by Urban, Ami
Yes. But that’s no surprise.
I motioned for her to give me the keys. “You will be when you’re my age.” I got to work removing the alternator belt as Cyrus came back with the bulbs and diagram. When I told him I didn’t need it anymore, I swore it looked like I’d killed his puppy. After he skipped over to work on the other car, Lexi helped me with the Dodge.
“Where’s Aunt Lisa?” She asked halfway through.
Do you even remember? You ARE losing your mind…
“She’s at work.” Of course, I knew where she was. Where else was she when not at the house?
“No surprise…” Lexi’s mumble was barely audible.
I let out a chuckle. “You’re telling me.”
She stopped what she was doing and looked up at me through dark eyelashes. “I mean because of you.”
Ah, there she goes again… Blaming everyone but herself…
Somehow, I quelled the deep urge to get angry. Instead, I found humor again. “Shit, I don’t blame her. I’m a Grade A chump.”
“That’s not quite the word I’d use.”
Christ…
“Alright.” My tone was one of warning.
“Why’d you hit her?”
I met her gaze. My heart began to pound against my ribcage. The blood in my veins exploded in a hot frenzy. The fuck had she just said to me?
Closing my eyes for a moment, I sucked in a breath. Where was that humor? Just out of arm’s reach now. I couldn’t stretch my mind far enough to snag it.
“What?” The word pistoned from my mouth, hot, angry and short.
One of her dark eyebrows rose as if she couldn’t understand why I was boiling over. “I’m not an idiot. I saw her before she went to work yesterday.”
What the fuck is she…?
“What are you talking about?”
Lexi sat back, lifting her chin to look down her nose at me. “Rex’s useless dad was abusive. He’d try to choke Aunt Lisa…”
“I know. What does that have to do with me?”
I know where this is going…
Care to elaborate?
“She hugged me real tight yesterday. And I could feel her shoulders shaking.”
Why? My blood pressure hit a plateau and petered out, making Silas’s voice murky. As if he was underwater.
Don’t…believe…ev…hear…
“Did you fucking hurt her, Jack?”
Blood came crashing back through my ears, throbbing painfully at my temples. Silas was now screaming inside my head.
A BRAT, A SLUT AND A LITTLE CUNT IN TRAINING.
“Lexi… Slow your roll…”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“Lexi…” Each word that tore from my throat felt like fire. I was holding back a massive amount of shakes. “You need to think really hard about what you’re going to say next.”
She gathered to her feet, balling her fists at her sides. In that moment, she looked like a little lost girl with the face of an abused woman. I hated it. But at the same time, it pissed me the fuck off.
“You can’t tell me what to do.”
“I just did.”
She paused, her expression locked in a twisted mix of anger and hurt. Why the fuck was she so afraid of me hurting Lisa? I hadn’t even done anything! With what seemed like the last amount of resolve she had, she spat, “You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my father.” Then, she turned on her heel and stomped away.
Thank God for that.
May 12 – Jack Reynolds
Ten whole days of avoiding my fatherly duties had taken a toll on me. Lexi hadn’t spoken three words to me the past week. Even Lisa talking to her about our conversation didn’t help. We just kind of ghosted around each other. Neither of us sure how to heal the divide.
Then Tuesday came, and all my energy went into the bane of my existence. If only I didn’t have to walk around with this heavy weight on my shoulders. Who knew a baby that never lived could cause so much agony? Talk about big things in little packages.
That’s what she said.
I entered the double doors of the hospital and spotted Mina at the nurse’s station. Her head was down. She must have been working on something. When I was within a few feet of her, she finally snapped her head up, giving me a big smile.
“Hey, stranger!”
“I thought you weren’t supposed to talk to strangers.” I leaned against the nurse’s station, putting my weight on folded forearms.
Mina tilted her head. “For you, I make an exception.”
“How sweet!” I pretended to gush, holding both hands to my cheeks.
A giggle escaped her. “What brings you here today?” Then the smile faded just slightly. “Do you need more Oxy?”
A ribbon of guilt coiled into my gut. I shook my head. “Nope. Just here to pick up the wife.”
Mina leaned back in her chair, putting both hands out. “Say no more.” Turning toward her computer, she began typing. “Thank God some brilliant engineer connected all the systems.”
I nodded, acknowledging another nurse that passed by.
“Have you seen any of the videos from the beginning?”
“What?” My gaze went back to her.
“A bunch of people took videos of when the outbreak first started. They were uploaded to YouTube, like, right before the network went down.” She finished typing and turned toward me. “If you’re curious, they’re pretty gruesome.”
I could feel my eyes widen. “Noted.”
“Dr. Reynolds is in her office. At least that’s what her calendar says. Her last surgery was four hours ago.”
“Thanks.” We exchanged a quick high five, then I turned toward the East Wing of the hospital. The halls were somewhat busy that day. But not with emergencies. Several nurses were on staff, just chatting away in groups of two or three. Patients ambled past me, rolling their IV’s along like pets on a leash.
Lisa’s office was at the end of one long corridor. Before the apocalypse, it’d been memorialized by a donor with the most incredibly bad name.
