by Unknown
Ari got on the elevator with me and casually leaned up against the wall next to me. Our shoulders were touching. I thought I was going to melt.
“So did you have any fun at all?”
“Yeah, I did actually. Thanks for getting me in and everything. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know I didn’t have to; I wanted to, and you’re welcome, Ava.”
He turned and we were face to face, our lips a measly inch or two apart. Ari placed a hand on the elevator wall behind me, propping himself up. My face, I could feel, inflamed with red-hot heat. Ari brushed his fingertips against the top of my lip where my little freckle is. His hand lingered there and I felt a warm tingle spread through my whole body. My lips parted at his unexpected touch and my mouth turned bone dry. If Ari Alexander were to kiss me in this elevator, I might combust. I could feel my heart pounding. My brain was pleading with me to take a breath.
The elevator dinged loudly. Ari closed his eyes and shook his head from side to side. He pushed himself away from me and turned towards the elevator door. I watched Ari coolly move down the hall and disappear to his dorm room. Meanwhile, I was still recovering from the near kiss. I sucked in much needed oxygen, found my bearings and walked out in to the commons. Rory was seated on one of the couches watching TV; he beamed a friendly smile at me. I returned his smile with a friendly one of my own and quickly retreated to my room.
With a knotted, twisted and butterfly infused stomach, I had a mini freak out in my room. I sat on my bed and bit at my fingernail. I am such an idiot. I wanted him to kiss me. Was my wanting him obvious? I didn’t think so. I mean he was the one who chose to stand so close, not me. What had I done to get such a cold shoulder after he had been so nice to me?
No one else in the whole word had the power to make me feel so many ridiculous emotions.
Eventually, I changed in to my tee-shirt and boxers. I climbed under my blankets and cried quietly to myself. The weight of having so many sudden changes and death in my life and now sorting through these unfamiliar and uncharted feelings with this strange, beautiful boy was more than I could handle. I was in my room a total of two lonely and pathetic hours when Ari appeared in the door way. My eyes were dewy from tears. I quickly sat up and patted under my cheeks with my blanket.
“Hi.” He whispered.
“Hi.” My voice cracked.
“Are you crying?”
Shit.
Ari regarded me for a moment, and I responded by wiping more tears from my eyes.
“Oh, no. Don’t cry.” His voice was almost panicky.
I took a deep breath and gained a small amount of composure.
“Did I do this to you?”
I shook my head no. I lied. I could see Ari’s jaw clench.
“Do you mind if I come in?”
“I don’t mind.”
Ari walked in to my room and stood at the side of my bed for a moment. He paused then turned around and walked to the bathroom. I watched him switch on the light, he searched around for a bit and seconds later, I heard the faucet run. He came back to my side and held out a glass of water.
“That’s Emily’s cup.” I hiccupped as I wiped my nose with my shirtsleeve.
Ari smiled and then laughed. “Don’t worry, she doesn’t have to know.”
I took the glass and drank and when I finished, I watched Ari return to the bathroom, he rinsed the cup and then switched the light off and came back to my side. He handed me a tissue.
More tears sprang to my eyes and I wiped them away.
“Why are you doing this?”
Ari looked at me confused. “I don’t want to see you cry.”
“No, Ari. Why are you doing this?” I pointed back and forth between the two of us. “Why are you so nice to me one minute and then the next minute you act like you don’t know me?”
Ari shook his head from side to side. He let out a breath from his cheeks. He looked at me, opened his mouth, as though he was going to say something and then closed it again. Without a word, without answering my question, Ari took a seat next to me on my bed. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug and held me tight. After a moment, Ari pulled the blanket back up over me and lay down beside me. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling my back to his chest. His head and mine shared a pillow. I could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath he took. I moved my body back closer to his. I could feel him adjust his arm, wrapping himself tighter around my waist. He nestled his face in to my hair. After that, I fell asleep. I had no nightmares. When I woke up, he was gone. My room smelt like him.
The rest of my nights were spent in Ari’s arms.
The rest of my days were spent being ignored.
Chapter 6
It’s Over
On Friday, I drove to LAX to pick up Mia. I was bursting at the seams with excitement. I couldn’t wait to see her. When we finally spotted each other through the crowds, I couldn’t hold back any longer. Fat, happy tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I missed you,” I yelled as I grabbed her in a hug.
“I missed you more!”
Helping Mia with her bags, we walked to my car, carrying on as if no time had passed between us. Eventually she got around to boys.
“So what’s going on with that Rory guy?”
“Rory?” I said, scrunching up my nose. “Nothing… we are friends, that is all; he really isn’t my type, Mia. He’s loud and drinks and I dunno… he just doesn’t do it for me.”
“Ok, so what’s going on then? Something is doing it for you. You look different, your cheeks are pink and you have this little curve of a smile on your face that won’t go away.”
Ari and I had spent an amazing night wrapped up in my bed. We had talked and laughed together all night long.
“Um... promise you won’t overreact?”
“I promise nothing!” Mia is the queen of overreacting.
I peeked at Mia from the corner of my eyes. She was going to freak.
