by Rosanna Leo
Fear filled my head with ominous imagery. I had no reason to feel afraid but could not shake the sensation someone watched us. I spun, expecting to see someone in the church with us. Although no one was there, my gut wrenched and my throat seized. Once again, I found it difficult to breathe, as if the walls wanted to close in on me.
Finn gripped my arms. “Renata, listen to me.”
I couldn’t. My gaze shot everywhere but toward his face and I gulped for air.
He put his fingers on my chin. “Look at me. Steady. Deep breath in and then out. You can do it. In and out.”
All at once, my fear abated. My breath was restored to me, by whom or what I don’t know. The pain in my gut began to diminish and the coldness slipped away. Slowly, testing my ability to catch breath, I opened my mouth and said, “Thank you.”
Finn ran a hand through his hair and then pulled me close. “Let’s get out of here.”
I didn’t argue with him this time. He ushered me ahead of him out of the church and I didn’t bother to look back. I didn’t believe evil had infested St. Bartholomew’s, but I did know this—no matter how much I wanted to help Hugh, something wanted just as much to prevent me.
Chapter Thirteen
Finn and I regrouped after rehearsal. Whereas many of the other ensemble members headed to the pub again, we opted for a quiet night at the inn. He’d been quiet on the walk back, and now as he unlocked his room, I realized I couldn’t remember the last word he’d said to me that day. I wasn’t sure he’d said much of anything since our adventure at the church, aside from a couple of comments about singing with a more legato line in one of the passages.
I wasn’t sure I blamed him. Despite how protective he’d been recently, I sensed an emotional retreat, a slight pull in the opposite direction. Perhaps he’d grown tired of competing with a dead man for my affections.
We entered the room and he locked the door. Avoiding my gaze, he walked over to the small sitting area and pulled back the window curtain. Illuminated by just the glow of the streetlights outside the window, he appeared pale, the hollows of his cheeks more pronounced.
“I’ve made a decision, Finn.”
He looked at me. “Okay.”
“I need to help Hugh. I have to do whatever it takes.”
“And what does that mean?”
“I don’t know yet. All I know is I need to find a way to talk to him, really talk to him.”
His gaze roved slowly over my face, my neck, my chest and back up again. My nipples tightened at the attention even though I rued the darkness in his eyes. “But you won’t talk to me about what matters.”
I took a step toward him. “I do talk to you. Every day.”
“It’s not the same. You open yourself up to this ghost in a way you won’t with me.” He shut the curtains.
The scrape of the curtain hoops on the rod sent a shiver up my spine.
He approached me and touched a finger to my chin. “You’d be willing to go anywhere he takes you?”
“Only because I want this to end. I need this to end. He obviously wants something from me. Maybe I need to stop fighting. Maybe it’s the only way to be free. You do want me to be free of him, don’t you?”
“More than anything but I’m afraid to lose you. I’m afraid I’ve already lost you.”
“Not possible.”
“And where would you go for me?”
“Anywhere,” I said on a breath. “But I’m tired of being scared. I want this over. I want to feel something else.”
His forehead met mine. “I know.”
“Help me feel something else, Finn. Please.”
He let out a couple of shattered breaths. “Will you give yourself to me completely? With everything you have in you? Because I won’t share you, Lark. I need to know if you try to help him, I have your heart first. “
I gazed at him as desire pooled in my belly. Yes, he’d demonstrated his possessive nature before, but these new words, so full of quiet greed, sent shivers of anticipation dancing between my shoulder blades. “You’ve always had my heart.”
He placed a kiss on my cheek and I felt his lips curve into a smile. I heard the low hum at the back of his throat. He moved his mouth to my ear and his lips teased my lobe. “Then do as I say.”
He leaned over and switched on the bedside lamp. Even though it cast a soft glow over the room, the light felt harsh to my eyes and I squinted. I blinked a few times and looked at him. “Why the lights?”
“Because I want to see you.” He backed me toward the bed, his touch light but determined. As soon as the bed hit the backs of my legs, I sat. I held my breath in anticipation.
