“Do you love him?” he asked, his mouth pulled down in a frown. Even with the distance between them, his sorrow was engulfing her through the bond, suffocating. But the most perplexing thing was the conflicting sensation of happiness radiating from his aura, too. That didn’t make sense. How was he feeling both so strongly?
Astrid swallowed, her tongue too heavy in her mouth to form sounds.
Do you love him? Do you, Astrid?
Filip had said that when she knew it, there would be no questioning, no doubt. Sure, she admired Erec’s determination, his protective nature, his drive for better. She enjoyed his darker sense of humor and in some cases, his mystery. Not to forget the unexplainable way her body reacted whenever he was around. She even liked his imperfections, especially the way he fought for what he thought was right, no matter what the cost. It was what had given her the courage to stand up to her father in the first place.
There wasn’t much she didn’t like about Erec. But love?
I just don’t know! And that was worrisome. Maybe they really weren’t destined to be together. Maybe they were forcing something that just wasn’t there.
After a long moment, Astrid sighed and forced herself to reply. “I don’t know, Father.” It was the truth.
Boden’s chin rose, and he stared back at the star as if he was listening to a response she couldn’t hear.
“You know…” he began after some time, “I knew Anya was my mate since we were children. I tried to convince her that we were meant for each other many times.” As he mused, a smile slid across his lips. “But she…she wasn’t as sure as I was.”
Really? Her mother had been hesitant in naming her father her mate?
When Astrid peered up at Vallor, it blinked back at her. She had never heard the story of her father and mother’s earlier years. Her parents’ feelings for each other had been so obvious when her mother was alive that it was hard to believe there was ever a time they weren’t together.
Hope swelled in her chest. If Filip had been right and finding a mate was different for everyone, maybe he was right about Erec being the one for her.
Her father continued to ramble on, “She let years go by before she knew how she felt. And I waited. And waited.” His smile grew, lifting the whiskers around his mouth. “She made me wait until a month before my twenty-fifth Blue Moon.”
Astrid let out a short laugh. That she believed. Her mother had always been a strong-headed woman. Knowing her, she would have wanted to be absolutely confident in her love before confessing it.
Like me.
Astrid hesitated. It seemed she was more like her mother than she’d thought.
“You remind me so much of her, Astrid,” her father said. He came over to her and placed his large hands on her shoulders. The weight of them only added to her already sore arms. “You’ve grown to be such a beautiful, strong woman. Your mother and I are very proud of you.”
His gaze searched her face, and although there were crinkles of unhappiness around his eyes, the rest of his expression reflected relief. “As much as I’m going to hate losing you to him when you become his mate, at least I won’t be losing you forever from the curse.”
The same strange sadness and joy she’d sensed from him now pinched at her own heart. She jumped up and wrapped her arms around her father’s thick neck. He hugged her close, letting her feet dangle inches off the ground.
Tears prickled in her eyes as a new sense of confidence emerged from the doubt shielding her heart. Her father couldn’t have known of the emotional war raging inside her, but somehow, he had managed to tell her exactly what she had needed to hear. Her mother’s heart had been undecided for some time, too, and despite that, her parents’ love had been strong enough to break the curse.
That meant there was still a chance for her and Erec.
“Thank you, Father,” she whispered into his wiry beard. “I love you.”
“I love you, Astrid,” her father murmured, squeezing her tight. “My little star.”
Chapter Sixteen
The nightmares were getting worse. And more vivid.
Erec could now remember each one in full detail after he woke in the morning. Blood painting the snow. The smell of burning flesh. Wolves tearing each other apart and women screaming. It was always the same.
But last night, something had changed. The blurry faces of the fallen victims were now ones he recognized. Boden, Mila, Henrick, Filip—they were all there, lying dead in the snow, their bodies torn to shreds. Dread clawed up his throat. So many innocent lives lost. So many people he had grown to care for, gone in an instant.
