by Ryan Michele
He thrust inside of me, my arms going to the sides of his face trying to get some kind of balance. I was so full of him, and it was better than I’d ever imagined. Late at night when I’d be alone, he’d flitter through my head, but nothing, not one fantasy, matched the real thing. We were all grown up now, and this wasn’t my first time that I didn’t know what to think or feel.
His hips pushed up rapidly as sweat covered his face. He hurt. Shit. Taking over and using my knees, I rode him hard, up and down. He watched himself enter and leave me over and over again, the look of pure desire right there for me to see. It was a beautiful sight. Fuck, I was so screwed.
Pax gripped my hips with one of his hands helping me come down hard on him, our pelvic bones crashing together. “Fuck it,” he growled, bringing both hands to my hips, then jetting his hips up in the air. The movements had my eyes falling in the back of my head. The spots inside of me had never been touched before because I’d remember that.
My head lulled back, and it took everything to hold it up. I tried to help, but Pax was in charge. The crest was right there, right in my grasp. Fingers stroked my clit and I burst hard and hot, screaming his name. He pressed hard into me, grunting and unloading himself.
I fell to the side trying to catch my breath, feeling Paxton’s breathing the same. Looking up at him, the smile I’d come to thoroughly enjoy was right there for me, and I kissed him.
When we pulled away, Paxton’s face pinched with pain. Looking over at his dressings, there was blood seeping out of them and down to the bed. “Fuck!” I jumped up, opening the door and yelling, “Onyx, Garrett, call a doctor.”
I tossed a t-shirt on quickly then ran into the bathroom and grabbed towels. Loud stomping came up the stairs, but I already had the wounds covered with the cloth.
“Couldn’t fuckin’ wait, could you?” Garret said, coming beside me. “Fucker.”
“Been waitin’ too fuckin’ long as it is.”
My heart warmed, and I wished like hell he wasn’t bleeding, because I could go for round two.
22
Paxton
Damn, she was beautiful. I watched her clamp her legs together no doubt feeling my cum trickle down her leg.
Onyx brought his hand down on my leg. Hard.
“Fuck!” I yelled out as my body jerked in reaction.
He held firm, one to stop the bleeding, and two to make me feel the pain.
“Getting blood all over the damn sheets. Ellen Sue’s gonna have a fit about getting the stains out. All because you had to go for the gusto,” Onyx muttered to me. He turned his head to Laurel. “Go get some more bandages from the bathroom downstairs. Doc’ll be here any minute.” She left the room only after looking at me and getting a nod in agreement.
“You’re a fuckin’ ass,” I told him to which he smirked.
“Tell me somethin’ I don’t fuckin’ know. Doc said don’t exert yourself. No physical activity for four to six weeks. Dipshit, it’s been twenty-four hours.”
I rubbed my chest, feeling my blood trickle from the bandage. “Nice to know you care,” I told him honestly.
“We’re a unit. We’re only as strong as our weakest link,” Onyx started, and Garrett stepped up.
“And not one of us is a weak fuckin’ link. But really, Pax, you couldn’t wait?” Garrett finished Onyx’s statement.
“If it was Torryn and you almost died, you gonna worry about a little blood, some pain, and stitches, over sinking inside her?”
Onyx kept his grip on my leg but smiled. “Fuck yeah, it would be worth it.” He nodded to me. “I’ll tell Ellen Sue to toss the sheets and buy new shit.”
We all laughed.
This was us. No matter if we did shit we shouldn’t or we didn’t agree with what the other one did, we faced it all together.
I bit back the pain as I felt a little dizzy from it all. I kept the sheet over my dick because no one wanted to have their junk out with two other men in the room no matter how proud I was of my cock.
“Anyone hear from Dane?”
