by Robin Roseau
"What?" came several voices at once. Then Erica said, "Chaladine explained the galatzi further. She and Baardorid said you accepted a galatzi arrangement and would work from Indartha."
"I didn't accept. I didn't even see it coming, and I fought like hell. If my implant had worked, you all would have heard the call for help."
They were still for a moment, then Mallory said, "We thought it was fishy, but we didn't know how to check on you. Are you all right?"
"They haven't hurt me."
"We can have the marines here in four months," Sunny offered.
"You know what they'll do to the planet!" Erica said.
"I don't want this solved with the marines, but Sartine isn't listening to reason. She thinks she can change my mind."
"Can she?" Mallory asked. "You seemed a little smitten."
"Don't be daft," Sunny said. "Cecilia-"
"No marines," I said. "And yes, I was a little smitten. It's possible she's right. She seems to actually care about me. Look. I'll try to do what I can from up here. We knew we were going to have to look at more than just Sudden, so I'll make the best of the situation. At the very least, we're getting an inside view of their society."
Erica snorted at that. "Doing my job now?" she asked.
"You're going to have to come get me," I said. "If nothing else, you'll need to bring communication gear, if I decide I actually intend to stay with her."
"You can't be serious," Sunny said.
"But please, no marines. I don't want to do that to the planet. Find another solution."
"It's going to be months, Cecilia," Sunny said. "No matter what we do."
"They aren't hurting me," I said. "This is just a bizarre mating ritual."
"Hang on, Cecilia," Mallory said. "We'll figure it out from here, but it's going to be months."
"Satellite uplink terminated," Minerva reported.
I slumped.
"Cecilia!" Sartine said. "Stop this!"
"Shh," I said. "I'm fine." I turned to her and smiled. "I know how to avoid the headaches."
"No more headaches."
"No more headaches, at least not for those reasons. I'm sure if you don't give me everything I ask for, I will be a major headache for you."
She laughed.
"You think I'm kidding."
"I believe you are quite serious. You will now tell me what you have been doing."
"I will not," I said. "I said we would discuss it. We just discussed it."
"We are not done discussing it."
"I promised no more headaches. You should be satisfied."
"You will tell me how you can make this promise."
"No, I will not."
"You are so stubborn!"
"Said the woman who kidnapped me, dragged me across a thousand kilometers of her country, and refuses to accept moral responsibility for what she has done?"
"I do not refuse moral responsibility. I simply do not share your exact same morals."
"So you believe it is okay to kidnap me against my will?"
"I thought I had your blessing when I did it."
"And once it was fully clear you did not, what did you do?"
"I have determined you don't really want me to take you to Sudden but remain unwilling to admit why you won't accept a simple fact."
"What simple fact?"
"You like belonging to me."
I shook my head. "Mad. Mad, mad mad."
"That does not mean in Talmonese what it means in English."
"And yet, now you know what I mean."
"I can prove it, but you still won't admit I am right."
"Fine. Prove it."
"If you really wanted me to take you to Sudden, you would give yourself these headaches, so many headaches I stop listening to you say you are fine, and I would rush you to a doctor. You do not do this. You do not fake it. You tell me repeatedly you do not need a doctor when I have promised to take you to one. You don't want to turn around."
"Oh, I want to turn around," I said. "But I want to win."
"If your goal is to be free of me, isn't that winning?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because it would be a lie."
"Free is free."
"Ah, but now I know you'll free me if I need you to. But I want you to admit what you did was wrong. And if not that, then I want to beat you at your own game."
"You see? You do not seek to be free. You seek to compete." She smiled. "And I like competing with you. I think you like competing with me, too."
"Where did you want your kiss?"
"You are not distracting me that easily." She paused. "I am going to ask a question, and I want an honest answer."
"We'll see."
"What is the real reason you didn't tell me you need a doctor?"
"I don't like lying. It's bad policy. I cannot serve Talmon if I am not trusted."
"I believe there is more than that. I want you to tell me."
I looked away, but she pulled me back.
"Give me the other reasons, and I will let the rest of this be, as long as there are no more headaches."
"No."
She sighed. "You do not trust me with something this simple. If you cannot trust me with this, you will never trust me. Tomorrow, I return you to Sudden. I do not want a woman who will not trust me."
She climbed to her feet and began to walk back towards camp. I looked over my shoulder after her. "Sartine, I'm afraid."
She stopped, but she didn't return to me.
"Tell me one thing you are afraid of."
"What if your promise to return me was a test? What if you didn't return me? Right now, I can believe you would, and so I am not desperate, because I believe you would, if I really, really need you to. But what if you don't? I don't need you to, not for that, but someday I will. And if you do not do it now, then I have no hope."
She turned around. "That doesn't entirely make sense. Is this what you believe? I am testing you?"
"No."
"That is a stupid reason," she said. "And to be clear, there was no test. If you need a doctor, we leave tomorrow. If you do not trust me, we leave tomorrow."
