Even if this is all a joke, Jules is someone worthy of love. We get into the car and drive off.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
Staring straight ahead as she drove, Jules held my left hand as she responded "I know how hard it is for you to see your grandmother in that nursing home so I thought I'd be taking you somewhere where you can relax."
We drove for another ten minutes in comfortable silence. Coming upon the outskirts of the city I suddenly realized our destination, the Glenn Heights Outdoor Ice rink. How does she know about this place? None of my friends know I come here; I've never told them. But she's right. I come here to unwind and watch people.
I looked past her fiery hair, past her perfect face and really looked at her. None of this made sense. Why would someone like her go to all this trouble pretending to love me, pretending to be my wife? Why would someone who's deeply compassionate do something like this?
"Jules, do you love me?" I blurted out.
Her eyes squinted slightly as her lips compressed into a tight line before speaking.
"No Danny, I don't."
Now that I'd actually heard it, I found myself saddened. Even though I knew it wasn't real, I guess I still hoped. I turned to face the window and watched the scenery slide by.
"I'm in love with you, Danny"
I turned to look at her in wonderment.
"I love my parents, my pets, my friends but I'm in love with you. It's how I'm feeling when I see you in your sweater; my breath catches me and my heart pounds like it's about to escape. It's how your rough but gentle hands feel in mine, it's the little notes you be leaving me folded into those wonderful origami shapes. It's how you baby me when I'm sick no matter how bitchy I get. It's how you always know when I'm needing flowers, it's how you make me feel when we make love. It's when you say "I love you" and I know it's a love reserved only for me it is."
I had trouble breathing for a moment. This isn't happening. This is NOT happening. My heart raced. No woman has ever said anything like that to me. Before I could pull myself together and respond, we arrived at the ice rink and get out of the car.
Jules nuzzled up next to me and held my hand as we walked over to sit on a bench outside the rink. It's packed with people from kids just learning to skate to teenagers fooling around to older couples slowly moving around the outside of the rink; their breath gently rising into the afternoon air.
I intensely felt her presence next to me but it's a presence of understanding and acceptance. Without knowing what I was going to say as we watched a gray-haired couple skate, I said "Life's too short. There's just not enough time."
Jules didn't immediately respond and I really didn't expect her to. I hadn't meant to say that but it just came out.
"I'm not sure I'm understanding what you mean Danny," she said.
Thinking a moment, I replied "Look at the people skating out there. They're a pretty good cross-section of people from the young to the old. Before those children know it they'll be out of high school. In a blink twenty years will pass and they'll be approaching middle age. Next thing they know retirement is upon them. And that's if they're lucky to live that long. I've several friends get stuck in meaningless routine, always putting off something they long to do, and the next thing I know they're dead; killed in a car accident , life cut short by cancer, or suicide. There's just not enough time. It's not fair."
Jules laughed softly. "Who said life was fair? There's no normal or fair life, there's just life."
She looked across the rink, smiling at what she saw. "It's not about how much time we have or how quickly it might pass. Caught in the flow of time we are and we must recognize that. See that older couple there on the outside of the rink? The couple holding hands, smiling?" she asks.
"What about them?" I reply.
"They understand the trick to navigating the flow of a lifetime."
My fingers rubbed the bridge of my nose, "Now I don't understand."
"Danny, you know I love poetry and William Blake is one of my favorites. I can't put it any better than he, 'To see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower Hold infinity in the palms of your hand and eternity in an hour'"
"It's not important how much time we have together Danny. It's how we spend that time that matters," Jules finished, looking deeply into my eyes as she turned her head and then gently kissed me. I eagerly kiss her back basking in her inner warmth.
Breaking off, she finished, "Time, Danny, is the great equalizer. It marches on after regardless of our desires or needs or wants. Our time, anyone's time together, might last sixty years or it might last sixty minutes. What's important is not how much time we have but rather how we spend that time together."
We spent a few more hours sitting there, watching people and just being, snuggled together as I thought about what she said. The afternoon wore on and the light started to fade. It was time to leave before the real cold set in and we still had to pick up my younger brother and head to the fair.
I promised him that I'd take him to the fair tonight. He doesn't get out much living in the Heart of Gold Home for Down Syndrome. He has a mild case and like my mamó, he can't live by himself or with me. I try to see him as much as possible.
We finally left the park drive to the home. Benny's sitting at a communal table working on something when we arrive. The entire room lights up with his genuine smile when he saw us walking towards him. He jumped up and ran towards us.
I held out my arms for a big hug but he ran straight into Jules' arms crying "Antee, antee!" She whirled him around in a big bear hug then set him down. Completely ignoring me, he grabbed her hand and pulled her along to his table to show what he was working on.
In completely puzzlement, and continuing to lose my hold on what was real, I followed.
When I arrived at the table I saw he's was trying to make a paper airplane. I looked at my watch and said, "Benny, you need to get ready. We're going to the fair, remember?"
"I know Danny but I just wanna finish my plane. Antee said she'll help me finish my plane, right Antee," Benny said looking up with pleading brown eyes.