Astrid flew to his mind instantly. Where was she? But the moment the question came, he spotted her bright red hair against the whiteness. Like the others, she wasn’t moving.
She was dead. The reality of it slammed into him so hard, he jolted awake.
He had woken up with his quilts tangled around his legs and his muscles tight and strained, as if he’d been fighting an invisible foe. Sweat clung to his skin, and his heart thundered. The nightmare had been so clear, it was as if he were recalling a memory rather than a dream.
Still breathing hard, Erec sat up in bed and pulled off the blankets. Astrid wasn’t really dead. He knew that. But still, he had to repeat it to himself over and over to calm his racing thoughts.
The only way he was going to make sure Astrid and the others stayed alive was if they stopped Jerrick. Which raised another set of burning questions. How did Jerrick know who he was? How did he know his name? He and the alpha had met once, during the ambush on Mikel’s pack, and the only things linking them were Erec’s burning hatred and his desire for revenge.
Claus had to be lying about Jerrick’s interest in finding him. It was the only explanation he could come up with. Claus must have said it just to make Erec squirm, and foolishly, he had fallen for it. That made sense. Claus was devious like that. He took pleasure from others’ pain.
With dread still weaving through his system, Erec wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore, so he got out of bed and dressed. His wolf was awake, which confirmed the nightmare had woken him up before dawn. What he needed now was a run in his animal form. A little time to clear his head and shake off the lingering agitation of the dream. When he had been a rogue, he’d spent almost every night as a wolf. After several nights as a human, he was itching for the change.
He’d be quick. Just a short run to the north. Touch the ridge and come back. No one would even know he was gone, and with Jerrick’s men somewhere south by Boden’s old camp, according to Claus, it was unlikely he’d run into any of them.
Erec left the tent and walked to the entrance of Svanna Rock on quiet feet. The crunching of snow underfoot was only a whisper compared to the loud snores erupting from several of the tents he crept by. After weaving through the intricate passageway and stepping into the dark forest, he took a deep breath and searched his surroundings.
Nothing stirred among the trees, and no suspicious scents rode the breeze. When Erec peered up toward the night sky, the moon peeked out behind the canopy. It was large, a glowing pale orb in the middle of a blanket of glittering stars. Only a small sliver was missing before it was completely full, and a vibrant blue hue radiated around its rim, reminding Erec of how close the Blue Moon really was.
His thoughts flew to Astrid. Only a few days separated them from their fate, and whatever the outcome, he was glad he had her in his life. Even if it was for a brief period of time. But he hoped that when their twenty-fifth Blue Moon did rise, he would still have more life to spend. And it would be with her by his side.
Energy hummed across his skin, like it always did when the Blue Moon drew near. Thousands of tiny pinpricks skimmed up and down his arms, and Erec’s wolf whimpered behind his eardrums when it sensed the power. He wanted nothing more than to feel the earth beneath his paws and the wind brushing through his fur. And hopefully after this moon, he would be able to run free as a wolf whenever he pleased, with Astrid as h
is mate.
He walked a little deeper into the woods, heading north toward a small creek. Anticipating the change, his wolf bounced inside, and Erec didn’t get far before the animal was clawing at his insides, begging for release. He stopped beside a pine tree and stripped off his clothes. The frigid winter air bit at his exposed flesh, but the cold wouldn’t touch him for long. As the power of the shift built at the base of his spine, his temperature rose, too, spreading warmth across every inch of his nakedness. He winced as pain curled and expanded throughout his body. His muscles bunched and relaxed as they reformed, and fur sprouted out of every pore.
Although the pain that normally came with shifting was brief, it was strong enough to seize every bit of his breath. He longed for the relief that came whenever his body readjusted to his new form and the wolf took over.
But it didn’t come.
Awareness tickled the back of his neck, bringing everything to a sudden halt.
Someone was approaching.
