She could have sworn she was still dreaming when her mother and father appeared. Together, they guided her back to her hospital room and helped her into bed. Removing her robe and glasses, and tucking her in for the night like they used to when she was small, they stayed with their younger daughter until, at last, her sobs subsided and she fell back to sleep.
Epilogue
Late October 1993
“Mr. Bartlett says I have a way with words,” Allison said dreamily, eyes shining and her smile wide and uninhibited despite her mouthful of braces. She held up the paper, with a big red A scrawled on the top margin for Samantha to see. The autumn sunshine glinted off her curls like burnished copper.
For the umpteenth time, Samantha coveted the girl’s gorgeous red, cascading hair. “He’s right,” she agreed. “You nailed that essay. Jealous! Why else would he read it out to the class? Notice how he paused for effect in all the right places?”
They sat together on Allison’s front step, eating lunch outside because it was unusually warm for late October. Having a friend who lived practically next door to the high school had its advantages.
“You know, with your knack for drawing and mine for writing, we should try that project we talked about.”
“I’d love to illustrate a children’s book for you. How do we find time, though, with all this school work? Not to mention our part-time jobs.”
“Do you think he’s hot?”
“Who?”
“Mr. Bartlett, of course.”
Samantha grinned, biting into her tuna sandwich. “No! But you obviously do. Crushing on a teacher is a dead-end, Allie. No future in unrequited love.”
“But he’s young, and I hear he’s single—shush! Here comes my cousin. Don’t breathe as much as a syllable about this.”
Samantha looked up. Kalen ambled toward them, smiling. As usual, his hair slid over one eye and he wore his standard grunge plaid layered over a white T-shirt.
“Ah, Friday at last,” he said. “We can breeze through Friday afternoon. Plans for the weekend, girls?”
“Someone said Gina and Mandy are throwing a Halloween party tomorrow night. Kind of short notice for getting a decent costume ready.”
“How hard can it be?” Allison said. “We’ll do ourselves up as vampires, or zombies. It’ll be fun. Sam, you should go as a scarecrow. You’re like a stick.”
Samantha swatted her on the arm. “Hey!” she protested, grinning. “I’ve already gained back three pounds, so shut up, Tin Grin. Hell, if I’m the scarecrow, you’re the tin man.”
Allison pulled a face and batted back at her playfully. “You won’t be calling me that much longer. They’re coming off in January, thanks be to God. Metal mouth no more.”
Samantha looked down at herself. The ten pounds she hadn’t regained yet, she had to admit, did leave her scrawny. All of her clothes were loose, except for the new things Daddy had bought her for school. Owing to the emotional breakdown and trauma she’d suffered from the car accident, she hadn’t begun her classes with everyone else, but by the end of September she’d felt ready to join her peers. And now with her arm mostly healed, the cast off, and her appetite returning, she found herself not aching inside as much anymore, even though images and reflections of Ben haunted her all the time.
She wondered how he was doing and if he thought of her as often as she thought of him.
“Sammie looks great to me, skinny or not,” Kalen said, sneaking an impish look at her from the corner of his eye.
A faint blush of pleasure filled Samantha’s cheeks at the compliment, but he didn’t notice; someone had caught his attention up the street.
“Hi, Veronica,” he called.
Allison waved her over to join them. Veronica approached, hobo bag bouncing on her hip, her dimpled grin lighting up her face. Only a handful of students were aware of her pregnancy, but by the way her belly swelled inside her sweater, and how full her breasts were becoming, Samantha guessed the whole school would soon know her secret. Just this morning she’d announced she couldn’t zip her jeans anymore, and even her leggings were getting too tight. The bouts of morning sickness behind her, she was the picture of health, her cheeks rosy and her eyes sparkling.
“Can’t stop, got to swing by the library before Chemistry Lab,” she flung at them as she walked by.
When she was out of earshot, Kalen turned to Samantha. “She make the big decision yet?”
“Nope, nothing she’s shared with me, anyway.” She had a strong intuition Veronica was going to be just fine, whatever she ultimately decided about the future. Despite their skirmishes, Samantha had to admit Veronica was a survivor and was maturing into one of the bravest, pluckiest females she knew.
Still, she speculated about the baby’s destiny, and wondered if Ben did too.
After last class, Samantha went home to pick up the art pencils she’d forgotten to take this morning. The hours for which she’d been rehired at the youth center—after school and on Saturdays—helped the family budget a little. She knew every dollar counted. And yesterday, Kalen had told her the used bookstore where Ben had worked was looking for someone again, so who knew? Maybe, if she applied, she would be lucky enough to land it. To her, that would be a dream job.
