by Unknown
I closed the door to my room, unlatched the oval pane of glass over my little window seat and doused the apartment floor with kerosene. Then I left the flat, pulled the door shut and pushed myself as far as I could into the recessed doorway of the next vacant flat down the hall. I settled down to wait.
The waiting went on well into the late evening hours. My shoulders ached and my knees cramped from time to time with the effort of staying in the doorway’s shadows, but finally I heard the creak of the elevator cables as the car started its journey up from the foyer downstairs. I tensed and watched as No. 5 hesitated in the open car before he headed for my door. In his hand was a can of gasoline.
The moment he disappeared into the front room of my flat, I moved soundlessly forward and used my key to engage the dead bolt, locking him in. I ran lightly down the back steps and left the building. I climbed the three stories of the building’s outside fire escape and peeked carefully into my flat through the oval window I had unlatched. I could see No. 5 standing outside the closed door to my room. Ever so carefully, I pushed the window forward, pulled myself into the room, and perched on my window seat. I watched as he wedged a chair under the doorknob of my room to trap what he thought was me in the bedroom.
I cleared my throat to get his attention. He turned, saw me and let out a gasp. He made an involuntary forward movement, causing gasoline to splash out of his can and run down his knees and ankles – not a lot of gasoline, but enough to get the job done. I lit a matchbook, flicked it at him, and watched as his pant legs caught on fire. He dropped to the kerosene soaked floor in a panic and started to roll around in an attempt to extinguish the flames. The rest of the flat caught quickly. The fire was hot; it ripped through the furniture and peeled the paint off the walls. I watched as the skin on No. 5’s face began to bubble and shrivel, then quickly left back though my window to the fire escape and made my descent to the alleyway below. Not even ten minutes passed before the entire building, engulfed in flames, collapsed.
I walked with my back to my burning building as people hollered on the streets to one another and stared on at the spectacle behind me. I could hear in the distance the wail of fire engines. Without looking back, I made my way to Jake’s and used my gift from August to have a fifth tally mark tattooed on my left wrist. It stretched diagonally across the other four. August and I said goodbye to Jake and made our way to Heathrow.
I bought two one-way tickets to LAX, with no layover, and we boarded the next flight to California. I still had No. 6 in the back of my mind but I missed Ari too much to be able to think about anything else.
The flight was brutal. I was sick and shaky from the shock of what I had done. I had not slept in days and I was so worked up about going home that I could not sleep on the plane. Instead, I clutched the armrest so tight that my knuckles were white and my fingers ached with pain. My eyes were bloodshot, my pulse was racing, my lips trembled, and my feet bounced about. When we finally touched down in L.A, I called Margaux’s car service company, and had a car meet us at the door.
August and I arrived at Ari’s house in the late afternoon. We walked up the back steps on to their magnificent deck. There was a dull red stain on the patio where I had nearly bled to death so many months ago. I suppressed the chill that ran up my back, then entered through the sliding glass doors into the kitchen, with August at my heels. I spied Aggie sitting at the island. Her hair was short and she was thin, but she was looking much better than the last time I had seen her.
“Hi.” My voice was raw and scratchy. Aggie turned around, startled.
“Oh Ava!” She cried as she got up and pulled me into her arms in a warm embrace. I let go of the little bit of strength I had left and sobbed. I cried harder than I had in months. She pulled me back and wiped my tears. “Ava Baby, look at you, when is the last time you ate?” I shrugged my shoulders and hugged her again, not ever wanting to let go.
I was home.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Aggie. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“Oh, Ava Baby, we know that. Don’t cry for me, honey, I’m just so happy you’re home again.”
I got the sense that August was starting to feel uncomfortable so I wiped the rest of the tears from my face, “Aggie, this is my friend August. Is it ok if we stay here for a few days?”
Her eyes grew large, “Just a few days?” she asked sadly.
“Yeah, I’m not done yet; I just couldn’t stay away any longer... Is Ari home?” I asked in a pathetically small voice.
“No, Ari’s at school. He’s working on his last exam this afternoon, but he should be home in a few hours. Why don’t you go clean up and take a nap and then you can surprise him.” She said the last part with a smile. “August, I think Julia is home next door. If you want, I can walk you over there,” she offered and August cheerfully accepted.
I made my way down the hallway and raided Aggie’s linen closet. I pulled out my favorite kind of shampoo and conditioner, some body wash, a razor and lotion and headed to the guest bathroom. I scrubbed away months of anguish and anxiety. I wrapped myself in a towel, grabbed my bag, and made my way to Ari’s room. I opened his door and the scent of freshly cut grass, sea and summertime overcame me. It was intoxicating. I began to feel woozy and light headed. I was able to get on a camisole and a matching pair of panties before I came toppling down onto Ari’s bed and sunk, lifeless into his sea of blankets and pillows.
Chapter 20
Home
I woke up still beyond exhausted. I was lethargic and unresponsive. I heard a commotion break out in the kitchen; familiar voices filled my ears. I blinked my eyes open long enough to see that the room was filled with a deep orangey California sunset. I could smell freshly baked bread and roast with potatoes. It made my stomach hurt with hunger pains. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was screaming at myself to get up, but I couldn’t. I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me and my eyes fluttered closed. All conscious thoughts were forgotten.
