“I know. But my obstetrician told me that my blood pressure seemed a little high today.”
“Your blood pressure?”
Mollie nods. “She said I need to keep things calm.”
“Did you tell your mom about this yet?” I’m recalling her parents’ attitude about how Mollie needs to grow up and take responsibility for things.
“No …”
“You better let her know, Mollie.”
She looks back at her computer screen. “Here’s another juicy piece about Benjamin and your sister.”
I groan. “I’m not sure I want to hear it.”
“It says here that they were rumored to have had a secret rendezvous in Paris.”
“I can only imagine who leaked that one. It’s not like the paparazzi were trailing us.”
“You think Ben leaked it?”
“Use your imagination.”
“So what if he and Paige really did get serious?” Mollie asks me.
I shrug. “Not much I can do about that.”
“Besides lose the attitude?”
“Hey, I’m working on it.”
She laughs and closes her computer. “Yeah, I can tell.”
I lean back and sigh. “Do you remember when life was simple?”
“Was it ever simple?”
I frown to think about how my life feels slightly out of control lately … How my mom’s getting married and moving out to live with Jon. How my sister seems intent on blowing up our show and going in her own direction, which might include a guy I don’t respect. Plus, I’ve only got one term of college under my belt when most other kids my age are finishing their first year.
“You know, like back when we were kids,” I tell her. “Do you think we’ll ever get to live like that again?”
“I think we had our chance,” she says glumly.
“Too bad we didn’t appreciate it more, huh?”
She shakes her head as she rubs her rounded stomach. “Yeah. Like they say, you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”
I guess that’s pretty much true. The sad part is I can remember being so eager to grow up—like I couldn’t get there fast enough. Now I’m suddenly old enough to supposedly manage my own life, and all I want is to go back and be a kid again. It just figures.
Chapter
9
My cell phone rings just as I’m leaving Mollie’s house, and my caller ID informs me it’s Helen Hudson. I get inside my Jeep to answer, trying not to sound too nervous. “Hi, Helen.”
“Erin.” Her deep voice has a chilly calmness to it. Almost like the hush before the hurricane. “What is going on with your sister?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I’ve got a revised contract here with Paige’s name on it and I want to know what’s going on.”
“Maybe you should ask Paige about—”
“Have no doubts, I definitely plan to speak to Paige, but I wanted to hear your thoughts first.”
“Oh.”
“I’m curious as to how you feel about big sister trying to shove you back into the corner.”
I take in a deep breath and carefully consider my answer. Maybe it was talking to Mollie … or maybe it was just taking time to chill, but I no longer feel so enraged at my sister. “I don’t think Paige is actually trying to shove me back into the corner.”
“You don’t?”
“No … not exactly.”
“Well, maybe you didn’t see this revised contract.”
“I have a pretty good idea of what’s in it.”
“And you’re okay with that? No ‘Sibling Rivalry’ segment. Paige has creative control. You are relegated to … well, pretty much to where you’ve been before.”
“I know that Paige has a need to be in the spotlight,” I say slowly. “I’m used to this.”
“Yes, yes … I know you don’t mind playing second fiddle, Erin. But I think your sister wants to be the only fiddle—in fact, she seems to believe she’s the entire orchestra.”
“I don’t disagree … but isn’t that why you hired Paige in the first place?”
“Producing a successful reality TV show requires more than one star, Erin.”
“But hasn’t the show been successful?”
“Yes, but this is the result of a team effort. I assumed that you, more than most, might understand this, Erin. After all, you were going to film school. Don’t they teach that sort of thing anymore?”
I consider reminding her that I barely even started film school, but have a feeling it wouldn’t do much good. Besides, she’s right. Good production is the result of a good team. “If it’s any consolation, I was pretty mad at Paige to start with,” I say carefully. “I couldn’t believe that she wanted to change her contract like that, especially since she told me privately that she was okay with the ‘Sibling Rivalry’ segment. But at the same time I understand her need to protect her position as the one and only host of the On the Runway.”
“Even if the producer wants to go in a new direction?”
“I didn’t say that I agree with her, Helen. I already warned her that I thought she was taking a risk.”
“And?”
“She didn’t seem concerned.”
“Does she not understand that the way shows like ours remain hot and viable is that they are able to shift gears and change directions quickly—reality TV is like a living, breathing art form. It needs room to grow and adapt—to be able to catch the next wave. I feel that Paige’s new contract will cut us off from that kind of flexibility. On the Runway will become stale and stagnant.”
“Not as stale and stagnant as it would become without her,” I counter.
“Touché. Your loyalty to your backstabbing sister is moving.”
I force a small laugh. “Thanks.”
“Erin, be straight with me. Is someone offering Paige another show? Is your sister looking for greener pastures? Because if she is, she’s not only incredibly naïve, but she is going to be in a mountain of trouble too. I’ll have my attorneys on this so fast that Paige’s pretty little head will look like she should be starring in The Exorcist.”