The set to his jaw had me squirming on the mattress. Finn had always been a focused, detail-oriented lover, but a new hunger shone in his eyes tonight. A muffled need I’d never glimpsed before. He reached into his bedside table drawer and pulled something out.
The ties might have been silky, pleasing to the skin, but I recognized restraints when I saw them.
“Take off your clothes, love.” His tone, flat and demanding, brooked no opposition.
I hesitated a moment. I’d never indulged in this sort of play with Finn before, never realized he had dominant tendencies. Of course, we’d been so young when we first became sexually active. He might not have understood his own wants then. Clearly, my college sweetheart had had his sexual awakening since then. “Are you thinking of tying me up?”
“In a few moments, I won’t just be thinking of it. I’ll have done it.” His gaze roamed over my body and his nostrils flared. “Now take off your clothes before I lose my control.”
With another man, I might have pushed back. But this was Finn and I knew he’d never hurt me, not for the world. That thought in mind, I reached for my shirt hem and pulled the garment slowly off. I then wriggled out of my bra, jeans, and panties and tossed them over the side of the bed. I sat still and waited, my skin prickling in goose bumps.
Finn made no move to remove his clothes, but his erection was so pronounced in his jeans, there was almost no need. He touched a hand to my leg, swirling his fingers over my thigh. “So pretty. I love knowing these goose pimples are because of me.” His touch grew more insistent, pressing into the flesh of my thigh as his hand moved higher. “What else can I make your body do?”
I held my breath, as lust fogged up my brain.
“Answer me, Lark. I expect an answer to my questions.” He plucked at my thigh, almost pinching me.
I swallowed hard. “You make my nipples erect.”
“Do I?” He moved closer and inspected them, wrapping the silk ties around his hands.
I kept my gaze on those ties, wondering when he’d employ them. By keeping me in the dark, he only heightened my excitement, and my strange yearning to be at his mercy.
He captured one nipple between thumb and forefinger and squeezed. Degree by aching degree, he applied pressure until his soft touch had become a wonderful clamp. He tortured my nipple for a few moments, and then released it. “You’re right. So erect.”
As if doling out a reward for my hard nub, he closed his lips around it and suckled softly, making me want the harder pressure again. He lay me back on the bed, following me down, his mouth a heady distraction. Flicking his tongue, he made me mad with need and I dug my fingers into his hair. He removed my hands from his head and pinned them to the mattress over my head, holding them down with one of his hands.
“Will you keep your hands there?”
I nodded, wanting to do anything he suggested.
“Good girl. Then I’ll give you what you want.” With that, he once against suckled at my breast but tugged hard, slowing his teeth to scrape along my skin.
I almost bucked off the bed. I had no idea I loved such a rough touch but Finn seemed to know. Dazed, amazed, I lay still and let him wreak havoc on my body.
“What else do I do to your body, Lark?”
My response already rang clearly in my head. How could it not? The results o
f our play already soaked into the sheets below me. “You make me wet.”
He cocked a playful eyebrow. “Really? Where do I make you wet?”
“You know.”
“Tell me.
“My pussy.”
“Hmm. Should I check to make sure?”
“Yes, please.”
He rose above me, straddling my hips. Keeping his gaze pinned on me, he began to loosen the ties from around his hands. Wrapping one around my left wrist, he fastened it to the headboard post and he then repeated the action with my right hand and the other restraint. Once I was bound, he surveyed his work. I didn’t have to arch my back to display my breasts. In my position, it arched of its own accord, giving him easy access to my breasts. Smoothing his hands over my torso, stopping only to tweak my nipples here and there, Finn moved off my body. I followed his gaze as it roved lower.
He crouched, urged my legs apart, and then settled between them. For a long moment, he stared at my sex, desire written in every one of his features. His eyes, so dark, narrowed in determination. His lips parted and his tongue flicked at the corners. He frowned as he took me in.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
His glance flitted toward me. “Nothing. I just want you so much.”