Hooker O’Rourke Memorial Hall.
Every time I went down it I got a nice chuckle.
I turned the corner, muttering to myself about hookers and black jack when I spotted Scott sitting in the reception desk just outside my wife’s office. A smile tugged at my mouth.
“Well, hello there, my grumpy little friend!” My hand slapped down on the reception desk, startling him. After the initial shock was over, a smug smiled tugged at his mouth.
“How’s the knee, Reynolds?”
While the hot fingers of anger touched my spine, I forced a smile. “Fine. You kick like a girl.”
“Really?” His smug smile widened. “Is that why you didn’t tell Lisa?”
I leaned forward. “No. I didn’t tell her because if you do it again, I’ll break off your leg and beat you with it. And I’d rather not have to explain why.”
I didn’t know a sneer could be audible until that moment. “I have no idea what she sees in you.”
I leaned forward as close as I could get. “I have a huge dick.”
Scott’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. “Yeah. That must be it.”
Feigning hurt, I took a step back. “You don’t believe me? It’s true!”
“There’s a difference between having a bigger dick and being the bigger dick.”
Both hands flew to my cheeks in an exaggerated gasp.
“Go in and see your wife, idiot.”
Cocking my head to one side, I mouthed the words I love you while tossing him a wink. He shook his head. I slipped behind the desk, opening the door to Lisa’s office. Upon closing it, I whirled around to watch Scott right up until the door clicked shut in my face. We never broke eye contact.
“Hello. Almost done,” Lisa said from behind her desk.
I turned. “How’s it going with Little Shit training?” Ignoring the fresh bloom of an ache in my knee, I crossed the carpet to the sofa opposite her desk.
Then I flopped into it, allowing my body to sag into the soft cushions.
“I assume you mean Scott?”
I grunted a reply.
Without looking up from her paperwork, she answered my question. “He’s showing improvement. Not as rapidly as I’d like. But I’m testing him in social situations. Did he say something to you just now?” She finally met my gaze.
I shrugged. “Same as always. He likes to wonder aloud why we’re together. What you see in me.”
Lisa was quiet for a moment. “You have remarkable genitals.”
Smiling, I let out a huff of air. “That’s exactly what I said.”
“Good.” She returned my smile.
Outside, muffled voices picked up. Someone began to sing, then stopped almost right away. Wow. Scott could shut Brendon up better than Lisa could. Did I smell a redeeming quality?
The door popped open and Brendon stepped inside, his face a crumpled letter of defeat. “He is not a nice boy.”
“Welcome to my world.” I nodded to him, watching as he shook his head until all his dark hair had flattened across his forehead.
“I no understand,” he continued, putting on a false Russian accent.
“Give him time.” Lisa spoke up from her desk. “PTSD is a progressive ailment.”
“Speaking of which.” Brendon brought the clipboard he’d been holding up to eye level while stepping farther into the room. “I did an ERCP on ya boy in room 502.”
“The one with radiating abdominal pain?”
“The very one.”
“Alright.”
“Homie needs a laparotomy stat, yo.” Brendon followed up his statement with a quick lyric about gallstones. The kid had a photographic memory of music.
Lisa straightened in her chair. “I’d suggest Urso before we rush into surgery.”
Brendon rolled his eyes. “This gallstone is the size of a BB. It’d take ages for the Urso to break it up.”
I was lost ages ago.
Lisa stood, shaking her head. “A laparotomy is a very invasive procedure for something so small.”
For a moment, Brendon bounced on his toes. “Mm-hm. And if we had the proper equipment, I’d suggest a lithotripsy. But we don’t. So, we do surgery.”
“It says Chief of Medicine on my door.” Lisa shook her head.
He smiled. “And thanks to you, it says Chief of Surgery on mine.”
“I’m giving you a lot of leeway, Dr. Rutherford.”
“And I only gave you one cute nickname. Want more, Bunny?”
They both fell silent. The room felt charged with a weird electricity. I’d never seen Lisa back down, so I leaned my elbows on my knees, propping my chin in my hands. Wish I’d had popcorn.
“A laparoscopic cholecystectomy,” she said finally, a flame behind her eyes.
“Deal.” He turned to leave. “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”
She shook her head as the door clicked shut. “Surgeons.” She turned back to me. “Are you ready to go?”
I nodded, not wanting to admit I was growing tired of the Tuesday discussions. Couldn’t we just get right to the baby-making? Why did we have to discuss it to death?
As we passed Scott on the way out, I gave him a thumbs-up. He returned the gesture with a middle finger salute.
“We’ll need to stop by the physical therapy room before we leave. I have a patient who’s refusing to work with my therapist,” Lisa mentioned in a casual tone.
My stomach dropped to my feet. I hated the physical therapy room. Because it wasn’t a room. It was a full-blown gym. And while the hospital still didn’t have a ton of patients, the room was almost always in use by others. Whether they were working out to beef up for the next installment of Apocalypse Now or trying to relearn how to walk, there was always someone there.
But what I hated the most was the indoor pool.
