“Actually? I do.”
* * *
After all the packing and the discussions and the arguments we started kissing again and somehow found our way into my bedroom. I tugged his shirt off and we made out on my bed. We ran our hands over each other’s bodies. His mouth explored the curve of my neck.
I ran my hands over the muscles in his shoulder.
He traced my breastbone —from the top below my throat, to the bottom beneath my breasts—with the flat of his hand. My breath hitched in my chest.
I ran my hands over his chest and stomach, and somehow ended up at the waistline of his jeans.
He slid a hand underneath my ass and cupped it, pulling me toward him as he rolled us over so I was on top of him. He gazed into my face, his eyes glazed, his mouth moist and open, his breath ragged. “Sophie.”
We kissed and caressed each other when Napoleon skidded across us, back and forth, like we were speed bumps on his way to life.
“Aah!” I hollered as Napoleon attacked my hair. Alejandro swooped him up gently and deposited him on the floor. “Go play with your other cat toys, dude. I want to bury my lips in the skin on your stomach, Bonita.” He slid his hand up my shirt exposing the skin on my waist.
Kill me now.
When I caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall. It was time. “I hate to say this.” I swatted his hand away and pushed my shirt back down. “I’ve got to be wide awake in an hour so I can tackle climbing a mountain and talking to nature Gods. Which, by the way, scares the shit out of me.”
“So, cancel. Stay here with me.” He wrapped his arms around me and tugged me close to him.
It felt exquisite to be cradled in Alejandro’s arms. There was no place else I’d rather be. It was time to confess my secrets. Expose my real self to him. Be honest.
There’s an old saying that there are no accidents in life. As much as I thought Alejandro and I had begun because of an accident that night at the Grill, here we were a couple of months later, lying in each others’ arms. Here we were falling for each other. Okay, truth be told, I was totally falling for him. “Alejandro, I need to tell you something.”
“Tell me anything,” he said.
I sighed. “I’m not just here at USCLA for summer school.”
“I know, Bonita. You’re here to research alternative healers.”
“I’m not writing a book on alternative healing with my grandmother.”
“I kind of figured that out a while back. You’re here to find healing for your Nana.”
“Yes. I twisted away him and rolled over on my bed, so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes when I told him the truth. “But, there’s something else.”
What if once he heard I had MS, it sickened him as much as it sickened me and he left? What would I do without him?
My stupid hand started quivering, and I grabbed it with my other hand and pulled it close to my side, so, hopefully, he wouldn’t see. “My Nana’s not the only one with health issues. Turns out—”
When his cell phone blasted “Gimme Shelter.”
“No,” Alejandro said. “No. I am not doing this tonight. Whoever it is can call another Driver, or call a cab or sleep it off next to a sack of potatoes…” He peered at his phone. “Dammit!” He jumped out of my bed and punched the screen on his phone. “Nick? What the?” Alex strode out of my bedroom, yanking his shirt back on.
I extricated Napoleon from my hair, again, and pushed myself to sitting. I looked at the clock—it was time. I had to rock and roll or I’d be late.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Alejandro paced through my living room. “We already talked about this. Yes, I know he’s been for-the-most-part clean for a while. Yes, he used to be my best friend. How come, tonight of all nights, you can’t?”
“It’s fine,” I whispered. “I can get a ride.” I pulled out my phone from the plug on the wall, fired it up and dialed.
“Hang on.” Alejandro waved his finger at me.
“Hey, Beth,” I said into my phone. “It’s Sophie Priebe. I met you at the Kelsey Vision Quest gathering at the hotel yesterday.” I nodded and listened. “Yes, I’m taking my first Quest tonight. I’m sorry, this is totally last minute. But Dr. Kelsey told me that you live close to me and that I could call you should my ride fall through. That seems to be happening.” I listened. “Cool! Do you know where the Grill is? Awesome! I’ll meet you outside in like fifteen minutes. Thanks. You rock.”