“Please Finn…”
He touched me then, his fingers sliding easily through my heat and I cried out.
“That’s it, my Lark. Sing.”
Experienced hands spread me, his thumbs toying with my lips. Just as I thought he would slide a finger inside me, his tongue found me instead. Holding me down, Finn licked and sucked and feasted. He drove me toward insanity as he ministered to me, and all I could do to encourage him was moan and writhe. I wanted so badly to scratch at his back and cling to his hair, but his ties held me tight. Each delectable moment in his arms only amplified his sway over me. As he orchestrated my pleasure, I knew I needed to make a commitment to this man.
I loved him. I always had and always would. Despite my bizarre affection for Hugh, my night lover could not separate us.
“Finn. Oh, God.”
He stopped sucking and licked his lips. “You are wet. A bit wetter now, I think.” On a chuckle, he lowered his head again and tormented my clit, flicking in a rhythm that made me careen through the sky. My legs tightened, but he massaged my thighs, urging me to relax. My stomach clenched, and the most incredible waves of ecstasy radiated from my pussy into all my useless limbs. Finn groaned as he sucked and his energy shot through me, making me come on a surge of sweet heat. As he ate my orgasm, I felt him shift his weight, his mouth ever locked to me. I heard him fiddle with something at his side and then the crinkly sounds of a condom being unwrapped.
He took a moment to undress, and my pulse ratcheted up a notch as each of his garments fell to the floor. My pussy felt cold without his touch. I was ready to beg for his mouth again.
Just as I almost sputtered my need, he leaned over and administered a few more slow licks and then he got on the bed and kneeled between my legs. As he gazed at me, his face lit up with clear amazement. “You’re so beautiful. Come for me again.”
Without untying me, he slid his cock along my seam. Once. Twice. The third time even slower, working me into another tizzy, never penetrating me. I wanted to grab at his ass and force him inside me, but still could not move my arms. Instead, Finn took what he wanted, how he wanted, knowing he brought me even more pleasure than I could give myself.
“You’re so hungry, love. I can feel it each time I rub against you. Your pretty lips are fluttering.”
“Jesus, Finn. You’re torturing me.”
“You want me inside you?”
“Yes.”
“Take me then,” he uttered, prodding my entrance at last. He breached it, slowly sinking inside me, degree by wonderful degree. “Take everything I have. It’s yours.” Arranging my legs over his shoulders so he could thrust deep while still playing with my clit, Finn fucked me. Taking total control, he gripped my hips and swiveled his own. Unable to do much other than clench him, I let go and let him do whatever he needed to do. With his eyes burning into me, intense and dark, and sweat on his brow, he looked like the god of war and love all at once.
I didn’t think I could come again, and certainly not so soon, but his tenacious grip and dominant behavior had me reeling. Before I knew it, the familiar, yet deliciously foreign, hum began low in my womb and I began to quiver. I sucked in a breath and he moved like a machine, sensing my orgasm. As his balls slapped against my body, I could tell how tight they had grown. I struggled in my bonds as another mighty wave overtook me but Finn held me tight. He let out a shout and continued pumping.
He felt so good I wanted to cry.
As my orgasm subsided, he withdrew and tore off his condom. I stared, not understanding. He pumped his cock and shot his seed, not in me, but all over my thighs, not stopping until he was spent.
Letting out a breath, he looked at me and smoothed his hand over my hip. “See my mark on you? My scent on you? No other man, alive or dead, will ever mark you in the same way.”
I gazed at him, lost in the moment, awash in powerful emotion. He exhaled audibly and got off the bed. He walked into the washroom, grabbed a washcloth, and returned. With a soft touch, he washed all his semen from my skin, but I knew I’d feel it still. Finn tossed the washcloth onto a pile of worn clothes in the corner and leaned over me. Kissing my face, he finally removed the silken ties from my wrists. He helped me sit up, offered me a small smile, and kissed the underside of each of my wrists.
