"No, we don't."
She stood and cast a significant glance at the child on the floor. "We can talk all about it at nap time, how's that?"
Billy made a low sound in his throat. "Do I have a choice?"
Now she found herself beginning to feel angry. In some ways he was just like a child. He wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and he didn't want anything interfering with his fun. She spoke carefully. "A few decisions do have to be made."
"Why? Things are going just fine, as far as I'm concerned."
She had the distinct urge to shout at him. She cast a glance at Jesse, who'd picked up the tension between the grown-ups and stopped hammering his knee to stare at them. "Let's just talk about it later."
He looked at Jesse, too. "Fine. Later." He stood and went to kneel before his son. "Hey, mister. How 'bout lunch?"
Jesse stuck the rubber hammer into his mouth and drooled out something that might have been yes.
* * *
Two hours later, Billy stood over Jesse's bed. The kid looked so sweet and peaceful when he slept. Watching him made Billy want to climb into the top bunk and catch a few z's himself.
Sleeping would sure be preferable to what waited for him downstairs: Prue, in a mood for a serious talk.
It was enough to ruin a guy's whole day. Sure, he'd known it had to come sooner or later. But later would have been a hell of a lot better, if you asked Billy.
Which nobody had.
With a rueful shrug, he turned from the sleeping child and headed for the door.
She was sitting in one of the easy chairs when he got down to her.
He dropped to the sofa. "Okay, what?" As if he damn well didn't know.
She rubbed the chair arms with her hands, looking toward the fireplace, the front window, and then finally at him. "This is so difficult."
He sat forward, braced his elbows on his knees. "So don't do it."
She blinked. "Excuse me?"
"Look. Things are going along fine. Just let it be. Let what happens happen."
She stared at him, the way people stare when they're spoken to in a language they don't understand. "Billy, maybe that works for you. But it doesn't work for me. I want to know where we're going together. I want to know what we really are to each other."
He decided he might as well go ahead and make his offer. "You want me to marry you, Prue, is that it?"
She hadn't been prepared for that one, he could see it in her look of round-eyed surprise. "You would actually marry me?"
"Yeah."
"But…"
"But what?"
"Billy. You've always sworn you would never get married again."
He shrugged. "I changed my mind."
"But why?"
He sat back, let out a long breath. "You want me to say I love you, right?"
He knew her next words before she said them: "Do you love me?"
He looked at her, thinking that with women, it always had to come to this. To negotiations. Definitions. To tying everything up in a neat little bow. To tying him up, if they could manage it.
Generally, once it got to this point, he was ready to move along anyway. No woman had tied him up yet – excepting the two who'd had the sense to get him good and drunk before they whipped out the rope.
Prue, however, was another situation altogether. He wasn't even close to being through with her yet. Even now, irritated as he was with her for springing this crap on him so early on, he wanted her.
And besides, there was Jesse to consider. The three of them – him and her and Jesse – got along just fine together. Why bust up a good thing when all he had to do to keep it was to trot out a few love words and slide a wedding ring on Prue's finger? True, love words and wedding rings went against his principles. But now, with Jesse in his life, some things would have to change.
"Time's up," she said dryly.
"I was going to answer." He sounded defensive, even to his own ears.
But she only smiled sadly and shook her head. "Look. Let's put aside this marriage thing, okay? Let's settle the question of Jesse's custody. That's the real issue anyway, isn't it?" He supposed that it was, though he didn't reply. She demanded, looking pinched. "Isn't it?"
He shifted uneasily, dreading what she'd hit him with on this front. "Fine. All right. It is. So get it over with. What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to sign over full custody to you."
* * *
Chapter 18
« ^ »
If she hadn't been so hurt and angry, Prudence would have laughed out loud at the blank shock on Billy's face.
He asked, very quietly, "Would you repeat that?"
She kept her tone strictly businesslike. "I'm going to sign over custody of Jesse to you. You're going to be responsible for raising him. I'm sure you'll do a fine job."
She could see he still couldn't quite get his mind around what she was telling him. "You're going to let me have him?"
She nodded. "I'm not certain yet just how we'll go about it, since Randi didn't put your name on Jesse's birth certificate. I imagine blood tests might be necessary, and certainly there'll be a hearing. But eventually, guardianship will be yours."
The stereo remote sat on the coffee table. Billy reached for it.
"Don't," she said, thinking she would scream if he turned on his music right then. "Let's finish this."
He sat back without touching the device. "All right. Finish."
She watched him, wondering how in the world, if she just had to love a man, she'd managed to choose this one. "I have a few suggestions – conditions, really."
He was looking at her sideways, not at all sure what was going on here. "Fine. Let's hear 'em."
"I think any single parent raising a child should have … community around them, people who can and will help out sometimes."
"Wait a minute."
She didn't want to wait. She just wanted to get this over with. "Listen to me, Billy. If you want custody of Jesse, I really will insist that you make arrangements to live here permanently."
He put up both hands. "Whoa. Hold it. Single parent? What about you?"
"I said I'm giving you custody. Full custody. I won't be staying here."
