“I cinnae do this no more, lassie,” he sighed. “I cinnae fight this anymore. I want tae go home. I want tae go back tae Urlu.”
She stood back and watched him. He no longer cared if she thought him weak for venting his feelings. He had to get them out. He had to say the words to the black night crowding around him. He had to fall apart, if only once in his life.
She squeezed his shoulder, and her sweet breath brushed his ear from inches away. “Come inside. You’re tired, and you need to lie down.”
“What about Daniel? I cinnae leave him here.”
She didn’t answer. She took his hand, and she wouldn’t leave him alone until she got him moving. He paid no attention to where she led him. He shuffled after her in a stupor. Life wasn’t worth living. He hated this place and everyone in it. He wanted to be around his own kind, where people understood him and he didn’t have to explain everything.
If he told Angus or Robbie the McLeans were trying to help them, they would believe him. They trusted him enough to listen when he told them something they didn’t know. He didn’t have to fight over and over to convince them.
He wanted nothing more than to take his rest in their company. He always idolized his older brothers—all of them. They were the best of men. He ached to be just like them. Just being in their company and sharing their battles gave him the thrill of a lifetime.
What did this dirt village have to offer him compared with that? Jamie could never admire Jock or Piper the way he admired his brothers. No one in this village inspired him to be the best man he could be. They couldn’t, because they weren’t the men he wanted to be.
Grace pushed him through a doorway. She shoved him down in a chair and left him sitting there alone in the dark. His mind registered from a great distance he was inside walls, but he couldn’t see anything.
She came back a few minutes later and rummaged around in the dark for a moment. Then a flickering flame winked up in front of him. It chewed through a pile of broken sticks and grew into a cheery fire.
Grace turned around and smiled up at him. “You’ll feel better when you get warm. I’ll go get some food from Arch. Stay here.”
He broke out of his trance. “Where are we, lassie?”
“I found this shack south of the village one time when I was here a few days ago,” she replied. “I was just wandering around. It’s abandoned. I guess it’s too far out of the village for the giants to take any notice of it. Maybe they didn’t even see it. Anyways, we’re here. I’ll run up to the village and get some food.”
“Do Arch and Christie ken where we are?” he asked.
“I told them,” she replied. “I just went up there to get a live coal to start this fire.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
She ran off. The fire warmed his face and hands and chest. It started to thaw that hopeless despair that threatened to overwhelm his heart. She left the door of the shack standing open. He looked through it at the stars scattered over the sky.
Daniel was out there somewhere. He still lay by the planter with his throat gaping open, but inside these walls, Jamie could rest. He could put aside everything that happened and sink into the delicious heat filling him up.
Grace rushed in. She went down on her knees by the fire, gasping in the flush of running. She bent over a bundle and unwrapped it. “I guess these villagers don’t eat a very broad diet. Arch gave me some meat and bread. I guess that’s all they’ve got. Here. You’ll feel better when you eat something.”
She pushed a lump of cold meat into his hand. Jamie stared at her features in the firelight. She couldn’t be the same person who yanked him away from that giant just in time. She couldn’t be the same warrior that stabbed the giant in the foot with Jamie’s own saber. She was too beautiful for that. She was too delicate and fine.
She glanced up, and a brief smile flashed across her face. Her hair swept her cheeks. What could a man do with a woman like this? How could he live owing her his life?
Like his brothers, he didn’t know how to deal with Carmen when they first encountered her. They thought she was strange and unnatural. After the first fight when she held her own and even saved Callum’s life, they started to understand.
After that, these women proved their worth time and again. No man could apply the old rules to them. They existed in a class by themselves. They withstood untold hardships. They faced unspeakable dangers. They fought, and they won. Nothing could defeat them. No matter how bad things got, they only got stronger, more courageous, more caring, more intelligent.
His heart exploded with love for her. Each of his brothers went through this agony of wanting her. They suffered a pain worse than death not knowing if they could win the woman they loved so much.