Onyx nodded. “He’s on a job. Has Case on Andrei, and we just got a text that he has found Andrei which is good so he’s not running loose. To our knowledge, Andrei doesn’t know about the possible DNA issue of the baby. Case only searched Riley because he saw him at Melanie’s apartment. He doesn’t actually know about their relationship. After he found Laurel and Riley’s basics, he didn’t search for more so it seems the Conrads are in the clear. Dane plans to keep it that way for the safety of Laurel. Melanie can have the baby here, do the test. If it’s Petrov’s we turn the baby over like usual only a day later than normal.”
I nodded. Typically, a surrogate gave birth. The baby was checked out, and then one of us delivered it from the birthing house to another one of our properties set up for the receiving family as soon as possible so the baby would have time to bond. We kept the interaction between our surrogates and our parents non-existent. Petrov was the first and would be the last time we broke our rules and systems.
“With the wife dead, he still gonna want the kid?” I asked.
Garrett shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge when the baby arrives.”
The doctor came in so we stopped talking. Laurel was right behind him and rushed to the closet, slipping on a pair of my sweatpants which was hot as fuck. I wanted her in my clothes all the time if I could.
Onyx and Garrett left the room after Onyx washed my blood from his hands and the doctor had taken over.
After I was cleaned up, checked out, and redressed, I sat in the chair while Laurel changed the bed sheets.
“Every time you bend over, I think about gripping your hips as I thrust into you from behind.”
She looked at me over her shoulder and wiggled her ass. “When you heal.” She gave me a sexy smirk. “No more physical activities. Doctors’ orders.”
“I’ll hold you to it,” I told her, wanting nothing more than to yank those pants down and sink into her, but knowing my leg wouldn’t hold out.
When the bed was made, she scurried off to the shower. I wanted to join her, but with my injuries it wasn’t possible. This was going to be hard. I wasn’t a patient man in general. Waiting to fuck her again would be challenging for sure. My pain level was up, and my head was hurting from fatigue. Honestly, if Laurel wanted to fuck right now, I would struggle. I simply didn’t have the energy.
Before I knew it my eyes closed, and I had drifted to sleep.
She was beautiful. The way she ran to me every time she saw me and jumped into my arms was something I would forever cherish. Each time was a gift that I kept locked deep inside of me. A memory that would forever be ingrained in my heart. The way her eyes lit and excitement over came her each time we connected was a craving I’d never get enough of as long as I took a breath on this earth.
Each second we were together was a second I felt free, but for someone like me, freedom always came at a cost. Her cost. And I couldn’t let that happen.
Letting go was the hardest thing to do, but I had no other choice. She was destined for great things, while I was not.
Scooping her up, I held her close as her lips found mine.
I kissed her slow, memorizing every second, every movement, each taste. Saying goodbye to the woman that held your heart in the palm of her hands was worse than being left without a family. It was worse than growing up in an orphanage that used us like workhorses. It was worse than living.
She pulled away and looked me in the eyes. “Pax, what’s wrong?”
This was us. She could read me like no one else. “You gave me everything last night.”
She nodded, biting her bottom lip as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment, which was one of the biggest turn-ons. She was shy, yet with me opened up like a flower in bloom.
“Angel, you’re so fuckin’ beautiful.”
“Paxton, don’t do this,” she whispered as I watched the tears form in her eyes. She knew what was coming, she sensed it. Her face fell, all happ
iness leaving and in its place devastation. It was better like this rather than waiting until later when it would be much worse.
Her legs unwrapped from around me, and she settled to support her own weight. Her scent invaded me and I pulled at it, wanting to lock it away forever.
“Where I’m goin’ in life, I can’t take you with me.”
The words were bitter in my mouth, my heart breaking with each syllable, but necessary. In pain was also love. They were two things so interconnected at times one couldn’t tell which was which.
“No, Pax,” she barely spoke my name, staring up at me with pleading eyes.
“You’ve got this goodness, this potential. I got a shit load of baggage and a direction that’s far from positive in front of me.”
“I gave you my love, my body, my trust. Now, you take everything just to dump me like some piece of trash you never wanted?”
