by T. Styles
She’s blank for a minute. No emotion. No expression.
“You know you’re really selfish. So fucking selfish!” She starts laughing. “I always knew that even though we shared the same blood, we weren’t alike. And now I’m seeing proof. You must be crazier than I thought if you think you can come here and everything will be forgiven. You violated my fucking trust, Madjesty, and you violated my body. The only reason I came to the door is to make it clear. We are sworn enemies. And the next time we see each other again, one of us will die.”
****
I can’t say what happened from the point I got the door slammed in my face at my sister’s, but the next thing I know some girl is sitting on my face and moaning. She’s grinding on my mouth and her juices, which smell foul, are pouring into my nose making it tough for me to breathe. So I grab her by her cold thighs and toss her off my face. When I sit up, I’m on a brown leather sofa, looking at her angry face down on the floor.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She asks, her words slurring. She looks drunker than I feel. “How you gonna stop moving that tongue when I was just about to nut?”
Ugghh. This bitch is trash. And she smells like trash too. Her brown skin is splotchy and her hair short and curly. When I take a look at her titties and ass when she stands up, I can see why I picked her.
“Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t know who you are and I don’t remember hooking up.”
She turns around to walk to a chair and I see toilet paper hanging out of her ass. Damn! “You didn’t say all that when you pulled up on me at my friend’s house! Matta of fact, you were begging me to eat this pussy.” Doubt that, bitch. “And now you wanna fake?”
“Where am I?” She doesn’t answer. I try to stand up but my head is begging me to stay put. When I look around nothing looks familiar.
And then I hear the voice of my family behind me. “Don’t tell me you’re that twisted that you can’t recognize my house.” Krazy K says sitting on the loveseat across from me. Sugar is on his lap and the way her head rests in the pit of his neck, I can tell she’s asleep. “Especially after the wild ass night we just had.”
I look at Toilet Tissue Booty again. She found a cream sheet somewhere and covers her body with it. It didn’t do anything to prevent her fat ass from peaking out. “Bitch, don’t look at me now.” She says to me. “You should’ve finished your business and I would’ve gotten you next.” She rolls her eyes and stomps away.
“Where is your foster mother first of all?” I ask Krazy.
“Out of town.”
I laugh. “Secondly please tell me who that bitch is.” I’m whispering trying not to wake up Sugar, even though I want to see her face.
He rubs Sugar’s leg when she moves a little. I can tell they’re in love and the relationship is killing me. Making me sick inside. I didn’t want Sugar ten months ago but I guess I felt comfortable knowing that someone out there would always be hopelessly in love with me. Which is funny considering I just dumped the baddest bitch I’d ever seen in my life, after she confessed her love.
“You met her when we went to Dynamite’s house to pick up some money. She was with her son I think, but she took one look at you and rolled out with you.” He laughs a little. “I think the nigga was salty about it but he handled it like it was medium. You don’t remember that shit?”
I must’ve been in the drunk zone again. I pull my cap down. “So wait, we picked up cash from my Dynamite?” I point at myself. “The shorty I took from the mental institution, who can pick locks? She got a house?”
“Yeah, her son lives there now. He’s nice but I could tell he wasn’t happy about her leaving the crazy house. Kept asking why they let her come home and all kinds of shit like that. The only reason we left her was because he said she would be okay. I got fifty bucks that he’ll be taking her back before the week is out.”
“How old is her son?”
“Slim had to be ‘bout twenty. I asked Dynamite how old she was and she said thirty five.” My mouth drops. I wouldn’t give Dynamite any older than twenty. Tops! I guess crazy looked good on her.
Sugar finally wakes up and when she does, she’s staring directly at me. She still looks like somebody different. More confident. More sexy. She’s still staring at me, when Krazy moves her chin until her eyes are focused on his. When they are, he kisses her sloppily in the mouth and I feel like a freak watching them, so I look down at my kicks. He doing the shit for me I know it.