“What do you mean?” she yelled once I finished telling my story. “This jackass sneaks into your room at night, sleeps in your bed, hasn’t kissed you yet and won’t speak to you when anyone else is around?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds seedy.”
“That’s because it is seedy! I can’t wait to meet the guy! I am going to give him such a piece of my mind.”
“Mia, you aren’t going to do anything. You probably won’t even see him. Now...deep breath, and tell me about Jack.”
Mia giggled and smiled and I could tell my story of Ari was forgotten; at least for the moment. After the tales of Jack slowed down, she turned to face me in the front seat and asked, “Ava… are you doing Ok? You know, with your mom and everything?”
I shrugged. “I miss her so much, Mia. I am having a really hard time. Anytime anything new pops up, I reach for the phone to fill her in... and then remember she isn’t there to answer. Every morning when I wake up, I list in my mind what I want to share with her before school and then it hits me. She is gone. Then I feel as though I have lost her all over again. I hate that she died. I hate death -- it’s so permanent and so unfair.”
“Oh, Ava, I’m so sorry.”
I nodded, pulled in to the parking lot on campus and helped Mia bring her bags up to floor number twelve.
As soon as we were settled, Emily peeked through the open bathroom door. I introduced her to Mia and, as I had expected, they hit it off right away. Before long, Rory wandered in by way of Emily’s room, followed a few minutes later by Viola, Sam and Sophie. The five of them were planning to go to a rather large party at the home of a kid who lived a few minutes off campus and urged us to join them. The floor had decided to take a pass on our regular Thursday night party and compensate with a huge party on Saturday in honor of Homecoming weekend. Evidently, the big party is an annual tradition for Floor Twelve. Mia and I decided to hang back and do some more catching up with each other.
My door to the commons area came open and everyone t
urned around to see Ari standing there. He blinked at the crowd of people and then put on an award-winning smile. I looked at the clock. He was right on schedule. I looked at Mia. She was staring at Ari. I hadn’t bothered to tell him that Mia would be staying with me this weekend. He never seemed to feel the need to keep me informed about his life and so I had never even thought to give him details about Mia’s arrival. He was usually gone on the weekends anyway, spending time with his family, according to Emily. I had grown to hate Friday and Saturday nights with a passion for this very reason.
“What are you doing?” Rory asked with a slight distaste in his tone.
Ari ignored Rory and looked at me. His eyes were so beautiful. “Hey, Ava, sorry to bother you – can I have your notes from lit?”
He hadn’t been in lit class the day before, so his excuse was valid enough.
“Why weren’t you in class?” I asked since I was incredibly disappointed the other day when he wasn’t there in lit; I had been forced to pay attention to the professor and in doing so, I took impeccable class notes. It wasn’t that and he and I ever spoke in the class, I just enjoyed the close proximity with him sitting behind me for an entire hour.
“Optometrist,” he pointed to his eyes.
With little success, I tried to erase my face-splitting grin. Ari wears reading glasses and whenever I see him with them on, I swoon. They make him look so yummy.
“Oh, sure I’ll email my notes to you.”
“Uh, I lost my charger and my iPad is dead. Can I borrow your Mac?”
I pointed to my bag that was hanging from my chair. “Help yourself.”
Ari walked across the room to my desk chair and unzipped my bag. It just so happened that Mia was sitting in my desk chair. I smiled at her. Her mouth was hanging open and I don’t think she had blinked at all since Ari had walked in the room.
“I’m sorry to bother you; I didn’t realize you had company.” Ari looked at Mia when he said this and she blushed and her mouth snapped audibly shut.
“It’s no bother. Ari, this is my best friend Mia. We lived in Chicago together.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mia.”
“Uhh…” was Mia’s only response.
Ari shook my MacBook in his hand. “Thanks, I’ll get it back to you. Later?” I knew what he meant by that.
I handed him a post-it.
“This is my password and don’t worry – I won’t need the Mac until Monday.”
It was his turn to look surprised; his jaw dropped. He had grasped immediately the significance of my response.
“Well, I should be able to copy these notes pretty fast. I can get them back to you by tomorrow night....”
“You might be pre-occupied tomorrow; lots of people are going to be around for the Homecoming party. Let’s just leave it ‘til Monday. I am okay until then without the computer.”
Mia gave a snort and Ari whipped his head back at her then at me. I shrugged my shoulders. He had never told me not to tell anyone about our little rendezvous.
“Ari, are you going to the party tonight?” Rory interrupted our private negotiation and Ari sighed, then pulled his eyes away from me to look at Rory.
“No, I’m not.”
“Are you serious? We were all counting on you to give us a ride.”
“Find someone else.” He said quickly, brushing off Rory. Ari turned his attention back to me. “Ava, I’ll bring this back later tonight.” He left before I could respond.
Rory and Emily left once they talked Sam in to staying sober. I told them they could borrow my car. Mia and I settled in and stayed up talking for a bit longer.
“So that was Ari?”
“Yep.”
“Wow, Ava. I can see your predicament. He is the most gorgeous person I have ever seen.”
