“Do you mind if I show you? But I’m going to need to touch you. I promise, Avery, I won’t hurt you.”
I look back at Catherine as she’s waiting for me to decide. Then she nods her head at me, letting me know she wants me to try.
“I’ll try, but I need for you to go slow, and maybe without the gun first, okay?”
He chuckles. “Agreed.”
We turn towards the target, and Vin gets behind me. “My body is going to touch you from behind, is that all right?”
I take a deep breath and exhale. I nod. He moves slowly and then I feel his chest on my back.
“Avery, let me know if this is too much. I need you to breathe.” I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he mentioned it. I let my breath out and nod my head. “Now stand like I showed you. Good. Okay, I’m going to use my arms to hold yours steady. Are you ready?
“Yes.” No, I’m not, but I know I need to try, and I do trust he won’t hurt me.
“Okay, now allow me to hold your wrist to steady your aim. Good. Now I can feel how tense you are. I need you to try and relax. Remember, I’m not going to hurt you. Take aim and let me know when you’re ready. Once you’re relaxed, pick up the weapon and simulate the same motions for real.”
I do as Vin says. I pick up the gun and try to relax back into his hold. He’s not my rapist, he’s not going to hurt me, over and over I repeat in my mind. I take a deep breath and tell him, “I’m ready.”
“Fire.”
I do. I shoot, and this time I hit the target; not the man-shaped figure, but the paper. Vin eases the gun away from me gently as I excitedly start yelling to Catherine.
“I did it! Catherine, look, I hit the paper.”
I’m beyond thrilled. I can’t believe the intense rush of excitement I feel, and I want more.
“Can I do it again, Vin?”
“It wasn’t too much for you? I mean, with me behind you like that?”
I look at the ground, ashamed that this man saw and knows what happened to me.
“Avery, look at me, don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. You have nothing to worry about with us. We are all here for you. We won’t do anything you’re not ready for.”
I look back up to him and see his sincerity, I know he means everything he just said.
“I want to try again.”
He gets behind me, and his touch still bothers me, but it’s getting easier as time goes on. We shoot for almost two hours. Halfway through, he lets me try on my own. My aim gets better, and I actually start hitting the man-shaped figure. I love it, Catherine’s right, I feel powerful holding and shooting this gun. I can see wanting to keep coming back.
I look over and notice Catherine’s target; she’s been shooting right along with me. Her aim is right on target. She unloads clip after clip, and they are kill shots. At least that’s what Vin says.
Vin has me reload the gun with a new clip. He wants me to keep going. As I aim and shoot, I picture the senator standing there. I pause and try to shake off his image but I can’t. I start seeing his face playing out in my mind. The way he looked every time he got off on me. I remember his voice every time he called me filthy names or yelled trying to get a reaction out of me. I remember his fist every time he hit me. It all starts racing through my mind playing out every ugly fucking detail. How I wish it was him in front of this gun. I start pulling the trigger repeatedly firing every bullet in the clip.
I’m still pulling the trigger when I feel Vin’s hand lightly fold around my wrists. His other hand removes my earmuffs and he says, “Avery, it’s over. Your gun’s empty, let me have it. He’s not here Avery, he’s gone. I promise you he’s never coming back.”
I look at Vin as I release the gun. I feel a tear sliding down my face then another. “It’s alright Avery.” I nod and take a step back. When I turn around I see Catherine watching me with concern. I nod to her, letting her know I’m okay.
She starts walking towards us carrying her paper targets showing all her perfect shots. It makes me wonder who she pictures as she shoots? I understand now, why she wanted me to come.
We call it a day and head back home. Vin follows us, and I start to feel bad that he had to drive separately.
“Did you have fun today?”
“I did. Thank you, Catherine. I’m sorry I lost it there for a minute.”
“Did you see his face when you pulled the trigger?”
I look up at her because I know what she’s asking. She wants to know if I would kill the senator if I had the chance.
