After the movie, Ben suggested they park somewhere and talk for a while. Samantha agreed, aware she was conveniently forgetting all about Veronica and her own misgivings on the future of their relationship. She hoped he was intending to kiss her again. Her knees weakened at the thought and her heart knocked against her ribs when they parked on a small lot halfway up Signal Hill, overlooking the city. The scene of twinkling lights surrounding the harbour on such a clear night was stunning and she perceived herself warming to her new city in a way she hadn’t experienced until now. She had those moments on the waterfront too, when she’d taken pictures of the cruise ship and the fog and mist that surrounded it. Those moments filled her with a curious desire to know more about the history of the place, and evoked her innate love of the sea and her wish to always live near it. Maybe she would even grow to love her new home eventually. Particularly if everything worked out the way she hoped.
“Would you rather get in the backseat or out of the car altogether?” Ben asked. “I can’t get close enough to you with this console in the way.”
“It’s such a gorgeous night. Let’s sit outside on that bank overlooking the harbour.”
“A penny for your thoughts,” Ben said when they got themselves comfortable near the crest of the grassy bank, offering her a stick of gum as he unwrapped one for himself.
Gratefully, she accepted it. She looked up at him, noticing the moonlight on his face. “I love the view from here,” she said. “It’s beautiful.”
Ben touched her cheek with the back of his hand, caressing it softly. His gaze held hers as steady as she had ever seen it. “I couldn’t agree more.” Casually, he leaned toward her and closed his eyes.
They hadn’t even shared a half-dozen kisses yet, but Samantha welcomed his mouth this time as if they were long-time sweethearts. Hungrily, she kissed him back, making her tremble inside, awakening, at the same time, the realization of her power over him. Ben’s strong arms were around her, pressing her into him, crushing her body to his chest, his warm breath smelling of spearmint when they came up for air.
A part of her thrilled at his embrace, his lips, his luminous eyes in the moonlight when he opened them after the kiss and leaned in for another. But another part of her was a little afraid. Would he stop if she asked him? Should she be here at all? Her mother would go ballistic if she knew. She was so young and still a virgin.
And what if Ben was going to be a father? What then?
Samantha pushed her troubled family from her mind. It didn’t take enormous effort; Ben’s tender ministrations helped it along. But what if she was truly in love with him? What if she was hopelessly beyond refusing him in whatever he asked of her, and she gave in and they had sex? And what if, down the road, he tired of her, cast her aside, moved on to someone else, or went back to Veronica?
Where would that leave her foolish young heart?
Samantha stiffened when Ben’s hand moved under her blouse. Deftly, it slid up her back and unhooked the clasp on her bra. She gasped with the ease and swiftness of the move, glancing around to make sure they were still alone. A low moan escaped her lips when he moved to the front and gained access, brushing one breast with his fingers, then enclosing her mouth with his. The delicious sensations he aroused fought for dominance over her need to slow down. Instinctively, she stopped his hand, and he complied, removing it and pressing her to him once again. But his kiss never wavered. His urgency rattled her to her core. How easy it would be to take that leap into sweet, total abandon.
With misgivings she didn’t totally understand, Samantha disentangled herself from his lips and his arms. She fought to rein in her rapid breathing and pounding heart, but reached for his hand.
“Can we go slower?” she asked, avoiding his eyes, praying he understood she still cared for him desperately.
She had a revelation. More than going too far, more than betraying Veronica or facing her sister’s possible pregnancy, and more than disappointing her parents, what she feared was Ben’s rejection most of all.
Chapter Nineteen
“I have a single wish, and my whole being and faculties are yearning to attain it. They have yearned towards it so long…that I’m convinced it will be reached—and soon—because it has devoured my existence…”
- Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
Ben chewed his gum lazily. “Everything’s fine, Samantha. We can go slow.” His eyes mirrored her own melancholy. “Sometimes I forget you’re only sixteen. I would never hurt you, you know.”
Samantha managed a smile. What did she know? The only thing she knew for sure was she didn’t want to lose him. Not to anyone. And she didn’t know how long he would be satisfied to go slow, or how long she would be either, for that matter. His kisses were an addiction she wasn’t sure how to deal with. As she reached behind herself and refastened her bra, she watched the corners of his mouth twitch into a grin.
“You have no idea how precious you are, Samantha Cross. Do you?”
“Give it up,” she said, blushing hotly.
“Tell me about your life in Calmer Cove,” he said. “Did you have many friends and boyfriends?”
She shrugged. “Leah was my best friend since I was five. I never had a boyfriend before, just boys who we all hung out with together sometimes.”
“I would guess Veronica was the one with all the boyfriends.”
“You got that right. Sometimes she juggled two or three at a time. A couple of years ago she was going steady with this nice boy Todd, who went away with the Cadets from time to time. That was when she would date Glenn who was also sweet on her. Followed her around like a pup, he did, taking whatever morsel of affection she offered.” Samantha had Ben’s full attention. “Ronnie didn’t hide away to be with him either; she even brought him to our house. I could never understand it. How did she not get caught or get into trouble with Todd when she went out on him behind his back? No one dared blab on her is all I could figure.”
