“Please, my dearest,” she soothed. “Let this go. Let me go and we will call this time together what it was, a stolen moment that could never last.”
He stared at her. “It was before this latest affair of ours, wasn’t it?” he asked, breathless with disbelief. “He spoke to you when I was your protector three years ago.”
She pressed her lips together, but she could think of no lie that he would believe. “Yes. He spoke to me, we talked of how tangled up you were in your love for me.”
“That bastard!” Benedict slammed his hand against the closest tabletop and the items on it shivered with the force.
“I already felt the same way as he did, Benedict,” she pleaded. “I saw that our affiliation had to end. He never threatened me, he never bribed me. He asked me to let you go.”
“And you were more than willing to do so,” he said, his voice suddenly icy cold.
She stared at him. “I died that day, watching you walk away in pain. Knowing we would never again be together. God help me, I was weak and I ran back to you, but leaving again is the right thing to do.”
“According to my brother?” he asked.
She hesitated. “Right is right—it does not matter who points it out.”
He nodded and paced away from her. For a long time, he was silent, staring out her window to her gardens, breathing in and out with shallow, shaking breaths.
“Perhaps you are right that Derek means well,” he finally said, turning toward her. “And that you are only doing this in order to protect me.”
She nodded. It seemed that perhaps he was ready to be reasonable.
Except he didn’t look reasonable as he moved on her a step.
“But I never asked for your protection. Yes, if I marry you, I would be shunned from good Society in London. And,” he continued, “it is very likely that my mother would show her disapproval by cutting me off, at least for some amount of time. She might never accept you, for her propriety is a part of her that is bone-deep. I believe Jocelyn would be kind to you in private, but in public she could never acknowledge you. These things are facts, and I am not so stupid as you and my brother think I am that I do not realize they are true.”
She flinched. He had to admit these things, this was an excellent first step, but, oh, how those words stung.
He gently cupped her shoulders and pulled her closer. “But what you and my brother failed to consider, what you have always failed to ask me, is whether or not I care.”
She sucked in a breath. “You think you would not care, but in time—”
“Do you know how much I hate Society?” he asked. “Living by their rules, marrying for status, pretending to like someone because their title is higher than yours…it has never given me pleasure and it never will. If I do as you and my brother ask of me, I will be respectable and miserable. In time, as you put it, I will despise my Society-approved wife and heirs. I will drink myself into a pickled state and probably die by drowning in my bathtub, which will be very undignified.”
She didn’t want to smile, but she did. “You overstate it.”
“Do I? It is just as possible an outcome to the one you assume, which is that I would marry you and end up regretting not being invited to parties at Lady Frickenbottom’s house.”
“There is no Lady Frickenbottom,” Vivien insisted with a shake of her head.
He shrugged. “You know what I mean. None of us can tell the future, my dear. There is only one thing I know and I know it more than I have ever known anything in my life.”
Vivien swallowed and her voice cracked. “What is that?”
“I love you. And you love me.”
She stared. Confronted directly by the facts she could no longer deny, she couldn’t think of something to say. She turned slightly, trying to escape his arms.
“That is two things,” she muttered.
He shook his head and held fast to her. “It is one. We love each other, Vivien. Can you not see how powerful that fact is? Not one couple in a thousand, in ten thousand, has the kind of love we do. Throwing it away is a reckless, selfish act. Running from it will never allow you to escape it. Trust me, I tried. When you left me, I did everything I could to crush the love I felt. If you do the same, it will only fester and infect everything in your life. But once you embrace it, it brightens everything. It elevates the mundane to the amazing.”
She reached up to cup his cheeks. He seemed so certain that she could almost believe him. Except the consequences of his request loomed so large in her mind that they pushed at all other thoughts.
“Admitting, accepting that love as you say may very well do all you suggest, but our love also has the power to destroy. Destroy you. You have said it yourself. And that would destroy me.”
He moved away. “You are determined to start a new life, away from London?”
She nodded even as tears began to spill down her cheeks. “It is the only way.”
He sighed and her stomach clenched at his expression. Despite his beautiful declaration, he was going to let her go.
“You are probably right. Leaving is the best answer for you, to find yourself, to find acceptance.”
She nodded as she backed away, beginning the painful process of parting from him forever. “I’m glad you understand. You will forget me soon enough, I know. Whatever else you think, that will be true.”
He wrinkled his brow. “Oh no, that will never happen.”
She shook her head. “I—I don’t understand.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” He smiled like she was a child. “You don’t believe in devotion because it terrifies you. In time you will. Vivien, I am not letting you go with my blessing. I am coming with you.”
She blinked. “I—what?”
He laughed at her confusion. “You must leave London and I accept that. But I cannot live without you again. I have tried and it is remarkably unpleasant. So I will go with you. We will change our names and buy our house on the continent and explore museums and create a life that will free us both from the constraints that have long held us down.”
