by Juniper Hart
I’ve wasted so much time being scared and alone, she thought with some annoyance. I need to reclaim my place.
The thought was inane. Had she ever really had a place?
Memories of her childhood flooded through her and she thought of all the times that Jo and the boys had tormented her and mocked her.
They made me feel inadequate and small, but I am more powerful than them during the first few full moons. How do they feel now?
Lily had the overwhelming desire to prove her strength.
She began to run, her long skinny legs picking up speed as she bolted down the street. She was flying and she watched in fascination as her body weightlessly whipped through the air.
Her blood flowed freely, but she barely broke a sweat, her breaths came even and smooth.
Abruptly, Lily stopped.
She cocked her head back and looked up the building.
Seriously? Lily thought, shaking her head when she realized where she had ended up. She pulled her cell phone from her purse and chuckled dryly.
Even with her newfound power, her nerd roots had still taken hold. She had subconsciously brought herself to the university just in time for her criminology class.
Lily sighed and entered the building.
As exciting as this is, I can’t run around town for the rest of my life. I still have to worry about my future.
Inadvertently, her mind turned to Cruz.
She had not spoken to him since their encounter, but as she took a seat in the lecture hall, she found herself reliving their time together.
She admitted to herself that she wouldn’t mind seeing him again.
Did what happen between us have anything to do with my shifting? Lily wondered. She knew she would be foolish to think it didn’t. It would be one huge coincidence if it didn’t.
If I had known sex would cause the change, I probably would have lost my virginity a long time ago, she chuckled to herself but she knew it was a joke. Who would she have ever considered before Cruz?
She wondered if there would be another one after him.
I will text him after class and see what he’s doing.
As if reading her thoughts, her cell phone buzzed from within her purse. When she looked at the screen, she saw she had three messages.
Where are you, Lil? Draven texted.
Get your ass home now! Ryland ordered.
I can’t stop thinking about you. Cruz wrote.
In spite of herself, Lily felt her heart begin to hammer with excitement.
He likes me. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t keep messaging me. The future pack leader likes nerdy, meek Lily.
She punched back a reply to him. In class. Meet for lunch?
Placing the phone on the corner of the desk, she turned her attention to the professor who had taken to the podium.
As the minutes crept by, a small weight of disappointment began to form in her stomach when Cruz did not text back.
Is this part of his game? Get me to admit that I miss him and then laugh at me?
She was annoyed with herself.
Those are weak thoughts for non-Lycan, Lily. This Lily doesn’t wait around for men to text her back. This Lily doesn’t care if Cruz Aube likes her or not. This Lily—
A tap on her shoulder silenced her internal diatribe and she turned her head toward the person behind her.
“I’m really hungover,” Cruz whispered, his eyes shielded by mirrored sunglasses. “Let’s get out of here.”
A wide grin swept over her face and the sense of yearning that had plagued her since her shift disappeared.
I wasn’t waiting for something. I was waiting for someone, she realized, following him from the lecture hall and into the street.
“Rough night?” she teased as they walked.
Cruz grunted slightly. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied and Lily gave him a sidelong look.
“That bad?”
“I have no idea. I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t remember most of it. I ended up not far from your place though.”
“You should have come by to say hello,” she said but she was only half-joking.
“I thought I might have,” he replied slowly. “But I guess if you didn’t see me, I didn’t.”
An eerie sensation flew through Lily, but it was gone before she could identify what bothered her.
They stopped at a bistro on East Broadway and Cruz seemed grateful for the dim light inside.
“I heard you shifted,” he said as they settled into a booth in a corner.
She eyed him speculatively. “Where did you hear that?”
He smirked. “You can’t really keep news of the pack a secret from the pack leader’s son, no matter how much of a screw up he is.”
A wave of sympathy washed over her and she shook her head. “You’re not a screw up, Cruz. Maybe you’ve made some bad choices but most people have.”
“You haven’t.”
Lily was sure he meant it as a compliment, but she could not help but be annoyed by the statement.
“That’s because I’ve lived my entire life in a shadow,” she snapped.
Cruz seemed startled by her tone.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “I haven’t had a choice but to sit on the sidelines and take no chances.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said. “I just meant that some of us have it more together than others.”
“I don’t have it together,” Lily insisted, flopping back against the black vinyl. “My whole life I have been trying to live up to my family’s standards. They have made it clear that I don’t belong among them.”
“Well that’s all changed now,” Cruz replied lightly.
Lily smiled humorlessly. “Yeah, that’s great. Now because I am finally what they want me to be, I’m accepted. Do you have any idea how that feels? My sister told me everyone has wanted me gone, but no one had the balls to ask me to leave.”
Cruz removed his sunglasses slowly and stared at her.
“Jo told you that?” he asked slowly.
Lily nodded and shrugged. “I can’t blame them. I wouldn’t want a nerd hanging around and bringing danger to the family and the pack either,” she sighed.