Jules laughed a gentle laugh and said "Yes, we'll finish after your plane," as she sat next to him and started unfolding and helping him refold his paper airplane.
I felt weak in the knees and had to sit down. This was not happening, this was not happening, I thought. No woman and I mean no woman I've ever dated has wanted anything to do with Benny.
Yet here's a complete mystery woman who claims she's my wife treating Benny like the person he is. And he acts like he knows her Something strange, very strange is going on but how can it be a joke any longer? If my friends had approached Benny he wouldn't have understood and he's never reacted like this to any of my girlfriends. Mostly he's just ignored them like they weren't there, treating them like they treated him.
A squeal of joy bursting from Benny brought me back to the present. Jules had finished helping him with his plane and made him an origami butterfly that she pinned to his shirt.
"Danny, Danny! Look at this great flutterby Antee made me!"
I couldn't help but smile. "That's a right pretty butterfly Benny but let's gets going to the fair. You know how much you like the animals."
***
A wave of sounds and smells hit us as we walked through the main gates into the State Fair. Clowns on stilts ambled by juggling stuffed animals, the smell of roasting meat marinated for days delighted us, and in the darkening evening lights of a dozen carnival rides assaulted our eyes.
"L-fents, l-fents, I want to see the l-fents!" Benny said pulling our hands as he strained towards the big top. Benny sure loved elephants.
After a thrilling show with elephants and tigers, balancing bears, and crazy clowns, Benny was ready to hit the rides. Next to the animals, rides were his favorite thing to do at the faire.
We took him on several of his favorite rides when I noticed they had The Boomerang back this year. I'll admit, roller coaste
rs are one of my weaknesses and I just had to ride this one. But roller coasters were one of the rides that scared Benny.
"Jules," I asked, "would you mind -"
"I know, this is one of your favorite roller coasters. Go ride it, I'll take care of Benny," she said with a smile and a quick kiss on the cheek.
I walked towards the coaster but something made me turn back a moment to see Jules and Benny holding hands, standing apart from the crowd as if some magic kept people away, grinning at me. A momentary rush of supreme happiness overwhelmed me. I had to turn back towards the coaster to hide the tears. I have to stop feeling this way, I thought. But I think I was already past the point of no return.
The line wasn't long and I sat next to a young girl. As the ride operator moved down the cars behind us making sure everyone was properly belted in, I looked back for Jules and Benny.
My heart caught in my throat. They were standing in line for some cotton candy as I saw three young punks come up to them. I couldn't hear what they were saying but it was obvious they were picking on Benny because he didn't look "normal." I frantically tried to get out of my seat when the coaster took off.
I was quickly out of visual range and with all the loops and twists I had no idea what was happening to Benny and Jules. That ride was the longest two minutes of my life.
When it stopped, I got out as fast as I could and rushed down the exit frantically looking for them. They were no longer in line and I didn't seem them anywhere. A cold knot of despair ate at my stomach. Where the hell could they be and what happened?
Just then Benny ran up from behind and tugged at my shirt. I whirled around in disbelief and saw Jules walking behind him with an amused look on her face.
"OK, what happened? I saw those punks bothering you and Benny but I couldn't get off the roller coaster in time, I'm sorry."
Before Jules could say anything, Benny blurted out, "Antee took care of them," with a big grin on his face.
I looked at Jules and she just smiled at me with a Gaelic shrug. "I know how to take care of myself. No one messes with Benny so I had to teach them a lesson when they grabbed him."
"Grabbed him?" I whispered.
"They thought they were going to have some fun and push him down. The moment one of them touched Benny I dropped him to the ground. His buddies tried to jump me after but I took them out too. They were just punks. A booth operator was watching and called security who took them away. What can I say?"
All I could do was stand there and stare at Jules. At best, most people I know tolerate Benny but they certainly don't understand him nor his condition. Then to have someone stand up for him against three others is beyond belief.
What am I thinking? Am I taking this whole situation seriously now? Oh god, I think I am. Danny boy, when you fall, you fall hard. Be careful.
I slowly walked over to Jules, looking her in the eye the whole time, and gave her a full-body hug as words could never express how I felt. She eagerly returned the hug.
It was getting late and much colder so we packed up, dropped Benny off at the home with a huge hug from Jules, and headed back home.
"Thank you Danny. There's nothing quite like a chilled glass of wine while sitting in front of a roaring fire," Jules said. The music box she'd purchased sat on the fireplace mantel softly playing Mozart.
I turned off the lights and sat down next to her as we watched the flames dance in the darkness. Jules snuggled close to me, her head resting on my shoulder, her long hair flowing down my chest. The light cast a soft glow around her.
We sat there for maybe fifteen minutes not saying anything, just enjoying the moment but something bothered me. It had built and built all day until I could contain it no longer.
I gently moved away from Jules until I sat facing her. She gave me a quizzical yet knowing look.
"Jules, if you have any sense of decency and respect for me, can we please stop this charade now before I hurt myself?"