“You could not leave your family,” she insisted.
He sighed. “My family does love me. I know you are correct on that score. And I have to have faith that someday, when their disappointment has faded, perhaps they will accept me again, accept you. But when I consider leaving them behind or being left behind by you, there is only one choice.”
“Benedict—”
“Make a new family with me, Vivien. One we will love with all our hearts.”
She could not speak. Not when he was saying such lovely, lovely things.
He moved closer and finally his arms came around her. “If you leave, I will follow you. I will out you in every city you run to until you are forced to accept me. Do yourself a favor and avoid all that upheaval. Take me with you on your adventures.”
He was smiling but his eyes were serious. He meant what he said. He was not letting her go this time. And her reaction at this heavy-handed refusal to accept her choices, much to her surprise, was joy. Excitement.
“Benedict, you would be throwing away everything that matters,” she whispered, still reticent to steal him from his life.
He shook his head. “Have I not made myself clear? You are what matters. Perhaps it will take a few years to prove that to you. But I’m willing to work hard at making you believe. At coaxing you to accept that you love me.”
She blinked. “You think I must be coaxed? No, I know I love you. I accepted that, though reluctantly, shortly after we began this second affair.”
He blinked and there was such a wash of relief and joy on his face that she nearly stumbled at the sight of it.
“You are willing to admit you love me?” he repeated.
She nodded. “I love you, Benedict. And that has been very hard for me to realize when I knew I would leave you.”
His face reflected sudden understanding. “That was why you had such desperation. Such pain.”
Sh
e nodded. “Because I loved you and I knew we were bound to lose each other.”
“But we aren’t. Losing each other is a choice, Vivien, and I refuse to make it. So what will it be? Will you force me to follow you from country to country, dodging the dangers of Napoleon as I declare my undying affection in ways that would put a novel to shame…or will you surrender now and allow me to love you the way you should be loved? Forever.”
Vivien swallowed. What he was asking for was the ultimate leap of faith. But not just for her…for him, as well. They would both lose something in the gamble in order to gain something far greater.
She reached out and took his hand. “May we love each other the way we both deserved to be loved instead? It seems to be a more equal exchange.”
He laughed. “You have always been a born negotiator. And the answer is yes.”
She smiled. For the first time since she was a girl, she looked at the future and felt joy and excitement, terror and bliss, all rolled into one. And for the first time ever, she knew she had a partner to share it all with.
“Then may I show you our new home?” she asked, moving to the closet and the plans she had hidden there. “Unless you already found these?”
He laughed as she laid the sketches and information out in front of him. “No, not yet. But I cannot wait to see the future we will share.”
He moved to examine the paperwork, but she caught his chin with her fingers. As she moved in for a kiss, all her fears, all her pain melted away. All she felt was love. All she would ever feel was love.
Epilogue
Four years later
The soft blue waters of the Mediterranean swished onto the sand and tickled Vivien’s toes. She laughed as she curled closer to Benedict’s warm body and watched as her three-year-old daughter danced in the surf, holding hands with Lysandra and Andrew’s son, just a few months older than she.
Mariah took John’s hand. “I see a love match in the future.”
The six friends laughed together and a swell of joy lifted through Vivien’s body. It was a common feeling, one she had experienced hundreds of times since she left London and embarked on her new life with Benedict.
She had wanted to change her name, but he had convinced her otherwise. And while they had occasionally run into people who knew her past, especially in the very large cities, being Vivien Greystone had been a true joy.
“I cannot believe this holiday is the first time we have spent together since your departure,” Lysandra said as she waved to the governesses who were wrangling the children.
“Much has changed since then,” Vivien said with a nod. “We’ve both had children, Mariah is going to have her own in a few months.”
Mariah cast a quick glance at John and everyone could see how giddy with pleasure he was at the prospect of a child.
“Somehow we all became respectable,” Mariah laughed.
Vivien smiled, but as Benedict lifted her fingers to his lips, their eyes met and any respectability she felt faded and was replaced by a desire that never faded, no matter the number of years they had been married. In the end, she was still this man’s lover and his love. Time had proven she could be both and she had never been so happy she had taken the risk he proposed when he forced this future on her years before.
“So tell me the news,” Vivien pressed. “Is there anything to report from our old friends in London?”
“I have news, but not of a friend,” Mariah said.
Vivien sat up straighter. “Who?”
“Dersingham is dead,” Lysandra provided as she motioned the children to come in from the warm, Italian waters.
Vivien and Benedict exchanged a look. “Dead?” he repeated.
“Yes, died an utter pauper, locked in an asylum after he made an attempt on a very young girl.” Mariah shuttered. “Once he was revealed by you two, his entire life collapsed. His son seems to be making a very valiant attempt to repair the damage. I have heard he is a fair master to his servants and he has even donated to the Charitable Society.”