“He used to be troubled. Now he’s just an asshole,” Alejandro said into the phone. “Yeah, got it. Yes, we’ll talk. The timing sucks, you know.” He looked at me.
“Stop worrying before I punch you,” I said. “Trust me, I’m tempted.”
“This is the last time, Nick.” Alejandro said into the phone. “I’ll text you if it all goes to hell. And, thanks for the heads up.” He hung up and shoved the phone into his jeans pocket.
“You can’t drive me, can you?” I asked.
“No. Not tonight,” he said. “Duties. Loyalties. Damn it, Sophie. I’m just trying to be myself with you. Break free of my past. And yet, here it is. Obligation city.”
“Got it.” My heart sank. “Your first priorities are your friends and driving. That’s fine. That’s normal. I guess I rank third or fourth or fifth on your scale of important things. That’s cool. That’s reality. I’d rather deal in reality than fantasy.”
“After tonight, I plan on redefining my reality. And Bonita? Trust me, you and I have never been fantasy.”
* * *
Alejandro drove me to the Grill. He parked in the No-Parking zone, threw the car in neutral and the engine idled. He leaned over, put his hands on top of my shoulders and kissed me hungrily on my lips.
I pushed him away. Gently. “I’ve got to go.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m getting this thing done with Jackson, then I’ll drive up to the lodge.”
“Sounds good.” I stepped out the passenger door and adjusted my backpack so it was positioned more evenly across my shoulder blades. I looked at him. He stared at me while regret, fear and even hunger played across his beautiful face.
“Sophie?” a woman yelled, interrupting my thoughts, our gaze.
I turned and saw Beth waving at me from the open window of her sturdy, older Toyota hatchback that was double-parked, about a quarter block away.
“Beth!”
“Hurry up. We’ve got to get to the lodge on time.” She popped back in her car.
I gazed at Alejandro. “I’ve got to go.”
“I do too,” he said.
But neither of us moved.
“Sophie!” Beth yelled from her driver’s window as she edged out into traffic and headed toward me.
“Coming!” I rounded the front of Alex’s Jeep, and got stuck behind a couple of drunken tourists who staggered in front of me. One tripped and lurched toward me. I ducked and dodged out of his way.
Alex hit his horn, hard.
“Chill!” I hollered and made it to his window that was rolled all the way down.
“I should be there for you.” His brows were knit and he slammed the dashboard with his fist.
“You’re helping your friend. Tonight is no big deal. I’ll see you after.”
“Just one more thing,” he said.
I watched as Beth’s car crawled toward me through traffic. “What?”
“I love you, Sophie,” Alejandro said. “I think I’ve loved you since the holy guacamole under the airplanes that were taking off. I knew I loved you in Mexico. But I need to make it official. So, right now, I’d like to call this official. Okay?”
“Okay.” I wiped the back of my hand across my stupid crying eyes. “It’s official.”
“Kiss me.”
I leaned through the open driver’s window and I kissed him on his beautiful lips.
Beth blared her horn.
We separated and I stumbled backward.
“I’ll see you in a little bit. Be careful.” He pulled away
from the curb out into Westwood traffic. Gazed at me for a second from his driver’s window. “Promise me you won’t do anything you’re not completely comfortable doing.”
“Promise,” I said and watched him leave.
* * *
Beth drove us out of local traffic onto a few highways and turned off an exit. She drove up into the heart of the Santa Monica Mountains.
The roads were curvy, narrow and dark. In the distance I could see the lights from the houses in the Valley below. The other side featured a layer of fog and below it the twinkles of city lights in West L.A. and Santa Monica. It was like we were on top of L.A.’s world, looking down.
Beth chatted on about how this was her third Quest. She’d plopped down six hundred bucks because she had a crush on one of Dr. Kelsey’s guides who’d be accompanying the Questers tonight. “If I’m lucky, he’ll chaperone me tonight,” she said.
I think what she actually meant to say was, “If I’m lucky, he’ll bone me tonight.” But I didn’t verbalize that because I didn’t want to be too much of a smartass considering she was being so nice, driving me and all.