“I missed you so much.”
“There must have been other women.”
His head tilted in a half-shake. “Never for long. No one who interested me enough. I might have been a stupid boy when we broke up, but even I understood you were the one.” He brought his face closer to mine and brushed his lips against the corner of my mouth, gently caressing. “You were always the one. I love you, Renata. I never stopped.”
“I love you, too. And no one will ever keep me from you again.”
When he encircled me in the fiercest, yet gentlest, of hugs, I knew I loved him even more.
»»•««
Hugh didn’t come between Finn and me that night. I couldn’t help wondering if he somehow understood nothing would come between us then. Not at such a life-altering moment. With Finn’s words of love echoing in my ears the next day, I even allowed myself to be happy for a while. It was almost easy every time I gazed at him and saw the love shining in his eyes.
The festival approached. Set to take place over a couple of weeks, it would begin with a number of guest choir performances and would culminate with our performance of Requiem. There was much to do and Finn was in charge of it all. Comprehending his stress level, I did my best not to add to it, but Hugh was always at the back of my mind. Each note I sang reminded me of his love for Claudia. Every time I strolled through the grounds at Dawlish Manor, I remembered the pain he expressed in his journal. I refused to show it to Finn or Lizzy, and I kept out of Margaret’s way, but the dead man still occupied my thoughts and a large part of my heart.
Luckily, Hugh did not interfere as we continued our rounds of rehearsals. Even though I always expected to hear his voice in my ear, he never manifested.
Life returned to relative normality, as much as it could under the circumstances.
The opening concert of the festival was one during which I could relax, although Lizzy and Finn were on board. He would conduct Lizzy and three of Sonata’s other string musicians in a performance of Vivaldi’s “Autumn” from The Four Seasons. After intermission, a visiting group of singers would treat the crowd to a number of love songs from the same era.
After kissing Finn and Lizzy, and wishing them luck, I took my place in the audience on the lawn of Dawlish Manor. We couldn’t have asked for a lovelier day. The sun shone between the massive yew trees and what breeze there was carried the scent of roses from the garden.
Where he buried her.
/> “Are you all right, Renata?”
I started at the voice and looked to my side. Lizzy’s hunk Joseph had taken the seat next to me. “I’m fine, thanks.” I smiled. “So you get to play audience member today, too, huh?”
He nodded but a frown followed and he peered at me. “Yeah. You do look a bit pale. Want me to grab you a bottle of water?”
Where he buried her with his own hands. As overwhelming sadness seeped into my system, making my shoulders droop, I rolled them to alleviate the tension. “No, I’m okay. It’s just the sun,” I lied. “I should have worn a hat.”
“It is a hot one.” He opened his mouth to say something else, but Finn stepped onto the stage then and the audience burst into applause.
Ignoring my unexpected sense of sadness, I turned from Joseph and clapped for our conductor as well. Finn looked so handsome and I couldn’t help but feel another swell of pride and amazement. Of course, I had already seen him up close but to see him in front of an audience was something else entirely. He stood, tall and proud, smiling and nodding, his baton tucked behind his back. Wearing Scottish formal attire, a kilt and black jacket, to celebrate his heritage, he cut a dashing figure in the blue and green Mackenzie tartan. And despite the fact the festival was considered a highbrow event, a couple of women in the audience whistled at him.
Joseph leaned over and laughed. “All this attention will go right to his head. Make sure you keep him on a tight leash.”
“I’ll do my best.” Joseph’s playful comment made me think of my former conductor Anthony and his pet Clarissa. I’d despised her for taking advantage of the man for solos. Did the members of Sonata see me in the same light? I hoped not.
Finn and I hadn’t made our relationship a secret, although we remained discreet. Still, I never sensed any sort of resentment among the other musicians. Perhaps it was because Finn treated everyone with respect. He certainly hadn’t been sleeping with me when he gave me the solo and the ensemble members had seen him critique me as much as he critiqued them. He loved me, but when at work, he didn’t play favorites.