"I need a doctor, but it is not pressing. I promise."
"And trust?"
I thought about it. "I will not tell you everything."
"You will tell me some?"
I nodded. "Yes."
Slowly, she returned to me, sitting down next to me again.
"If you had asked, and I had understood everything, and you have not lied about anything, and I believed you had not lied, and you understood a few things I can't tell you yet, I would have said 'yes'."
"But you do not say 'yes'. Nor do you say 'no' anymore. I do not understand you."
"I am very frustrating."
"You are."
"You will grow weary of how frustrating I am."
"No jokes. Tell me the rest."
"What if you have wonders? What if I let you bring me this far and then return to Sudden without seeing them?"
"This is a good reason," she said. "So was the last one. Keep going."
"I want to win."
"Yes, yes. What else?"
"Some are petty."
"Tell me anyway."
"If you really took me back because I lied, then that would make you the better person. Right now I have the moral high ground."
"That is a stupid reason."
"I told you it was petty."
"You should be happy that I care about your well being."
I turned away from her and said quietly, "I am. But I'm so angry at the same time, and I don't know how to resolve them together."
"Angry at me or at yourself?"
"Actually? Everyone. You. Me. Chaladine and Baardorid."
"You are embarrassed you didn't see all this coming?"
"Yes."
She stilled. "And that is why you are having trouble trusting me now. You are worried you are naïve."
I didn
't answer.
"You are mad at me and wish to punish me."
"Yes and I'm angry at myself for that reaction."
Neither of us said anything for a while, but I leaned over so our shoulders pressed together. Finally I asked, "If I told you I didn't trust you, would you really have turned around?"
"Yes."
"Then why do you not trust me and untie my hands?"
"Because of the law. If I take you to Indartha, you must arrive as my galatzi prisoner. I am sorry, but I will have to tie your hands the other way in the morning we are to arrive." Then she smiled again. "And I will tell you something else."
"Oh?"
"I have wanted a galatzi wife for a long time. I have wanted to go on this raid and collect my galatzi prisoner and take her home, just like this. Although in my dreams, she does not fight as hard as you have. She surrenders to my kisses."
I laughed.
"This trip is temporary. It ends in just a few more days. But we will have these memories forever. Do you see?"
"I'm the woman of your dreams."
"Yes."
I thought about it. "If we were turning around tomorrow, would you untie me?"
"Yes. There would be no reason to keep you tied. Are we turning around?"
"There is another reason I did not tell you I need a doctor."
"I think there are several more. Tell me this one."
"Because while I want to win. I think I want you to win, too."
She sat quietly then said simply, "I thought perhaps you did."
I turned to face her more fully. "I-" I broke off.
Sartine caressed my face very gently. "You are beginning to surrender to my touches, aren't you?"
When I nodded slowly, she smiled and continued to caress me.
"No one has ever put this kind of effort forward for me," I said. "It's confusing me." I sighed. "If we go back, then everyone loses. I will leave Talmon. I wouldn't want to stay. I lose. You lose. Baardorid and Chaladine lose. Talmon loses." I closed my eyes. "I'm angry," I said. "But at the same time, I'm flattered." I sighed.
"Do you trust me to take care of you?"
I sighed again. "Yes, Sartine. But you're going to grow weary of me."
"Maybe, but I will ask you not to assume that."
We sat, and then I asked, "Are you cold?"
"No. Are you?"
"No." I gestured with my nose. "Do you name the groups of stars?"
"Some." She pointed. "That one is called the Leaping Horse." She pointed out the star.
"The horse leaps upside down?"
She laughed. "Yes." Then she asked, "Are we turning around tomorrow?"
"Do you promise when I need a doctor, you will move the mountains to take me to one?"
"Promise."
"A galatzi arrangement is about children. You told me this. You do not expect me to put a child into you, so you must expect to put one into me. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"I have no interest in the sort of activities that can result in a child."
She laughed. "There are other ways. You know this."
"Yes, but I didn't know if you did."
Again, we sat, staring at the star for a minute or two. "You have more you want to say, Cecilia. Why is this so hard for you? Do we return tomorrow?"
"If I give you any children, they will be imperial citizens. Promise me."
"They will be Talmonese citizens."
"I will allow both, but they must have access to the rights of being an imperial citizen. I will not negotiate this. I have reasons."
"What rights?"
"Imperial medical care."
"You do not trust Talmonese medical care?"
"That is another thing. I will not bear a child anywhere but an imperial hospital. If you intend to make me pregnant, we are on the next trip to Centos Four. We may come back once it is safe for the child to travel. If you trick me, and I let you make me pregnant, but then we do not travel to an imperial hospital, I promise I will not carry the child to term. I won't tell you how, not yet, but I have more control over my body than you could possibly imagine."
"What else?" she asked quietly.
"Do you agree so far?"
"I want the rest of your list."
I thought about it, wondering if there was anything else I wanted. "Once we are inside the mountains, are there places to sit like this, where I can see the southern sky?"
