by Deb Kastner
He wasn’t offended by her question, and he sat back, catching her gaze. “It was my job. My duty,” he answered. “To bring all my men home safely.”
Her expression softened as she continued to stare at him. “I can tell honor means a lot to you.”
“My marines meant a lot to me.”
“That’s how you were injured, right? I read the reports. You threw yourself on top of one of the marines under your command during an explosion.”
As always happened when Aaron thought back to that moment, a sharp blade stabbed between his ribs. He wouldn’t have changed what he’d done in that second, nor would he pat himself on the back for doing what, to him, had been automatic and not something for which to win special honors, but that was also the moment that had changed the entire trajectory of his life.
He hated that part of the story—the part that would drag on and on for the rest of his life.
“I... Can we not talk about me?” He felt as if he were begging and hoped it didn’t sound that way to Ruby. That was all he needed.
“I’m so sorry. Of course, this is a sensitive subject for you. I apologize for even bringing it up. I just thought I might be able to better understand where you’re coming from if I heard the story from you. You know. For our training.”
“I was an active marine in a firefight.” His voice was low and raspy as he forced out the words. “Now I’m not.”
Chapter Seven
“So, why do you do what you do?” Aaron asked, clearly trying to change the subject and get the spotlight off him.
Not that Ruby could blame him. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what he’d been through defending the country. No wonder he didn’t want to talk about it.
“What I do...? You mean, training my service dogs?”
“For veterans,” he specified. “Why do you want this so bad?”
“Oh.” She paused as her heart clenched. “That.”
“Is it because of your dad and Daniel? I figure there must be some specific reason why you’re chasing after this military contract. Honestly, most people don’t think that much about veterans. If you were anyone else, I’d think trying to get a contract such as this is probably for the influx of government money, but I’ve been around you long enough to recognize that’s not you—or your program.”
“No. You already know me well enough to know money has very little to do with the way I live my life.” She chuckled. “Which is a good thing, since I don’t have much of it. Everything goes into my dogs. But I have to admit money does come into play this time.”
“Is A New Leash on Love hurting financially? Wait...no. You don’t have to answer that.”
She stared off into the forest. “It’s becoming more and more difficult to make ends meet,” she said. “This is a ministry, and we don’t charge for our service dogs.”
“But even ministries need money, especially those who have hungry pups to feed.”
“It’s not something I like to think about. But it can’t be avoided. And when the possibility of attaining a lucrative military contract came around, it seemed like a blessing from God.”
“I imagine so.”
“Our program has assisted a lot of people, from children to the elderly, with a variety of different needs, both physical and mental, but helping veterans has always been something close to my heart because—”
She paused, choking up as tears burned in her eyes. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she didn’t know how she was going to get through this story dry-eyed. She’d thought she was many years beyond tears on this subject, but with Aaron...
He pressed a gentle hand onto her shoulder and rubbed it lightly. She’d thought maybe he was going to try to scramble back out of this conversation as quick as he could. Tears were no doubt the last thing he’d expected—or wanted.
So, she was surprised when his large hand moved to frame her cheek and he murmured, “It’s okay. Take your time. I’m here for you.”
She needed to talk to him, to get this out of her system. It wasn’t something she’d ever shared with anyone, not even her siblings, and it was eating away at her. She hadn’t realized how much until just this minute.
“I told you about my father,” she finally said, choking out the words. “And you met Daniel.”
“Your high school boyfriend.”
“That’s right. I’m not sure why he enlisted, but he was gung ho to join up even before he graduated from high school. I’ll be honest with you. Granted, we were just kids, but we’d been dating since we were freshmen, and I thought it was serious. But when he enlisted, I felt as if he didn’t give me a second thought. When he returned, we tried to strike up our relationship again, but he was angry all the time and he frightened me. We fought all the time and eventually broke up. Right after that, he was arrested. He hijacked a car and was caught with drugs on him.
“He seems to be doing much better now, though. I’m glad to see him back in church.”
Aaron grunted and broke eye contact, looking just over her shoulder, his jaw tightly clenched, and she felt as if she’d hit a nerve.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been going on and on without thinking about how you must feel about it. Do you want to talk about something else?” she asked.
He vehemently shook his head. “Not on my account.”
“I feel as if I’m upsetting you,” she pressed.
He smiled at her, but it didn’t reach his brown eyes. “You’re right. I’m upset. But not because of you. I promise. Not even because of what you told me.”
He stopped then and stared off into the distance.
“What is it, then?” she asked after a quiet moment.
“I understand Daniel better than I’d like to admit. I wanted to be a marine from the time I was a little boy, seeing those television commercials with the men in their dress blues, holding a sword. You know. ‘The few. The proud. The marines.’”
“I can see where there would be an attraction,” she said. “It was part of what I had to come to terms with after Daniel left. I expect many little boys feel an attraction to the military lifestyle—and young men, for that matter.”
He shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe. Little guys playing with plastic army men. But I think part of it is that I was raised by a single mom. I never knew my dad and had no uncles or anything to be a good male role model for me. Poor Mom. I was the bane of her existence growing up.”
“How so?”
“Any way I could get into trouble, I did. Bad grades, calls to the principal’s office, smoking behind the house, shoplifting stupid stuff just because I could. So, when the US Marine Corps enlistment representatives set up a booth at our high school career fair, I spent a lot of time talking to them. It didn’t take much convincing on my part, but I thought for sure my mom would nix the idea when I brought her home a brochure.”
“I take it she didn’t?”
He coughed out a dry laugh. “Just the opposite. She encouraged me to enlist. Said maybe it would help me grow up and become a man.”
Ruby smiled. “And did it?”
“Let’s just say it didn’t take long for me to learn not to talk back. Drill sergeants have a way of intimidating even the mouthiest of boys. But yes, the marines instilled me with a sense of purpose, honor and pride I’d been missing from my life. The day I completed the Crucible and received my eagle, globe and anchor was truly the best day of my life.”
“You were born to be a marine.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she wished them back, but it was too late for that. His face had already turned into a hard, emotionless mask.
He scoffed. “Ironic, isn’t it?”
“Aaron, you’re still a marine. You always will be. What is it they say? ‘Once a marine, always a marine’?”
He shook his head. “In name only. That’s what bothers me the most. I
didn’t just have a job—I had a calling. I knew who I was and what I was supposed to do with my life every morning when I woke up. Now? I don’t even know how to make it through today, much less the future. It’s just a wide, blank canvas full of nothing.”
She thought she understood, at least a little, how it must be for him now. It must be frightening for a man like Aaron to suddenly encounter such changes. His whole life had gone from solving problems and getting it done to suddenly being virtually abandoned.
Thank you for your service. Have a good day.
“Maybe it’s a good thing to be looking at your future as if it were a blank canvas,” she suggested somewhat warily, not sure how he’d take it since he’d already brought it up. “Ready for you to paint on?”
“I can’t paint,” he said in a raspy monotone.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
He shook his head. “No. I know. I don’t mean to take it out on you. It’s not your fault I’m half a man.”
“You’re all man to me,” she said, feeling the heat rise to her face when a half smile curled on his lips. At least she’d gotten a smile out of him, however wry, even if it was at the cost of her own complete mortification. “I—er—don’t take that the wrong way. What I meant was there are so many things out there you can do to help yourself and others, to find a new meaning and purpose for your life. God hasn’t deserted you, you know.”
His brow lowered. “Hasn’t He?”
“No.” Her answer was firm, as was her belief. “He’s just set you on a different path, one you’ll have to discover as you go along, starting with learning how to live with your service dog. I can imagine how difficult this whole process has been for you, and yet you’ve already come so far in just two weeks of this program. Life can be like that for you, as well.”
She could tell he didn’t believe a word of what she was saying, and there was no way she was going to convince him. The best thing she could do for him right now was pray that in the same way he was discovering success in her program, he’d find his life’s purpose, with the Lord’s help.
Her words were clearly having no effect on him, but God could work where man could not.
“Have the cupcakes cooled down yet?” she asked him, her voice gentle as she pulled him away from the deep conversation.
He checked his watch—a tactical military watch, not a fitness brand.
“Yep,” he said gruffly. At the sound of his voice, Oscar lifted his head and tilted it at him, quietly whining.
“Oscar hears the stress in your tone,” Ruby explained.
“Hmm. He’d better get used to it,” he muttered.
Ruby reached out and squeezed Aaron’s hand but immediately dropped it when he pulled away.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go back in and finish the job.”
* * *
Aaron reached for the bowl of frosting, adjusting it back into the mixer and expertly whipping the mint-green frosting into light points so it would be easy to spread across the cupcakes.
Ruby remained silent as Aaron worked, which suited him just fine. As far as he was concerned, he was all talked out and then some. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Ruby—he did. But she always managed to get underneath his skin, make him think hard thoughts. He didn’t want to do that right now—or ever, really, if he was being honest. It was easier not to consider his life than to try to figure things out.
If he attempted to paint on his life’s canvas as she’d suggested, he already knew what the result would be. It would turn into a mess of colors that would look like a kindergartner’s finger painting.
A big blob of nothing.
So instead, he concentrated on his cupcakes. Cupcakes, he could do and do well, even in his perpetually weakened state. Using his spatula, he scooped frosting into a pastry bag with a frosting tip.
“Do you want to help?” he asked her as he transferred the cupcakes to the center aisle, where she was propped on a stool, watching him.
“Oh, no, no. You don’t want me touching your beautiful cupcake masterpieces. Baking is definitely not my forte. Eating, on the other hand... These look awesome. How about I be your taste tester instead? I’m totally willing to help out there.”
