“I’m just in love,” he says back.
I lean in another inch and he meets me with lips which are pure, agonizing heaven. His hand sweeps through my hair, brushing it back over my shoulder, and he slides in next to me so I can feel his heat down the entire length of my body. His hand cups the back of my head and he deepens our kiss. I grip his back and press myself against him. In a matter of a few seconds, I feel as if I can’t get enough of him. A frenzied rush soars through me and everything else in the world slips away as if I’m floating. He’s tender and needy, and fast and slow, and his hands are on me, and mine are on him, and before I know it, every part of me that is separate and unique is lost and I can only think of one thing. If I don’t have it in the next second I am going to explode. I want him badly. All of him.
When I move from his earlobe back to his mouth and he groans slightly in the back of his throat, I know I’m ready to take things to a new level. He pulls away from my mouth, dipping his head to the side of my neck and finding places that I had no idea were so sensitive.
“You amaze me, Juliana,” he whispers. “Nothing is the same now that I know you.”
His voice is so husky it makes the pull in my abdomen shudder all the way to my toes. “Nathaniel,” I breathe out. “I love you.”
We both feel the slight pause between us. I didn’t mean to say it. It just slipped out of my mouth, but there’s no regret. They are the only words for how I feel. Then his mouth is crushing mine in a kiss so intense with a desire to be together it’s almost painful. He rolls over on top of me and I feel how our bodies fit together and I can only think of how perfect we are like this.
His mouth lifts from mine. “I love you,” he whispers and I feel his breath caress my lips. He kisses my cheek, “I love you, Juliana,” he says again. He kisses my temple, my brow, my nose, and just below my ear. “I love you always. Since the first day, when your foot was trapped in the creek and you made a joke about a mountain lion coming to eat you. And you didn’t seem to mind that you might be dying. I loved you then and my feelings only deepen the more I’m with you.”
Nathaniel hovers over me as he stares into my eyes. His serious brows and those smoldering gray eyes are so gorgeous. I could watch the storm going on inside of him forever. I can tell he’s been fighting the intensity of his feelings for me, but now he’s about to let them loose. A deep and satisfying sigh moves through my chest. Happiness is a feeling that is so familiar, and yet, I think I’ve been missing it for most of my life.
“It’s okay. I feel the same,” I tell him. “You healed my sprained ankle that day and I thought you were the most unusual person I had ever met. I was hooked.”
He closes his eyes and his lips find mine. They’re soft as silk and tender as the first flowers in spring.
“You’re worth coming back for. I want to be with you like this forever.”
I take a chance and just say it. The boldest thing I’ve ever said to a guy. To anyone. “I want you, too. I want to make love with you.”
He lowers his mouth back to mine in a slow and exquisitely delicate kiss. His hand begins exploring new places on my body as I revel over his hard and smooth chest.
The next thing I know, as I am about to take that leap, the one I’ve never wanted to take with anyone except Nathaniel, to be with him completely, to give him something I can never get back, a surge of memories flood my brain like being washed in an acid bath. I stiffen and almost cry out. Turning my face away, I can’t even look at Nathaniel. I’m so ashamed. What have I done? I can’t be doing this… with him.
He rolls off of me but stays close to my side. So close I can feel every curve of muscle and bone, every wrinkle of clothing, and his supernatural warmth. If I could curl up into a ball and scream, I would.
“This is too fast. I’m sorry, Jules.” His hand, which was resting on my stomach, slides away. “I lose my senses when you’re around.”
“It’s not that,” I say, feeling nearly paralyzed with the truth of what a horrible person I am. How can I tell him? How can I tell my incredible boyfriend what I’ve done? I raise my arm and rest it over my eyes. If he sees my face, he’ll know I’m a whore. A god-awful slut-bucket. How had I forgotten? I know it was the succubus that had possessed me when I cheated on him, but it was still my body. The night at The Edge nightclub was my undoing. The images had escaped me until now. Some of the memories are still vague, even as I try to recall them. The dark bar. The pounding of the drums. Men everywhere. I was dancing on a table and there were the guys. A beefy one who was all slobbery, and another one, who at the time I thought was incredibly hot, but was it me who thought so, or the succubus? I shudder as I remember the feeling of kissing those strangers and how I wanted to molest and sleep with all of them. I feel Nathaniel move away from me and sit up.