“Sounds like she had them all wrapped around her itty bitty pinky.”
“Uh huh. Hard to be around, though. At a hockey game in Corner Brook one night, I saw her walk arm in arm with Todd, right past poor Glenn, like she was rubbing him in his face. And Glenn looked so forlorn, it nearly broke my heart. How she could treat someone like that, I have no clue.”
“You could never do that, could you? You and your sister are like chalk and cheese.”
“Ronnie has never been too concerned about other people’s feelings. The way she talks about Momma and Daddy’s divorce is proof enough.”
Samantha thought of the possible embryo Veronica carried, curious if her sister had no qualms at all about getting rid of it, whether by abortion sooner, or by adoption later. A difficult choice made every day by women, usually involving a lot of soul-searching and careful weighing of all the options. That wasn’t Veronica’s modus operandi though. She would probably waste little time deciding what would work best for her, and Samantha suspected it would be the first option if she knew her sister as well as she thought she did.
“Veronica ticked me off more than once by ignoring my feelings,” Ben admitted. “But you know that already. She may be hot and all, but I couldn’t stand being treated by my own girlfriend that way.”
Who could blame you, Ben? Samantha rested her head on his shoulder and smiled. “Anything else you want to know about Calmer? Or me?”
“Do you miss your dad?”
“Yes, but…I don’t want to talk about him right now. Maybe later, okay?”
“I understand. What about your grandmother? Veronica told me she was like a mother to you two.”
Samantha wondered how much Ronnie told him. “And not only for the day-to-day stuff. Like for instance, for every one of our birthdays, she planned the entire deal. The party invitations, the gifts, the food, the loot bags…our parents didn’t have to do a thing. Until she got Alzheimer’s. The first birthday she forgot was mine.”
Ben looked sympathetic. “That had to h
urt. Which birthday?”
“My thirteenth. And even though I knew she didn’t forget on purpose, to me it meant she didn’t love me anymore. It was around the same time she started treating us all like strangers anyway.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
Samantha stared down at the harbour. “It wasn’t so bad at first, but eventually we had to move her into a nursing home. Momma cared for her as long as she could, but when she started wandering and then turned violent, it was our only real option.” She sighed. “For weeks when we visited her, she’d cry as soon as she saw us. We felt like the worst family ever. After that, she declined quickly, until the end when she was bedridden and got pneumonia. She died last fall.”
Ben held her, squeezing her tightly. “You miss her terribly, don’t you.” He said it as fact rather than a question. “I wish I could take your pain away.”
In bed that night, with her mind full of fresh reminiscences of their date, Samantha felt closer to him than ever. Her lonesomeness for her father and Calmer Cove was receding a little. She hoped she got the chance to show Ben she would never toy with him and treat him the way Veronica did. All she wanted to do was reciprocate his caring and make his life happier too.
***
Samantha couldn’t hide her alarm the next evening when Officer Randy showed up at the curb again, this time off-duty. Waiting for Darlene in his civilian car, he touched the horn a few times to hurry her up as she rushed around the house getting ready.
“Where are you going with that jerk?” Samantha demanded. “You don’t believe what I told you about him? You can’t do this!”
“Relax. Randy is very nice to me, and he forgave me for wasting that coffee all over him. Doesn’t that tell you something?” Darlene applied pale coral lipstick in the foyer mirror, then slid her feet into strappy high-heeled sandals.
“Big whoop. He might act nice now, but he’s got a mean streak. Kalen’s momma came to her senses and got rid of him. Why can’t you?”
Darlene had her hand on the doorknob, but she paused to look at Samantha. “Randy told me about that, sweetie. It’s all lies. The poor woman tried to get revenge on him for moving out on her. She even tried to get him in trouble with his boss. You know what they say about a woman scorned. Pathetic, really.”
Samantha stared at her, incredulous. “And you swallowed all of that bull? He’s the one who is lying!”
“I’m not going to live my life based on rumours, Sammie. Randy has been nothing but a gentleman with me. He’s even been helping me find new work. I’ve got a job interview in the morning, thanks to him.”
“That’s why you’re blowing off work again tonight?”
“Yeah, I’m more or less done at the call center anyway. I need to be at my best tomorrow morning, not walk in there on no sleep.” Randy’s horn blared now, sounding impatient. “I’ve got to go. Now stop worrying. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.” With a flash of a smile and a flutter of her skirt, Darlene was gone.
Damn that man. Why, of all people, did he have to swoop in on her mother? Probably calculated that a middle-aged divorcée down on her luck would be an easy mark. Add a mess of cocktails and he was home free. Repulsed at the memory of his sickening cologne, she remembered his eyes on her legs. Darlene would have to stay drunk all the time if she saw any future with the likes of him.
For the first time, Samantha contemplated if she would be better off if she went to live with her father. The idea seemed unthinkable before. When he moved out last year, Samantha had no doubt Darlene needed her daughters around her. But now, with someone like Randy on the scene, and with her drinking escalating, Samantha didn’t think she could stand to be around her much longer.
