“This is a good episode,” James said, pointing at the TV. “There's this kid that is all hopped up on LSD and has painted himself blue. What do they call him, you ask? Why, Blue Boy of course.”
“Shh,” Emily said curling up. “don't ruin it.”
James looked down at her, smiling at the top of her head. Underneath all the hard ass, boss lady facade, she was adorable. She would hate that descriptor, but it was true. She was soft and sweet and damn if he didn't want to just reach down and pull her into his arms. But that was out of the question. He needed to let her happen upon the same realization that he did: that it was much better to surrender to it than fight it.
They watched two episodes of Dragnet which switched to reruns of Adam-12 and she felt her eyes getting heavy. She turned completely onto her side facing him, pulling her legs up into her chest and letting herself slowly drift off to sleep.
She woke up early in the morning laying the across the bed. And, therefore, across him. The side of her face was pressed into the soft material of his sweatshirt right in the center of his stomach. Her feet were dangling off the other end of the bed. She blinked to clear her eyes, looking up to find James already awake looking down at her.
“Hey,” she said sleepily, not looking away. There was something in that moment that felt soft and sweet and welcoming and she knew that if she broke the contact, it would all fall away.
“Hey you,” he said, reaching down and stroking her cheek.
Emily took a breath, leaning into his hand. They could just pretend it was still the night before. That it was all part of the same stupid mistake. That it didn't count.
She rose up slowly, moving her body onto his chest, rising up on her arms, looking down at him wrapped inside the curtain of her deep red hair. His hands moved to her hips, more of a caress than a hug, but she felt herself sink into it. Into him. Into the strange floating unreality of that moment.
She lowered her face to his, her lips brushing him with an uncertain hesitance. But even at the slight contact, she felt the desire spread through her belly and outward. Every inch of her skin felt sensitive, alert, even though her brain felt like it was stuck in some kind of dream.
She drew a breath, making a choice, and throwing every bit of confused, frustrated longing into the kiss. Like it was the beginning. Like it was the end.
Because that's exactly what it was. She would never get the chance to feel this again. So she was going to jump in and let herself drown in it.
James laid back and let her explore, her lips gentle but passionate against his, seeking things he couldn't even begin to understand, let alone offer her. But there was something there that hadn't been before. A soft hum of something deeper, something that made him feel warm and comforted. His hands moved up and down her back, first over and then under her shirt as her lips stayed on his.
Emily pushed herself up, straddling his waist, slowly pulling her shirt up and over her head. James' hands moved to her hips for a long moment before sliding up the skin of her belly to cup her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over the raised points. Emily took a deep breath, tilting her head up to the ceiling and easing into the sensations.
She slipped her hips lower on his pelvis, finding his hardness and letting it press against her heat. Intimate yet chaste. She took a deep breath, slowly sliding her body up and down his, feeling her need growing.
James' breath hissed out of his mouth, looking up at her body, feeling her pressing against him. He never wanted that moment to end. The closeness. The lack of thought. The simple feeling.
Emily moved upward, placing her hands on top of his on her breasts and pulling them down to the waistband of her pants. His hands slipped slightly under the material, pulling them down. Emily lifted one leg at a time, getting free of the material. She lifted up higher so he could remove his pants, leaning across toward the nightstand for her purse, opening the inside zipper and pulling out a condom. James took it from her as she leaned forward to take his lips in hers again. Soft. Full of promises of what was to come.
James' hands moved to her back, sliding slowly down, cupping her ass, then moving back up. Emily moved back up, reaching between them, and guiding him toward her entrance. She pushed down excruciatingly slowly, feeling every inch of him stretch and fill her.
The hands on her hips were gripping hard. He ground his teeth together to keep his calm as he felt her hot pussy grab at his cock, pulling him in deeper as slowly as possible. She closed her eyes as her body pressed down on his, sighing.
She opened her eyes, looking down into his, deep and unreadable as she slowly slid against him, feeling him press against her front wall as she moved her hips backward. James watched her ride him, her eyes never leaving his as she stroked their desires.
Emily's moans were coming out as airy whimpers. Her hands reached down toward his stomach, trying to steady herself as she felt her orgasm pressing closer. James reached down, squeezing her hands once, then slowly lifting his body off the mattress. His arms went around her, one low on her hips, the other across the back of her shoulders. His face was even with her neck and he buried his face there, breathing her sweet smell in, trying to commit it to memory.
Emily leaned her head down, resting her cheek against the top of his soft hair, both her arms around his neck. She kept the same punishingly deliberate pace, feeling the pressure building up slowly, somehow stronger. Deeper. Like she was going to shatter in a million pieces when the climax slammed through her.
She slid upward, her body grabbing onto him too tightly. As she slid down again, the world exploded. Shattered. She opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out but a strangled gasp as her orgasm worked its way through her whole body, making her pull him more tightly to her.
James felt her cum, a slow but powerful pulsating around him, rolling over and over. Her fingers digging into his shoulders, her body trembling. He came powerfully, thrusting upward into her as his hands pulled her firmly down.