I can’t look, but I have to tell him before he thinks I don’t want to be with him. “I kissed someone,” I blurt out.
Silence. I can’t take it so I roll onto my side with my back to Nathaniel.
“Juliana, do you mean since we’ve known each other? Because I’ve kissed other girls. It was when I was I alive, but it happened once or twice.”
“You don’t understand,” I say in disbelief. He’s making light of the terrible things I’ve done.
“I’m trying to understand. Do you want…?”
He stalls as if he can’t quite get the words out. As if he knows the truth is going to rip our already thready and precarious relationship to shreds.
He starts over. “What’s going on Juliana?”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“If you’re dating someone else, why did you agree to go out with me?”
“It was…” I swallow hard and glance over my shoulder.
He’s not looking at me either. He’s staring at the door to the office as if he can’t wait to get the hell out of here. And who would blame him? I kissed how many different guys? Like three in one night? Maybe more. What if other hidden memories from the time I was spiritually possessed rear their ugly heads whenever they feel like making an appearance?
He finally looks over at me. I want to die. The hurt and betrayal I see is overwhelming. I can read the look on his face, but it’s everything else about him too. His angel aura is usually bright and glowing whitish-gold, but now it has shriveled and looks damaged.
“This can’t be happening.” I lower my gaze to the blanket, trying to find the right words. I don’t expect him to forgive me, but he should at least know my cheating wasn’t really me. “It was when Travis and Corrine…”
He cuts me off. “Travis! Believe me, I saw too much. I saw the two of you. I can’t think about it. You were…”
He doesn’t finish. I cover my face with both hands and will the tears to stay away. Travis, the warlock, was another one. I had completely blocked the incident out of my mind. The succubus had wanted Travis more than any of the others, but they had some demented arrangement. Kissing and attempting to bind the soul of the succubus to my body was the extent of their physical relationship. I think I actually went all the way with Jared’s friend though. What was his name? My memory is so blurry. He was willing and we were so high on hash and alcohol, and… Oh, bloody hell! I’m a total slut.
“Juliana, look at me,” he says.
His tone is gentle, but I’m unable to look. It’s too much to process right now. I sense him moving closer to me, but before either of us says anything, we’re interrupted by the familiar jingle of the bell on the door to the shop.
Nathaniel is about to leave the office before I can even blink.
“Wait,” I hiss.
“I’m going to see who’s here,” he says.
“It’s probably my grandma.”
Nathaniel stops and waits for me to give the go ahead to check things out. I bite my lower lip and make a hasty decision. “I’m not ready for you to meet her. We’re alike in so many ways. She may think you’re…” In the uncomfortable few seconds I have before we’re disco
vered, I can’t find the right words to explain why I don’t want Nathaniel to meet my grandma.
“It’s all right, Jules. You’re worried she will see me and know what I am.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry,” I say, relieved he understands, but also kind of ashamed of myself. If it weren’t for Chris Abeyta’s bad reaction to Nathaniel, I wouldn’t be so worried. Chris’s opinion is that Nathaniel is little better than a soul-sucking Night Terror. I start to move toward the door.
“I’m not leaving you until we know it’s her.”
Nathaniel reaches into the pockets of his pants and I see him frown.
Sticking my head out of the office I call, “Grandma? Is that you?” My voice is strained from the stress, but I manage to sound somewhat normal.
“Julie?” I hear her sweet bird voice.
“She’s coming,” I whisper.
“I have to go find the truck key and the money I dropped when Marcus grabbed me. I’ll meet you in the parking lot out back with the truck, all right?” Nathaniel whispers in a rush.
