by Leann Belle
I stepped into the alleyway behind the ALIVE Records building, sidestepping some vomit on the sidewalk and shimmying around a dumpster to where a lone smoker leaned against the back wall. He was young- well, about my age- with the kind of shaggy brown hair that makes you want to run a hand through it just to feel how soft it is. His eyes were closed softly behind frameless rectangular glasses, mounted on high cheek bones and an angular nose. He had an air of masculinity, arrogance, and inexperience somehow all rolled up into one. Maybe he and that red head can both console me later…
“Got a cigarette I can help you get rid of?” I grinned as I slipped in next to him. He jumped at the sound of my voice, meeting my gaze with an astonishing pair of vibrant blue eyes. With a quick shake of his head, he regained his composure, leaning back to show off the extra six inches of height he had on me. A subtle but obvious power play. My favorite kind.
“I’m out, but you can share this one.” His voice feigned nonchalance. He took one last drag, and handed me his half used smoke. I wrapped my lips around the filter and took a puff. One of those candy menthols. Cute.
I exhaled, relaxing into the nicotine rush, before returning his cigarette and extending my hand. “I’m Lilly by the way. If we’re going to share an indirect kiss, I should probably introduce myself.” I gave him a wink. If I didn’t know better, I might say it made him blush. Yes, he’s definitely my favorite kind.
“Finch.” He shook my hand in his warm, firm palm. “How’d your audition go?”
Huh? “How did you know I was here for an audition?”
“You think you’re the first over-dressed model to slip back here for a post-audition ‘I totally don’t smoke, but I’m so stressed out right now,’ smoke break?” He rolled his eyes then relit his cigarette. “Naïve.”
“I suppose not, no.” How did this get turned around, and why do I feel like an idiot? Maybe he’s not as coy and innocent as I first envisioned…
“Also because I’m the one who recommended you.” He added, no longer able to contain a smirk. “Your voice is incredible. You deserve to be here.” His tone was uncaring, but his words made my heart beat a little faster.
“You might have to tell them that.” I let slip a nervous laugh. “It maybe could have possibly gone better.”
“They didn’t like you?” His eyes widened. Genuine surprise. “I… I can’t believe that. I mean, your voice, your lyrics- I’d never heard anything quite like you. Are they deaf?!”
And now I was blushing. This must be what it feels like to have fans. But this wasn’t at all the kind of person I would have expected my fans to be.
“That’s just it. They didn’t really get to hear me.” I averted my gaze and rubbed the back of my neck. “I kind of choked.”
Finch’s expression immediately flattened. “Like… you were too afraid to sing?”
“Yeah…”
“You’re telling me you want to be a rock star, but you’re terrified of performing in front of people?”
“Yeah…”
“… I see”
I dropped my head in silence, and he took another drag off his cigarette before snuffing it out on the asphalt at our feet.
“They were probably right to turn you down.” Finch shrugged then reached for the door. As he turned the knob, my chest filled with an inexplicable sense of panic. As if the moment he disappeared, my dreams would disappear with him. I needed to keep him here a little longer.
“Wait!” I shouted loudly enough to wake a nearby hobo. I’d apologize, but it was also loud enough to stop Finch in his tracks. “You gave me a chance the first time, and clearly you believe in me- maybe you can get me another shot!”
While he may have cocked an eyebrow, completely void of amusement, my pleading was clearly working as a stall tactic.
“I’m just an intern. I don’t have that kind of power.” He shook his head, no longer making eye contact.
“You’ll regret it if you lose me!” I heard myself blurt on last ditch instincts. “I’ll… I’ll work harder than anyone. And I’ll forever be in your debt. And… uh…” Selling points, selling points. What are my selling points? “My dad raises really delicious cows, so… I can make you an extra nice dinner as a thank you?”