Emily held onto him, his arms going around her and holding onto her tightly. Their heartbeats were frantic, their breathing unsteady as they clung to each other.
The perfection of that silent moment was somehow better than a million mouthfuls promising forever.
Fifteen
The morning had continued in silence, but it wasn't the same as when their bodies were entwined. It was forced and awkward. It was full of the understanding that what had just happened between them was more than just sex. It was more than bodies enjoying each other. It was more. And they were each mutely dealing with the repercussions.
Emily packed all their things up into separate bags, shrugging into her new heavy winter jacket and lacing up her boots for the snow. James collected the key cards, stuffed his wallet into his jacket, and grabbed the car keys. When Emily stood up, he nodded once at her and they both moved into the hall single file.
James went to the desk to check out while she grabbed them coffee for the road. Her thighs felt stiff and achy but it was nothing compared to the unexpected swirling sadness situated somewhere in her chest. The tears sprang unwanted but persistent to her eyes as she turned away from the hot chocolate cart, a gray cardboard tray holding their disposable cups. She caught sight of Maude who had been walking toward her but paused when she got a look at Emily's face. Her head tilted to the side as if wondering if Emily would accept her sympathy or advice.
Emily shook her head, blinking rapidly, thankful that for once... Maude wasn't going to push the issue. She walked instead over toward the desk to wait her turn to check out. Emily took a steadying breath and made her way outside, needing a moment alone before being stuck in the car with him.
She didn't want to admit to herself that she finally realized there was a depth of emotion. That there was a moment that morning where she swore she felt a part of him seeping into the cracks in her heart, filling them, making her feel a comfortable completeness she had never felt before. And she knew that it was goi
ng to hurt all the more when the parts of him drifted away and left her incomplete again. And acutely, painfully aware of her brokenness for the first time.
The door opened behind her and she didn't need to turn to know it was him. There was a long silence followed by James clearing his throat. “Ready?” he asked, making his way toward the car without waiting for a response.
They sipped their coffee, James keeping his eyes on the road, Emily looking out the side window. Everything was beautiful. Cloaked in sheets of shiny white snow. Fresh. New. Untouched. Soon it would turn muddy and droopy. Ugly even. But right then, it was perfect.
Stars Landing seemed even more storybook than usual coated in new snow. Emily got out of the car slowly, knowing that the second she got alone she was going to break down. Big, ugly, shameful sobs were in her future.
She had just stepped out of the way when arms landed on each side of her body, slamming the door. He moved close to her, pressing his body full of memories against hers, pushing her back into the cold car. “You can silent treatment me all you want,” he said, ducking his head down and smirking slightly. “but this,” he said, gesturing between them. “whatever this is... this isn't over,” he said, turning and walking into the inn.
–
Emily went straight to the kitchen, finding Meggie sitting on the counter humming a Christmas carol with a book of holiday recipes in her hands.
“Well finally,” Meggie said as Emily threw herself into a chair. She looked over at her, snapping the book closed. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing,” Emily said, forcing what she hoped was a halfway convincing smile.
Meggie turned her head to the side. “I saved you an apple turnover from Lena,” she suggested.
“No thanks. I'm fine,” Emily said, the idea of anything sweet turning her stomach in a nauseating way.
Meggie jumped off of the counter. “Whoa. Did you just turn down one of Lena's masterpieces? Something is seriously up.”
Emily rubbed her tired eyes. “Everything is fine,” she said. Maybe if she denied it, pretended nothing happened, she might start believing it too. “It's just been a long couple of days.”
“Okay,” Meggie said, not quite believing her but knowing it was useless to press the issue with someone so stubborn. “Where is Mr. Boss Man?
Emily was mid-shrug when Devon walked into the kitchen, his brows drawn together. “He's in the office... working.”
“What?” Emily asked, half rising out of her chair.
“Yeah,” Devon said, sitting down across from her. “I thought it was weird too.” A silence hung there for a second, Meggie glancing worriedly at Emily, Devon looking between the two, confused. “So,” he said, banging a hand on the table and making both women jump. “How was Aria? Mouth wateringly delicious as ever?”
Emily snorted, shaking her head. “What is with you two?”
“Nothing,” Devon said honestly. “But, man, wouldn't that be something?”
Emily sent him a small smile. “The lodge looks great. James was really impressed with your renovations.”
“James?” Meggie asked, sounding shocked. A slow look of understanding spread across her face. “Oh,” she said, nodding, walking over to the coffee machine and putting a fresh pot on.
“Yeah,” Devon said, shrugging a shoulder. “There needs to be an overhaul of the game room and the staff quarters too... but try to tell my family that.”
“You'll get them to listen some day,” Emily said, rising.
“Where are you going?” Meggie asked, sounding concerned like she had plans to go up to the roof and jump off of it.
“To make sure he isn't making a mess of my files,” Emily said honestly.
Why did he have to go rifling through her office? She had a carefully organized chaos going on and if he moved anything she would be lost for weeks. He had left the door open and she stepped into the doorway, arms crossed over her chest watching as he looked between two pages he was holding, a line of concern etched between his brows.
