I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him to me. He is so strong, and certain. Being able to lean on him had always been something I needed. “What does all this mean? Me being yours? You claiming me?”
“It means that no one can touch you. It means if anyone tries to I will be here to protect you. You never have to worry about anything, because I’ll do that for you. For most women, it means you’re part of the club family, but you already were.” Family. Many people see the MC as dangerous, for me they have always been a safe haven.
We lay there for a few more minutes before I sit up. “What was your phone call about?”
“Shooter wants us to come see him when we get back. Why don’t you get yourself together, then we can grab lunch and head back over to the clubhouse.” He gives me a quick kiss before leaving the room.
I stand up go to the bathroom, and then get dressed. I’m sore which is making getting dressed a little more difficult than normal. When I walk downstairs, Jordan is standing by the large window next to the door. “I’m all dressed.”
He turns toward me. “You hungry?”
“Starving.”
His arms reach for me pulling me against him. “For food?” He arches an eyebrow at me.
“Yes, for food.” I smile at him. This all feels so strange to me. I’m with Jordan now, I don’t have to hide my feelings for him. I stand on my tiptoes giving him a kiss.
“Let’s get out of here before I make you lunch.” The image of him doing just that has me wanting him. He smacks my butt before walking outside.
I follow him, climbing onto his bike behind him. Unlike before, I happily wrap my arms around him, holding on tight and resting my head against his back.
As we ride back into town, I couldn’t be happier. Things in my life finally feel like they are making sense. There is a part of me that is nervous being out of the clubhouse. I’ve spent the last three years in a safe place, where no one could get to me. Now I’m out in the open and exposed. We stop at a diner, heading inside and grabbing a table. After we place our order, I look up at Jordan. “So what happens now?”
“With?” He looks at me waiting for more.
“With us, my room at the club, the girls at the club, the brothers. I feel like I don’t know where I stand.” There are so many unknowns right now and it has me on edge. Most of the guys have their old ladies live at their houses, and they never really interact with the members or club except on family days. I’m so attached to everyone and to the club I don’t want to have to be cut off completely.
“Well, your room at the club is gone. I told Tracie to move all your stuff into the room I was staying in. Most old ladies don’t stay at the club, so you could move into my house.”
“But you wouldn’t be there?”
“No. Not always. Now that I’m patched in, I’ll need to do runs more often with the club. I’ll be away more.” The thought of him being on a “run” scares me. I don’t know all the details but I do know that whatever they are doing is illegal. Do I feel great about that? Hell no. But these people are my family now, they took me in and protected me. “When I’m away, I want you at the club house. I don’t feel safe with you being alone out there.”
I nod. I know my family is still around. Whether they care about finding me anymore or not is unknown. Our food comes and we make small talk about different things. I know that this new found freedom, and position will take some getting used to.
Today is the start of my new life.
When we get to the clubhouse, we meet Shooter in his office. I always get nervous around him. He is a father figure, but he is also the President and he holds all of the power.
“We need to talk about what you bein’ eighteen, and you claimin’ her means for everyone involved and for the club. Now we haven’t heard anything from that family of yours, but that don’t mean anything. I suggest you still be cautious. People like that hold grudges. As far as your role here, we don’t expect ya to keep cleanin’ up after us.” Shooter looks over at me.
“I don’t mind doing things when I’m here.” I smile at him.
“You turned out good, kid. Let me have a minute with Whip here.” I stand up and walk out of the room. Tracie is in the main room so I go and sit down next to her.
“Hey, Mary.” She looks at me for a minute. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say my nickname doesn’t fit anymore.” I can feel my face heating at her implication. “Well, tough luck. I still like it.” I laugh at her.
Jordan comes up to us. “Tomorrow mornin’ I gotta go on a run with a couple of the brothers. You’re gonna stay here right?”
“Yeah, I’d rather be here than be alone.”