Half the lights in the area didn’t work, leaving the entire room in a pool of black shadows. The sound of lapping water would reach me at the entrance. The opposite side of the rec room was covered in floor to ceiling windows, giving everyone inside a decent view of the pool. Except it was late and the curtains had been drawn, leaving opaque rectangles of soft yellow light. Shadows danced behind it.
Oh, and you had to walk by the damn pool to get to the physical therapy area. Every. Fucking. Time.
Immediately my heart was pounding in my chest.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
Sweat squeezed out of every pore in my body. The water in the pool was dark and smooth as glass. I couldn’t see the bottom. Had I not known better, it seemed like I could’ve walked right out onto it without falling in.
A loud clunk made me jump. Just the air conditioning kicking on. I turned my head the other way while passing the water. I couldn’t even look at it. A ball of anxiety would rise into my throat the moment I did. And bile would push its way into my esophagus every second I smelled chlorine.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
Lisa walked briskly ahead of me. Under any other circumstances, she’d be by my side, helping me across in any way she could. She took phobias very seriously. But this time, it seemed almost as though she wanted to get away from me. I picked up my pace, my pulse rushing through my ears with each step.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
But it was no use. She was walking faster now and almost to the door. Why was she doing this? I didn’t understand. Even worse, when she reached the door to the physical therapy room, she rushed inside, closing it behind her and all but disappearing in a swallow of darkness.
“Hey!” I grabbed the push handle with both hands. Even using all my weight, the door didn’t budge. It was locked. My heart rate tripled.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
I pounded on the glass, shouting for her to let me in. And got nothing. I brought up both hands, cupping them around my face. But the room was just too dark. Hadn’t the lights been on before? Yes. The shades were drawn, but I remember it being bright in there.
I took a step back, so I could get a better view. But the windows were dark now. Each rectangle was no longer bathed in a pallid glow. Each one was black, like an open, empty mouth. Something wasn’t right. I spun around, pressing my back into the wall.
Lapping water shifted my focus to the pool itself. While it was still dark, the water began to roil. It became a roaring rapid in no time flat. White laces of foam spat in every direction, splashing my bare arms with moisture.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
“No, no, no…” I began to inch along the wall, keeping my back pressed against it. If there was a solid object behind me, I was safe. Water couldn’t move on its own. I had to go to it for it to take hold of me. As long as I had my feet, I was gonna be okay.
I made my way along the outer edge of the pool as the water splashed up and onto the concrete. Small rivers of chlorinated pool water dissected the floor into uneven patterns. I tap danced over a geyser of it.
I was almost to the entrance. Only a few more scoots and I could be free of this insane whirlpool. It felt like the water was laughing at me. And the constant crash and gurgle just added to it, making it sound like chatter.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
I reached the other door just as I was about to tell the pool to fuck off. No way was it taking hold of me that day. Giving it a well-deserved middle finger, I pushed down on the bar, eager to smell non-chlorinated air.
But the entrance was locked too.
Frantically, I pushed the bar up and down. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe if I rattled it enough it’d come lose from the jamb and I could bolt. But that was never going to happen.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” My heart rose into my throat as panic settled in.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
It couldn’t be real. It was just a dream. It was all just a dream and I was going to
wake up to—
One side of the double doors smashed open, sending me flying backward right toward the pool. My feet wouldn’t stop even if I wanted them to. My balance was knocked off by my own stupidity. What did I think was going to happen when I screamed for someone to let me out?
The rapids behind me closed in as I stumbled backward. Time slowed to a crawl. The small rivers of water on the concrete became lakes, then rapids of their own. Icy tendrils of it seemed to wrap around my ankles, calling me into the depths of my fear.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
And before I knew it, I was falling backward. I watched as water plumed up on either side of me in sheets, reaching its probing fingers to the ceiling. All my thoughts left my brain in that moment. Because I was going to fucking die.
Water rushed in to fill the empty space where I’d landed. It danced as my air bubbles lazily ambled their way to the surface. The swirling vortex of liquid above me calmed, becoming again like glass. It was as if the water had been hungry, gobbled me up and was now satiated.
Pressure closed in on me. It was cold. Getting darker. I let the breath out of my lungs, a large pocket of air danced like a jellyfish in front of my eyes. It grew smaller as it ascended. Panic squeezed my heart into a ball. I needed to breathe. My lungs were on fire.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
It became too much to bear and I opened my mouth. Water rushed past my throat and into my lungs. I could feel them filling with it, suffocating me from the inside out. My fists clenched and unclenched. My vision tunneled. Darkness was taking over. My heart had stopped pounding and was now slowing.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
My thoughts swam. A slideshow of moments raced through my head.
Thump.
You’re going to—
Thump.
—die down here.
With one final beat of my heart, my body felt as though it were being yanked forward through a small hole. Pressure squeezed every inch of me. I heard my name and opened my eyes. Lisa stood before me looking concerned.
“What?” I sat up, checking my bearings to find I was back in her office.
“Are you alright, Jack?” She repeated her question. “I’ll get my blood pressure cuff.”
