by Ella Miles
Tonight, I lost another tiny piece of myself. I lost the part that cared about innocent strangers more than I care about myself. I don’t know how I can go back to work after this. I don’t know how I can have any resemblance to my normal life again after this. This changed me as much or more than the rape did. I’ve become a monster the same as Matteo.
Matteo wanted sex tonight, but he respected my space when I made it clear I wanted to sleep. I wanted to fuck him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, not when people died tonight because of us. I couldn’t be that cruel to celebrate their deaths, no matter how much I wanted to.
So now I’m in his bed, his arm draped over me, as he snores and I can’t sleep.
The minutes tick by, but all I can think about is the boy he killed. The white leaving his eyes as the blood spilled out. Matteo is more dangerous than I imagined. He walked into a party with over a hundred people and killed four by himself, without backup. He murdered four wealthy, well-known people in this town, and tomorrow the cops won’t come knocking on his door because he paid them off.
I made a deal with the devil, and now I’m as guilty of the crimes he commits. I could have continued to fight. To hold my ground. But I caved because I wanted sex and an easier way. Now I have to live with the consequences.
I carefully slide out from under his arm and sit on the edge of the bed as my stomach grumbles. We left so early I didn’t eat much, and I couldn’t eat when we got back, but now I could use some food. It might help me sleep.
I stand and tiptoe over to Matteo’s closet putting on a pair of his boxers and T-shirt. I have clothes in my closet, but I prefer the smell of his. It comforts me, even though it shouldn’t.
But I guess I’ve gotten comfortable after sleeping with the devil for this long.
I walk over to the small kitchenette in his quarters that usually has at least some basic foods.
I open the fridge and find nothing but beer and moldy cheese. I open the cabinets and find it empty except for a few crackers.
I frown. I need something more substantial than crackers.
I glance over at the door that leads to the rest of the house, as I munch on a couple of the saltines. It’s always locked with a key he puts in a safe, when he sleeps, with a code I don’t know the password to. I’m sure it’s locked, but my grumbling tummy wants food.
I walk over to the door and rest my hand on the doorknob as I glance over at Matteo sleeping. I’m sure he’s going to catch me trying to get out and think I’m trying to escape rather than getting food.
My heart beats fast as I wait to ensure Matteo is still asleep before I try the door. I turn the knob and pull. Surprisingly, the door creaks open. It always makes a high pitched sound when it opens, but this time seems worse than usual.
I stare over at Matteo. He doesn’t move. So I slink out between the crack before letting the door close slowly, so it doesn’t make a sound.
The hallway is pitch black. I assume I’ll be met with a guard right outside the door, but I’m not. I know he has security cameras, so I know it is only a matter of time before someone comes to drag me back to Matteo. I don’t wait for them to come. I storm down the hallway to the kitchen.
I open the fridge and pull out leftover pizza someone left. I grab two slices and place them on a napkin before walking out to the dining room where I plan on eating before heading back to Matteo’s room. I could go back and eat in Matteo’s room, but I like having a moment to myself. I like having the freedom. I like that I’m being a bit of a rebel.
I freeze in the door when I find the dining room already occupied.
I wasn’t expecting anyone. Least of all Gia. She has her own wing of the house, and she never bothers coming on this side. I know nothing of her life, other than she had a boyfriend who hurt her.
She’s sitting at the table with tears running down her cheek and a gallon tub of ice cream sitting on the table.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize anyone was here. I’ll go back to my room,” I say.
Gia chuckles. “You mean my brother’s room.”
I nod.
“Or I could join you?” I ask, not sure what I’m supposed to do.
She pulls out a chair next to her, and I take a seat with my cold pizza.
I start eating it, and her eyes widen and dry a little as she looks at me.
“We have an oven you know? That would taste much better warmed up.”
I smile and hold out a piece to her. “You’ve never had cold pizza? It’s an American tradition.”
She wrinkles her nose and sticks to eating her ice cream.
“Are you upset about what happened tonight?” I ask, not sure if I should be asking her anything, but I might as well.
“No, I knew what was going to happen when we went. The Espocito family deserved it. I would have killed them myself if Matteo didn’t.”
I force the bite of pizza in my mouth down. She’s as ruthless as Matteo. I need to remember that. I’ll need to watch out for her and not get on her bad side.
She raises an eyebrow at me, wanting to know how I feel.
“I’m not upset about tonight either. It needed to happen. I feel guilty that I feel okay it happened.”
Gia smirks. “Your first kill?”
I nod.
“You’ll get used to it. The first time changes everything. Next time the guilt won’t eat you anymore.”
My eyes widen. I hope there isn’t a next time, but I don’t say that to her.
“I’m here because I’m starving and couldn’t sleep, the guilt and all. Why are you down here instead of in your wing?”
“I’m all out of ice cream on my side.”
“What’s the ice cream for?”
She sighs. “Because I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t love me back. It’s ridiculous to be crying about it, I know, considering your situation, but it’s the truth. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I don’t know how to get over him.”
I smile. “Good to know that at least one Carini has a heart.”