It struck her how good looking he was. He was always pointing it out, but his silly arrogance always made her roll her eyes, not look closer. But sitting there, focused on work, he looked tall and strong. His brown hair was a little unkempt as always and for the first time, there was stubble on his face. It made him look a little older, a little sexier. What man didn't look better with a good five o'clock shadow?
She hadn't stopped to think about him working. Sure, she had seen him running around waiting tables and washing dishes. But she hadn't thought about what he was like at his normal job. Doing business. Handling acquisitions. There was an aura of confidence around him. A determination to his stiff shoulders. And it really wasn't helping her feelings for him. It was easier to dismiss it as a stupid whim of hers when she thought about him as some silly slacker. Seeing him as a capable professional was doing all kinds of awful things to her inside.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice sounding foreign, too loud, in the small space.
James didn't look up immediately as he dropped one paper and lifted another, looking between the two sheets again. He put his arms down on the desk hard, looking up at her with a look she didn't quite recognize.
“What's wrong?”
He took a slow, visible breath, looking down at the pages again as if to triple check something before looking back at her. “Em... someone is stealing from you,” he said plainly.
“What?” Emily asked, dropping her arms and stepping into the room, closing the door behind her. “Don't be ridiculous.”
James rolled his eyes, sending her a small, guarded smile. “I'm serious,” he said, holding the pages he had been looking over out at her.
“What am I looking for?” she asked, squinting at the pages she had seen a dozen times before. Monthly spreadsheets. Money in, money out. Simple. Nothing had ever been worthy of a second look. It was always almost always the same month to month.
“Look,” he said, getting another sheet of paper and coming toward her. “this is a spreadsheet from five years ago,” he said, handing it to her. “these ones are from the past couple months.”
“Yeah I see that,” she said, looking at him like he was crazy.
“Here,” he said, pointing to a line labeled Employee Benefits.
“Yeah, we're a small company who... you know... actually cares about our employees. So we give them health coverage. I know, that sounds crazy to you big city businessmen...”
“No,” James said, rolling his eyes. “everyone should have coverage. That's not the thing. The thing is here, four years ago, the amount was eighty dollars per person. But now it is over one-twenty.”
“So the premium went up. That happens.”
“True. Except it didn't,” James said, going back to the desk and grabbing another paper. “this is from the insurance company. You are still supposed to only be paying the eighty.”
Emily felt a tightening in her stomach as she tried to think of any other logical explanation for the difference.
“And,” James said, as if that wasn't bad enough. “a few times a year... it goes from the one-twenty to two-hundred or two-fifty.”
“When?” Emily asked, looking down at the paper, feeling a deep embarrassment for not having noticed the discrepancies.
“Christmas for one... Easter...”
Emily looked down at the papers, shaking her head. Not wanting to believe him. Not wanting to accept the cold hard facts. “No,” she said. “No,” she said more firmly, slamming the papers against his chest. “Find some other explanation. Because this isn't possible. I know all these people. I love these fucking people. They're like family to me. They would never steal from me... screw over Marion or... me. No. I don't accept this...”
“Emily...” James said, trying to sound reasonable. She looked like she was seconds away from flying into a rage, or falling into a puddle on the floor.
“No,” she yelled, w
renching open the door. “you're wrong. You're wrong. And you need to go over everything again. Because there is no way one of my people is fucking me over. No way,” she said, storming off toward her room.
She pulled the door open and slammed it hard behind her, turning around. Her heart flew into her chest. Because there was someone in her room. Someone who shouldn't have been there.
“I'm home baby,” he said, smiling the spine-tingling smile she remembered.
Sixteen
No. That was all she could think of. Just... no. She couldn't handle him right then. She had too much else to stress about. But there he was. Standing there barefoot, shirtless, his abdominal muscles as firm as she remembered them. Hell, she could still remember every nook and cranny of them, what they felt like under her hungry hands... under her lips.
He was hands down, next to the O'reilly brothers, the most gorgeous thing to look at in Stars Landing. He was tall. Six and a half feet of delicious manliness. There were the coiled, perfect muscles thanks to his rigorous exercise routine he had taken up when he was fifteen and fat and picked on mercilessly. He had a sleeve on his right arm. Wrist to collarbone, gorgeous red and black tattoos he spent years acquiring. His hair was dark, hinting at black without crossing that line. He kept it somewhat long and shaggy, a mess of waves that never quite got long enough to brush his shoulders.
But it was the face that did you in. All hard lines and angles. He had a firm, low brow which made him seem intimidating even when he smiled, a strong jaw with a hint of a cleft in his chin. His cheeks had hollows you could sink your fingers into when his face was still. Hollows that disarmingly disappeared when he occasionally smiled. His eyes were bright. A color she could never explain correctly because, apparently, gold was not a natural color for human eyes to be. But that was what they were. They were a painfully bright light shade of brown that could only be described as golden, framed with thick black lashes.
What The Heart Knows Page 12