Would he ever win her? Could he ever deserve her? Would he ever touch her heart the way she touched his? Would she ever understand what she did to him?
He’d never let himself feel anything as serious as this, let alone try to explain it to another living person. He couldn’t bear to expose himself to her, but he had to. One way or the other, he had to make her understand how he felt. Better to get it off his chest and have her turn her back on him than to live with this agony.
She settled down cross-legged in front of the fire. She munched her own food and stared into the flames. She had no idea what storm churned in his heart and mind. She had no clue how he felt about her. She tossed wood on the fire. She wasn’t even thinking about him.
“Lassie,” he began.
She didn’t look up. “Yep?”
“Why ha’e ye and yer mon there ne’er had bairns taegether?”
Her head shot up, and her eyes flew open. “What?”
“How laing ha’e ye been married tae him, that ye had no bairns wi’ him?” Jamie asked.
Grace searched his face. He couldn’t see her eyes when she turned away from the fire. She sat there so long he worried he might have offended her.
All of a sudden, she turned away. She went back to mindlessly poking the coals with a stick. “Mike was infertile. We didn’t find out until we’d already been married for four years. I really wanted children. It took so long for me to get pregnant, I started to get worried. I made him go to the doctor. He didn’t want to. He kept saying there was nothing wrong with him. The very first visit, they found out he had a low sperm count. There was no chance we could get pregnant without intervention. I wanted to do IVF. I wanted to use a donor. I wanted to do anything. I would have spent our life savings to have children, but he always said no. He just stuck his big toe in the sand and kept saying no to everything. In the end, I had to make the decision to accept it. The only other option was to leave him and start over, and I didn’t want to do that.”
She fell silent. Jamie didn’t understand everything she’d said, but the emotion came through loud and clear. She wanted children. She ached for them, and her husband always said no. He probably knew all along how much he hurt her, and he didn’t care.
Grace’s head whipped around. “What about you? Why aren’t you married yet? Don’t tell me there are no nice Urlu girls who wouldn’t give their front teeth to get their hands on you.”
He couldn’t laugh. Any other time, he would have turned this into a crude joke, but not now, not when he sat alone with her in the dark. “There’s plenty o’ Urlu girls all o’er the place.”
“Let me guess,” she remarked. “You broke a few hearts when you left home. Did they stand around and cry when you flew away?”
“I didnae break any hearts,” he replied. “I ne’er led ’em tae believe I’d gi’e ’em the time o’ day. I ne’er wanted any Urlu girl—not like that, anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted a woman like me brother’s wives,” he told her. “I didnae ken it when I was young. Once I started tae get tae ken ’em, though, then it was a different matter altaegether.”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Carmen,”
he replied. “It started wi’ her. Then it was Elle, and then ’Azel. Now it’s Sadie. I ha’e seen ’em one after the other. I ha’e seen me brothers fall fer ’em, and I ha’e seen each o’ ’em up close and personal in the heat o’ battle. I love ’em all and trust ’em wi’ me life—e’ery one o’ ’em. I envied me brothers their wives. I could only pray I’d meet someone like that one day, but I made up me mind I’d ne’er marry anyone else. Once ye ha’e seen it fer yerself, ye cinnae e’er go back tae anything else.”
She stared up at him. “I didn’t know you felt that way about my friends.”
“Ye hadnae seen ’em since they came ’ere,” he went on. “Ye hadnae seen how they changed—all o’ ’em. Ye’d no recognize ’em. When I think on what they used tae be, I dinnae recognize ’em meself. They’re each o’ ’em so different, and yet there’s summat that binds ’em all taegether. Ye’ll see ye ha’e the same thing in ye, and ye ha’e started tae change as weel. Ye’re turnin’ intae the same thing.”
She looked away. She stirred the fire and put a few more logs into it.