"Yes."
"The mountains do not rise around us?"
"Why is this important?"
"I won't answer that."
"You do not trust me."
"I will tell you the rest when you take me to the doctor. Not before."
She sighed. "If we must, we can climb a mountain. It is not so high. But you can see the southern sky from our bedroom window."
"All of it?"
"Most of it," she said. "Tell me the rest, Cecilia, so that I may kiss you."
"When we reach Indartha, am I a trophy? A prize? You will tie me as a galatzi prize. People will cheer? What happens?"
"You are worried for embarrassment."
"I am more worried for humiliation. I have a great deal of pride, and I do not like losing. You are asking me to surrender. To lose."
"Are you going to let this decide for us?"
"I don't know yet. How badly humiliated am I going to be?"
"If I had taken Chaladine, she would not have felt any humiliation."
"You would take her like this?"
"Yes. I cannot promise you will not be embarrassed. I do not believe you should be. Neither embarrassment or humiliation are the point. But yes, you are a prize, a very valuable prize, and once people hear what we have won, while they will miss Mordain, they will rejoice in bringing you to the village."
"You will parade me tied like that?"
"Yes. It is required."
"And will people touch me?"
"Yes, but innocently."
"Anyone touches my breasts or ass, and I'll kick his ass down the mountainside."
She laughed. "I have no doubt. And if I touch your ass, will you kick my ass in return?"
"You still have to court me. I have not agreed to allow more than that."
She stilled. "Yes, you have, Cecilia, but I will court you anyway. We will both enjoy it."
"If you once, just once look self-satisfied about this, you better make sure my legs are still tied, because I will fly into a rage worse than any you have seen yet."
"I will be the very example of a modest demeanor," she promised.
"I'm not sure I believe you. Do you agree to my terms?"
"No."
"What?"
"When it is time for children, we will discuss children. I agree to all your other terms."
"Sartine..."
"There are things you haven't told me, and you're not ready to tell me, and I will not make a blind agreement about children without understanding more. And so we will discuss children only once you are ready to tell me everything else. But I have heard you, and I know you are resolute."
"If you grow weary of me, you will allow me to leave."
"You add terms after we reach agreement?"
"Do you really have a problem with that?"
"We will attempt to fix the problem first."
"I would like to see Indartha, Sartine. Please kiss me."
* * * *
Sartine was blowing into my ear. I opened my eyes and looked at her. I smiled. "How many days until we reach Indartha?"
"There are two answers to that question," she responded. "We reach Indartha as we cross the first pass into the mountains. That will be today. But that is like saying we reach Sudden when we cross the Remla River." I nodded my understanding. "We'll reach the village late on our fourth day or early on the fifth."
"When do you tie my hands the other way? Sartine, if I am going to spend four days tied that way, I am not sure my answer from last night stands."
She smiled. "No, Cecilia. I would
not do that to you. When we draw close, then we will retie you. It will be sometime on the fourth day, but it may be that you will have one night tied that way. I am sorry, but this is important to me."
"I would offer you something to be tied this way once we are in our tent, and there is no one to see me tied improperly. You could retie me before we step out. I will promise to cooperate and not complain."
"Oh?" she asked. "What do you offer?"
"I will allow you to kiss me again."
"While kisses have value," she said, "you ask for a favor that is worth far more than a single kiss. If you allow all the kisses I desire, I will grant this favor."
"You will grant this favor for one kiss each morning and one kiss each night, from now until we arrive at your home."
"It is now our home."
"I have not decided if I agree."
"You have agreed to remain my galatzi prisoner, and thus it is decided for you."
"Are we going to argue over semantics, or are you going to accept my offer and collect your first kiss?"
"I will agree if I may take the kisses how I please."
I cocked my head. "We may be about to argue semantics after all, as your phrasing troubles me. I am agreeing to only two kisses a day, as already discussed. I am not agreeing to being fondled or otherwise touched more intimately than you already touch. Nor do I wish these kisses to be taken with an audience. This agreement is between you and me, and I do not wish to be on display."
"Oh," she replied. "You worry what 'how I please' means. If you will allow me a demonstration, then perhaps we have agreement."
"Your 'demonstration' also counts as this morning's kiss."
"Also agreed."
She didn't do a single thing to raise a complaint. She did a great deal to make me wonder if I was going to ask for more favors, to be paid for with similar kisses.
When finally she released my mouth, I whispered, "I agree our kisses may be of that nature."
She caressed my cheek. "They will not be exactly like that. It was a demonstration of my intention."
"Agreed."
Part Two
Détente Destroyed
Our carefully achieved détente lasted less than two full days.
It was noon of that first day that we climbed into the mountains, arriving at the top of a ridge by early afternoon. Before us, we could see for miles and miles, the peaks of the already snow-topped mountains rising further above us, much further above us. It was deeply beautiful, and there was a part of me that wondered right there if the last two and a half weeks was worth everything, even the anger and fear involved in my arrival to this point.