I stepped back as her words assaulted me. “College is important to you, Laurel. You got a future. It’s bright. I’m dark, angel, and I won’t bring you down. This is the best thing for you.”
I woke with a jolt, popping up from the bed, sweat glistening my skin.
Everything hit me like a sledgehammer to a wall, destroying me at the very core of my being. My reasons for leaving her so long ago were all being thrown back into my face gripping me so hard my body shook.
I pushed her away to have a life, to be free of me and everything that surrounded my life. Yet, I never let her go. The cord between us stayed connected because I was unable to cut it. All those years ago, she saved me from myself and never even knew it. Never knew how she pulled me from the depths of Hell because I couldn’t tell her. I could only let her go, and that was my biggest mistake.
She wasn’t in the shower, but she wasn’t in the room. I took a deep breath, knowing what needed to be done, but not wanting to in the same breath. My chest squeezed, and pain ricocheted through it. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, and it’s all my fault.
Picking up my phone, I dialed his number, hoping for once maybe he wouldn’t be available.
Garrett answered on the second ring. “Yo.”
It took me only a moment to fight the words out. Ones I hated. “Give it all back.”
“Fuck,” he muttered as I heard him move away from whoever was standing near him. “Pax, think about this shit.”
“Give her life back,” I said the words as a chill ran down my spine, my hand trembling the phone, the pain almost too much to bear.
“You tellin’ her?”
“I’m letting her go.”
“Shit’s not safe.” As if I didn’t already know this.
“Keep her here ‘til we sort out the baby. I’m locking the door. Ellen Sue has the code. Laurel’s gonna flip, but it’s the right thing to do. Her life is hers, not mine.” No matter how much I want it to be.
“This is not the right move, Pax,” he argued, always having my back. Garrett meant well, but he didn’t see things like I did. I was toxic for a woman like Laurel, and here I just threw her into my life—forced her into my life not giving two shits about what she wanted in the process. It would be my greatest downfall because she’d hate me after this, but she’d also have the life she always wanted.
“My move to make, and I’m makin’ it.”
“You’re breaking your own rules.”
To this I gave a sinister laugh. “Rules are made to be broken. It’s how we’ve lived our lives, why change shit now?”
“You sure about this?”
“She’s the light and shouldn’t be dimmed by the shit in my life, my world.”
“You love her,” he stated the truth.
What was left of my battered heart shriveled and crumbled. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It does, but I’m not gonna fight you because I think that woman of yours has enough fight in her to make you see, you’re fuckin’ up.”
“Just give her life back,” I told him, ending the call and tossing the phone to the side table.
Slowly, I slid out of bed. I wasn’t sure if the physical pain was as much as the emotional pain I was feeling as I coded the door, locking myself away from her. Locking me away from the one person that would ever make me happy in this lifetime. She was it for me. There would never be another angel in my life. It would finally all be as it should be. Me alone and her living her life and finding her happiness.
Laurel deserved the best, and I was a fool for a brief moment in time to think I was the one to be the best for her. I never would be, and wasn’t that the biggest bitch of all.
She would hate me all over again for this.
I deserved it.
Years ago, I let her go. I told her I wouldn’t be the one to bring her down. I failed. The eighteen-year-old boy was strong enough to see how the game of my life would play out, and it wasn’t a place for the beauty and goodness that was Laurel. The twenty-eight-year-old man I was today had to be strong enough to see that nothing I did could touch her, and the only way to make that a guarantee was to make sure I didn’t touch her.
Even if it killed me. I would stay the fuck away.
23
Laurel
The coffee in the mugs threatened to spill over with each step I took to get to Paxton. Last night was it for me. I’d pushed him away for so damn long that I couldn’t do it one more minute. I loved him. Always had. When we were kids, I knew it then.