Tears sprung to her eyes at the notion of flying across the country, and not only because it would mean leaving Ben. She would cramp her father’s new life, probably causing friction with his new younger woman and little boy. Maybe he would reject such a notion and demand she stay put.
Ben had mentioned something once. About running away with him. The idea, she thought, didn’t seem so far-fetched anymore.
She heard the key in the lock of the front door. Veronica entered with Gina and Mandy in tow.
“Hi, Sam,” Gina said.
Ronnie looked as moody as ever as the three of them got comfortable in the living room. Her face pale and her shoulders slumped, she didn’t appear to be good company for anyone. Earlier, she’d only picked at her supper of grilled chicken, disappearing to the bathroom halfway through the meal. Samantha was certain she had heard retching from behind the door.
“What you been up to lately?” Mandy asked Samantha.
“She’s been twisting the knife in my back!” Veronica spat out. “Why don’t you tell them all about it, Sammie? Tell them how your fickle new boyfriend is showering you with all the attention now. Don’t think it’ll last long though. Before you know what hit you, he’ll dump your ass to fool around with some other little slut.”
“You conveniently forget, Ronnie, I was the one that made friends with him first. I introduced the two of you, remember? You stole him from me!”
“Stole him? Well, if that’s what you want to call it, you little fool.”
“Shut up.” Samantha shot back. The muscles in her jaw compressed, sending a twinge to her temple. The exchange was beginning to give her a headache. First, Momma, and now this?
“Don’t worry, I don’t want the likes of Ben Swift anywhere near me again. Go nuts, Sam. Can’t wait to see how he fucks up your life too.”
Mandy tittered. “Aw, no fun. So you’re not going to fight over him?”
“Shut up, Mandy,” Gina said.
“If you weren’t such a big flirt all the time and actually paid Ben the attention he deserved, you wouldn’t be whining about it now.” Samantha hurled the words at her, her cheeks burning. “He’d still be your boyfriend, and you wouldn’t be so miserable about…about your…predicament.”
Veronica’s expression froze. “Say one more word and I’ll gut you like a fish.”
“What’s she talking about?” Gina asked. “Your predicament?”
Mandy laughed. “Oh my God. Surely you aren’t…pregnant? Wouldn’t that be something!”
Veronica jumped to her feet. “That’s it, Mandy, you guessed it. I’ll find out for sure tomorrow if, in fact, I am.” She let out a long breath and went to the picture window overlooking the street, staring into the distance. She turned back to face them, her eyes narrowing. “I’m counting on you all to keep quiet about it. Because if it’s true, I may not need to tell anyone else. I’m seriously considering taking care of it right away.”
“An abortion.” Gina stated it like it was already a done deal. “Wow.”
“Swear you won’t breathe a word of this. The two of you. Right now.”
“We swear,” Gina said, looking pointedly at Mandy.
“I won’t tell,” Mandy said. “That’s why you’ve been looking like crap. Does your mom know?”
Veronica nodded mutely.
“God, that sucks,” groaned Gina. “Do you want me to go with you to your appointment tomorrow?”
“That would be good of you. I’d appreciate that.” Veronica cast a reproachful look at Samantha. “Seeing as I don’t have anyone else to stand by me.”
“Don’t forget to let your family know what’s going on,” Samantha said. “If it’s not too much trouble.”
Veronica laughed bitterly. “Pfft. What family? This miserable excuse for one?”
“Guess that’s one thing we agree on,” Samantha muttered, retreating to the solace of her bedroom.
***
The following afternoon, Samantha waited around restlessly for her sister to come home from the clinic. She tried to draw in her sketch book, then picked up Jane Eyre again, but found it impossible to concentrate on any of it.
Darlene didn’t help matters any, compounding Samantha’s anxiety. Since she’d come home from her job interview
and learned of Veronica’s pending appointment, she’d started in drinking coffee after coffee, escaping out the back door for one cigarette after another, and pacing the floor everywhere in between.
Veronica had refused Darlene’s offer to accompany her, telling her Gina was the only one she wanted.
Samantha had no idea when her mother had gotten home from her date with Randy last night, nor how it had gone. But dark circles under her eyes were telltale signs of very little restorative sleep. Worry lines framed her mouth as she too remained in limbo, anticipating Veronica’s return.
Waiting to see Ben that night wasn’t proving easy for Samantha either. Today he was busy with work in the morning, bringing in the Thunderbird for a tune-up and an oil change in the afternoon, then giving it a wash and wax. Ben considered it an awesome deal to take care of the car for his father, in exchange for driving it as much as he did. He’d promised to meet her across the street at the park at 8:30 p.m., without the wheels this time because his father needed it for his own plans.
She longed to be in his company again. Whether they would be discussing Veronica and her situation remained to be seen.
What was taking her sister so long to get home?
Samantha was stepping out of the shower and tucking a towel around her, when she heard her mother bawling. Her cries bounced back and forth off the walls of the house.
Veronica had returned.
Calmer Girls Page 17
