the bar talking to a guy and smiling. Jesus, fuck she hadn’t changed. No, fuck that she had - she’d matured and was even more beautiful now than before.
Ignoring the guys who were still bantering over whose round it was first, I walked over to the bar on automatic pilot. Just as I was about to lean on it, she turned her head and looked at me; the smile dropping off her face. I’d been hoping that she’d at least scream at me or throw something, but she didn’t. Without making a noise, she just turned and walked to the door that I remembered led to her dad’s office and the staff entrance. Her reaction hurt, but I deserved it.
I made to walk around the bar to follow her, but just as I got to the bit of the bar top that flipped up so people could get under it, her dad Griff walked out from the back and stood in front of me with his arms crossed. I was about to break the tense silence between us so that I could follow her through the door behind him, when I realized that he was also taking in my guys who were standing at the other end of the bar arguing and talking. I don’t know what he saw, but I knew being an ex-marine himself who had been through fucking hell while on active service he’d see more than a civvie would.
“So,” he drawled, walking closer to me. “Come to finally be a dad, have you?”
It took a minute for what he said to sink in, and the bottom dropped out of my world when it did. “What?”
Grabbing onto the bar top to keep me upright, a numbness spread over my whole body. I didn’t have a kid. I couldn’t be a dad, I couldn’t even cope with my own life. When did I become a dad?
Leaning on the bar so that he was closer, he held my eyes as he spoke. “He was born three years ago, you piece of shit. I see you’ve been through somethin’, but what you did to Piper and my grand boy was bull-fuckin-shit and you know it. Look shocked, feel sorry for yourself. Fuck me - haul yourself through boiling tar, I don’t give a shit. But you fuckin’ do something so that you’re in the right place to give that boy the dad that he’s not had his entire life. Shit happens, it’s tough to deal with, I get it, but you don’t ever fuck that boy and his mama around again or I’ll fuckin’ deal with you myself.”
I held on even tighter to the bar as I swayed slightly. “I didn’t know,” I croaked. It was all I could do because I felt like I was suffocating. I was damaged, I was responsible for the deaths of three of the best men the world has ever known. I get violent in my sleep and switch off when there was a loud noise; I couldn’t be a dad.
“Yeah, you woulda if you’d opened those fuckin’ letters boy. And I’m seeing what you’re thinking,” Griff pointed at my face and narrowed his eyes. “Whatever happened there is not what happens here. The memories live on, sure, but you fuckin’ live. You lose men, you live for them.” And on that final note, he walked toward the rest of the guys to serve them, leaving me standing there in shock.
Part of me wanted to be pissed that she hadn’t told me, but then I thought about all of the letters that she’d sent me at the beginning and then every year after it.
After my first tour, I’d felt so dirty because I had blood on my hands and was so worried that I’d end up hurting her unintentionally, that I didn’t come home and returned the letters without reading them. Now, now I was responsible for the death of my own men and the heart ache that their families were going through. Two of them had had kids who were going to grow up without a dad because of me.
I needed to get out of here and get some air. Turning around, I muttered to Xander that I was going for a ride as I walked past them.
“You okay man?” His sharp eyes took in everything, not missing one thing.
Shaking my head, I told them I’d see them later. I needed open spaces and clean air flowing over me, something that I hadn’t had in years. Getting on the bike, I started it up and drove onto the road not caring where it took me.
Wiping away the tears, I drove back to my parent’s house. Why was Hunter here? After all the years of being away and not wanting us, he was back. I’d tried to tell him; when I’d needed him the most I’d done everything I could to get in touch with him and he hadn’t been interested. Now he was back, or was he just passing through?
It had been a shock seeing him, but an even bigger shock seeing the changes in him. He’d grown a beard, something that he’d always hated, and had bulked up considerably. I guess that bit was to be expected, but his overall appearance, and most importantly the look in his eyes was so different from the man that I remembered and had dreamt about for the last four years.
Pulling up in front of my parent’s home, I watched the front door open and the most precious and amazing little person in the world came barreling out toward me, leaving mom standing at the entrance, watching and grinning. This was my purpose for living. There hadn’t been one second since I’d found out that he existed that I hadn’t been in love with him, I just wished that Hunter had felt the same way.
“Mamaaaaaa,” he squealed as he ran. I was a couple of hours early, so he’d want to go to the park like we usually did when dad let me off at this time of day.
Getting out of the car, I opened the back door and helped him get into his car seat. “Hey, baby. Were you good for Nana?”
“He was a dream,” Mom said, handing me his stuff while Sam nodded his head vigorously at me making me grin. Bending to kiss him goodbye, she closed the door and turned to me. “Your dad rang and told me.” She looked more serious than I’d seen her in a long time. She’d held my hand after my world fell apart when he rejected me and Sam, she’d held it when I brought him into the world and she’d held it when every year I’d send Hunter a photo of Sam on his birthday and he’d return it unopened.
Leaning against the car, I looked at my feet. “I can’t believe he’s here.”
“Honey, when your dad first came back he was a mess. You had just been born and he wouldn’t hold you because he was afraid something would trigger a reaction from him and he’d hurt you.” Pulling me into a hug she whispered the rest into my ear. “He couldn’t even look at you because he had killed men and struggled to live with the guilt.”
I remembered some things like that from my childhood, but Dad had found his way back and had never hurt me or refused to acknowledge my existence. Hunter had. He’d had the opportunity to at least see him and be a part of his life and he hadn’t wanted it. How could you forgive that?
Giving her a hug and a kiss I got back into the car and started the engine. Right now, I didn’t know what to say about the situation and Mom knew I needed time to think about it before I could talk about it in depth, so she let me go.
“Park! Park!” Sam squealed from the back of the car making me grin.
“You got it buddy.”
I’d been driving around for the last hour trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do when I drove past the park that Piper and I used to go to when we were younger. I’d fucking loved it here. My folks had moved away when I was eighteen, after I finished high school, but I’d lived on in their house before I joined the Marines. I had so many good memories attached to this town.
Looking around, I watched a woman and a kid rolling around on the grass before the kid got up and ran to the swings, squealing as he kicked back and forth. Focusing back in on the mom, I took in the familiar features and then she turned to face me making my gut twist. Fuck me, it was Piper…that meant that that was my son.
I don’t remember kicking the stand on the bike down, but I must have at some point because when I got up off the bike and started moving slowly toward her it didn’t drop to the floor behind me. Her face hardened the closer I got to them, and I wasn’t sure who to look at first - her or the beautiful little boy that was still enjoying the swings, oblivious to both of us. I would need t
o teach him to watch his back, to never let his guard down. He could get hurt not being vigilant. The thoughts just ran through my head a million miles an hour and I started making plans that I never ever thought I would. All of the things that a father would normally do, could I be a dad though?
Piper crossed her arms over her chest when I stopped in front of her. I’d never stopped loving her, in fact there’d been no one else since her. She was it for me, but I didn’t want to taint her with my hands. I didn’t want her to be around me at night when the dreams hit, I didn’t want her to see me lose it when there was a loud noise…I didn’t want to hurt her physically.
Her hair was longer than it had been the last time that I’d seen her and she’d filled out some, but other than that she was just the same. I desperately wanted to hold and kiss her, but even if I let myself I don’t think she would let me.
I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times trying to find the words that I wanted to tell her, but it was impossible. The Piper that I remembered would have laughed at me or would have said something smart; this Piper just watched me, periodically checking on our son. Our son. Something in those words hit home with me and the words came pouring out of my mouth before I even realized it.
Compass (Valiant MC Book 1) Page 1