I honestly don’t know how to respond to this. Part of me wants to protect and defend my sister, but another part gets Helen’s anger. I don’t say anything.
“I have two questions for you, Erin.”
“Yes?”
“One, do you think Paige is trying to leave the show? And, two, do you feel ready to step up and take her place?”
“Wow … I don’t know.”
“You don’t know the answer to either question?”
“I honestly don’t, Helen. As far as Paige goes, she’s not exactly communicating with me and I’m not a psychic. You’ll have to talk to her. As for me hosting the show … well, the truth is that’s flattering, but totally overwhelming.”
“Yes. I expected you’d say something like that, but I appreciate your honesty. Now one more question.”
“What?”
“Will you be terribly disappointed if we go back to the original format for the show—with Paige acting as the one and only host, the diva of divine style, the goddess of good taste, the final say in fashion?” She laughs in a sarcastic tone, although I suspect she knows that’s not much of an exaggeration since the media sources have been saying pretty much the same thing.
“Not at all. It’s your show, Helen.”
“Really? You’re not just a little disappointed to be shoved back into the corner away from the limelight?”
“I still wish we could address some of those tough topics that concern me, like how anorexic models impact the rest of us. But maybe Paige is right. Maybe that belongs on a different show.”
“I have an idea, Erin.”
“What’s that?”
“Another avenue you might take. Tell me … are you a good writer?”
“I guess I’m okay.”
“Why don’t you start a blog or something on the Internet to get your opinions
and information across?”
“A blog?”
“Or a website or some other kind of media access.”
“Do you honestly think anyone would read it?”
“You don’t seem to appreciate that you have a platform now, Erin. Because of your role, albeit small, on a hot reality show like On the Runway, people are interested in you. They want to hear what you think. If your selfish sister won’t let you get your opinions onto the show, you can always get them out through other means.” Helen laughs. “I know you believe in God, Erin. Haven’t you heard that saying—when God closes a door, he opens a window. Remember the line from The Sound of Music?”
As I’m chewing on this, Helen says she has to take a call. “Now don’t tell Paige we talked,” she says quickly. “And don’t mention this to Fran either. I’d just as soon keep Fran removed from the sticky negotiation side of things. Don’t want to sour her against our Princess Paige.” She laughs, but I can tell she still doesn’t think this is too funny. Then she says good-bye.
By the time I get home, Paige is pacing in the kitchen like a nervous cat. I can tell by the twist of her mouth she’s starting to get worried. I know I could try to console her a bit, but I decide to just let her brew for a while. Without saying a word, I head straight to my room, but I’ve barely closed the door when my phone rings and I’m surprised to see it’s Blake. I think this is the first time he’s called me since I told him I wanted to cool it after the Paris trip.
“Hey, Blake,” I say in a friendly tone. “What’s up?”
“That’s what I’m wondering … what is up?”
“Huh?”
“Well, I was just with Benjamin and it sounds like he and Paige have been going out… and I thought you said that you and your sister made some kind of sisterly agreement to have a non-dating pact so that you could focus on your show without the distraction of guys.” His tone sounds frosty.
“Yeah … well, that agreement has been steadily deteriorating.” I quickly explain how Paige seems to have cheated on me. “But, trust me, that’s only the tip of the iceberg right now.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, it’s just some messed-up stuff in regard to our show. I probably shouldn’t even say anything.”
“Unless you need to talk. Because you sound frustrated, Erin. You know me—I don’t always have answers, but I think I’m a pretty good listener.”
It’s so good to hear Blake’s voice again. So I just open the gates and the whole story spills out about the revised contract and Helen’s reaction and how Paige might want to be on a different show. “But please don’t tell anyone.”
“You know you can trust me.”
I think I can trust him … I believe I can trust him. Yet he did break my heart once. Although, to be fair, that was a year ago and for the past six months he’s been rock solid. Still… I should probably keep my guard up. “Most of all, please, don’t mention it to Benjamin,” I say finally. “The last thing we need is for him to know more about what’s going on than Paige.”
“You have my word, Erin.”
“Thanks … and thanks for listening.”
“So, tell me … what’s the deal now? On dating, I mean.”
“For me?”
“Yeah. I don’t want to pressure you, and I’m willing to go back to the just friends thing as long as I know that I’m still on your short list—hopefully a really short list—of guys you might potentially go out with.”
I think about this. “Well, absolutely, I want you as my friend, Blake. I’ve missed going out with you. But regardless of how Paige handles her love life or keeps her promises, I still kind of feel that I’m not ready to get seriously involved—and I mean with anyone.”
“But if you were?”
I laugh. “Well, of course, you’d be on my very short, short list, Blake. Don’t you know that?”
He laughs too. “I had hoped that was the case … but sometimes I feel a little insecure. It’s not easy being infatuated with a star.”
“A star?” I laugh even louder now. “Did you suffer a recent head injury? Because it sounds like maybe you’re seeing stars.”