Pulse speeding up, Erec forced the change to retreat. An invisible vice wrapped around him, squeezing tight. Stopping the shift was even more excruciating than starting it, and his vision hazed over as his spine straightened, his limbs grew, and the fur retracted. But no matter how it hurt, he couldn’t pass out. Not now. Not when someone was closing in on him.
Erec could hear the footsteps now. They were loud and clumsy, as if the stranger wasn’t even trying to conceal them. Lifting his nose in the air, he sniffed.
Lilacs.
“Astrid?”
Her red hair appeared first through the darkness, then her brilliant green eyes. As she closed the distance between them, a mixture of relief and anger surged through him. Why was she outside the protection of Svanna Rock? Did she know how dangerous it was wandering alone at night?
“I’m usually the one to sneak away,” she said before he could ask her why she’d come. “It seems you beat me to it.” Her gaze trailed over his naked torso, and then down, lingering on his manhood, which stiffened in response.
Sweet Moons, forcing himself to stay away from her bed for the past week had been torturous for him. Especially knowing how good she felt underneath him. But he wanted to tell her how deep his feelings went for her first, wanted to be sure about what was between them before going any further. Maybe that was the coward in him again—afraid of rejection—but whatever it was, it was keeping the words on the tip of his tongue. No matter how hard Erec tried, he couldn’t yank them out.
Even now as he stared at her, with the moonlight making her pale skin glow and her eyes sparkle with mischief, his heart pounded. The desire to grab her and crush her body against his was so strong his fingers ached.
Resisting the urge, Erec scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “No one saw you leave?” he asked. Don’t scold her. You’re not her father. As much as he wanted to tell her it was foolish for her to come out here alone, in the middle of the night, with Jerrick’s men on the prowl, he knew he couldn’t. He had done the same thing.
Astrid shook her head. “Not a soul.”
“Good.”
She eyed him again, her gaze drifting over the length of his body. Then her voice dropped to a suggestive whisper. “Were you about to shift?”
The memory of her calling his name in that same husky tone as she climaxed reverberated against his eardrums, making Erec’s blood heat. He couldn’t speak for a long moment, so he simply nodded his answer.
“Great,” she sighed and began pulling off her coat and vest. “I haven’t shifted in so long. Can you feel the moon’s pull, too?”
Again he nodded, rendered mute as more fabric left her skin. When she was finished and stood before him completely exposed, he not only lost his voice, but he lost his head. Erec had seen Astrid naked before, but the sight of her body still managed to leave him breathless. There was nothing young or juvenile about her at all. She was all woman, from her full breasts, to the dip of her waist, to the wide curve of her hips. And those thighs…they were thick, strong, and felt so good wrapped around his middle as he thrust into her.
“Erec?”
He blinked, forcing the thoughts away.
After some time, he asked, “Run with me?” Running as a wolf had always worked to clear his mind. And he needed that now, more than ever. “We should have hours left before dawn.”
Her skin rippled in response, and she dropped to her hands and knees as the change took over and she transformed. Erec fell, too, letting the power push through every muscle, every bone. The pain came and left quickly this time, his wolf all but leaping out with the shift, and it wasn’t long before he was the wild animal again.
Erec shook out his fur, and then looked at Astrid. Her wolf was a magnificent shade of auburn red with touches of white around the muzzle and underbelly. Her eyes, though, remained the same shocking green. He padded over to her and rubbed his head against hers. She was smaller than him, but he didn’t doubt her skills. He’d seen her fight as a human, and while in this form, their speed and strength only increased.
Astrid pressed against him, too, but only for a second. Then she bolted into the woods, beckoning him to give chase. He did.
Everything was easier as a wolf. As his paws flew across the snow, a whirlwind of different sensations hit him. Through the snow, Erec could feel the vibrations of Astrid’s footfalls ahead of him. Simultaneously, her lilac scent filled his nose, along with the familiar crisp, piney smells of winter. He could even hear the mating whistles of a lumibird somewhere in the canopy. The moonlight caressed his golden fur like a lover’s touch as he sprinted between trunks and brushes to catch up to Astrid’s heels.