“Yes.”
“Good. Did it help you get some aggression and frustration out? I wanted that feeling for you. I hoped it would give you a feeling of control.”
“I loved it, it’s everything you said. I felt more in control than I have in a long time.”
I paused wondering if I should ask. “Catherine who do you see when you pull the trigger?”
I can tell she’s deliberating whether to tell me or not, so I tell her, “Sorry it’s none of my business.”
She’s still driving, looking straight at the road, then I hear her say, “I see them all.”
I leave it at that because it is really none of my business and she’s not elaborating. The rest of the car ride is silent.
When we arrive at home, Vin meets us at the door. “Avery, would you like to learn how to clean and store the weapon?”
“I would if Catherine’s finished with me for now.”
I look at Catherine, and she tells me to go. I’m not even scared of being alone with Vin. Fallon said I would love him, and I kind of do. He’s been so patient with me. He takes his time and explains every move he makes. I’m still embarrassed at our first introduction, but I know I’ll have to get past it. It’ll take some time, but I feel more alive right now than I have since the kidnapping. I don’t want to ruin it by scurrying into my room.
Vin has Catherine’s gun, and I have the one I shot today. Vin shows me every step on how to clean it. I follow his lead doing everything he does with Catherine’s gun.
“Vin, I’m sorry about earlier today. I like you, and I don’t want it to feel awkward.”
“I like you, too. Please don’t apologize to me again. You didn’t do anything wrong. Catherine has me scheduled to take you back out to the range once a week, but if you need to go sooner, let me know if you don’t mind going without Catherine. Sometimes, shooting takes your mind off everything else. It’s up to you, decide and let me know. It can’t be tomorrow, though; you’ll be with Zander.”
“Zander? Why?”
“He has some skills he’ll be teaching you, just like I did today. Look, he’s a big guy, ugly as shit, too, but he’s nothing for you to worry about. He won’t do anything you don’t want either. I’ll see you later.”
Vin leaves, and I think about tomorrow. What does Catherine have me doing?
25
Liam
The last two days have been hell ever since Avery told me to leave her room. I’ve been driving myself crazy worrying about her. I stayed away last night, for the first time since she’s been at my mom’s. It killed me, but I figured it’s probably best to try to stay away. But I can’t, not tonight. I need to see her, even if it’s to watch her sleep. Right now, however, Gabriel has me doing a run through. I’m walking around, watching the floor, making sure everyone’s happy. Shaking hands and kissing people’s asses. It’s necessary to keep a personal approach with our customers. Showing our gratitude for them spending their hard-earned money in our establishment.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn and see Marcy. Fuck! She throws herself on me, squeezing the life out of me.
“Liam, damn, it’s good to see you. You’re looking good.”
I break her hold. She still looks the same. Marcy always was a good-looking girl, but she tries so hard to be the center of attention.
“Marcy, it’s good to see you. I heard you went to Northwestern. Are you finished now?”
“Not exactly
. I flunked a few semesters, and my parents thought it was time to come home. Mom said it would be much easier to find a husband than it would be for me to get a degree.”
I smiled because hell, what do you say about that?
“So, Liam what have you been up to? I hope you can find some time to maybe take me out. We haven’t seen each other in a long time.”
And there it is, she’s on the prowl.
“I’ve been busy, Marcy. Maybe I could find some time, but right now I can’t make any plans. How about I’ll call you if I figure something out?”
“You do that, Liam.”
She kisses my cheek and walks towards the exit, shaking her hips, trying to get my attention.
The night runs long. By the time I make it home, everyone’s sleeping. I do my usual, shower and change. Then I decide I need to see her.
I enter Avery’s room as quietly as I can. Sitting in my chair, I can finally breathe easy; just being close to her does that for me. Her back is turned to me, but then she turns around. I wait to see if she’s about to have another nightmare, instead her eyes open and she sees me. We don’t move; we just stare at each other for a minute or two. Then she sits up and turns on the lamp, leaning against the headboard as I still watch her. She’s so naturally beautiful, even without a stitch of makeup on.