“All right, well, until then I’m gonna take advantage of having you all to myself.” He picks me up throwing me over his shoulder and walking toward the door. I sweep my hair out of my face and wave goodbye to Tracie.
“See ya later, Mary!”
Jordan takes me back to the same house we were at earlier. “I’m guessing this is your house?”
“Nope, I always take girls to random houses.” I elbow him in the ribs. “Shit, yeah, it’s mine. I settled on it about a month ago in anticipation of this day.”
I head up the steps and into the house taking the time to actually appreciate it. The first thing I see is an empty room on my right, and the steps leading upstairs to my left. Walking straight, I come to the kitchen with another long room on my right attached to the first, if I had to guess that would probably be the dining room. When I continue my tour through the kitchen I come to the living room. It’s like every other room is: completely empty. “Is the bed the only piece of furniture you bought?”
“Yeah, it’s the only one I cared about.” He wraps his arms around me from behind, pulling me against him. “Honestly, I figured you could pick the stuff out. I’m not good at any of this crap, and I wanted you to like it.”
I spin in his arms. “I swear you’re bi-polar. We need to talk, but unfortunately there’s no where for me to sit.”
“I have somewhere for you to sit.” He whispers in my ear, his hot breath causing my body to break out in goose bumps.
“Ugh, you’re a lost cause.” I plop down on the living room carpet, patting the spot next to me. “This will have to do.”
He sits down shaking his head at me.
“Why did you leave?” No warm up, I’m jumping in headfirst.
“Shit, do we really need to do this, Luce? I mean everything is good now.” He runs his hand through his hair, and I can tell this is the last thing he wants to talk about.
“Yeah, we do. I need to know what happened. You don’t know how bad it hurt me.” I think back to the sharp pain in my chest.
“I had to leave, babe. When we first took you in, the Pres said no one could touch you ‘til you turned eighteen. From the very first day, I felt the overwhelming need to protect you, in time I wanted you. That night when I kissed you, it took everything I had to walk away from you. I knew if I stayed, I wouldn’t be able to control myself and I would risk losing my patch. That was club business, and I wasn’t supposed to tell you.” He didn’t leave because he didn’t care, he left because he did.
I launch myself at him, knocking us both to the ground. I knew I hadn’t been crazy all these years. There was something between us but it was taboo. He fought it and I took that as he was disinterested. We are laying on the floor together when his phone rings.
“Hey. Yeah, no problem.” He pulls me on top of him. “I have to leave tonight instead of in the morning. We need to head to the club.” I pout at him. “I’m gonna have Tracie take you out tomorrow, you can pick out whatever you want.” I still keep my pout in place. “I wish I could stay but I can’t. Come on.” He sits up bringing me with him and we stand, heading out to his bike.
I hate that he has to leave tonight. I mean we just got together and it’s my birthday. I guess I need to get used to this, him leaving, sometimes at the drop of a hat. I always heard the guys ta
lk about the last minute trips, I just never thought I’d be dealing with them because Jordan was always running from me.
We get to the clubhouse and head straight for Jordan’s room. His arms grip my hips. “I’m gonna miss you hard.”
“Miss me hard?” I laugh at his statement.
“Baby, I wanna do everything with you hard.” My mouth drops open. “Hey, at least I’m honest.” I lean my head on his chest memorizing the way it feels to be in his arms.
“I’ll miss you.” I whisper trying not to be an overly emotional girl.
“Me too, babe.” He tips my chin up, and kisses me.
“I love you.” It comes out without any warning. I feel him tense.
“Loved you for years, Sweets. Just had to wait ‘til I was allowed to.”
Today Tracie and I are going shopping for basically everything in Jordan’s house. “So he has nothing, Trace, like I can’t even believe the lack of stuff.”
“Okay, well then this shit might take a couple of days.” We start to laugh as she pulls up to the furniture store. “So what kind of stuff you think you want?”
“Um, maybe leather? I mean all the guys like leather right?” Jordan and I never really had the ‘what type of furniture do you like’ talk.