We pulled into the lodge’s parking lot filled with a variety of cars and SUVS. A three-story, non-descript, concrete-block structure housed the headquarters for Kelsey Vision Quest. I ascertained this because “KELSEY VISION QUEST” was painted in block letters on its exterior walls. Meathead #1 stood by the front door. Meathead #2 was in the driver’s seat of Dr. Kelsey’s SUV and drove off, a cloud of dust in his wake.
We were late. Folks were already piling into vans, SUVs and trucks. Beth threw her car in park, yanked her keys out of the ignition and yelled, “Hurry up!” She grabbed her backpack from the backseat and I grabbed mine.
The next thing I knew, a greeter guy in the back of an open truck offered me a hand and hoisted me up. “You are?” he asked.
“Sophie Marie Priebe. Thanks for the help.”
“Sophie Priebe? Dr. Kelsey’s been looking for you.” He grabbed a pager and keyed in a message. Then handed me a form. “You need to read and sign the paperwork. Print your name next to your signature and the date.”
I grabbed the pen, signed on the line and dated. Always with the paperwork.
* * *
A group of about twenty of us sat in a circle on the dirt ground in the high desert in the Santa Monica Mountains. It was chilly, remote, no buildings in sight, the trucks parked far in the background on a patch of dried grass next to the narrow road. A couple of lanterns were positioned around our gathering and barely lit the place.
Dr. Kelsey stood in the middle of the circle and held court. “Everyone will have a human guide who stays with them during their Kelsey Vision Quest,” he said.
A middle-aged man seated across from me pulled out his matches and lit a small stick of bundled leaves. He blew on the leaves, fanned the flames and waved the smoke into our circle.
Dr. Kelsey practically tackled the guy and grabbed the lit stick. “What are you doing?” He jammed the lit end into the ground, twisting it until the embers disappeared.
“It’s sage. Typical Native American way to cleanse the energy. I’ve been on Quests before you know,” the man said.
“I know very well what sage is. And we don’t use it on my Quest,” Dr. Kelsey said. “This is my program. You follow my rules and everything will be fine. Even better than fine.” He stepped back into the center of the circle. “You’ll see things you’ve never seen before. Experience profound openings. Maybe even meet your spiritual guardians. Your human guide will keep you safe in the rare case that you have anxiety or concerns.” He pointed to two twenty-something guys and two women wearing Kelsey Vision Quest logos on their long-sleeved T-shirts. “Feel free to ask them questions.”
The guides waved to us. One woman held a large thermos and poured liquid into outstretched paper cups that the others held in front of her. They passed them to people in the circle. My cup arrived and I accepted it. It was brown, smelled a little funky and I wrinkled up my nose. I wished Alejandro was close by at the lodge, instead of picking up Jackson who-knows-where.
“Good luck, everyone,” Dr. Kelsey said. “I can’t wait for you to experience the mind-blowing bliss and freedom this program gives people. To life! Bottoms up.”
“To life!” We collectively said and raised our cups.
I belted the concoction back. It tasted a little bitter. But not half as bad as many herbal teas. This Quest experience was going to be cake. Maybe I’d even learn something to help my Nana. What was I worried about?
Chapter Twenty-three
I kneeled on the dirt and vomited into scrub brush that kept weaving back and forth in front of me like it was drunk. “I don’t understand?” I retched again. “I don’t get it?” My stomach wouldn’t stop heaving. “I’m sick. Am I supposed to be sick? Is everyone sick?” I pushed my grimy hair back from my sweaty forehead, rolled onto my ass and propped myself up with one hand on the ground behind me.
“You aren’t sick, Sophie. You’re actually becoming healthy.” Dr. Kelsey sat across from me on the earth, his legs akimbo, about twelve feet way. Several lanterns flanking him cast ominous shadows onto the rocks and cliffs around us. “The plant medicine is helping you expunge all the poisons in your life that are keeping you imprisoned. That are stopping you from knowing your truth.” All three versions of him leaned back against a huge boulder as he fidgeted with something rectangular and silver colored in his lap.