“I’m happy to hear that the sins of the father do not neccesarily have to be visited upon the sons.” Benedict pushed to his feet. “Speaking of which, I must go catch our daughter before she frightens the dog to death.”
The other men also got to their feet and wandered off toward the blue water and the racing children.
“And speaking of the Charitable Society,” Lysandra added as they watched their husbands in the distance, “our home is running so smoothly. The women are grateful and their lives are truly changed by your generosity, Vivien.”
Vivien smiled. “It is something I am so pleased by,” she admitted. “That life seems so far away now. I hope my old home, my old money, can make someone else’s life as much a dream as my own.”
The women sat in silence, each pondering their happy end after varying sadness in beginings.
“I heard Benedict’s brother and family are coming to visit,” Mariah asked.
Vivien nodded. “Yes. Derek, his mother and his wife, as well as their children, will be here at the end of the summer. Over the past year, much of the ice between them has melted. The two women even correspond with me. Ultimately, I believe it will be a very happy trip.”
Lysandra laughed. “Goodness, my dear, it seems after all your hardship, you truly created very happy lives for yourself and for us. What a matchmaker you turned out to be.”
Vivien looked at her friends. Lysandra was wrong in some ways. As a mistress matchmaker, she had ultimately failed. But as a matchmaker for love and devotion, she was a great success indeed. And as the ocean waves lapped her feet, she congratulated herself one final time and was utterly grateful for the life and love she had accepted and created with the man at her side.
About the Author
Jess Michaels is the award-winning author of more than ten erotic romances. She lives in Arizona with her fantastic husband and two adorable cats. While not writing about sexy gentlemen and wicked ladies, she can be found doing geeky things like playing video games and performing aunt duties to two nephews. You can find her online at www.authorjessmichaels.com, on Facebook (Jenna Petersen) and on Twitter @jennaromance.
Look for these titles by Jess Michaels
Now Available:
Mistress Matchmaker
An Introduction to Pleasure
For Desire Alone
Coming Soon:
The Pleasure Wars
Taken by the Duke
Pleasuring the Lady
Beauty and the Earl
Behind their passion lurks a dark truth that could destroy their love.
For Desire Alone
© 2012 Jess Michaels
Mistress Matchmaker, Book 2
A mistress should never be foolish enough to fall in love with her protector, nor trust him with her financial future. Mariah Desmond did both, and now her dearly departed protector has left her with nothing.
Forced to seek another protector, she’s determined that this time, she’ll lead with her survival instinct—not her heart. But when she attends one of Vivien Manning’s infamous parties, the familiar face of her late lover’s best friend throws her for a loop.
A painful past taught John Rycroft that he’s not fit to be anyone’s knight in shining armor. His soft spot—make that a hard spot—for Mariah is precisely why he’s kept his distance. Yet the sight of her flirting with a bevy of men vying to become her next lover makes something inside him snap.
As John hauls her bodily away from her suitors, Mariah’s indignation melts away in the heat of the sizzling sexual chemistry. She quickly finds it isn’t easy to navigate John’s stormy emotional waters. Especially when his abusive father’s quest to get his son back under his thumb puts her life in danger.
Warning: Contains intensely sexy scenes of two people falling into bed (a lot) and in love.
Enjoy the following excerpt for For Desire Alone:
“Mariah, I want to admit to you that I have desired you greatly,�
�� he said as he set his cup down.
Mariah had just taken a sip of her own tea and began to choke on the contents with surprise at his admission. Once she had regained her breath, she stared at him.
“I beg your pardon?”
He nodded. “From the first moment I saw you, I wanted you. It was the night of the Nethercourt gathering three years ago. You wore a green gown and your eyes seemed to be alive with color. You entered the room and I had to have you… I would have had you, except that Owen told me you were his new mistress.”
Mariah blinked in increasing disbelief at the detail John could recount of the night of their first meeting. “I—I had no idea of your feelings.”
“Of course not.” John frowned. “I made certain you did not, nor did Owen. I would not have betrayed him in such a manner. But my desire for you never decreased. Although I suppose that fact is rather clear since I have taken you not once, but twice in recent days. And without much finesse either time, for which I apologize.”
Mariah set her cup away and leaned back in the chair to stare at him. “You act as though I received no pleasure from those encounters. I assure you, I did. A great deal, both times.”
He smiled, almost in relief. “Good. I would hate to think I have left a poor impression.”
Even though she wanted to smile at his teasing, she hesitated. They could flirt with each other about the pleasure of their coupling all day, but there was a deeper topic to be addressed and she shifted back to it.
“I admit, while there was always an attraction between us, I had no idea you truly desired me. Until you…claimed me at Vivien’s party last week.”
“And do you desire me, as well?” he pressed.
She cocked her head. “You must be in jest asking that question. Clearly, I want you. In fact, there is no other—”
Her Perfect Match: Mistress Matchmaker, Book 3 Page 20