Cruz studied her face, his brow furrowing.
“How do you bring danger to the family?” he asked slowly. His golden-green eyes seemed to be lightening and darkening simultaneously as his mind worked.
“I—” Lily’s mouth remained open but she stopped talking. “I don’t know.” She thought about it. “Maybe because I am weak? Maybe because I never shifted.”
“You are not weak and you never were,” Cruz snapped. “Shifting does not make your internal character. Anyone who told you that should be exiled.”
The passion in his voice surprised her.
“Besides Jo, has anyone else told you that they wanted you gone? Your brothers? Your father?”
Lily wracked her brain to the dozens of tormenting words which her brothers and father had said over the years.
“No… If anything, Dad always wanted me close, but that’s because he thought I would shift any time. He wouldn’t let me go away for school.”
“Your brothers never told you to go?”
Lily shook her head slowly as if realizing it for the first time also.
“Why do you care so much?” she asked. “It’s just stupid family stuff anyway. Sorry, I’m venting about it. I feel like I haven’t spoken to anyone in years. At least no one who heard me speak.”
“You probably haven’t,” he replied softly.
“How are things going at home with your dad?” she asked, desperate to change the subject.
Cruz grimaced. “Well let’s see,” he said sarcastically. “I signed up for classes, and he told me that no matter what I do, there is no redemption for me. So instead of being a man and taking it, I go, get drunk, and miss class the next day. So no, we’re not making much headway.”
Lily made a commiserating
noise, but she didn’t know what to say.
She had separated herself so much from the ways of the Lycans over the years, after she had come to terms with the fact that she was not ever going to be one of them, not truly. She had no way of knowing if Sol would come around and name Cruz his successor if he proved himself.
Would Dad give Ryland or Draven another chance if they continued to disappoint him? Probably not. Of course, Dad has two sons. Sol only has Cruz. It must reflect badly upon him if he doesn’t name his son as the leader.
“What are you thinking?” Cruz asked. “You look far away.”
“I am just wondering what it will take to get you back in your father’s good graces,” she told him.
Cruz leaned across the table and took her hands.
“Really? You were thinking that?”
She nodded.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He smiled wryly. “Most girls I know wouldn’t care about whatever is happening between me and my father.”
Lily grinned wickedly. “I like to think that I am not like most girls you know.”
“No,” he replied seriously. “You aren’t.”
Their gazes locked, and Lily felt her heart flutter softly in her chest.
Is this really happening? Am I falling for Cruz Aube? Am I making a mistake?
But as they held each other’s eyes, Lily had never felt surer of anything in her uncertain life.
“Any suggestions on how to make your father reconsider?” she asked.
“I have decided to let that go for now and focus on bettering myself for myself for once. I can’t change my dad’s mind if I haven’t changed.”
Lily nodded in agreement. “That is very true,” she agreed. “What are you thinking?”
“I am thinking that with you at my side, I can accomplish anything,” he told her earnestly. “But I will start with keeping up with those tutoring sessions if you’re game.”
Lily bit her lip and smiled. “Only if you pretend to pay attention,” she replied. “Because you don’t have a very good track record so far.”
“I solemnly swear to pay attention…as long as you allow me to take breaks for…stuff.”
Lily laughed.
“It’s a deal.”
She stuck out her hand, but he jumped forward across the table and placed a deep, sweet kiss on her mouth.
“Sealed with a kiss so you know it’s fact,” he said as he pulled away, his eyes bright with affection.
Chapter Eight
The conversation that Cruz had with Lily left him unsettled, and he didn’t know why exactly.
Even in the middle of our worst fights, Dad never told me he wished I left the pack. It goes against our mentality. It’s not right.
He wasn’t sure what to do with the information; in a way, Lily was right. It was her personal family issues, but the families were part of the pack.
Was Jo just speaking out of anger? How could anyone be angry with Lily? She doesn’t bother anyone, and she has never caused problems for the pack.
Lily returned to class, and Cruz headed back toward his house. He had intended to go to class also, but he was still feeling a bit queasy.
Halfway home, he remembered something.
Did I pay my tab at Epact last night?
He pulled out his cell and tapped into his online banking, cringing as he saw the charges he had made the previous night.
I spent a fortune without paying my bill at Epact.
Groaning silently, he turned back around and walked toward the bar, glancing at his watch. Vern should have opened the bar already as it was nearly one o’clock.
He made his way toward the small dive establishment and noted with relief that that it was open.
In his state, he had not wanted to drive, but walking was killing him with each step.
How is it that we can heal ourselves being shot or stabbed, but for hangovers, we’re just like everyone else? Cruz thought, pushing his way into the tavern.
No one was at the bar, and Cruz slid onto a barstool to wait for someone to appear. Two men sat bleary eyed at opposite ends of the establishment, already half in the bag.
“Oh, hey Cruz.”
The greeting was short, and he glanced up as Vern made his way up from the basement, carrying a case of beer.