“Mmm” I smiled just thinking about him. “I know. I am going to end it though. Being ignored by him when anybody is around hurts my heart too much. That’s the most we have ever spoken to each other in front of people. When no one else is around, we talk for hours. I can’t keep up with it any longer.”
“I think that is a good idea; you need some stability in your relationships. And I still think you are way too good for him.”
Mia and I both tried to fall asleep in my tiny twin size bed. It wasn’t nearly as comfortable with her in it as it was with Ari. I tossed and turned and then gave up and tried to sleep in my fluffy chair.
It was two in the morning when Ari opened my door. Mia had been asleep for over an hour. He walked quietly to my chair and put out his hand. I looked up at him and then back down to his outstretched palm.
I should tell him to go to hell.
He wiggled his fingers and I put my hand in his. He pulled me to my feet and walked with me out the door and into his room. Ari led me to his bed and then walked back to his bathroom door and locked it. He pulled me down on to the bed with him and snuggled my face up close to his chest. I could hear the soft beat of his heart.
“Ari, I….I think we need to talk.”
“Ok,” he nodded his head. My fingers accidentally brushed up against his hand and he grabbed on and locked his around mine. He wrapped one of his legs around me too and held me tight and close to his body. My mind raced as I thought of what it was I wanted to say. I felt the tiniest kiss on the top of my head. My eyes closed with a flutter, and I was whisked away to a very happy place in my dreams.
Ari woke with a jolt. We were completely knotted up in each other. Our fingers were still intertwined and my other hand was covering his face. Our legs were like pretzels. He jumped up, knocking my hand off his face and I gasped. He threw his free hand over my mouth to quiet me. Someone was pounding on his bathroom door. Ari wiggled our knotted fingers free with force.
“Dude, what the hell? Let me in.” It was Rory, he and Ari were suite mates.
“Leave now!” Ari said to me through clenched teeth. I could feel a tiny sting of tears in my eyes. Rory pounded on the bathroom door again and Ari grabbed my arm and pulled me across his room to his door. He threw it open and nearly pushed me out in the hallway. I stood outside the door confused and hurt. I heard him unlock and open his bathroom door.
“What do you want?” He snapped at Rory.
“Nothing, relax. I was just wondering if you had seen Ava this morning. Her friend is looking for her.”
“I just woke up, Rory, so what do you think?”
“Dude, you’re such a jerk. It’s ten o’clock in the morning. Learn to wake up at a reasonable hour like the rest of us.” I heard Ari’s bathroom door slam and I rushed the two steps to my room and closed the door behind me. Mia rushed to my side and engulfed me in a hug.
“Where were you?”
Pointing at the wall, I indicated that I was with Ari. “I am such an idiot.”
I told her how I went with him to his room the night before and planned to end it but instead I curled up with him in bed and when he kissed my head, I melted and lost all my nerve and couldn’t go through with the breakup – or whatever it would have been.
“He kicked me out this morning. I have never felt so rejected in all my life.”
Mia let go of me and stormed out of the room. She slammed my door and threw open Ari’s.
“Can I help you?” I heard him say.
“Yeah, leave her the hell alone. She’s too good for you. You are nothing but a piece of shit.”
She slammed his door and came back in a matter of seconds. I was in shock.
“Don’t let him get to you, Ava. Clearly he is messed up.”
I nodded. Something definitely was up with Ari.
“I can’t believe you did that, Mia!”
“Ava,” she sighed, “it needed to be done… you should have seen him, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I stormed in there and caught him completely by surprise and…”
“Oh, God, Mia, please tell me he was still dressed.”
She giggled. “If he hadn’t been,
Ava, I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did. He was sitting in his bed with his head in his hands. He looked… I don’t know, he looked so devastated.”
“Well, that makes two of us.”
“Oh, honey, don’t worry. This will work out, but you can’t allow him to treat you that way.”
Mia and I spent the day at a spa for her birthday. I treated both of us to a pedicure, facial and massage. Sitting back while someone attended to me was relaxing and helped keep my mind from thinking of Ari. My anxiety had been building over the last couple of weeks and now all of it had hit home. Ari was not good for me. It was time to move on from the relationship - or whatever it may have been.
Our floor had all planned a big dinner together at a restaurant in town. Half the people piled up in my car and the other half in Ari’s. When we got there, I sat between Mia and Rory. Ari sat across from me down and down a seat. I refused to look at him. I laughed and carried on conversation much more than I normally would and tried to make obvious the fact that he didn’t bother me. There was an entirely different story going on inside my head. I wanted to hide in a hole and fill it with tears. I was miserable and I hated the fact that I had let a guy make me feel this way. I had always considered myself a strong and independent person, but Ari had proven me wrong in one night.
After our group dinner, we arrived back at the dorms and our floor got more and more crowded. Indy pop music was blaring from someone’s speakers. People played drinking games with cards, games with cups and games with Ping-Pong balls. The party was loud but definitely fun. I think the entire school was there at some point.
“He’s staring at you.”
“Mia, stop looking at him!”
“Oh! He is talking to some girl. You’re safe to peek; he isn’t looking.”