“Girl, just because he’s in the MC does not mean your house should be all black, red, and leather. However, you also can’t deck that shit out it pink and flowers either.” She smiles at me and we start to walk through the store. “So is Jordan taking you to get a tat?”
“A tattoo? Why would he take me to get one of those?” Thinking about needles anywhere near my skin has me shivering.
“Um, cause he claimed your ass. It’s like an unwritten rule. All the old lady’s get tats for their guys.” I look at her dumbfounded. “I can’t believe he didn’t say anything. He probably thought your virginal mind would implode from everything.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t, Mary. I’m like your Yoda when it comes to this shit. Listen to me, you will. You should totally get one today, the club has a guy they use. I’m texting him.” Before I can object, her phone is out.
“Tracie, I don’t think this is a good idea.” There is no way I can do this. “I mean a tattoo is so permanent.” And needles have always freaked me the hell out.
“Yeah, well so is becomin’ an old lady. You let that boy claim you.” She grins at me. Tracie is so free spirited, and spontaneous. I want to be like her.
I look at her before plopping down on the couch. “I’ll go talk to the guy. No promises.” If you told me four years ago, I’d be with a biker, living with him, and possibly getting a tattoo, I would have told you that you were out of your damn mind. We spend the day picking out couches, kitchen tables, and dressers.
Right after, Tracie drags me to the shop. Walking in, there are framed pictures of tattoos all over the walls. The guy behind the counter is looking down, so I take a minute to look him over. He has two large holes in his ears that hang almost to his shoulders, his eyebrows, nose and lip are all pierced. There is also not very much skin that isn’t decorated on him. What the hell happens when you run out of room?
“Jace, this is Mary.” He looks up.
“Hey, what’s up? What are you girls in for today?” His voice is deep and monotone.
“Mary here needs the old lady special.” She winks at him and my face heats with embarrassment.
“She got ID?”
I totally don’t. I’m saved!
“She doesn’t, do it as a favor to the club?” She leans over the counter, her boobs almost busting out of her v-neck shirt.
“You got it.” He walks toward the back of the shop.
“Follow him, chicken shit.” Tracie nudges me forward.
My nerves are heightened and my entire body is shaking. I want Jordan to be proud of me, I don’t want him to regret choosing me. I hope he appreciates this shit. When I walk into the back of the shop, I see Jace standing in one of the doorways. I walk into the room and sit down into the chair.
“Where do ya want it?”
“Um . . .” I have no idea. I look up at Tracie.
“She wants it right here.” Tracie points to my hip.
I take a deep shaky breath as I see him getting all of the supplies together. My fingernails dig into the soft cushion of the chair. He shows me the design, which is apparently what everyone gets. It’s the club insignia with Jordan’s name under it.
“Ya gotta pull your shirt up and your pants down some.” When he rolls his chair over to me, my heart starts to pound.
He flips a switch and the machine starts to hum. When the needle touches my skin, I yelp. It burns and the burning is creating an aching pain all around the area. I try to slow my rapid breathing, not wanting him to mess up. After a few minutes it isn’t as painful, but every once in a while I’ll groan. This sucks. I lay my head back not able to sit there and watch. I close my eyes trying to transport myself somewhere else, focus on anything else.
After what feels like forever, the machine turns off. “All done.”
I look down and it actually looks really cool. I smile at Tracie.
“Told you it’d be great. You’re totally gonna be hooked now.”
Jace wipes the tattoo clean before covering it in a layer of ointment. He then wraps my tattoo in saran wrap, and explains to me all the after care instructions.
Walking out of the shop, I’m stopped dead in my tracks. Holy fuck. Tracie bumps into me. “What the hell, Luce?”
“Well, if it ain’t the sinner. Where have you been hiding, sis?” My brother, Andrew, stares at me with hateful eyes. He is standing in front of me with a few of my cousins. My stomach drops as I am standing in front of my past that I’ve been running from for the longest time.