He stood. "What the hell? I said I'd marry you."
"No, thanks."
He dropped to the couch again, rubbed a hand down his face and then slumped against the cushions. "Come on, Prue. Don't go there."
"I don't know what you mean."
"You do. Don't go there. Don't play this game."
"It's no game."
"The hell it's not."
"I'm not going to marry you, Billy," she told him again, since he seemed to have such difficulty believing her. "It wouldn't work. I can see now that it's better to just cut it clean."
"Cut it clean." He gave her words back to her in a voice that lacked inflection.
"Yes."
"When did you decide that?"
"Just a minute ago. Now, can we get on to what matters here?"
He looked at her for a long time before he said, "Sure. Get on with it."
She realized she was clutching the chair arms as if they could save her – from what, she couldn't have said. She ordered her grip to relax. "Randi wanted Jesse raised in a place like North Magdalene. And I think she was right. I think this is just the right place for him to grow up, in this particular small town, with his family all around him. Will you raise him here?"
He was staring at her. Just staring.
She prodded, "Billy. Will you raise Jesse here?"
"You're done with me. Finished. All at once. Just like that."
She knew if she said the word, yes, it would come out a hoarse croak, without power. Without dignity. She settled for one fast nod – and got back to what had to be dealt with. "Will you raise Jesse here?"
He seemed to shake himself. "Yeah. All right."
"Maybe while you're down in L.A., you could come to some agreement with the manager of your club.
Maybe she could handle things most of the time and you could—"
He waved a hand. "I'll deal with it. It's my damn club."
"Well. All right. Of course." Her voice caught. She had to swallow before she could go on. "Actually I think you do like it here, for yourself. You like your family. I think you want to stay."
"You're just jam-packed with opinions, aren't you, Prue?"
She flinched at his sarcasm, then told herself to ignore it, to stick to the issue here, to get things settled. "Do you want this house?"
He lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, that's right. You're leaving. You won't need it."
"Yes."
"And where are you going?"
"I thought … Sacramento." She hadn't really thought about where she would go, not seriously. Not until this very moment.
"Why Sacramento?"
She cast about for reasons – and found them easily. "It's less than two hours away. There are several major public accounting firms there. I would even be able to cultivate a client base if I wanted to open up some kind of bookkeeping or financial planning service on my own. And I'll be close enough to visit Jesse often."
"Yeah. We'll really be looking forward to visits from you, Prue."
His ridicule was getting old fast. "Billy. Come on."
He surged to his feet again and came around the coffee table toward her. "Come on, what?"
She realized she should have escaped the chair before he stood. Now, he had her cornered in it. "Let's just … not do this."
He looked down at her, his lip curling in a nasty snarl. "Not do this? What does that mean?"
"Let's not get angry. Let's not say ugly things. Please."
"But I am angry, Prue." His tone was a mean caress. "Out of the blue, you're telling me it's over. And I am thinking a lot of very ugly things."
"Well, keep them to yourself."
"The hell I will."
She managed to slide to the side and get free of the chair, which she immediately put between them. "I mean it, Billy. Let it go."
"I'm not ready to let it go."
Something inside of her snapped then. "Right. That's it. That's it exactly."
"What are you babbling about?"
"You're not ready to let it go."
He glared at her, refusing to understand.
So she explained it to him. "You want things – and people – when you want them. For as long as you want them. That's all that's bothering you. That I'm leaving before you're through with me."
"Bull." But his eyes shifted away.
She kept her gaze dead on. "It is not bull. It's the truth. I know the way you operate. I saw you with my sister. And it worked out just fine with her, didn't it?"
"Why is it you always end up talking about Randi?"
"Because she matters. Because you hurt her. Because by the time she started making those scary commitment noises, you were ready to walk out the door anyway. But with me, it's not working out so well. I'm making the scary noises, and you're not done with me yet. So you pull out the big guns. You break your own rules about women. You agree that you'll marry me. "
He let out a derisive snort. "And you fix me up good on that score. You turn me down flat. Because your damn pride's hurt."
"No, that's not it."
"Your pride's hurt, Prue. I didn't come up with the I-love-you's fast enough. I didn't drop to my knees and beg you to hook a ball and chain to my leg."
"This is not about pride."
He grunted. "Right."
"It is not."
"Then what? Lay it on me. What is this about?"
"This is about … my own foolishness, to have ever let myself become involved with you in the first place, after what I know from my own sister's experience."
"Randi, damn it. Randi again."
"This is about my own foolishness," she repeated, low and tautly controlled. "It is also about your disgusting willingness to do whatever you have to do in order to get what you want."
"My disgusting willingness?"
She refused to waver. "You want me around now, so you'll say anything to keep me around. You'll agree to marry me. You even would have said that you love me. Eventually. If I'd stood here waiting long enough. You have no … respect, Billy. You take no care with people. You don't think about what's right. You don't think about the future. About the consequences to both of us – not to mention, Jesse – if we get ourselves into a marriage that isn't going to work."