Finch blinked a few times to process my stellar list of compelling traits. We stared blankly at each other, until I finally broke the silence again. “I promise my singing is much better than my list making…”
Then he laughed. It was a laugh both lightly chilling, yet… probably friendly? “I’ll see what I can do.” Finch opened the door and, just like that, he was gone.
I released my breath and slumped against the wall. So much for that dream. The two blocks back to the bus stop felt like a thousand miles, and the bus ride back to Oxnard felt like a decade. I hopped on my scooter at the bus station, and puttered back to Cisneros con Gandules, where my mom was serving a flavorful plate of rice and beans and chicken to some of our regulars. She gave me a warm nod as I entered.
It should have lifted my heart with all those warm, fuzzy, nostalgic feelings of familia, but instead, it just reminded me of a life I was destined to be stuck in. I shouldn’t complain. This isn’t a bad life. But… it’s not what I wanted. It wasn’t enough.
###
Finch Corbin
I knocked on the door to Jonathan’s office with an urgency that betrayed my desire to come off as casual. He opened the door with the warm smile he always wore.
“Good to see you, Finch! Any other prospects jumping out at you?” He took a seat back behind his desk, while I remained by the door, feeling a bit awkward about what I was about to ask.
“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. What did you think of that Lilly character? Was she any good?”
Jonathan frowned. “She… uh… I think she was more than a little nervous. Of course, Madeline and Gary weren’t being particular understanding today, either. The other auditions were pretty bad, to say the least.”
“Ah, that’s a shame.” I paused. “Did she even have potential?”
Jonathan sat back in his chair, regarding me carefully as he rapped a finger on the desk for a few beats. “You really liked her, huh?”
“I just have a really strong feeling about her.” I fought the blood rushing to my cheeks with debatable results. Why did that question feel so personal? “She’s got something special.”
Jonathan smiled. “Alright, let’s go talk to Mr. Baek, and you can pitch your case. I’ll back you up.”
The positive way he said it made me feel like I was on the right track. But the thought of having to deal with Baek tipped my scales of relief right back into the pool of dread. But I knew I was right about Lilly. I don’t know why, but I could feel it in my gut, and if I let them pass her up, I knew I’d regret it forever. Meeting her in person only cemented that feeling for me. I can do this.
“You again?” Christian Baek didn’t bother to lift his eyes from his laptop. “And Chandler. What is this regarding?”
“A proposal, sir.” Jonathan seemed much more stiff and uncertain in himself when talking to Baek. A far cry from his usual overly cheery demeanor. “Finch scouted some local talent that has proven to be a bit more rough around the edges than we’d generally take on, but being it’s his first potential project, I was thinking it would be a good learning experience to let him give it a shot.”
Baek rolled his eyes, though he still didn’t lift them from the screen. “Do you think ALIVE is a charity organization? On what basis are you asking me to make an offer to someone who’s ‘rough around the edges’?”
Jonathan glanced at me as a signal for me to plead my case. Only, I wasn’t really sure what my case was supposed to be. I came up here as a sort of knee-jerk reaction, and I hadn’t planned out any of my talking points. I already owed Baek most of my wages for months and months to come, and I was about to ask a favor? Not a great start.
I cleared my throat, and stood up as straight as possible in
an effort to pull in some confidence from the universe. “Her name is Lillian Ainsworth-Cisneros. Her voice is unique, but extremely marketable, and her style has an ‘it’ factor that can’t be easily replaced. If her only real hang up is being nervous in an audition, I think we would regret letting her go somewhere else.”
I hid my inward cringing at my half-assed pitch. I hope that sort of sounded like I know what I’m talking about.
“And how exactly do you expect to fix these problems?” Baek seemed to be listening. Maybe he was even legitimately considering my proposal.
I was hoping Jonathan might have some ideas, because I didn’t have a clue. I waited for a few moments for him to chime in, but despite his offer to be my backup, he was clearly putting this all on my shoulders. I wasn’t the only one who was intimidated by Baek, it would seem. I made sure not to falter as I threw down my first bluff. “I have a full program I’ve designed to iron out the issues, which, upon successful implementation, will help all future recruits.” That sounded official, I thought. Jonathan gave me a nod and a smile. Good. I’m on the right track.