“Hey, I’m serious, Erin. You don’t seem to get that your popularity has steadily increased since the makeover segment in Paris. Don’t you ever pay attention to this stuff?”
“If you mean tweets or social networks or tabloids or the polls or the gossip shows, I honestly don’t pay attention. In fact, I get most of my information from Mollie—usually whether I want to hear it or not.”
“See … and that’s just one more thing I like about you. This stuff never seems to go to your head. So back to whether or not you’ll go out with me—and I don’t mean so that we can get seriously involved—I get that. But, how about it—do you want to go grab a burger or something with me tonight?”
“That actually sounds good.” The truth is, I wasn’t looking forward to being stuck at home with my mixed-up sister this evening. After we set a time and hang up, I get ready to go, waiting in my room until I hear the doorbell. Paige is still pacing in the kitchen as I hurry to answer the door.
“I’m going out with Blake,” I call to her, not waiting for a response, then I slip out and close the door.
“I’m starting to feel a little bit sorry for her,” I admit as Blake drives away from the condo.
“Why?”
“I don’t know … but sometimes it feels like Paige is her own worst enemy.”
He nods like he gets this. “Maybe it’s because she almost always gets what she wants.”
I think about this. “You know, you could be right. She does almost always get what she wants. But sometimes it turns out that what she wants isn’t necessarily the best thing for her.”
“That’s why it’s kind of cool to turn things over to God … to wait when he says wait, or to trust that him saying no might turn out to be a good thing.”
I study Blake as he drives, and it might just be me, but I think this boy is growing up.
“I thought we’d made an agreement,” Paige says to me as soon as I come into the house.
“Huh?” I set my bag on the table by the door and study her. She’s wearing warm-ups and her face, devoid of makeup, harbors an expression that reminds me of our childhood. Not exactly pouting, but slightly hurt.
“We agreed we weren’t going to date.”
“Oh, that.” I wave my hand. “Rumor has it you already broke that agreement. And now I’m following your fine example.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “What do you mean?”
I shake my head. “Seriously, Paige, you follow that stuff. You know exactly what I mean.”
“Do you mean Benjamin?”
I give her my best duh look and wait for her to explain.
“Well, that’s nothing.”
“Nothing?” I stare at her, wondering if she honestly expects me to swallow that.
“Of course it’s nothing, Erin. Surely you knew that.”
“How would I possibly know that?” I kick off my shoes. “It’s not like you talk to me.”
“I talk to you,” she says indignantly.
“Right. You tell me one thing and then you do the opposite. That’s a great way to communicate.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you serious?” I stare at her. “You know what you’ve done, Paige. Don’t act like you don’t.”
“You mean by protecting my career?”
“By throwing your sister under the bus?”
“I never did that.”
“Right.” I shake my head. “And I’ll never write a book called Sister Dearest either.”
“Huh?” She looks honestly clueless and this makes me want to just shake her.
“Where’s Mom?” I ask as I go into the kitchen to escape her.
“With Jon.” She follows me. “Besides, you’re the one who doesn’t talk to me, Erin. I know you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I’m talking to you now.” I fil
l a glass with water.
“So, tell me then, why is it okay for you to go out with Blake?”
I am determined to remain calm as I look evenly at her. “Why is it okay for you to go out with Ben?”
“You honestly don’t know the answer to that? You don’t know why I go out with Benjamin Kross? Are you really that dumb?”
I give her a blank look.
“It’s about publicity, little sister. Haven’t you noticed how much I’ve been in the spotlight this past week?” Her eyes twinkle and I can tell how much she loves this—being the center of attention. It makes my stomach hurt.
“You seriously think Ben is good publicity?”
“You know what they say about publicity, Erin.”
“But you’re already in the spotlight,” I try to reason. “You have that without Ben. You don’t need him.”
“You really don’t get it, do you?”
I frown. “No, apparently not.”
“It’s like this ball is rolling, Erin. But I need to help keep it rolling. It won’t just roll by itself.”
I set my empty glass in the sink. “Really?”
She firmly shakes her head. Judging by her expression, she believes herself. “No. It’s up to me to keep it going. And that means getting attention when and how I can.”
“So you’re saying that you and Benjamin aren’t really dating?”
“Not in the romantic sense.”
“Says you.”
Paige takes a small bunch of grapes from the fridge and pops one into her mouth.
“But you can’t speak for Ben, can you?” I persist. “What if he’s serious?”
“Oh, Erin, you know it takes two to tango.” She laughs and pops another grape into her mouth.
“Well, just so you know, I told Blake that I’m not going to get seriously involved with him or anyone for a while. And I plan to stick to my guns. But I don’t think it’ll hurt to go out with him occasionally.” I flash her a snide smile. “You know, for publicity.”
She rolls her eyes. “Whatever.”
“Not that we’ll need much of that if our show shuts down.”
“Our show is not shutting down, Erin.”
“What makes you so sure?”
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