When I came to for the second time, Ari’s room was pitch-black. I was tucked away under the blankets. Ari’s bare chest was serving as my pillow and I was wrapped up tightly in his arms.
I felt as though a weight had been lifted, as if my body and my soul had finally been reunited. My eyes swelled up with tears and they began to spill over on to my cheeks and Ari’s chest. I snuggled in closer, basking in his warmth and scent, getting him wet with my unrelenting cries. I felt his fingers run down the length of my spine sending warm tingles throughout my whole body. A sob broke out from my lips and I cried happy tears for the first time in my life.
Ari sat up and pulled me onto his lap. He held me to his chest while I cried and he rocked me back and forth, neither of us speaking. There were no words to describe the way I felt inside.
“Ari, I love you,” I finally whispered.
I felt him let out a breath and his body relaxed. “I love you,” he whispered back in a sleepy voice.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the things I said and the things I did. I didn’t want to leave you. I always loved you – I never stopped.”
“Shh, Baby, it’s ok. I know. You did what you had to do, but you’re here now. It’s over.”
My chest tightened up. He was wrong, I knew. It wasn’t over. I never should have come back. This is bad. I am only making things worse by being here.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” I asked in an attempt to change the subject. I didn’t want to think about leaving him, though I knew would have to. All I wanted to do was bask in the happiness of being in his arms again, if only for a few short days.
“Mmm,” he mused and nuzzled my hair with his nose, “there was no way I could interrupt such a beautiful scene as you sleeping in my bed once again. Well, that and I tried but you wouldn’t budge.”
I spied the time on the alarm clock. It read three a.m. I lifted my chin and kissed him with a kiss that was full of all the lust, love and passion I had been harboring inside me for the last six months. Ari let out
a small gasp in to my mouth. He lay my head down on the pillow and moved his body on top of mine. Our hands turned greedy as we searched each other’s bodies. Our kisses grew deeper and our breathing grew louder. I felt Ari’s hand move down my face then slowly across my neck and down my chest. His hand continued to move slowly down all the way to my hip bone. My skin tingled at his touch. I pushed myself against him. My lips moved to his ear lobe.
“Ari, please,” I begged him not to stop; my voice was a mere whisper in his ear.
Ari moved his hands away from my body. They found mine and he wrapped our fingers up tightly and moved our hands to the pillow above my head.
Ari whispered, “I love you, but if I don’t stop I’m afraid you’ll regret our reunion when the morning comes.”
He was right, of course. I had fully intended to give Ari all of the love I was capable of, but I knew I would later regret having let something happen because I had been uncontrolled. I didn’t want my first time to take me by surprise. Ari rolled over to my side and tucked me under his arm where I quickly fell back to sleep. I was so weak; I couldn’t have fought off the sleep if I had tried. My body was lashing out at me for months of malnourishment and sleep deprivation.
****
I heard the door creak open but my eyes would not budge. They remained closed, despite the fact that my brain was pleading with them to open.
“Ari, is everything ok?”
It was Aggie I think, but my brain was mush and her words were jumbled up in my head. I felt Ari pet my hair, and if I could have talked my lips into smiling, I would have.
“Yeah, I think so,” I heard Ari whisper.
“Ava’s been asleep for more than eighteen hours. Have you tried to wake her up again?”
“Yeah, I talked to her for a few minutes in the middle of the night. It was about three when she woke up, but she fell back asleep shortly after.”
“Do you think she’s sick? Does she need a doctor? Have you gotten a good look at her, Ari? She’s so thin.”
“I don’t know, Ma. I think we should just leave her alone. She seemed fine last night, just tired.”
“Please tell me those tattoos on her arm are the removable kind,” Aggie sighed, and I could feel Ari shift underneath me as he pulled the blankets up over my arms.
“How long was she up last night?” Aggie’s voice was thick with worry.
“Half an hour maybe.”
“Ok, you have the graduation ceremony in four hours. You need to get up and get ready. You also owe several people apologies for your behavior last night.”
“I’m not leaving Ava. And I don’t know that I owe any apologies to anyone.”
“I am telling you that you will tell those boys, and Julia, sorry. End of discussion. Ari, I understand how you feel, but you can’t miss graduation – you have a speech to give. Why don’t you try to wake Ava up again and I’ll put something out for her to eat.”
I could hear Ari talking to me, but I couldn’t respond.
When I woke up again, Ari’s room was bathed in sunlight. He was sitting up in bed, his head leaning against the headboard. He was wearing his glasses and reading. My head was perched in his lap and his free hand gently caressed the birds flying around on the inside of my right arm.
“Do you hate them--the tattoos?” I asked as I rolled over to face him.
A small smile crept onto his face. “To tell you the truth, I don’t think I have ever wanted you so badly in all my life. They’re beautiful. I love them. I love you.”
He held me against him and kissed me softly on the lips then kissed the tiny freckle above my lip and smiled. I heard Ari’s door swing open and we were greeted by Lauren, Nick, August, Julia and Rory. As they all barged in, I tried to scoot away from Ari to a less intimate position but he held me tighter and smiled brighter.