Baek leaned back in his chair, finally lifting his eyes to mine. “Send it to me when you’re back at your desk, and we can discuss further.”
Shit. That should have been a positive response, but I didn’t actually have anything to show. “I can go through it with you right now.” I heard myself blurt out, against any logical judgement. I just kept digging my hole deeper.
Baek smiled. Though it certainly wasn’t the joyful type. “I’m listening.”
I swallowed hard. Why was I going so far out on the limb for Lilly? Everything had felt so urgent that I came up here, completely unprepared. It was a foolish plan at best.
I’m supposed to be a writer, right? Improvise. “The issue in this case is primarily stage fright. Basically, we’re dealing with someone who has the heart and charisma of a performer, but is missing the ego. Which is actually an advantage. Overconfidence might be helpful in early stages of this career, but it’s always what ultimately creates between a star and the common people.” It was all actually sounding fairly reasonable in my head. I continued. “When I was in my teens, I had to completely reset my entire life. I started from scratch on friends, schools,” my parents, my name- he doesn’t need to know that- “everything. I was never particularly socially adept to begin with-“
“I can see that.” Baek interrupted. He stroked his goatee and raised his eyebrows, regarding me with pointed curiosity.
I shook it off and kept going. “So I had to learn how to invent a person who my peers would be willing to approach. I studied the way people reacted to subtle changes, like raising my hand more often in class, answering a question wrong versus answering a question right. Succeeding in sports versus feigning mediocrity. And it all came down to a simple formula: Be good but not too good. Be smart, but not too smart. People are willing to invest in someone they see as just special enough to lift their social status while not so special that they’ll be completely eclipsed.”
“Fascinating psychology. And your point?” Was that amusement in Baek’s eyes?
“You told me in our last meeting that our goal was to manipulate and sell to the masses. We’ve played out the perfect. When someone walks in here with all the confidence in the world, you don’t have the chance to break them of bad habits and mold them into what we actually need. But this woman- she’s young, she’s inexperienced, and she’s moldable.” I was speaking so matter-of-factly that even I started to believe myself.
Baek’s gaze bounced over to Jonathan. “And what do you think, Chandler?”
“We have the budget to give her a chance.” Jonathan tossed me a reassuring smile.
“Okay.” Baek nodded. “I’ll consider it.”
Really?! Just like that?!
“Thank you, sir.” Jonathan nodded.
“You won’t regret it,” I asserted.
“I know I won’t.” The words were positive, but Baek’s expression and tone were unreadable. With that, Jonathan and I turned on our heels and headed for the door. Jonathan stepped out first, but before I could follow, I heard Baek’s voice behind me.
“Corbin.” My name sounded more like a death sentence on his lips. “Hold back for a moment.”
I stopped in my tracks and let the door fall between me and my only ally. A moment of hesitation passed before I turned to face him. “Yes, sir?”
“Come. Sit.” He motioned toward the chair across his desk.
I obliged. “Is there an issue?”
“How is Mark doing?”
What? “He’s been well. Working as much as always.” I paused for a moment, unable to keep the look of suspicion out of my eyes. “I wasn’t aware that you knew my father.”
“I’d wager I know him better than you do.” Smug.
I didn’t respond. I didn’t think it was necessary. It seemed a safe assumption that this was the man Mr. Corbin called to get me this job in the first place.
Christian Baek leaned forward on his desk. “Yet, I wasn’t aware he had a son.”
“Now you know.” It was an obstinate response, but so was his prying. I didn’t know their relationship or how much history he had with my adoptive father, but I wasn’t about to out myself as not being blood related. The case had never been closed, and even six years later, it could have been dangerous to speak on it openly.
“So I have to ask…” Baek tapped a finger on his desk. My eyes followed each thud of his index on the mahogany. “With the Corbin name and fortune at your disposal, what are you doing working for me?”