Cruz sensed the anger in the bar owner’s tone.
“What did I do?” he sighed, cocking his head.
Vern slowly placed the box down and peered at him. “You don’t remember?” he asked.
Cruz shook his head sheepishly.
Vern sighed, a look of forgiveness passing over his face.
“Never mind. You were having a rough night.”
Cruz found himself cringing that he could not recall any of the time he had spent there, but he did not dare ask.
If my dad finds out I blacked out…
He wondered if Sol would even care anymore.
The realization filled him with a sense of loss.
You really screwed everything up for a long time. I can’t blame Dad at all. I deserve this.
Cruz cleared his throat. “I think I left a tab here,” he sighed. “How much do I owe you?”
Vern shook his head.
“You left one, but Josephine Benz took care of it for you.”
He stared at Vern uncomprehendingly.
“Who?” he asked even though he was sure he had heard the bartender clearly.
“Jo Benz. She was sitting with you. You seemed…close.”
A dozen emotions coursed through Cruz, none of them pleasant.
What the hell did I do? A fresh wave of nausea formed in his throat. He remembered how he had been checking out Jo Benz at the party over the weekend.
Did I cross the line with her after sleeping with Lily?
Humiliation painted his cheeks, and he shook his head as if to deny the thoughts flowing through his mind.
Lily will never forgive me for such a betrayal. And I thought I was at their house last night but Lily swears I wasn’t there…
Cruz gagged and turned to run for the bathroom.
He barely made it the toilet. When he collected himself, he slunk back out to the front, Vern shot him a sympathetic look.
“You all right, Cruz?”
“No,” he answered gruffly. “How much was the bill?”
Vern told him, and Cruz left Epact, his head light.
He had to find Josephine and talk to her before Lily found out what he had done.
I just hope it isn’t too late.
Ryland opened the front door and stared at Cruz in amazement.
“You’re probably the last soul I would expect to see here,” he said gruffly, turning away. “Is this about Lily?”
Cruz’s heart stopped.
“What about Lily?” he asked, following the oldest Benz into the house.
Ryland glanced back at him. “We have it under control,” Ryland scowled. “Tell your dad not to worry. It won’t happen again.”
Cruz did not know what he was talking about, but he did not let on that he was confused.
“Okay,” he agreed. “I’ll tell him. Is Jo here?”
Ryland flopped back on the sofa and turned on the television, eyeing him with suspicion.
“Why?”
Ryland and Cruz had never been friends. Ryland had given the pack leader’s son the respect he was owed, but it was no secret that Ryland found his lifestyle distasteful.
Ryland was a firefighter, working four days on, three days off. He put himself in harm’s way to protect the residents of Pierre while Cruz spent his days failing school and partying.
He has every right to despise me, especially if I did what I think I did.
“Please, Ryland. It’s important. Where is she?”
Ryland shrugged.
“No idea,” he replied, but Cruz could tell he was lying.
In his hazy mind, he tried to think of where Jo worked.
“Hey Cruz, what are you
doing here?”
Draven appeared in the back sitting room, and Ryland turned back to his television show as if bored with Cruz’s presence.
“I’m looking for your sister. Where is she?”
“Is this about what happened the night of the full?” Draven asked, his brow knitting. “Because we’ve got this under control. It won’t happen again.”
Cruz was curious to know what happened the night of the full moon, but that was for another time.
“No, I’m looking for Jo. Do you know where she is?”
Draven nodded. He had a slightly higher tolerance for Cruz than his brother. After all, Draven could relate more to Cruz’s partying and playboy ways.
“She’s upstairs getting ready for work.”
Without warning, Cruz shot up the stairs, looking down the hallway for Jo. He had to talk to her and be gone before Lily got home or she would wonder what he was doing there.
And I had to pick the day when the entire family is home. Someone is bound to tell her I came by, but I have to know what happened last night.
“Jo? Josephine?” he called, not knowing which room was hers.
A second later, the older Benz girl stuck her head out a door.
“Cruz!” she exclaimed, her face flushing pink with pleasure. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to talk to you,” he hissed, pulling her into the room.
She seemed startled, but allowed him to close the door.
“What?” she asked, her face full of confusion.
“What happened last night?” he asked her, his bright hazel eyes bright. “Was I here?”
Jo’s face seemed to register myriad expressions as she stared at him.
“Yes…” she trailed off. “But you made me promise not to tell anyone. You don’t remember?”
Cruz felt the color drain from his face, and he slumped against the wall.
“I’m starting to remember,” he fibbed, glancing at her.
She looked at him expectantly. “Why are you so upset?” she demanded. “What’s the big deal?”
He did not know how to answer the question without enraging her.
If I tell her about Lily, she will be furious and feel used. If I don’t tell her about Lily, and she tells Lily…
He thought about how let down Lily had been her whole life. She trusted you, and you screwed it up just like you screwed up everything else.