“Why are you here, Liam?”
“I wanted to be close to you.”
“Why?”
I think about my answer. What do I say? Do I tell her I still love her? Fuck, I don’t know what to say.
“I don’t know. What do you want me to say, Avery? I just needed to be close to you.” I decide to change the subject. “How was your day?”
“Small talk, Liam? That’s what you want?”
“No, but it’s a start.”
“Liam, you need to leave. I don’t want to have small talk with you, or any other kind as a matter of fact.” She looks down at her hands then back up at me. “Look, Liam, if it’s too hard having me here, I’ll leave. I think I can find somewhere else to stay.”
“No, Avery, I don’t want you going anywhere, you can stay. I’ll try to leave you alone. I just…I guess I missed you. Seeing you again after all these years.”
“Oh, you just now started thinking of me. All these years, and now I’m on your mind.”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Liam, I’m so grateful to you and your family. I don’t want to fight. I don’t have that much left in me right now to fight someone, especially not you. Can we call a truce? You leave me alone, and I’ll leave you alone, okay? It was fine enough for all these years. I think we can keep doing it until I’m ready to leave.”
“That’s not what I want. Have lunch with me tomorrow. We can talk about how to make this work, I mean the living arrangements. I’m sure we can be civil.”
“There’s nothing to work out. You stay out my way, and I’ll stay out of yours. Besides, I have plans tomorrow.”
“What are you doing?”
“That’s none of your business, Liam. Please leave, I’m tired.”
I don’t move, waiting for her to change her mind. But she doesn’t, and it’s killing me to leave her alone. She might think she doesn’t need me, but I know I need her. I finally stand and leave.
This is the second night I sleep like shit. You would think after sleeping in a fucking chair, I would be thrilled to sleep on a soft mattress, but no, I barely get any sleep. I toss and turn all night thinking of her. I can’t help it; I even jerk off to the image of her in my head. Since we found her, I haven’t slept with anyone. I miss sex, but I need her more. Jerking off has been my favorite pastime for all these months. I know it’s sick of me to think of her that way because of what she went through, but I can’t help myself, she’s all I ever think of. If I ever get her in my bed, I’d never let her go again.
“Fuck!”
In the morning, I leave the house with Gabriel. We’ve been politely asked to stay away for breakfasts and lunches until told otherwise.
As I enter the casino, I see Zander. “Hey, Zander, you want to grab some lunch later?”
“No, can’t. I have plans.”
“What, you have a hot date for lunch?”
“Something like that. I’ll see you later. I have a couple of things to do first, and I don’t want to keep the little lady waiting.”
Lucky bastard.
26
Avery
Again, I wake myself up and get ready for breakfast. I meet Fallon and Catherine in the dining room.
“Good morning.”
“Hey Avery, I heard you did good yesterday at the range. Was it fun?” Fallon looks way too happy.
“It was. I didn’t think I would enjoy it as much as I did. Vin says he can take me out again, whenever I want.”
Fallon looks at Catherine and smiles. “That’s great, Avery. I can’t wait to give it a try. How’d you like Vin? He’s great, isn’t he?”
“He is. At first it was difficult, but I pulled through and it got easier. I’m not saying I’m healed, but it was okay.”
Catherine starts, “Avery, you’ll never be healed, but like you said, it will get easier, and then you will learn to keep the memories at bay. Life will go on, and so will you.”
“So, what do you have planned for me today, Catherine?”
“You will be meeting Zander. Be ready in about two hours. I’ll meet you in my office. Oh, and wear workout clothes.”
Catherine stands and excuses herself. Fallon and I finish eating, and she says, “How are you really doing? Catherine’s not pushing you too hard, is she?”