I shook my head. “I don’t need my family’s money to make it in this industry.”
“But you had no problem using your family’s name to get in?” His deadpan voice only made me want to punch him. I don’t even know how Mark Corbin has this connection to ALIVE. It was hardly my fault that he leveraged it. But I didn’t need it to do the job. No matter what history they had, that statement was completely out of line.
I leaned back in my chair and cocked back my head to place myself in a position of confidence. “I’m not one to involve myself in my father’s deals. If you don’t think I deserve to be here, then send me home. I’ll tell him it didn’t work out. I’m not here to be your burden.” I paused for an extended second, trying to decipher that unreadable expression on his face. “I’m not here to ride his coat tails, so if that’s how you see me, I’ll call him right now.”
For the first time, I swear I saw panic in his eyes. Though it was so short lived, I could have been mistaken.
“Then prove it.” Just like that, Baek retook control of the conversation. “How about we make a deal? If you believe so strongly in this Lillian Ainsworth-Cisneros that you would like me to invest my company’s money, then I expect a guarantee.”
“Meaning?” I already don’t like how this sounds.
“Meaning, if you aren’t successful, then you’re going to owe me my investment. With interest.”
I bit my lower lip and slowly dragged it across the bottom of my teeth. Was I really that confident? I didn’t even know Lilly. If this all went wrong, I’d basically be signing away my life. “How much time will I have?”
“Time is money, Corbin. So that all depends on how deeply you want me to own you.”
I watched his eyes as they fell to the bob of my Adam’s apple as I swallowed my nerves and shot him a confident smile. “No one makes it in the music industry without selling their soul, do they?”
Baek’s lips curled upwards. He extended a hand. His fingers were icy cold as they wrapped around my palm in a firm shake. I could practically feel my soul leaving my body, and entering the ink of this contract.
“Is that all?” I forced composure.
“That’s all.” His voice was deadpan as he reopened his laptop. I stood and headed for the door.
“Oh, actually, one more thing.” Baek stopped me in my tracks again. “I won’t accept your father’s money for this when it goes
south. This is our deal, and our deal only.”
“Of course, sir.” I nodded, keeping my back to him so he wouldn’t see how incredibly pale my face had fallen. I walked from the room and let the door fall closed behind me.
Fuck!
I’m going to be in debt to Christian Baek for the rest of my life. I promised Mark I would make it big in only three years, but at this rate, I’ll still have a balance by then. If he had taught me anything since taking me in, it’s that you never give another person power over you, and here I was, signing my life away for some hot Puerto Rican.
I shook my head at my own thoughts. It almost sounded like I had a crush on her when I put it like that. A chuckle escaped my throat just thinking about it.
How perfect! What better time to make life-changing decisions than when my hormones are messing with my brain. No one has ever made a bad decision because of skewed hormones.
I shook my head. Mark didn’t need to know how much money I spent before I started making any. He just needed to see the end result. I had plenty of time.
I tried not to think too much on it as I returned to my desk, but the whole exchange wouldn’t stop nagging at me. Even if all of this was some kind of nepotistic favor, I knew would silence any doubts with my skill. I wasn’t going to go down as the privileged intern who rode his daddy’s coat tails.
I pulled up Lilly Ainsworth-Cisneros’s audition again and clamped on my headphones.
He’ll see. Everyone will.
###
“Cisneros con Gandules, this is Josie. How can I make your day muy delicioso?” A gentle, feminine voice answered my call. My expression flattened. A restaurant? Did I dial wrong? She did say Cisneros… Maybe it’s a family thing? I guess there’s only one way to find out.
“I’m looking for a Lillian Ainsworth-Cisneros. Is she available?”
“Oh! Of course! One moment!” The sound of a hand covering the receiver followed, along with some muffled ‘sweeties.’ Heh. “Here she is!” I could hear the wink in her voice.