“I ha’e ne’er met another woman I wanted tae marry as much as ye,” he blurted out. “I ha’e ne’er met another woman I wanted tae marry at all. I ne’er let meself believe I could meet anyone I felt that way aboot—the way me brothers feel aboot their wives. Now ye’re ’ere, and ye’re married. Oh, I ken he’s dead and all, but ye’re still married tae him. Ye’ll no turn aside from all that tae take any notice o’ me.”
He got out of his seat and walked away into the dark. He couldn’t face the consequences of what he just said. He wished he could take the words back, but he couldn’t. He had to say it, and he did. He prepared himself a long time ago to walk away from her. He was as ready now as ever to accept the worst.
Once he turned his back to the fire, he saw the shack in the dancing flames. A bed stood against the far wall, just like every other cottage in the village. Now he recognized where he was. This was old Dick Ralston’s house. He died unmarried, with no children or family. No one moved into the house. It sat alone and unnoticed by everyone. It took an outsider like Grace to notice it and put it to use.
Jamie walked away from the fire. He stopped in the doorway. The stars spread out above his head. He heard men’s voices coming from the village. The McLeans were over there somewhere.
All at once, he couldn’t hold himself up a second longer. He crossed to the bed and lay down on it. He stretched out on his side. The pillow smelled fresh, even after all these years. Why?
He closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to sink beneath the waves into black sleep. He didn’t want to know this world anymore. His eyes snapped open when he heard Grace come toward him. She stood in front of his face and gazed down at him.
He craned back his head and fixed his tired eyes on her face. “Thank ye, lassie. Thank ye fer me life. That’s all I wanted tae say.”
He let his head fall. Now that he succumbed to gravity, he couldn’t lift himself off that bed to save his life. He let his eyes drift closed, but she still stood there staring at him. She stood there so long he opened his eyes again.
Silence enveloped her. She stood rooted to the spot, never moving. He looked up at her darkened face. All at once, she attacked him. She threw herself at him and kissed him in rabid hunger. She covered him with her body and pushed him over on his back.
He’d never wanted anything more than this, and now she was here. His fondest dreams came true when their lips met. He spread out flat and let her drape her luscious form over him. His body surrendered to her kisses.
He kissed her back as fast and as hard as he could, but he couldn’t keep up with her. She devoured him in ravenous bites. Her tongue whipped into his mouth and set his blood boiling. His hands came to rest on her hips. Her weight fell on top of him, and he closed her in his arms.
Once he got hold of her, things changed fast. He matched her hungry mouth. She tilted one way and then the other. Her hair tumbled around her face and brushed his eyelids. He scooped one hand up behind her neck. He seized a handful of her hair and crammed her mouth down on him.
He’d dreamed of this moment too many times to let it pass him by. He slid his other hand around her waist. She shuddered and convulsed when he touched her stomach. He crept higher to the stiff arch of her ribs. She sobbed into his mouth. She never quit kissing him. She undulated her body down his muscular frame. Her breath intoxicated him beyond belief.
Before he could move an inch, she sat up on his lap. She glided her hands down his shirt. Smoky desire smoldered in her eyes. It transformed her into something wild and unstoppable. He caught his breath at the sight. For the hundredth time, she changed into something he wouldn’t recognize if he’d seen it anywhere else.
The next thing he knew, she collapsed on top of him. She buried her face in his neck and mouthed down to his chest. Her hair spilled across his face and tickled his skin. He followed her movements with his hand on her neck. She flexed her hips against him in open desire.
Chapter 19
Grace bit Jamie’s skin down his neck to the place where his shirt fell open. His chest spread under the fabric. It drove her out of her mind in steamy desire. She wanted him. She’d wanted him from the very beginning, but she’d never let herself go until right now.
She slipped her hands under his shirt where it came loose from his belt. She stroked the hardened muscle up his ribs to his sternum. She inhaled his smell and breathed her hot lust into him.