She smiles a little.
“You want to talk about him?”
“No.”
“If you ever want to, I’m here. I don’t exactly have anywhere else to go.”
She laughs and looks at me soberly. “Why haven’t you asked me to help you get free yet?”
I frown. “You’re a Carini. If I know one thing, it’s that Carini’s are loyal to each other. I knew it was a hopeless endeavor. Plus, I’m not sure I wanted to put siblings in that situation.”
She holds out her spoon to me, and I dig into her ice cream. It’s rocky road, complicated like her.
“Want to talk to me about you and Matteo?” she asks.
I chuckle and take another large bite of the ice cream. “No. What’s to talk about? He stole me to get my best friend back because he’s in love with her. I won’t tell him where she is because I don’t trust he won’t hurt her, and Nina ran for a reason.”
“Because of our father, not Matteo.”
“What?”
“Arlo and Nina ran because Enrico is still alive. Although, I’ve heard he is barely hanging on in a coma or something, somewhere in Northern Ireland. They are safe from him. Matteo wants his brother back and a chance to get the girl he thinks he loves back.”
I consider her words, but considering who they are coming from, I don’t trust her any more than I trust Matteo. This could all be a trick to get me to talk.
“Thank you for telling me.” I put the spoon down. “I guess I should be getting back. I need some sleep. “
She smirks. “Yes, you’ll need some sleep to be able to keep up with my brother. “
I blush.
“He cares about you too, you know.”
I freeze as I’m standing up. “What?”
“Matteo, he cares about you. He would never admit it to you or anyone, but he looks at you differently. Even differently than how he looked at Nina.”
“He cares about me because he l
ikes to fuck me and I’m his best shot at getting Nina back. That’s all.”
“Maybe, or maybe he’s falling in love with you.”
“Even if he is, it doesn’t change anything. I don’t love him. I don’t want this life. I want to go back home to my old life.”
“You sure about that? Because it would seem a woman who wasn’t falling for him would try a little harder to escape, especially when given such a glaring opportunity tonight, instead of rushing back to his bed.”
I ignore her and go back to Matteo’s bed, but her words stay with me. I’m not falling in love with Matteo, and he’s not falling in love with me. We hate each other. Sex won’t change that. Killing for each other won’t change that. Not even kindness will change that.
14
Matteo
She thinks she’s winning.
Ever since I killed the Espocito family, she has gotten cocky. At first, she was scared, hesitant. She didn’t like that she was accepting I killed Armas’s family. But now, she’s fearless.
I tested her, leaving the door unlocked giving her a bit more freedom. And every night since the night I killed the Espocito family, she has snuck out.
Every. Single. Fucking. Night.
At first, I thought she was planning on finding a way to escape. I thought she was sneaking out to test my security, to find the weak points so when the timing was right, she would run to freedom.
But that’s not what she was doing. It seems that merely leaving my room whenever she wanted was freedom enough, at least for now. She’s happy with her life, though she will never admit it. And I can’t have her happy. Happy means I’ll never get what I want.
I close my eyes pretending to sleep like I always do. I wrap my arm around her naked body after fucking her earlier in the shower. She thinks I was rough then; she felt like she was drowning as she laid under the water while I fucked her. Tonight, I have even darker plans for her.
She waits for my breathing to become slow, I even fake snore for a while, so she thinks I’m fast asleep. My arm weighs her down, and I think for once, she might not sneak out tonight and my plan to tame her happy thoughts might be squandered.
But she sneaks out like I knew she would.
I grin as I throw the covers off. I’m going to enjoy tonight.
15
Eden
I sneak into the darkness, not for any other reason than I can. I enjoy the little bit of freedom Matteo has decided to give me. I spend the night eating, walking, reading, or sitting quietly in a new room in the house. It’s hard for me sometimes to pull away from his arms. I like sleeping with him wrapped around me, and I still sleep plenty with him. I don’t spend more than an hour or two out of bed. And I have plenty of time while he’s working during the day to nap if I’m tired.
I let the door close slowly behind me, planning on only reading for twenty minutes or so in the library and then returning to Matteo because I enjoy snuggling with him in bed.
“What are you doing out of bed?” Maximo says, as I freeze in the hallway.
“Just getting some food to bring back to Matteo. He’s hungry,” I lie.
“No, you’re not,” he says as Dierk and Paul walk up behind me.
“Matteo gave us strict orders to punish you if you ever broke his rules,” Maximo says.
I smile, trying to keep it together. “I’m not breaking his rules. Ask him.”
“We will,” Maximo says pulling out his phone and dialing Matteo’s number.
Shit.
“Matteo, we caught Eden out of bed. What would you like us to do?” Maximo says.
Please let him say take me back to his room.
Maximo grins. “Done.”
I swallow hard, trying to keep the fear down. Whatever Matteo told them to do I can handle it. It won’t be bad.
“I’ll go back to Matteo…” I say.
“No, you’ll be coming with us,” Maximo says, grabbing my arm.
I elbow him as hard as I can instinctively, not liking his hands on me.