“Anyway, before you got extra drunk, you were telling us that one of those bitches stole your kid. Who was it?”
I talk too much when I’m drunk. I didn’t even want them to know I actually had the baby, let alone open up about how I felt now that Cassius was gone. My son is gone. My baby is gone. I didn’t even get to spend time with him.
“Yeah, it’s a fucked up situation.” I tug at my cap. I need another drink.
“So what we gonna do? We definitely can’t let the shit go down like that. Little shorty needs to be with you. With us.” Krazy continues.
“You okay?” Sugar asks pushing her red glasses on her face. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.”
Although she’s talking to me, she’s holding onto Krazy like he’s a bag of money. I really thought that she’d always be obsessed with me. I’m getting the impression that when it comes to love, I’m selfish. I want it all but sometimes I’m not willing to give anything in return.
“Mad, you listening to me?” Sugar gets off of Krazy and walks in my direction. “What’s wrong?”
I look past her and stay away from her eyes. “Krazy, you mind if I talk to Sugar alone for a second? I want to ask her something.”
He doesn’t seem too interested in leaving us alone but he says, “Sure, it ain’t nothing. I’m ‘bout to go wake the nigga Kid up anyway.” He points at me. “We still hitting the club later right?” I nod. Whatever I can do to get him out of my face, works for me at the moment. “Cool,” he takes one more look at Sugar as if he’s about to lose her. “Let me know when ya’ll done.” He looks back at me and walks away. When did these niggas get crazy and in love? Kid was always the one hitting this pussy. Shouldn’t he have first dibs?
Sugar moves closer. “Let’s go over there,” I say. We walk to the couch, “I need to sit down anyway, I’m still out of it.” I take a seat and she sits next to me, no space between us. “So how have you been?” Her eyes avoid mine. Why isn’t she looking at me? “Sugar, what’s up with you?”
“I still love you, Mad.” This marks the second time a girl told me she loved me in one night and still I want more. I’m a greedy ass nigga. “I don’t think that’ll ever change, but you made it known a long time ago that you would never be into me like that.” Why she gotta bring up old shit? “So I had to deal with it. And one way I did it, was by finding someone who loves me, more than I love him.”
That’s deep but the jealousy juices in my body haven’t simmered. “Krazy makes you happy?”
“He’s good to me.” She touches my hand. “And I’ve never had that before.” She laughs a little, I guess at a personal joke. “You remember the last time we were on the subway?”
Oh shit. This must be the Ghost of the Shit Madjesty Did In The Past night. “Yes.”
“We were doing greatest fears.” She continues. I swallow air but wish I had Hennessey instead. “It was my turn and they asked me what my greatest fear was.” She looks sad now. “I was scared to answer.” She stares into my eyes like she’s peeking into a window. “But eventually I told you that I didn’t want to be alone. Ever. And I told you I loved you.” Fuck. This girl is done with me for sure now. Where’s my drink? “And I asked you if I could be your girl.”
“Come on, Sugar. Let’s not go there.”
“Please,” she touches my arm and I can feel electricity, “I’ve always wanted you to know how that night made me feel. So just give me a second. Please.”
I look around and spot an empty Hennessey bo
ttle on the floor. For sure I knew the shit belonged to me. Just as I thought, I’m a greedy ass nigga.
“You shut me down quick…told me I was your friend and I ran out of the subway before you could finish your sentence. I was wrong for loving you when Glitter was your girl.” Her eyes water and hearing Glitter’s name made me feel worse. She was my first official love and she was murdered right in front of me. She’s the reason my hair stays red, in remembrance, always.
“I never told anybody where I went, but I fucked a nigga who I bumped into on my way off the train. Never met him a day in my life before that night. He took me out to eat and thirty minutes later his nut was all over my face.” She laughs. I’m disgusted. “I found out a month later I was pregnant but got an abortion soon after that. I don’t even remember his name. He made me feel cheap and worthless and I thanked him for it.”
