by Lynne Graham
Alice was giddy from the fierceness of her driven response. Her fingers curled into his hair and she moaned with a mixture of wanting and not wanting, unable to help herself, and hating herself for her weakness.
Finally, he drew back and looked at her.
‘Don’t spin me any yarns about not wanting me,’ he growled. ‘If I were to take you right here, right now, you wouldn’t run screaming from this car. In fact, you’d get that sexy body of yours in all the right positions to have me in you!’
‘That’s not—’
‘It damn well is! Stop running away from the obvious!’
‘I never said you weren’t an attractive man!’ Her lips tingled from where they had been ravished. Her whole body tingled. He was right, he could have her in a heartbeat, and it was a shaming thought. She had spent the past two weeks fighting to maintain a controlled front and in a few seconds he had demolished it like a house of cards. She wanted to sob from frustration.
Gabriel smiled and turned his attention to the road. ‘So...’ He guided the car along the narrow road that led to the village. ‘You’ve never been happier than you are now, working for me. Apparently, I’m an exciting boss.’
‘Is that what my mother told you?’
‘She’s not what I had expected. Somehow I had it in my head that she was more like you.’
‘Meaning what, Gabriel?’
‘Meaning...strong, focused, opinionated. She’s a beautiful woman, Alice, but she seems to live on her nerves.’
‘I don’t like you prying into my personal life.’ But her voice was defeated. He had crossed the last frontier. In the space of a few weeks, she had gone from being the cool, together secretary he had taken on to replace his string of inept temps to a woman who had fallen under his spell, slept with him and now...the woman whose entire life would be laid bare.
‘I’m expressing interest, Alice,’ he said gently. ‘Not prying.’
‘I never asked for your interest.’ She rested her head against the leather head-rest and stared through the window at the blurred, dark countryside racing past her. In a few minutes, they would be in the village. They could actually have walked. On a nice evening, it was a joy to stroll down the country lanes, breathing in the fragrance of the trees and flowers. It was a thirty-minute walk that she had always found therapeutic.
Sure enough, the village twinkled ahead of them, and he found his way easily to the village square, where he parked the car and then killed the engine.
He looked at her for a while. She had the most riveting face he had ever seen, even when that face was turned away from him. He wanted to drag her back into his arms, kiss her all over again, force her out of her coolness, which was unbearable now that he had seen another side to her.
He was baffled by the strength of his reactions to her. He wasn’t just in hot, determined pursuit; he wanted more from her than just her body and her compliance. He had never been remotely interested in any of his past lovers’ backgrounds or in trying to make sense of them.
He had taken what had been on offer and looked no further. Yes, so he had been lazy. He wasn’t lazy now.
‘Why is your mother hesitant about telling you that she has a boyfriend?’
Alice’s head whipped round and she looked at him, shocked by what he had just said. ‘Don’t be ridiculous! You don’t know what you’re talking about. And I resent you poking your nose into my life, Gabriel!’ She yanked open the car door and sprang out of the car, wildly looking round for whatever Italian restaurant they were going to. It wouldn’t be hard to find. It wasn’t as though the village was bursting at the seams with chichi eating places.
It took her two seconds to spot the red-and-white-checked awning where, from memory, a corner shop used to be, tucked away on the corner and easy to miss, if it hadn’t been for the bright lights and the people inside.
‘Don’t run away from me!’
His hand snapped out, holding her firmly in place before she could flee to the safety of the crowded restaurant.
‘I’m not running away!’ No. She wasn’t. She was staring up into those deep, dark eyes and bitterly resenting his presence here in her treasured, private territory. ‘What did you mean when you said that...that mum had a boyfriend?’
Gabriel felt some of the tension leave him. She had kissed him. Hell, she had kissed him as hungrily as he had kissed her. And then, almost immediately, she had pushed him away. At least she wasn’t pushing him away now. It was something.
‘I’ll tell you over dinner. I take it that’s the restaurant over there?’ He began walking, pointedly not tucking her arm into his, although he wanted to.
This, Alice thought, was what lust felt like. In Paris, when they had been playing truant, when she had fallen madly and stupidly in love with him, he had shown affection in all sorts of small ways: holding hands, turning to kiss her, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear when the breeze was whipping it across her face...
But they weren’t playing truant now. They were back in England, and it was pretty clear that he might still want her, but those gestures of affection were no longer appropriate. His hands were very firmly in his jacket pockets and he was barely glancing in her direction as they walked briskly over to the restaurant.
‘So, tell me,’ Alice reluctantly demanded, once they were tucked away in the corner of the restaurant with two over-sized menus in front of them and a bottle of white wine on the way.
‘I’m sorry if I said something you would rather not have heard,’ Gabriel told her roughly. ‘This wasn’t a long, soul-searching conversation with your mother, Alice. She mentioned in passing that there was a man interested in her, someone she had started seeing recently, and then she laughed nervously and told me that she was working up the courage to tell you about him.’