“Luce, who are they?” Tracie’s hand touches my shoulder.
Andrew takes a step toward me, he is two years older than me and about a half a foot taller. I want to back up, to run, but I can’t move. I was careless coming into town like this. Stupid to think I could escape them. “I see that you have been keeping some interesting company.” He sneers at Tracie, his eyes assessing her.
“Fuck this, Lucy let’s go.” I can’t look away from Andrew’s eyes. I feel like I never left, like I am still under their control. At his mercy.
My door opens and I freeze in bed. I haven’t been able to sleep thinking he would come back tonight. Pretend you’re sleeping maybe he’ll leave. When I feel the blanket being slowly pulled off me I cry a silent tear.
“I know you’re not asleep. You know there is no point to fight me. You don’t want to wake up the other girls, Lucy.”
I look at my younger sisters, remembering his threat to hurt them if I woke them up.
His hand grabs my throat while his other roughly grasps my breasts. His fingernails dig into my skin and a painful squeak escapes me.
“I can see it in your eyes, you like it, Lucy. You’re a sinner and that’s all you’ll ever be.”
His hand travels down my body cupping me forcefully, his fingers pinching me. Tears stream down my face as I bite the inside of my cheek. His hand tightens on my neck and it starts to become harder to breathe. My heart pounds so loud I can hear it in my ears.
I’m frozen, unable to defend myself against him.
Andrew visited me every night for a year, before I ran away. “Do you remember it? I knew you were a sinner back then. I’ll make sure to tell Uncle Simon you say hello. He’s been looking for you.” I can hear rumbling in the distance. Andrew leans into me, “Maybe he’ll let me have some fun with you as a reward.”
They suddenly run away from us. Tracie is calling me and I can hear the fear in her voice. I’m numb. I’ve shut down. Twisted is standing in front of me. His mouth is moving but I can’t really make out what he is saying. I’m picked up and carried to Tracie’s car. The entire time I make no moves, I don’t utter a word. I want to disappear. I need to hide.
I’ve let them find me
.
I’m brought into a room and sat on a bed. Once the door shuts, I stand making my first voluntary movement since I saw him. I look around. I need to hide. The room is a square box, there’s nowhere to go.
I curl into a ball in the corner and my tears pour out. I’m trapped. My uncle is coming for me. I need to protect myself.
Curl into a ball, then there are less places he can hit you, I still remember my older sister’s advice on her wedding day. She knew when she left, my father would turn his anger to the next oldest, me. I follow her advice. Curling myself so tight my muscles hurt from the strain. My cries turn quiet. If I’m quiet, they might not find me.
I hear voices in the room but I don’t look up to see them. I’m hiding. Someone touches me and I flinch away. Don’t scream, it only makes them angrier. The hands pull me from my corner, I refuse to help them. I make myself as heavy as I can. They are trying to pull my hands from my face, I grasp my elbows tight fighting them.
“Lucy!” I shake from the yell.
My hands are roughly pulled away but I clamp my eyes shut. I don’t want to see them. I can’t face them.
I can feel someone next to my ear. “Sweets, it’s me. Please open your eyes.”
Jordan. He can’t be here. Can he? I open one eye very slightly and catch a glimpse of him. My body relaxes. I’m sitting on his lap. His arms encircle me, his protection surrounding me. I’m safe. I look around realizing I’m in Jordan’s room. I’m at the club.
“Lucy, talk to me, babe. Everyone is fucking scared for you. Let us know you’re okay.” His voice is cracking, and soft as he whispers in my ear. I bury my head farther into his chest, wanting to lose myself in him. My breathing starts to even out, my crying slowing. Jordan holds me until I pull back to look at his face. “Talk to me, babe.”
I bite my bottom lip. “I don’t know where the hell I went, but it was like I wasn’t here.” My voice is soft, and vulnerable. My body is still shaking.
“Tell me what happened. Who was he? Tracie said he looked like he might have been from the community.” His hold on me doesn’t ease.
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