It was all so overwhelming yet liberating at the same time. Erec couldn’t wait to experience this whenever he pleased. With Astrid at his side.
They ran for close to an hour, leaping over each other and making a game of the chase. Exhaustion tugged at Erec’s muscles, and when the sound of moving water met Erec’s ears, he knew they couldn’t go any farther. He pounced onto Astrid, and they rolled together into the snow, playfully nipping and licking each other until they came to a stop.
They shifted at the same time and lay with their bare backs in the snow, breathing hard. The cold wetness against Erec’s hot skin was a mere tickle, unlike when he had first stripped off his clothes. Now, it was rather refreshing.
Because the trees were a little sparser in this part of the woods, the night stretched out above them. The moon was a massive gem against a black and diamond backdrop, and Erec marveled at the beauty of it. He and Astrid lay like that for a long time, saying nothing, not touching. Just staring up at the sky and listening to the sounds of the forest around them.
Erec didn’t know how much time had passed, but after a long stretch of silence, Astrid spoke.
“How old were you when Mikel took you in?” Her voice was no more than a feathery whisper.
The question took him off guard, but he saw no harm in answering it. “Three Moons, I think,” he mused, wondering what had sparked her sudden curiosity. Especially with his past. “I don’t remember much before then, so that’s my guess. I must have been young.”
“When did you leave his pack?”
When Erec glanced at her, he found that she was watching him intently. “All these questions,” he said with a small laugh.
She shrugged. “I just thought that if we were going to be mates, I should know some things about you.”
That seemed fair enough. She wasn’t asking much from him, but he’d spent most of his adolescence trying to forget the years before. He definitely didn’t want to bring them up now. Not when they were full of a lot of guilt, fear, and shame.
He sighed. She was right. If they were going to be mates, she did deserve to know who he was. The good, the bad, and the regretful.
“The first time I left, I was ten. I came back and stayed for a few years before leaving again,” Erec said, peering back at the sky. “I left a final time when I had eighteen Blue Moons to m
e. Only came back to visit occasionally but never stayed.”
“Why did you leave so much?”
Erec squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment. There was a sickening feeling creeping into his gut. He didn’t want to admit to Astrid the real reason he had fled Mikel’s pack. He hadn’t even liked admitting it to himself all those years ago. It had only solidified his role as a coward.
Erec chose his words carefully when he continued. “I never felt like I belonged,” he settled with. “No matter how kind Mikel and his people were to me.”
“And?” She huffed.
Opening his eyes again, he cursed silently. How did she know he was holding something back?
Then he remembered the pack bond that linked them and cursed again, this time out loud. There would be no getting around it this time.
“Mikel wanted to make me alpha.” It came out in a defeated sigh. “He wanted me to take over the east-side pack.”
Astrid pushed herself up on her elbows so she could stare down at him with wide eyes. “Wait, what?”
“The man was like a father to me, but he thought of me as an actual son,” Erec went on. “He wanted me to be alpha after him. He wanted to give the title, the power, the pack—everything—to me.”
“Erec, that’s an honor,” she said. “Why did you leave then?”
There it was again. The churning of remorse and embarrassment in the bottom of his stomach. “Mikel thought I was something I wasn’t. I was not his son. I was—am—nothing but an orphan. I didn’t deserve it.”
“Why does that matter? Yes, alphahood usually ends up staying within a bloodline, like with Filip, but blood doesn’t make an alpha. Strength does. Courage. Leadership.”
“Packs thrive on unity and a family bond. I was an outsider. Mikel may not have had children of his own, but he had several other blood relatives that could fit the position. Hell, he had friends who’d been more loyal to him and commited to the pack than I had. No matter how many times I told the old man that, he wouldn’t change his mind.”
The Curse (Shifter Origins) Page 17
