‘You got the list?’ I asked Anna, and she nodded and patted her pocket.
Our task was more fun than Brain’s and Chris’s. It was our job to go out into the world and test the water. In the process we would buy food and supplies for our get together that night. Although I was panicked, my sensible paranoia foremost in my mind, I was also determined. We’d succeeded in our fight. We’d lost people we loved to it. With my father’s group gone, the players in our government had better have backed off.
We entered the day outside, and it was beautiful. The sun beat down from the sky, and somehow, the day seemed brighter than the ones that came before. Anna and I travelled the streets, slowly at first, our eyes darted around primed for danger. But although people stared, and occasionally snapped a picture of us with their smartphones, we were left alone. I hadn’t expected that. I thought for sure we would have been swarmed. I had the sense the media stayed behind its doors because they’d been told to, but people were free to do as they please.
I relayed these same thoughts to Anna as she stopped in front of a jewellery shop’s window and browsed the trinkets on display.
‘They’re scared,’ Anna replied. ‘For months we’ve been the big bad bomber wolves. Even though they’ve been told we aren’t, that sort of feeling is hard to forget.’
I nodded, admiring her intuitiveness. Plus, I was glad we were being left to enjoy ourselves.
We entered a shopping centre and got working on our list. Food, coffee, alcohol, toiletries, coffee, baby stuff, coffee-
‘We get it,’ Anna chuckled and punched my arm. ‘We won’t forget coffee. If you’d like, we can go back to that jewellery shop and you can pick out a ring for it.’
I laughed as I pushed the trolley in my hands, but stopped. Anna left to get milk, but her words lingered in my mind.
You can pick out a ring……
Something clicked; the right course of action. Something I knew I wanted to do.
‘You okay?’ Anna asked as she slipped the milk into the trolley.
I blinked and smiled.
‘Never been better,’ I replied and for the life of me, I’d never meant it more.
*
‘Cheers!’ we all cried while our glasses collided.
I took a sip of the cheap champagne we had bought, and it tasted wonderful, well, if you ignored its taste anyway. We’d finished a dinner that Brian had rustled up, and once we’d settled and lay Alex to bed, we opened up the special treat. That night we sat with no worries. We didn’t talk much, the silence peaceful and warranted. We just chilled. We didn’t have any plans; there were no evil beings on our agenda to take down. The world had returned to its place as our oyster.
Brian got up and headed to his computers. After a few clicks, a soft melody filled the room. I didn’t know the song, but it fit well with our quiet. I got up, fuelled with alcoholic courage and pulled Brian off to the side. For a second his gaze took on its darkened tone. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched.
‘Brian,’ I said.
My tone was soft, and Brian’s jaw slackened.
‘I never thanked you for what you did for my son,’ I continued, keeping my voice low. ‘Trust me I know how hard it was to have to do what you did.’
He didn’t argue. I had done what he’d done, killed someone I loved more than life itself. I let the warm image of my mother’s face linger in my mind.
‘But thank you,’ I said. ‘You have no idea how much I mean that.’
Brian remained in silence as he chose his words.
‘I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being angry,’ he replied and eyed me carefully. ‘I won’t ever stop wondering what if? But my Dad died for what we achieved, and I won’t spit on his memory by ruining what we’ve earned.’
I nodded and he turned to leave, but I grabbed his arm. He looked round, his forehead creased in slight irritation.
‘I have something I was hoping you could do quietly for me?’ I whispered and handed him a slip of paper.
Brian surveyed it, and a grin cracked along his face. He looked up and it vanished.
‘I’ll see what I can do,’ he said.
‘Thanks,’ I replied.
We joined Anna and Chris back on the couches. Anna shifted to lay her head on my shoulder and I rested my head on top.
We let the music serenade us, and the four of us were united in our hope.
*
‘So you rented this hunk of junk?’ I asked Chris as we loaded Jessica’s carpet wrapped body into the trunk.
‘I thought it’d be better than dragging a corpse miles through the city, twice,’ Chris shot back.
‘I hope you’re covered for dead bodies,’ I chuckled.
‘You know, I left that part out when I got it,’ he replied.
‘Good idea.’
Anna, Alex and Brian were already in the back of the car, and we were all raw. After a quick internet search we’d found the location of Penny, Jessica’s daughter. We waited the full day for the moon to take to the sky. Not only were we burying our friend, there was also an increased chance of being caught doing it.
We took off and drove through the city. The graveyard we headed to had been dedicated to babies who hadn’t survived, either before birth, or after. I hoped there wasn’t any trouble, not in a place like that, and not while we put Jessica to rest. We rolled up to the graveyard’s gates, and while Chris and I managed Jessica’s body, Brian dug out three spades. Anna was our lookout, her and Alex remaining in the car while we got to work.