I’m confused. “Why?”
“Because it’s what I deserved.” She looks into her hands. “It reminded me of the girl I am. I’m the one who fucked everybody in Mad Max remember?” She throws her hands up. “Why would somebody like you want me?” I don’t know who she thinks I am but it’s obvious she thinks too highly of me. I guess she doesn’t know I raped my sister, I’m supposed to be in a crazy house, I cut off my breasts, my father is an escaped convict and I think I’m a nigga. “I’m never gonna be the girl worthy of love, from somebody like you.”
“Like me?”
“Yeah.” She giggles. “Everybody wants Mad. Nobody want’s Sugar. Look at how easily it is for you to get somebody. They see your face, that smile and the cool way you walk and its over. I jumped out of my league when I came at you and it put our friendship in jeopardy, so for that I’m sorry.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. You a bad bitch…Now.”
Her face brightens. “So you would give me a chance?”
Part of me wants to say yes. I want to tell her that I’d wipe my face off, drop to my knees and lick her clean if she wants me too. But Sugar is my friend and she’s really in love with me. I’m mad at the world and fucking with her now would be wrong. Not only that she’s with Krazy, a nigga I love like a brother. Unless I have good intentions for her, which I don’t, it would be playing with her heart.
Before I can let her down easily, there’s a knock at the door. “It’s the pizza man. I got it.” Krazy yells coming from the back room, eyeing us on the way to the door.
He’s gone for only seconds when a dude rushes into the house. When I hear his voice, chills run up my spine. I hop off of the sofa and look around the living room for something to protect myself with. I can’t find shit. I hadn’t been in Krazy’s crib in a long time because his foster mother was white and acted like she hated niggas, even though she picked one to live in her home.
Finally remembering where I am, I head for the kitchen to dip out the back door. But he’s gaining on me knocking tables and chairs down in the process. It’s the man who changed my world and he’s ready to take my life again. I’m able to reach the door, but the moment I walk out of it, he jumps on my back forcing me facedown into the grass. I manage to turn over and look into his eyes and they are filled with hate. I feel inferior when I’m around him.
Weak.
Useless.
Feminine.
“I bet you didn’t think you’d see me again did you, bitch?” Shaggy says, spit escaping his mouth and sprinkling into my face. He’s trying to reach for his pocket and I keep hitting his arm. I can feel his gun against my body and if he grabs it, it’ll be over. I know what he’s trying to do, shoot me. Kill me. “It’s because of you, my father is not alive! Did you know that, bitch? Huh? I been trying to get your ass for months and I finally got a hold of that grandmother of yours. She told me everything I needed to know. Including your friends’ addresses.” He’s grinning. “After I kill you, I’m coming for your sister next.”
When I see the shine of the gun in his hand, and the barrel moving toward my face, I know it’s over.
“Don’t kill me, I just had our son.” His eyes widen and he lets his guard down. That move allows Sugar to jump on him, forcing his body deeper into mine.
She’s clawing at his eyes like she’s picking meat from a crab. It’s because of her I’m able to get from up under him. “Run, Mad! Run!”
I jump up, with my body and face in tact. She saved my life. I look back at her. “I don’t want to leave you!”
“Get out of here, Mad!” She’s riding his neck like a horse. “Please, otherwise this will be for nothing!”
By now Krazy and Kid rush outside and they’re helping her hold Shaggy. When she moves, Kid and Krazy stomp him like they’re doing a dance. “Mad, get the fuck out of here!” Krazy yells kicking him in the neck. “Go!”
I know at that moment, unless they kill him, that it will be a long time before I can show up here again. I feel guilty for putting my friends in danger. I can’t go home, Jayden doesn’t want me. I can’t go to my grandmother’s; she acts differently and told him where to find me. I guess there’s only one place for me to go and that’s hell or the streets. And you know what, I’m for whatever takes me first.