I nod, realizing he must be unable to carry physical things, like keys when he’s in his spirit form. Whatever was in his pockets must be on the ground near the café.
As I walk out of the office, I rub the four-leaf clover charm hanging around my neck to help calm my nervous energy and also for luck. Grandma Charlotte is pretty intuitive and I don’t want her to sense my stress.
Before rounding the corner to the workroom and kitchen, I smooth my hands over my clothes and hair and try in vain to compose my face. Grandma is just walking out of the kitchen as I walk in.
She backs up and says, “What in heaven’s name are you doing here?” Her naturally sweet and high voice reaches an alarming new octave as I surprise her.
“Umm,” I stall. “What are you doing? It’s so late.”
“Dropping off supplies before heading home.” She takes a step to the side letting the light from the kitchen shine on me. “Oooh, I see,” she coos.
“What?” I say and run my fingers through my hair again.
“So, who is he?” she sings almost too joyfully.
There’s no point in lying. Like Jared trying to lie to me, it’s more or less pointless. Grandma Charlotte sees auras like I do and who knows what else she feels coming from me. Panic, turmoil, lust, terror. I can only imagine how screwed up my energy field must be.
“His name is Nathaniel,” I say.
“Well, don’t hide the boy. Where is he? And why are you two in my shop instead of someplace romantic?”
I feel my cheeks burn with the memory of the romance just going on in her office. I duck past her wide scrutinizing eyes and move into the workroom. “You just missed him,” I say, and it’s not a lie. “It’s a long story. I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was a big deal to eat here where it’s quiet.”
“Oh, I think it’s sweet. Just look at you,” she says, beaming. “He’s very special, isn’t he?”
I inspect the boxes on the table that she must have brought with her and pretend she’s not reading me.
“You’re positively glowing. Just you remember now to use some protection. Things aren’t the same as they were when I was your age. You make a baby on purpose, not by accident.”
I shut my eyes and wish I could vanish into the Netherworld, much like Nathaniel just had. Did she really just tell me to use birth control? I let her advice flow in one ear and out the other like it never happened and wish I hadn’t trapped myself in the room with her. Where’s the brain bleach when you need it?
“Well, I can tell you’ve had enough of the baby makin’ talk. Now, let me see you,” she says. Grandma reaches for my hands and lifts my arms, spreading them wide so she can see me from top to bottom. After a good long inspection she smiles and says, “Julie, where is my medicine bag?” she says it as if she can’t believe I’ve taken it off.
She drops my hands. Grandma Charlotte is the only one in the family who still calls me Julie and only because I can’t make her stop. My dad liked to call me that, and after he died, the name did too, except for Grandma.
After everything that has been happening lately with Jared, Travis the warlock, demons, having my pinky nail ripped off, and a few other painful mishaps, she has been mine and Jared’s personal healthcare provider. In the past few weeks, she has been extra attentive, providing more teas, tinctures, and salves than she normally would. Her medicine bag is part of my treatment plan.
“It’s in my bag,” I say. “I wanted to wear this tonight.” I touch the charm hanging around my neck. A present from Nathaniel. He was thinking of me while I was….hmm-mmm — I clear my throat… sleeping around. How had it gotten that far? How could the succubus make me do something so personal? Yuck! I’m a nasty, yucky person.
“That’s lovely, honey. Did Nathaniel give it to you?”
“Yeah,” I mumble.
“Is your handbag here, Julie?” she asks, and I start to get a feeling the inner workings of my grandma are starting to turn like the mechanisms inside a complicated gadget.
“Uh-huh.”
“Run and grab it for me, would you please?” she says.
I hustle out of the kitchen to retrieve my purple bag. Inside the office, I clean up the leftovers and blow out the candle. As I fold the blanket my heart pitter-patters, warming me and simultaneously aching with the altogether too fresh memories of what we were doing, or about to do. Swallowing hard, I attempt to control my blood pressure and take the plastic bag with the food and my purse back into the kitchen.