I felt feverish and dabbed my forehead with the sleeve of my shirt. Moments later I was freezing and shivered. My skin started crawling and felt like it was peeling off. I feared I’d be left with bloody muscles and tendons and visible bones. I peered down at my hand—it was still intact. “I feel like shit.”
“It’ll pass,” Dr. Kelsey said. “Nothing bad can happen to you. I’m your guide for tonight. All the other Quest participants share a guide with four other people. You lucked out. You’ve got me all to yourself.” He didn’t make eye contact—just kept peering down at his shiny toy.
I gazed around. There was a full moon overhead. We were on top of a mountain cliff that jutted out high over a canyon. Below was scruffy dried out looking vegetation, most likely due to the summer heat and lack of rain. Hooded areas mottled the canyon walls. Darkness filled their interiors and possibly led to caves. Steep precipices dropped abruptly to rocky tunnels.
Wild animals wailed in the distance. At first their cries were faint but quickly increased in volume until their screams rippled through the air around me. I clamped my hands over my ears. But now I could not only hear them, but see and practically touch them.
An enormous owl with a wingspan of ten or more feet swooped toward my face, talons extended, shrieking.
I flinched, ducked and squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened them the owl perched on a sturdy branch in a tall glistening pine tree and peered down at me with yellow saucer shaped eyes. “Hoo!” the owl screeched.
“Hoo back.” I huddled into a ball, squeezing my knees toward my chest.
Dr. Kelsey’s magnetic voice echoed around me. “Tell the owl you are not scared of it. It has no power over you.”
“What if it flies into my hair and gets caught? What if it attacks me? What if it lands on me and sticks its long spiky talons into my shoulders? And they jab into my heart and then I die?” I shuddered. “What the freak should I do then?” I pushed myself to standing and stumbled away from the scrub brush toward the cliff, toward a precipice.
“What the owl does is up to you, Sophie. You tell the owl what to do. Just like you can tell MS what to do.”
“Hah! You’re a riot.”
“That’s why you’re on the Quest. You need to learn this information so you can help yourself as well as your grandmother. Integrate it. Believe it. Live it.”
Everything was becoming even more hazy around me. But I could swear Dr. Kelsey was holding that silver thing to his face.
“Ask yourself the important questions, Sophie. The quest
ions that can change lives,” Dr. Kelsey’s voice boomed and echoed from some place close to me. Or maybe it was far away from me. Really, it was too difficult, or possibly too easy, to figure out. But then I experienced a brief moment of clarity, where I saw something too familiar.
“Important question. Why did you have a camera pointed at me?” I asked.
“Because we need to share your journey with others. We need to help people with cancer or MS. People in wheelchairs,” he said. “You’re ripping your mind open to discover your essence. Save people. Just like you want to save your grandmother.”
“My essence believes that you have a flipping camera pointed at me,” I said. “Turn it off.”
“You need to tell the owl to leave and turn it off,” Dr. Kelsey said. “Not me.”
I swiveled. “I am not scared of you, owl,” I said.
The gigantic bird’s feathers morphed from dark green to gray to turquoise and then to black. All in a matter of seconds. Funny thing was, the owl’s eyes stayed the same. Yellow. Round. Creepy. No matter what color the owl was, it’s enormous round yellow eyes stayed the same color and glared at me. Then blinked.
I looked around. I saw stony cliffs while snippets of songs played in my head. I heard a few lines from the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil”. Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird” made me wonder if I could fly.
I felt my soul split from my body and fly high into the sky toward a cliff that jutted out over the canyon far below. My grandmother stood on that cliff and shook her finger at me. “Go back, Sophie. Stop it, now!”
But blood wasn’t the only thing that coursed through my veins. Power and hunger mingled with my blood, circulated through my brain and poured through my body. Suddenly I no longer felt sick.
I felt amazing.
Invincible.
Omnipotent.
I started to giggle.
The Story of You and Me Page 20