For now, Veronica still worked part-time at the store, and Darlene had started her new job at a different call center a couple of weeks ago. She’d told them she liked it much better because she handled incoming calls instead of the more difficult outgoing cold calls she’d made at her previous job. Plus, all staff shared the day and night shifts equally. So all things considered, and with their father’s regular payments each month, they managed to make ends meet.
She unlocked the front door, letting herself into the quiet house. A plaintive meow broke the silence. Samantha looked down as an eager Lily ran to greet her. “Hey, little girl,” she cooed, fondling the cat’s white ears and stroking her fur.
She looked forward to these homecomings now that she’d adopted her new friend. With Lily right behind her, she went to the cupboard and reached in for the cat treats, smiling as she scattered a handful on the floor. In seconds, Lily had devoured them, her purrs filling the small confines of the kitchen. Samantha scooped her up and nuzzled her, relishing the vibrations against her cheek. For the first time in a long while, she felt a moment of simple, perfect peace.
In bed that night with Lily curled at her feet, Samantha’s thoughts meandered back to her parents. Last month, before Jack had taken the return flight to Alberta, he’d asked her and Ronnie if they wanted to go with him to begin a new life, and a new school, out west. Confiding he and Beth Anne intended to get engaged soon, he told them they were welcome to come live with them and, of course, with Daniel. He’d impressed upon them that they were family, they would make it work, and the change might do them a world of good.
Veronica had told him she wanted to stay in St. John’s.
Samantha wished the mention of her father’s new family didn’t pierce her heart so, but she’d given his offer sincere consideration. He seemed to understand when she, too, decided to stay. She believed her mother needed her more acutely than ever.
Darlene ultimately listened to Kalen’s recounting of his mother’s relationship with Randy, and much to the relief of her daughters, she told Randy to take a walk. At that time, she still didn’t have a job. How could Samantha leave her now?
It was hard to see Daddy walk out of their lives again, but Jack had assured her the door was open for her, Ronnie, and the baby, if they ever changed their minds.
Yawning, Samantha felt the alluring temptation to pull out the pictures of Ben in her nightstand drawer, but thought better of it. Despite the passage of weeks, the pain was still too acute to go there. Tired but restless, she put on her glasses, her gaze coming to rest on Leah’s portrait on the wall. The Springsteen drawing had departed with Daddy to Fort Mac, and the empty space seemed exaggerated because of it.
The drawing of the little girl from t
he harbour front this past summer waited in her sketchpad, unfinished.
Something wasn’t right.
She threw back the comforter and went to her closet, placing the footstool in front of it to stand on. Groping around the top shelf among the stored items until she found the edge of the frame, she stepped down with it in her hands.
Her portrait of Nana. Too late to look for a hammer and hang it now, she leaned it against the wall until morning.
It was good to see her face again. Although it still hurt, the anger over Nana’s dementia and death she’d been unable to acknowledge had faded away, like Lily’s lullaby of purrs as she drifted to sleep. Nana was alive in Samantha’s heart and soul, and back where she belonged.
She prayed for that sweet salve of understanding and forgiveness to soothe some other trampled hearts, so they could find their own paths out of the darkness. Laying her glasses down, she switched off the light. As she listened to the autumn night sounds of the city outside her window filter through the periphery of her dreams, she only knew one thing for certain. There was far more to this season, this bittersweet time of hope and longing, yet to discover.
The End
Acknowledgements
With much love and gratitude, I would like to thank my first readers: my husband Paul and my friend Janet Davis. Their eager assistance and attention to detail have been greatly appreciated.
I also thank my children, Denise and Brian, and my son-in-law, Dave, who themselves came of age during the chosen timeline of this novel. I am indebted to all three for their feedback after reading, but mostly for the inspiration they provided and the brave journeys they took me on through those tender times. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the wonderful music of their era that I soaked up throughout their teenage years, which helped flavour several of the scenes in this book.
Special thanks to my editor, T. Denise Clary, for her thorough and professional advice and assistance, and to Fiona Jayde for her gorgeous cover art.
Thanks also to my first publisher for believing in my work and helping me bring it to life.
About the Author
Jennifer Kelland Perry is a blogger, writer, avid reader and animal lover. She wrote her first (practice) novel, Forget-Me-Not Summer, when she was fifteen. Born in St. John’s, Newfoundland, she left the city behind in 2010 for the rural writing life and is loving every moment. Calmer Girls is her debut novel, the first in a two-book series. Jennifer lives beside the ocean in Newtown, Newfoundland, with her husband and two cats. You can visit her writing and photography blog at jenniferkellandperry.com.
Credits
T. Denise Clary | Editor
Fiona Jayde | Artist
Star Foos | Designer
Rachel Garcia | Reader
Allison Oesterle | Copy Editor
Ally Boice | Proofreader
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