He ducks though, prepared for it this time, and I panic. More hands go on me. More hands than I’m prepared to handle. I try fighting back, but I know at least three guys are holding onto me, and there is no use fighting.
I let them hold onto me and carry me into a room. I feel the bed beneath me as they toss me. My initial thought is to panic. Fight. I’m on a bed with three men standing over me. I should be afraid. Terrified they are going to rape me. But I’m not. If Matteo has made anything clear, it’s that he doesn’t share. The consequences of sharing me are enormous. Death.
So I try to calm my breathing as they stretch my limbs wide and tie me up. Each limb. One by one until I can’t move.
Deep breath. In and out. They can’t touch me. They won’t touch me.
I feel hands on my clothes though. Clothes are being ripped from my body. My shirt is torn in half, exposing my breasts. My pants are cut off.
I’m naked. In front of three men. Men I now hate. Men that had no right to try and embarrass me like this.
They all stare down at my naked body hungrily, and I’m what they are hungry for.
“You’re disgusting. All of you.”
Maximo grins. “We are about to get a lot more disgusting.”
He holds a blindfold in his hand and ties it tightly over my eyes so I can’t see.
“We won’t cover your mouth. We want to hear you scream. We want you to fight. It’s music to our ears. That way we know we are doing a good job when we break you. You’ll be speaking about Nina by the end of the night,” Maximo says.
I keep my lips closed. That’s what this is about. It’s what this is always about. Nina.
A fear tactic to try and get me to talk. It won’t work. Nothing will work.
I’ve endured worse. Whatever they are going to do to me is nothing.
I still don’t believe they will rape me. They might beat me though with whips and bats, anything to get me to speak.
I have to prove to them I can’t be broken. I will never speak, and they will stop.
I feel the strike I was anticipating on my stomach, but I don’t flinch. I’m used to the pain. I imagine Matteo doing it instead of Maximo.
I’m whipped again on my breasts, and the sting against my nipples makes them harden. Begging the attacker for more.
Next is my thighs, arms, and pussy. Each strike is hard and perfect from the hands of someone experienced with a whip.
“You’re sick. You like the pain, don’t you?” Maximo says.
I focus on breathing. I should try meditation after this is all over. I can see the benefits.
“You’re like Matteo. Dark, sick, and cruel,” he continues.
I hear the whip crack again as it hits my stomach.
“Let’s see how dirty you like it.” His tongue licks the side of my face, and my lips curl in disgust.
I don’t want to feel him on me. I don’t want him touching me.
I feel more hands. On my breasts, my stomach, my arms. They are everywhere. Exploring my body, touching me places no man should touch without permission.
“Stop,” I let slip from my lips.
I bite my lip again hating that I spoke.
“You want us to stop, huh? I thought having three men at once turned you on?” Maximo says.
I deeply exhale as I feel hands twisting my nipple and I can’t help but get turned on a little.
Lips on my neck send chills down my throat, and an erection is pushing at my entrance.
No.
I won’t be raped.
Ever again.
But that’s precisely what’s happening at Matteo’s orders.
I take a deep breath in again, letting the musky scent of whichever guy is on me. Matteo?
I try not to react. I take another deep breath as the cock pushes in. A very familiar cock to go with a very familiar scent.
The asshole was messing with me. Trying to make me think I was being raped when I wasn’t.
Two can play this game.
“Stop,” I scream again letting it all out as his cock pushes deeper inside me.
The other guys may have their hands on me as well, but it’s mostly on the outskirts. Holding my arms and legs down, and saying dirty things to keep up the appearance they are raping me, while Matteo does the dirty work himself.
“No,” I cry out as he roughly takes my breast.
“You don’t get to speak,” Maximo says as something covers my mouth and nose so that I can’t even breathe.
I pretend to panic, my arms flailing as best as I can with everyone’s arms on me. I don’t panic though. I know Matteo is here and he is the one in control and if sex with him these last few weeks has taught me anything, it’s he knows my limits and won’t hurt me. So when my lungs start burning and aren’t able to breathe, that’s when the hand is removed, and I suck in a deep breath.
The hand covers my nose and mouth as Matteo thrusts inside of me, hitting the sweetest spots making me come alive like only he can.
I can’t breathe as he thrusts, but it only makes it more invigorating. The fact that three other men are watching with their hands on me should embarrass me, but it only turns me on more that Matteo will let them participate to intensify the experience.
I feel my orgasm growing, and now I can’t hold on. I can’t keep up the ruse that this is hurting me, and I no longer care. I want my orgasm to explode out and give me freedom and pleasure.
The hand is removed so I can breathe, but I can’t breathe as my orgasm explodes through my body.
“Matteo!” I cry out as I come around his dick as he explodes into my body.
No one speaks or moves. Eventually, I feel hands slowly leaving my body until I know it’s just me and Matteo left in the room.
I grin widely and bite my lip as he slowly removes the blindfold.
“When did you figure out it was me this whole time?” Matteo asks.
I smirk. “The second you touched me basically. I know your scent, your touch, and I know what your cock feels like. You can’t fool me.”