Alice felt the sting of hurt prick the back of her eyes. She was lost for words. Her mother had given no indication of any boyfriend lurking backstage but then again, she thought with painful honesty, when was the last time she had encouraged confidences of that nature? No, she had held forth on men and the need to be careful with them; she had talked long and hard about them both learning from experience; she had bitterly and often harked back to her feckless father as a learning curve her mother should never forget...
That had never been fertile ground for her mother to tell her that she was involved with a man.
‘I see.’ Her face was stiff with the effort of trying not to cry. She wished he wouldn’t be gentle with her. She wished he would just be the single-minded bastard who only wanted one thing, whatever the cost. She stiffened as he reached across the table and laid his hand over hers.
‘I told her that I was sure you would be delighted to know that she had found someone, a companion...’ Because, for all her assertiveness, her spikiness, her boundless ability to speak whatever was on her mind and suffer the consequences, she had a big heart.
How did he know that? He just did.
‘Maybe I wouldn’t have been that delighted.’ She pulled her hand out from under his, instantly missing the warmth that had passed between them, and smiled at the waiter as he dribbled wine into Gabriel’s glass and went through the performance of asking whether it was all right.
As soon as her glass had been poured, she drank it and looked to Gabriel for a refill.
‘What do you mean?’
Alice threw the last of her privacy through the window. He had made so many inroads into her life that there didn’t seem much point hanging on to it. Fortified by the wine, she sighed and traced a little pattern on her empty white plate. Then she looked at him.
‘I’m afraid my childhood wasn’t a happy one,’ she said heavily. ‘My father was...a bully and a philanderer. I grew up having to deal with the effect that had on Mum. You’re right—she’s not like me. She’s always been frail. You kn
ow...?’ She darted a quick look at him, watching to see if he was repelled at what she was telling him, and then melting because his expression was so sympathetic. ‘I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I...I’m not usually the sort of person who confides.’
‘You’ve grown up being strong for the sake of your mother.’ Gabriel sipped his wine and impatiently brushed aside the waiter who was approaching them for their order.
So this was what it felt like, he thought, to involve yourself in someone else’s life story. His lifetime had been spent as a solitary figure, forging his own destiny, never needing input from anyone else because experience had taught him that other people’s input was always largely self-serving. He had grown up fighting his own battles single-handed and then, when the battles had been fought, reaping the reward without bothering to search any deeper. It was a formula that had always worked for him.
And still did, he reminded himself a little too vigorously, before he allowed pointless sentimentality to cloud the issue.
‘When my father died, my mother was free to build a life of her own, but she had been damaged by years of having to put up with his selfishness. She became more and more anxious and now...’ Alice shrugged her shoulders expressively. ‘Over time she became fearful of leaving the house. It’s been quite bad. In fact, I’ve had to hire a therapist to try and work some magic...and it’s working. She’s been out more in the last few months than ever before. Small steps. But I guess I’ve been guilty of laying it on thick about not getting involved with another man. I never said so out loud...’ But she had given that impression. ‘Who is this guy, anyway?’
‘I don’t know the details, Alice. Like I said, it was a fleeting conversation.’
‘Whilst you were busy charming her, you mean.’ Her retort was half-hearted. ‘I wondered how she knew about this restaurant. I guess they must have come here, which is terrific, because it means she’s getting out of the house, beginning to build a normal life for herself.’
And in the meantime, Alice wondered, how normal was her life? She had been so busy making sure they both learned valuable lessons about the nature of men that she had forgotten how young she still was. And her mother had tried to remind her of that, but she had unhelpfully brushed aside those conversations.
‘So there you have it,’ she said crisply. ‘It would have been better if you hadn’t known, but...’
‘Why?’
‘Why?’ Alice laughed and there was an edge to her laughter. ‘Because you’re not interested in other people’s lives, Gabriel. You’re probably embarrassed that you’ve ended up here with me pouring all this out, but it’s your fault for showing up unannounced.’
‘Ah, we’re back to the Alice Morgan who wants to pick a fight with me... It’s not going to work.’
She was sorely tempted to ask him about his personal life but something held her back. Maybe she didn’t want to hear that mantra about never committing to any woman. Maybe she wanted to believe that...that what? That she could somehow change him because she was in love with him?
Hell would freeze over before that happened!
But, as they ordered food, she was keenly aware that she had let all her guard down with him, that the chance of returning to the fragile relationship she had worked hard to put back in place after Paris was changed for good.
And, for her part, she had seen yet another slice of this complex man—a genuinely thoughtful side that he kept well hidden under an armour of a ruthless, single-minded drive to succeed.
She ruefully thought that, while she had been busy never taking chances, while she had made a big deal of her non-relationship with Alan as yet further proof of how important it was to protect yourself from being hurt, her mother, for all her problems and her devastating marriage, had been courageous enough to take chances of her own.
The only chances Alice had taken were those snatched days and nights in Paris when she had thrown caution to the winds and had allowed her body to rule her head.
And she had made damn sure to scuttle back to the safety of what she knew the second they had returned to London.