“Finally!” Lauren sighed. “I have been waiting for you to wake up all day!”
“Sorry, I’m so tired…Um, Ari,” I said, “this is my friend August.”
“Yeah,” August spoke up, “we met briefly last night.” He didn’t meet my eyes when he spoke and I got the feeling that their meeting did not go over well.
“Oh, yeah, of course,” I said. “August, I’m sorry I’ve slept so much. I just can’t help it; I’m exhausted. I’m not being a very good friend.”
“Nah, I don’t expect anything less from you, Ava,” he said as he took a seat in the chair across the room. I tossed a spare pillow at him and Lauren jumped in the bed and engulfed me in a giant hug.
I squinted my eyes at Rory. “Is that a black eye?”
“Yes.” Julia snapped.
“What happened to you?”
“Uh,” Rory rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Aggie rushed in before I could question him any further.
“There you all are,” she said with a sigh. “Have you completely forgotten that you have graduation in two hours and we have two hundred people coming over tonight for your graduation party?”
“Oh, my gosh, you have graduation today?” I sort of remembered having heard something about that, but I thought I had dreamt it.
Ari laughed and brushed it off. “Yeah, but it’s no big deal.”
Aggie spoke up, irritated, “It is a big deal! Now get up and start moving, except for you, Ava Baby, of course. Take all the time you need. I warmed you up some food; maybe you would feel better once you’ve eaten.”
“That sounds great, Aggie, thank you.”
Everyone began to clear out and Ari climbed out of bed. I marveled at the beautiful Adonis in front of me. I had forgotten just how absolutely gorgeous he really was. His pajama pants hung ever so lightly from his lean, muscular frame. His skin was the perfect shade of cream and his smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I thought back to our incredibly intimate embrace from the night before and blushed. He caught me staring and gave a laugh while he ran his long fingers through his thick, dark, unruly hair.
“What?” he asked with a smirk.
I shook my head, clearing my mind. “Nothing, I guess I just really missed you.”
He pulled me out of the bed and into his arms.
“I missed you more. And I missed doing this.” He kissed my freckle again. “And I missed doing this and this.” Ari kissed the corners of my mouth. “I really missed doing this.” He kissed me on the mouth, teasing my lips open. “I missed this,” he kissed the spot behind my ear and then trailed kisses down my neck and collarbone. He picked up my hand and brought it up to his lips and kissed each finger then filled my palm with more kisses. He brought his lips back to my ear and whispered, “Where are those other two freckles, Ava?”
I smiled up at him.
“Come on, Aggie will kill us if we don’t hurry and I’m starving.”
I showered and decided on a dress I had bought in London but could never wear because the weather was always so cold and dreary. I paired it with some sling back wedges. I slipped on the ring that Ari had gotten me for Christmas, worried a bit because it didn’t fit as well as it used to and kept sliding down my finger. I ventured out into the kitchen. There were people everywhere getting ready for Ari, Rory and Julia’s graduation party. I received a million hugs and welcome homes. Andy gave me a sheepish smile and I walked over to him and threw my arms around his neck.
“I am so sorry for everything.”
He smoothed my hair and hugged me back. “Ava, I have never been spoken to that way in all my life.” I was sure he was telling me the absolute truth and I felt horrible.
“But everything you said was true,” he continued. “We should have told you. I’ll forgive you if you can forgive me.” I squeezed him tighter. “Ava, we’re just so happy to have you home.” He kissed me on the top of my head and let me go.
I took a seat and began to eat some of Aggie’s left-over roast from the night before. I hadn’t eaten anything as good since Christmas. August sat down on the stool next to me at th
e island and marveled at me while I shoved another bite of bread into my mouth. He looked really great, wearing a nice button-down shirt and tie and dress pants.
“Hey there, you clean up nice,” I said with a smile.
“Gee, thanks Avie,” he said sarcastically as he smoothed his green jagged hair back in place.
There was something about him that was a little off.
“August, do you have a fat lip?”
He rubbed his fingers across his lips.
“Yeah, maybe a small one.”
“What the heck happened?” I saw his eyes move through the kitchen at all the people.
“I’ll tell you later, ok?” he said quickly and quietly out of the side of his mouth.
“OK….So are you alright with all of this?” I asked. “I know the Alexanders and their kin can be a bit overwhelming. I shouldn’t have dragged you out here. I’m sorry; I had a major moment of weakness.”
“No, this is great, I love it here actually. Julia and Rory are really nice. It is great to see them again.”
“Ok, well I guess we’ll get a flight out after the weekend, rent a new place in London - maybe.”
Ari had snuck up behind me and had a very hurt look on his face. “What? You’re leaving again?” he asked, sounding very upset.
Oh no. Not this. Not now. I just want to be happy for a few more minutes, please.
“Um, yeah, I have to, Ari; I am not done yet.”
I could feel my heart begin to crumble; the look on Ari’s face was one I had hoped never to see again. I should have never come back.
Ari began to raise his voice, which caught the attention of the entire house. “Well then why the hell does he get to go with you?” He jabbed his finger in the air toward August.