He sighed, and his breath caught when she bit him. She’d never bitten anyone in sex before in her life. She never wanted to. She’d never had anything but the tamest sex imaginable. This wild maniac exploded out of her and took over her movements.
She dove under his shirt. Her head barely fit underneath it, but she didn’t care. She caressed her cheeks over his skin. She crawled up his stomach, and her mouth latched onto his nipple.
He groaned and writhed, but she only sucked harder. His noises escalated to a howl. That sound shot to her guts. She wanted to make him crumble. She wanted to make him ache for her the way she ached for him.
His prick hardened against her stomach. She wanted that. She wanted all its hardness. She wanted to make him throb. She slithered a hand up between his thighs, under his kilt, where the hardness waited for her. She closed her slender fingers around it, and he went ballistic.
He groaned and roared. She clamped her teeth around his nipple and flicked it with her tongue while she stroked him. She loved his noises. He excited her to the limit of comprehension. She wanted to make him explode. She wanted to be his dream come true. She wanted him to remember her as his life’s ultimate fantasy.
His fingers wrenched at her hair. He dragged her mouth off him, and she gazed up at him in a lust-fueled haze. She worshiped him. She wanted him. She wanted to unleash this chained monster inside her to ravage and maul and devour him.
He kept hold of her hair so she couldn’t kiss him again. Her mouth hung open. She wanted every inch of him in her mouth and in her soul.
He tore his shirt off and tossed it away. His chest spread out before her eyes, and saliva shot under her tongue. He was pure candy. She craved him. She tasted him, and now she could never get enough.
He tossed his kilt aside, and his stiff shaft appeared still wrapped in her fingers. He steered it toward her mouth, and she fell on it in animal madness. She sucked it deep into her throat while he guided her down.
She looked up at his contorted face. He leaned his head back, and his mouth twisted in a cruel mask of determination. He gritted his teeth, and his eyes drifted closed.
She sucked for all she was worth. She’d never wanted to suck a man before. Now she couldn’t get enough. She wanted to make him scream. She wanted to make him whine and gasp in cataclysmic fulfillment. She wanted to give him every pleasure known to man.
All too soon, he dragged her off that, too. He pulled her up on top of him to kiss him. He jammed his tongue into her mouth, and his flick
ering licks milked the fragrant juice from her insides.
He ripped her shirt open, and his mouth tore away from her lips. The next instant, his mouth clamped around her bare breast. She shrieked out loud, but he wouldn’t leave her alone. He sucked her sensitive nub between his teeth until she sobbed. Her crotch spasmed for him. Her moist panties rubbed her swollen tissues when she ground her pelvis into his shaft.
Without letting go of her, he crammed both hands down her pants. He shoved them off until she lay naked and exposed on top of him. He peeled off her shirt, and nothing remained to hold them apart but his kilt.
He tugged his belt off and kicked his kilt to the bottom of the bed. He drew her down on top of him, and their warm skin married in a blissful cloud of velvet softness. His shaft brushed her engorged petals, and she thought she would die.
Once she touched his bare skin, the raging animalistic insanity faded to a slow, steady burn. She wanted him as much as ever, but now she had him. She stroked her breasts against his chest. She gazed into his eyes while they kissed. She stared into the bottomless depths of who and what he was.
He was a dragon, but he was a man. He was nothing but a man, with beautiful skin and a magnificent heart beating against her ribs. She craved all of him. She wanted to cradle that heart and give it a home.
His fingertips trailed down her spine. He massaged her ass and continued downward. He stroked his fingernails down her thighs. She couldn’t breathe when he did that. He tickled the sweet slippery juice from her twitching flesh.
She needed him so bad inside. Her emptiness screamed for him to fill her up. She wanted him more than she could imagine, but she couldn’t make the first move. She’d never thrown herself at any man before. Now that the torrent died, she didn’t know how to proceed.
Grace Unchained - Phoenix Throne Book Five Page 14