She turned her head to look directly in the fire, its flames dancing in the reflections off her moist eyes. Still looking at the fire she replied in a soft but firm voice,
"Danny, it's past time for you to make a choice. That's what life is about; making choices. Choosing how you react. That's the only freedom anyone has.
You now have a hard choice to make. Either I'm a joke by your friends so you need to show me the door immediately or realize that I am your wife who loves you very much and whom you also love. There's no gray, only black and white right now. The question be, am I really in love with you?"
Before I had time to respond let alone think about what she said, Jules finished her glass of wine, snuggled up to me again and closed her eyes in complete comfort. I sat there with her, thinking about what she'd said while she slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms. She's right I knew. I have a choice to make.
Either I love her and accept that she loves me or decide it's only a cruel joke to avoid the greater pain of trust. There's no in-between, only one choice or the other.
Does it really matter if I've only known her a single day?
I looked behind her face, behind her body to her inner beauty. My thoughts were drawn back to a small, contented looking smile that formed while she slept. At that moment, I understood the only choice I could make.
It was a simple one all along. I guess sometimes the hardest choices are really easy after all. Once you cut through all the unimportant mental excuses, it comes down to a simple matter of trust and faith in something supremely important that transcends common sense.
A sense of relief and contentment flooded through my body. I decided to wake her to let her know my decision but I also knew that she already knew my decision. It wouldn't come as any surprise.
I looked down at her loving face when her smile faded away and was replaced by a frown of almost infinite sadness. It was at that moment, a Zen kind of moment, when I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that our time was limited.
I gently woke her and we walked hand-in-hand to bed and made love before falling asleep in each other's arms.
Consciousness returned slowly as I struggled with losing her again. I knew. Don't ask me how but I knew even before I opened my eyes that she was gone.
One day, that's all we had. I don't know where she came from or where she went. Perhaps some passing deity took pity upon me. But I do know the poets, the lovers, and the dreamers had it wrong. A cosmic tumbler clicked into place and I finally understood.
It's not better to have loved and lost. Anyone can love and never have it returned.
It's better to have been loved and lost than never to have been loved at all.
It would drive most people crazy finding the love of their life only to spend one day together. It was enough for me. Why? Because it wasn't her smile, it wasn't how she smelled, and it wasn't her beauty. In order to truly love, you have to be loved back. She enjoyed my company, she wanted to share my life, and she loved me back.
I thought I'd allowed love to be beaten out of me over time but love is never really lost once you understand what it really means. Maybe I'll find someone else, maybe I won't. It doesn't matter because love becomes part of us, it sustains us, and it becomes the bedrock of our souls.
Bourne
by Thomas Tribble
Chapter 1 - At Long Last
Sunlight's last rays beamed in over a ridge and through a concourse of trees to settle on the small township of Urum and to speed on across the dusty plains to its east. As if to break the waning calm of the day and commence the inevitable crescendo the taverns would soon produce, three surly looking men rode quietly in from the forest on the west side of the town to the back of the WaistCoat Inne, one of the town's less reputable lodgings. There they quickly dismounted their steeds and made a somewhat dramatic entrance into the inn.
Lanin the Innkeeper was startled by the sudden commotion. At seeing the largest of three men wearing bloodied armor, he quickly moved behind the fortified service desk to have both a pla
ce to retreat from, if need be, and to be within hand's reach of a rather dire looking wand. The young man he had hired to tend to the inn's cleaning had been sweeping the small lobby, however he was now nowhere to be seen. Only his broom lay on the floor where he had been standing moments ago. Not surprisingly, the inn's lobby was otherwise devoid of any activity.
The village would remind anyone from one from the continent's largest cities of the proverbial 'one horse town'. This label would be inaccurate as the village was much more abundant with life and activity than was immediately apparent on the surface of things. It had its share of horses, cattle, pigs, and even a quasit or two. Still, for all of its 'still waters run deep' facets, the village was a simple one. Also, it may have been a sleepy little town during the sunset hours of the long days, but its few taverns would be loud and smoke-filled soon enough. There was little else to do in such a small town except to visit a pub or two and have a song or three with one's mates.
After an overlong discourse over the subject rates and Lanin's general fretting at the commotion they were causing, the men were shown to a large room at the top of the back stairs. Once inside, the largest of the three travelers was laid down on the bed. The innkeeper looked on worriedly as battered armor was removed and fresh injuries were revealed. He looked intently at the smallest of the travelers. The man was actually an Elf but Lanin had seen so many travelers in his long years that he hardly even noticed what race a person belonged to any longer. "Will you be wanting me to send for a healer, sir ." said Lanin with an inquisitive look on his face.
"Beneth," replied the Elf. "No, I think not. We can handle things from here. His wounds appear far worse than they are. Some clean water and bandages will be all we require."
"And wine or a dry sherry if you have any," added the somewhat lankier man who, upon the removal of his hooded cloak, appeared to be not be fully human himself. "The last healer we hired charged us an outrageous fee for a trifling bit of work, you see. We'll not traverse down that path of cobbles again," he said almost convincingly.
Tales of Fantasy, Fables, and Fiction Page 10