Grandma isn’t in there though. She flipped on the lights in the shop and is behind the counter searching in the cabinet full of essential oils.
I set my bags down and fish out her small beaded leather pouch from my purse.
“I could have sworn it was in here,” she says. She latches the cabinet door, then looks at me with her wide brown eyes. “This won’t do at all. I’ll have to think of something else until I can get you the essential oils.”
She opens a drawer and takes out a couple of empty herb sachets. “I’m going to mix up a couple of herbal blends. Take them home until I can bring you the oils. Keep them with you,” she says, as she skirts around the end of the counter on some mysterious mission.
“Why?” I ask.
She passes a rack of small glass spray bottles and stops. She takes one and peels off the label before I can read it. Grandma reaches over for a pen on the counter and writes on the white part of the paper still stuck to the bottle. She hands it to me and I look at what she wrote. Use until empty. As Grandma pulls jars of herbs off the shelves, I unscrew the lid on the bottle and sniff. It’s one of the extract blends and I try to recall all the different ones we sell. The smell is spicy, slightly pungent, and mildly bitter.
“When you get home, spray that throughout the house,” she says.
She’s acting strange, even for her. “What’s it for?” I ask again.
“Well, honey, I think I’m sensing something amiss.”
I peer at the rack where she pulled the bottle down, but before I can find the empty slot, I see a flash of headlights gleam across the glass of the back door.
“I think my ride’s here.”
“One more second,” she calls and comes around the end of a row holding out the two sachets.
I stuff them into my purse and say, “Your medicine bag is on the counter. Do you need it tonight?” I’m reluctant to part with it. The small pouch belongs to her, but I have been wearing it or carrying it around with me for the past few weeks. It provides comfort, not only because it reminds me of my grandmother, but also because of its supernatural hum in the presence of things that scare the bejesus out of me. It has been my mini protective talisman.
“I do. It needs a tune-up. What I’m going to add is at my house. I’ll come over to your mother’s and bring it to you.”
“But why? What’s the deal?” I ask, not liking her obscure answers or the creases of concern around her eyes.
�
�Juliana, I don’t want to scare you unnecessarily, but I won’t know anything for sure until I can come by. Spray the house and keep the packets close to hand.”
“Okay,” I say hesitantly.
Grandma has never spoken to me like this before and uneasiness passes through my core. I wonder if her herbs and spray have anything to do with my necklace moving from my dresser to the chest all by itself, or if she’s picking up on Nathaniel’s presence in the shop.
“See you in the morning?” she confirms.
“Yeah, sure.”
Grandma gives me a fierce hug before I leave.
“Thanks?” I say, but even I can hear the uncertainty in it.
“Next time that boyfriend of yours is around, I’m going to meet him,” she sings.
She makes her voice sound playful, but I can feel the undercurrent of worry in her hug. I cringe as I walk out the door.
Chapter Nine: Eviction
Juliana
Once I’m inside my house I realize the huge mistake I’ve made by not inviting Nathaniel to come in with me. He was so heartbreakingly cute standing at my front door waiting to see if I would kiss him goodnight, which of course I did. A quick one, full of remorse and shame.
I didn’t want to talk about what a terrible person I am on the drive home. He said he didn’t blame me for anything that happened when I was possessed by the succubus. He even went as far as to say it was his fault any of it happened, since Corrine was his client and she was the one who exposed me to the succubus in the first place. I couldn’t say the words aloud to him, I slept with a total stranger, but he probably figured it out. I’ve ruined any chance of being together, and he blames himself for it.
The look on his face as I said goodnight was heart-wrenching, but I couldn’t ask him to stay. The disappointment in myself is too unbearable to be around anyone right now even though I secretly long to fall asleep in his arms while encompassed in his heavenly smell. Is it okay to start crying now? No. I hate crying.
Haunting Me (An Angel Falls Book 3) Page 9