"Stop. Stop right there. I think about Jesse. I think about him all the time."
She sighed – and knew she couldn't deny that. "Yes, all right. I know you do."
"Really kills you to admit that, doesn't it?"
"No, it doesn't. Not at all. I think you are a wonderful father. And I believe that you will do a fine job of raising your son. However, in your relationships with women, you have a lot to learn. I hope you do learn. But you will not be learning with me. Is that clear?"
An ugly laugh escaped him. "Yeah. As glass. We're finished. Fine with me." He turned from her, and dropped to the couch again. "Anything else?"
Weakness washed over her. Pity. For him. For herself. For a brief time of beauty that was suddenly ending in such small meanness. She wanted to reach out, to cry, Wait. I don't know how we got here. We have done this so badly. Let's try one more time…
He picked up the remote, weighed it in his hands. "Finish it up, Prue."
So she did. "I expect you to take Jesse with you to Van Nuys tomorrow. I suppose it will take a while to work out all the legalities, but as far as I'm concerned, you're his father and he lives with you. However, this afternoon and this evening, I would like to spend as much time with him as possible." She paused, to give him a chance to say something if he wanted to. He didn't speak, just continued to balance the remote on his palm, waiting for her to be done. She went on, "As soon as you are gone, I will pack up and be on my way. Of course, I will keep you informed of my whereabouts at all times, should you need me for anything concerning Jesse's care." She remembered the issue of the house. "You still haven't told me, do you want this house?"
He shrugged. "Yeah, I want it."
"All right. I'll talk to Heather and get the number of the agent who handled the sale when she sold it to me. I'll have the agent call you, in a week or two. Good enough?"
He muttered, "Sure."
"As far as my furniture goes, once I get settled, I'll want my bedroom set and my desk. The rest of it—"
He waved the remote at her. "Look. Do we have to go into every little detail right now?"
He was right, she knew it. "No. Of course not." She hovered for a moment, behind the chair, feeling as if there was something else she ought to say. But then he looked away.
She knew then that the talking was done.
The music started as she mounted the stairs. And then, abruptly, it stopped. She hesitated on the third step, thinking maybe he would be coming after her, to tell her he wanted another chance, too. To say, Let's start over. Let's give it one more try.
But he didn't come. She realized he'd only put on his headphones. He was showing some consideration – and cutting her out at the same time.
* * *
Billy and Jesse left the next morning. Prudence saw them off, kneeling on the porch to get a last hug from Jesse. He wrapped his little arms around her neck and she breathed in his sweet nearly-a-baby smell and the breakfast Cheerios on his breath. When she kissed him, she closed her eyes so the feel of his downy-soft skin against her lips would be what she remembered. Later.
"We've gotta go." Billy was standing over them.
She pulled back from Jesse, straightened the collar of his shirt. "You have a nice trip."
Jesse gurgled, a happy, agreeable sound, then reached out and hugged her once more. "Woo." A baby giggle in her ear. She kissed him one more time.
At last, there was no way to stretch the goodbye one bit further. She stood, relinquishing the child that she had once almost dared to think of as her own
.
Billy said, "Good luck." His eyes were open, but everything in them was closed to her.
"Thank you. You, too."
"You'll be in touch, right?"
"I will. We'll settle everything, eventually. But I'll need to get established first, if that's all right."
"Whatever. You let me know."
"Yes." Huge spaces, she thought. Empty holes. "I'll let you know." He's standing right next to me, but neither of us is really here.
A flash of memory went off in her mind, blinding in its brightness. The first night they had made love. She had tossed the boxes of condoms in his lap. And he hadn't been able to look at her. He had taken her hand. Finally he had dared to look, to smile. Such stunned desire there, in his eyes.
Now there was nothing in his eyes.
"Okay, then." He took Jesse's hand and they went down the walk and out under the gray early-December sky. She followed at a distance, standing back a little, as Billy put his son in the car seat in back, closed the door, went around to the driver's side and got in.
Jesse waved at her through the window, grinning broadly, mouthing "Bye-bye." She pasted on a bright smile and waved back until the Jeep pulled away from the curb. And then she turned, wrapped her arms tightly around her middle and headed up the walk to the empty house.
* * *
The next morning, Prudence said goodbye to Eden. They had coffee at Eden's house one last time.
Eden said, "I honestly believe that Billy does love you. I know these Jones men. They don't give in to loving gracefully, but when it's all said and done, I swear to you, Prudence. They're worth the pain. If you would only give Billy a little time, give him a chance to—"
"Please, Eden."
And Eden sighed. "All right."
On the way home from Eden's, Prudence stopped in at Nellie's house and told the older woman she would not be able to help out with the Christmas Carnival after all, as Billy would be taking care of Jesse from now on, and Prudence intended to move to Sacramento.
An I-told-you-so look flashed in Nellie's eyes. But Prudence had to give her credit. She didn't say a word beyond, "We will miss you. Greatly. Are you sure you won't consider staying in town?"
Prudence made regretful noises – and said she really did have to go.
The Taming of Billy Jones Page 21