The pain of loss was something I pushed down, but it was true—without him I didn’t feel complete. It felt like some love story in a movie, but what I felt was real. And it was without Paxton in my life that I was incomplete. I existed. I went through the motions. Sure, I got by, but with Pax it was like life was in color. The trees were greener, the sky was brighter, and everything was suddenly better.
I knew life without Paxton, and I wanted to have life with him.
I didn’t want to believe Pax was ready for us to start again. He’d hurt me so bad all those years ago when all I saw was us and our future together. It was laid out perfectly until he swiped the rug from underneath my feet, causing me to fall down a rabbit hole; it took me years to deal with.
The fear I had was so strong there was no way I could put myself out there once more and allow myself to be hurt. Last night though, with him coming close to dying and our connection burning so brightly, I knew he was with me until the end. I knew I had to take the chance. My body was deliciously sore from it, and I was fulfilled like never before.
This was happiness.
It was the only reason I gave myself fully to him. He was a part of me that no other man would ever fill. It was time to let the past go and look to a future with us at the forefront.
The goofy ass smile wouldn’t leave my face because everything was perfect. Well, not perfect. We still had a crazy man who was making things not safe, my brother could or could not be a father, and we were all living under one roof. But I had faith it would all work itself out in the end. I had to. My heart was on the line once more with Paxton, but I felt it in my gut that there wouldn’t be a repeat of all those years ago.
I set the coffee on the small table that sat in the hallway by Paxton’s door. Tuning the handle, it wouldn’t budge. I tried again and the small light on the outside key panel started to beep and red lights started going off.
What the hell?
I knocked. “Pax, open up it’s me.”
No sounds came from the other side. This was strange. I just left him in bed not ten minutes ago to get the coffee. He was asleep. I knew I didn’t lock the door when I came out because I was coming right back up to wait for him to wake. Was he still asleep? Was he hurt? The doctor checked him out and said he busted a stitch. He was fixed, cleaned, and the wounds re-dressed. I only left for him to get some rest and me to get some coffee because I needed some caffeine in my system with everything going on around us.
“Pax?” I set the other coffee down and used both palms to knock on it. “Pax!”
A small shuffle
could be heard through the door, and relief swarmed me. He was okay, just a little slow to get to the door, which was perfectly understandable. I blew out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in.
The noises stopped, but the handle didn’t budge. “Pax? Open the door.”
Nothing.
What the hell was going on here? He was fine before I got in the shower. He still had that look of hunger in his eyes as he laid in the bed getting fixed. I wouldn’t have left him alone if something was wrong.
“Paxton Williams, open this damn door now!” I screamed, feeling my heart pounding strong and fast. “Are you hurt?” That would not be good because I had no way of getting to him. Panic was building by the second.
“Angel.” His tone was soft.
I breathed out a sigh of relief. He was okay. Thank goodness.
“Open the door.”
“I can’t.” There was this hesitation that had me on high alert.
“What, did you forget the code?”
There was a long pause and I felt it, like a change in the tides or a problem so big no one could fix, yet there it was staring me in the face. He can’t be doing this. My heart was shattering in the hallway of a cabin that once held every good memory I had.
“Angel.” He breathed again, but this time I heard and felt the pain inside it. I knew it. Knew what was coming, felt it in every part of my body. “I made a mistake.”
“What the fuck do you mean by that? Open this door so we can talk.” My heart was being ripped out.
“Can’t do that, angel. Can’t see your beautiful eyes and watch me break you. We’re not right for each other. I’m not right for you. All of your money plus some is back in your accounts.”
“Don’t you dare do this, Paxton. I swear to Christ I will chop off your dick and shove it down your throat.” Anger. Anguish. Agony. It all tangled inside me.
“I know you will, but this has to be done.”
“You fuck me and then dump me?” Déjà vu. This was bullshit. He made me believe in him, in us. He took my whole life away to protect me. Except, in the end, he hurt me worse than dying at the hands of the man they said would’ve come for me. Paxton was killing me inside and leaving a shell of me to exist.