From under lowered lashes, she watched as he worked his way through his food, the way he engaged her in conversation whether she wanted him to or not, the tactful way he desisted from prying further into her past. She took in those long, brown fingers curled around the stem of his wine glass as he sipped his wine and the brooding intensity of his dark eyes as they rested on her flushed face...
Sensitive to every nuance of her body language, Gabriel sensed the shift in atmosphere.
He had stopped being the enemy she had mistakenly slept with, the enemy whose hot kisses she wanted to resist but couldn’t...
He had her and satisfaction roared through him. He had stopped thinking that he just needed to sleep with her to get her out of his system. He now thought that he just needed to sleep with her. He needed to have her body under him, on him and alongside him. He needed to feel the silky smoothness of her slender thighs between his legs. He needed to touch her breasts and feel her melt under his hands.
The meal couldn’t end soon enough for him, although he didn’t think he could actually sleep with her in her mother’s house. Thinking about having to wait until they were back in London brought a painful ache in his groin. He could barely focus on the conversation she was having with him.
‘If you’d rather I stay somewhere else overnight,’ he told her gruffly, ‘then I’m happy to oblige.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘The fact that you tried so hard to dissuade your mother from her hospitality.’
‘I’ve never known my mum to dig her heels in the way she did,’ Alice confessed, closing her knife and fork on what had been a superb meal. ‘But, no.’ She shot him a flushed, determined stare and her heart picked up speed as he met her gaze and held it for longer than was necessary. ‘She would be upset if you disappeared to stay in a bed and breakfast. In fact, she would probably blame me. She probably blames me for trying to over-protect her.’ The admission was forced out of her and she lowered her eyes. ‘If I hadn’t been so...forceful, who knows? She might have found Mr Right a bit sooner.’
‘He may not be Mr Right,’ Gabriel told her gently. ‘But he might just be the guy who takes her out of herself, someone she’s willing to have fun with even if it doesn’t last the course...’
‘What are you trying to say?’
‘It’s better to feel something, anything, rather than hide behind a wall in the hope that you don’t end up getting hurt.’ He was uncomfortably aware that this was advice he didn’t actually follow to the letter himself, although his lack of emotional involvement had nothing to do with getting hurt or not getting hurt. He had no need to commit, so he didn’t. There was no Mrs Right for him because that was a complication he didn’t need. He was perfectly fine as he was, unlike Pamela Morgan, who wanted more. Unlike her daughter, who probably wanted more as well.
‘And you think that’s what I’m doing?’ Alice bristled but there was a charge in the atmosphere that was thrilling. And she couldn’t peel her eyes away from his lean, dark face.
‘You want more of me...’ He sat back and allowed his eyes to roam over her; lazy, indolent, darkly sexy eyes that made her body burn. ‘Why don’t you stop running scared,’ he murmured, ‘and just take what you want? Take what you can’t tear your eyes away from.’
‘You are the most conceited person I have ever met in my entire life!’ She was breathing fast and, God, he knew exactly how she was reacting to him. Knew it and liked it.
‘You want to touch...I can feel it. Do you know why? Because it’s the same for me. I want to touch you too. Why do you think I spent hours driving down here on the spur of the moment?’
But you will never get hurt, Alice thought. You can touch and then walk away unscathed...
But was that enough of an excuse to run scared? If her mother could get involved with someone, as Gabriel had told her, then why couldn’t she? How many times would she spend her life running scared when faced with the possibility of getting hurt?
And yet the thought of any other man having the same impact on her as Gabriel was far-fetched, almost beyond belief. He wasn’t the gentle kind of guy who would gradually entice her back into the world of trust and love, the kind of guy she had vaguely pinned her hopes on finding at some point in her life. He was the dynamic, darker-than-sin, more-dangerous-than-the-devil kind of guy who would take her places she had never been and leave her broken-hearted when he walked away.
‘Shall we go?’ he asked huskily and Alice nodded mutely.
‘This was never the plan,’ she said shakily, once the bill had been paid and they were standing outside the restaurant.
‘What was never the plan?’
‘This. Me. You... It’s not a good idea.’
‘Life is about taking risks or else what’s the point? I’ve spent my life taking risks. I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t taken risks.’
‘What do you mean?’
Gabriel laughed but his dark eyes never left her face. ‘Maybe one day I’ll explain.’ He threaded his fingers through her hair and tugged her towards him. ‘Do you want me to kiss you? Because if you don’t then this is your opportunity to say no and to walk away, and we can go back to playing our game of “it never happened”.’
‘Kiss me...’
Alice lost herself in that kiss. It was a crazy place to be doing this because she might get spotted. It was a small village and the fact that her mother had spent much of her time there confined to her house didn’t mean that there weren’t many locals who didn’t pop in for chats, to see how she was doing, to have tea or the occasional supper. Any one of those locals would have hot-footed it right back to Pamela Morgan with tales of her daughter being seen outside that new Italian restaurant kissing a man.