KRESHON
BRINGING THE MAN
Kreshon is smoking a jay with one of his homies at a lounge. When his phone lights up and he see’s Jayden’s name, he contemplates not answering but his buzz is strong enough to handle her vibe. “What’s up, Jayden?” He presses a finger in his ear to hear her over the music. He’s still embarrassed about his performance in New York and now that he’s drinking again, he is determined to do whatever he can to win her over, again.
“Can you speak up? I can’t hear you.”
There the bitch goes with the not hearing me shit again. He thinks. “I said, what’s up!” He says just a little louder.
“Have you found, Shaggy? I been waiting for a while and I need to see him. And before you lie to me, I already know you keep in contact with him, Kreshon. So where the fuck is he? You’re starting to make me believe you’re hiding him for personal reasons.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know what the fuck you talking about.” He grabs his beer from the table and steps away from his homie. “I’m sick of you jumping to conclusions.”
“Well prove me wrong. Find him for me, like yesterday.”
Click.
“Fuck!” He yells out, startling the girl next to him with her pink tongue in the Corona bottle. He moves away from her and makes another call. It rings once before it’s finally answered. “Shaggy, I need to see you.”
Silence.
“Shaggy, you hear me?”
“Yeah…what’s up?”
“Nothing but why are you dodging me? Plus I know you need the rest of the money we picked up from Jace’s crib. If anything, I’d think you’d want to get up with me.”
Kreshon is disloyal but it isn’t his fault. He has always been that way. The blame rests on Jace’s cold bones where it belongs. His weakness was never being able to determine who was for him or who was against him. Not only had Kreshon fucked his bitch Harmony when they were younger, stole his money and the drug connect to get back in the game, now he had his sights on his daughter. He was grimy in every since of the word.
Metha didn’t know exactly what Kreshon did to wrong Jace, but having gone to a few Alcohol anonymous meetings, with him, she had a good idea about his character. She faked like his friend to play him close when Jace was alive, because he thought so highly of him. But she would rather befriend Saddam Hussein then Kreshon because at least she knew where he was coming from. She tried to warn Jayden without putting her own life in danger since he was back in the drug business but the girl simply didn’t want to listen. Now she was on her own.
“I was going to call you today, when I had a little more time.” He lies.
“I must’ve been feeling you on that shit so I hit you up first. Now when we gonna hook up?”
“In a few days. But look, you not working for that bitch Jay
den are you? Because she been calling my folks house every other day trying to get a hold of me.”
“Outside of the funeral, I haven’t spoken to the bitch. That’s on my dick.”
“Good, because me and you both had something to do with the money being taken from Jace. So if you sell me out to her, I’m bringing you with me.”
“First off why should we even care what that bitch thinks? She ain’t nobody’s boss. Just call me in a few days so we can get together. I have that package for you too, outside of the money. Let’s make paper again, all that other shit you talking is noise.”
JAYDEN
OUT SMART OUT RUN
When my mother comes downstairs from her nap, her eyes widen when she sees me sitting at the living room table alone. On the table is a bottle of vodka, a cup, a sheet of paper and a pen. She pulls her robe close and walks closer to me. “What is this about?” She points at my set up.
“This being the pen?” I ask and cross my legs. She licks her lips and nods at my bottle. “Oh…you’re asking what’s up with this.” I point at the liquor. “This is yours soon enough, ma.”
“Can I have it now?” She reaches without my okay.
I pull it back. “Sit down, ma. I need you to do something for me and then you can have all the liquor you want.”
“Jayden, what is this about?” She’s frustrated and moves around in place. She’s a fucking drunk ass fein. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Yes, you do, ma. You stay upstairs, eat, drink and sleep. With my money. Now I need your help and I need it now.”
She rubs her arms like she needs to get warm. She looks like and addict and I feel slight hate for her at the moment because I need her on her boss shit right now. I need her responsible, if only for a few seconds. “Can you tell me why you want me to sit at the table with a blank sheet of paper?”