“Actually, it’s just enough. I needed a swift kick in my ass, I guess. I want to tell you I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time the last few months. I hope I wasn’t too terrible.”
She laughs. “Oh, you were. No, I’m just joking. It’s fine. I’m just glad to see you joining the world again.”
“Yeah, I think I am, too.”
“So, you have plans with Zander? Look, remember what I said: he’s huge, but just think of him as a big teddy bear. And try not to drool all over him.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me.
“What do you mean? I know he’s big, but Vin says he’s ugly.”
She laughs out loud. “Vin lied, you’ll see. I’d like to think my husband is the best looking of the bunch. He’s tall, dark and handsome. He has this undeniable power about him, like he owns the world. Gabriel’s very charming and mysterious, almost calculating in the way he lures you in. Very hot, if you know what I mean. You’ll meet him, too.”
I interrupt her by saying, “Actually I’ve already seen Gabriel once. It was at a charity function my mother was sponsoring. He was with Catherine and Angelle Rollins. He is very handsome. We were not officially introduced though.”
She laughs. “Angelle, huh, it’s hard to believe that she and I are related. I’ll never tell her though and I prefer not to even think about her.” I never thought about the fact that Angelle and Miles are related to Fallon.
Fallon brushes it off like it doesn’t exist and continues telling me about Catherine’s sons. “Well, since you know what Gabriel looks like, let’s move on. You also obviously know Liam is good looking. I will tell you though, Liam looks more like Catherine than the rest. He’s tall, fairer, with that all-American look. He’s a lot of fun and easygoing. Even Vin is hot, as you saw. He has that military badass look. But, Zander. Zander is sex on two legs, and he knows it. That’s why the guys like to mess with him.”
“So, you’re telling me they’re all good looking?”
Fallon nods her head. “The whole bunch, all in different ways, but all drool-worthy. I guess it’s just who you have chemistry with. For me it was Gabriel. From the minute I met him, I couldn’t think of anyone else. He was like a magnet I was drawn to. How was it with you and Liam?”
“I don’t know. I had a crush on him for years, those blue eyes just killed me, and everyone else. Anyways, that’s enou
gh about Liam. I guess I’ll go start getting ready. Talk to you later.”
I have plenty of time to get ready for my meeting, but I didn’t want to talk about Liam anymore, so I made a fast escape. I dress in comfortable clothing and wait till it’s time.
I meet Catherine in her office like she requested, and she escorts us to the back of the house. They have a full gym in their house. “Wow!” We’re not talking a small home gym, this is, like, for members. They even have a boxing ring in the center of the room. One wall is nothing but mirrors. As I take all of it in, I see a reflection in the mirror of a man in the doorway, taking up almost the whole frame. He starts to walk towards us with a bag in his hands. He’s wearing a suit that is tailored, obviously; I don’t think they would sell his size off a rack.
“Hey, Mom.” He kisses Catherine’s cheek, and I’m trying to remember not to drool.
“Avery, this is my son Zander.”
“Damn...I mean hello. Sorry, I’m Avery.”
He laughs. “Yes, you are. Look, I’m going to go change my clothes, and I’ll be right back.”
He starts to walk off, and I can’t help staring at his ass. Damn, Fallon was right, he is sex on legs.
“Catherine, you gave birth to him? All of him?”
Laughing, she says, “Yep, all ten pounds. Don’t let his size fool you. He’s a pussy cat.”
“What am I going to be learning from Zander?”
“Kickboxing. He’s going to show you another way to let out all your pain. You’re going to get physically stronger, and then your mind will follow. I’ll be right there until you get comfortable around him.”
She points to a chair by the back wall. Zander comes out wearing tight gym shorts and a T-shirt. Don’t drool, don’t drool.
“Hey, you’re ready?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, what are we going to do?”
“Today we’re going to punch a few bags. Here, I have some gloves for you. But first I want to tape your hands, if that’s okay.”
Art of Forgiveness Page 12