He chuckled, despite his foul mood. “Deal,” he told her, holding a cupcake in one hand while expertly smoothing the mint frosting across the top with the tip of the bag.
He reached out, offering it to her, noticing the pretty flush of her cheeks and the shine in her blue eyes as she took the cupcake from him with a gracious nod.
“If this tastes as good as it looks, I’m in for a real treat.”
“Stop talking and start eating,” he teased. She was going to give him a big head with all her praise.
“Gladly.” She unwrapped the cupcake and dove in, taking a large bite that encompassed both cake and frosting. “Mmm,” she said as she chewed. “Mmm, mmm, mmm.”
He chuckled again, amused by her blatant enthusiasm. She was as eager as a preschooler—and she had a dollop of frosting on one of her cheeks.
“Good gracious, Aaron. They ought to be patented, they’re so good.”
“I always told my grandmother that.”
“You learned well.”
He cleared his throat, uncomfortable with her admiration but smiling, nonetheless. “I—you have—” He brushed a hand over the scruff on his cheek, indicating where she should dab on her own cheek.
She swiped at the frosting but missed.
“Did I get it?” She tilted her head so he could better see.
He grinned and shook his head.
Their eyes met and locked, and his gut tightened. He didn’t have the foggiest notion what to do with the emotions he was feeling right now, only that avoiding the sparkle in her eyes by dropping his gaze to her smiling lips turned out not to be the best idea he’d ever had.
His gaze shot back up. Her eyes had darkened to the deepest blue, the color of the middle of the ocean, and her smile was somehow different than it had been just seconds before.
“Do you mind if I...?” he asked, surprised at how deep his voice sounded. He gestured toward her cheek.
“Of course.” She leaned forward, so close to him their breaths mingled.
He stopped breathing altogether as he reached out and tenderly brushed the frosting from her soft skin.
There was a long, intense moment when neither of them moved nor said a word, the air between them so thick it was almost palpable.
When his eyes returned to her lips, he had the sudden and nearly impossible to resist impulse to kiss her. If he leaned in just the tiniest bit—or if she did, for that matter—their lips would touch.
He’d never wanted anything so badly in his life. This was all new territory to him. He wasn’t a teenager now, yet he felt the same kind of awkwardness as he had back in high school when he’d shared his first kiss with a girl at a school dance.
He was a full-grown man who didn’t know what he was doing other than following the directions of his heart.
They were close—so close. His gaze locked on Ruby’s lips.
Then she stood abruptly and the stool nearly shot out from under her.
“It seems unfair that you’d keep such a wonderful secret all to yourself.” Her words tumbled out in a rush, her voice high and threaded like a harp. “Have you ever thought about selling them?”
“What?” he asked, totally disoriented. He’d been so wrapped up in the moment, his heart rapidly hammering in his chest, that he felt as if she’d yanked the rug out from under him and he’d taken a bad fall. He’d clearly done something wrong but had no idea what.
Had he misread all her signs?
“Have you ever considered selling your cupcakes?” she repeated. “If you ask me, it would be a great first start on painting that new life canvas of yours.”
“Why not?” she demanded, propping one fist on her hip and raising an eyebrow.
Were they really having this conversation about cupcakes? Hadn’t she been feeling the same thing he had only moments before? Or had it all been on his end? He was so confused right now he barely knew up from down or right from left.
“Because I’m a guy,” he finally said, as if that explained everything.
She chuckled, but it sounded kind of off, as if her throat had closed around the vibration. “As if that makes the least bit of sense. What does the fact that you’re a man have to do with baking and selling cupcakes?”
“Don’t tell me you weren’t surprised when you first walked in on me baking. That’s just not my thing. It was embarrassing enough to have you come in and catch me indulging in my guilty pleasure.” He wished she wouldn’t press him on this, but that wasn’t Ruby’s style. She’d just keep pushing until she got the answer she wanted.
“That’s just weird and you know it. Many of the world’s best chefs are men. Jake doesn’t freak out when people find out he cooks for the bed-and-breakfast.”
“Be that as it may, it’s not for me.”
She paused for a moment, considering.
“What if we kept it anonymous?” she suggested, tilting her head as she regarded him. “I would absolutely love to put some of these in the Winslow’s Woodlands gift shop if you wouldn’t mind baking a dozen or so every other day. I know that’ll take away some of your free time in the evenings, but just think about what you’ll accomplish if you do. You said yourself you really enjoy baking, and we won’t be able to keep them stocked.” She chuckled. “In fact, once Sharpe gets a taste of one of these, he’ll buy up the whole dozen every time we put them out on the shelf.”
“I don’t know.” It wasn’t that he minded baking the cupcakes. It would give him something to do to help him not dwell on himself—or Ruby. “Wouldn’t I be in the way here at the bed-and-breakfast? What would Jake think?”