We located Penny’s grave and crouched to settle Jessica on the floor. The stone that bared Penny’s name was simple but elegant, a small rectangle that had been worn with weather. I clenched my teeth at the horrors the world was capable of, and took a spade from Chris. It took a couple hours of hard and debilitating work, but the three of us stood back and stared into the six foot hole we’d dug. I lowered myself down as Brian and Chris tried to hand the bundle containing Jessica’s body to me. Once done, I climbed out and the three of us refilled the hole in silence.
‘I’ll get Anna,’ I told the others as they patted down the ground.
I dropped the spade and slouched back to the car. Anna saw me coming, and stepped out with Alex.
‘All done?’ she asked.
‘Yeah,’ I nodded. ‘Do you want to come and lay the flowers with me? You don’t have to.’
Anna stared into the distance for a second before she steeled herself and drew in a deep breath.
‘No,’ she replied. ‘I want to come and pay my respects too.’
I squeezed her shoulder while trying not do get her dirty before I collected the two bunches of flowers we’d bought on the way. Then, united, we walked back over. The three spades sat grouped together with Brian and Chris sat beside. They got to their feet as we arrived, eyes downcast and hooded. My insides felt heavy.
‘Should we, um, make some sort of marker for her?’ Brian asked.
I chewed my lip and looked to Chris.
‘No,’ he sighed. ‘We don’t want someone noticing that someone who shouldn’t be here is here. We don’t want them digging her up.’
I nodded and handed Anna a bunch of flowers, then we walked to the head of both Penny’s and Jessica’s grave, and lay the flowers down.
‘What if someone notices the freshly dug earth?’ I whispered.
Chris pondered that and looked around before replying, ‘We should be alright, it’s out of the way, but any marker like a big stone or wooden cross would be spotted. It’s better this way.’
We stood back and lapsed back into saddened silence. Anna’s eyes glistened, but she kept her composure. A good half an hour past, before Brian and Chris turned to go.
‘Wait,’ Anna said, ‘we should say something.’
I met her gaze and her eyes pleaded with mine. I turned to the other two, but they kept their gaze averted. No one knew what to say.
I cleared my throat.
‘Jessica, um,’ I coughed
, ‘Jessica tried to kill us.’
Anna looked at me, her eyebrows knitted together.
‘But hey, you’re not really one of us until you’ve pointed a gun at us,’ I laughed. ‘Or, well, pointed a gun at me.’
‘Hey,’ Anna smiled, ‘I’ve never pointed a gun at you.’
‘Yet,’ I replied.
Brian and Chris chuckled but remained quiet, and I couldn’t help let my grin grow as the memories of the two of them aiming guns at me flashed through my mind.
‘Even though her life revolved around death,’ I continued, ‘it wasn’t the thing that defined her. Beneath that icy, hard exterior, deep, deep, deep, deep down, there was a mother, and a good person.
‘She might not have shown it often, she would probably kick my arse even for saying it aloud, but Jessica wasn’t evil. She wasn’t. Any of us could have gone the same path as her because all of us have had despicable things happen to us. So we can’t blame her, but we can understand. And in the end, she did what was right. She fought for us and for what was right. I owe her everything. If it wasn’t for Jessica, we might not have Alex with us today, or Chris, or Anna.’
I swallowed and turned to face the two graves.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered. ‘Thank you and I hope you and your daughter are finally together. You deserve it.’
I stood back and joined the group. A lazy wind rustled the leaves on the trees. I knew it was my imagination when I heard it, but for a second, Jessica’s voice filled my mind and I smiled.
You arsehole!
The Proposal
Everyone slept in the next day, and it wasn’t until around lunch time I opened my eyes. Anna lay across from me, her features smooth and innocent as she slept. My night had been plagued with nightmares, of faceless men and women taking my son from my arms. I couldn’t shake the feeling inside, the feeling of defensiveness, as if we were relaxing too soon. I wanted to be happy, and I was, but what if...
Anna’s eyes fluttered open, and she smiled at me groggily. I couldn’t help but return a grin of my own. She was right, I was majorly paranoid.
‘Thanks,’ I whispered to her and brushed a stray hand of her hair.
Her forehead creased confused, but I just shook my head. Anna was like she had said: My tether. There was no need to utter any words. One look and all the dark thoughts that swirled in my head vanished.
‘You change, I’ll feed?’ Anna said.
‘Sounds good,’ I replied.
We both shifted and stood up. Jessica had been right when she said Alex was one of the best babies she had encountered. My little guy was all round happy, all of the time. He slept from when we did, until we woke him up, and even then, he woke with a smile and a laugh. I lifted him from his crib, making gentle shushing sounds as he stirred in my arms. As I grabbed a fresh nappy and a clean pair of clothes, his laughter filled my ear.
‘Are you gonna attack me with your pee today?’ I chuckled.
Anna slouched back into the room as I finished, pee free, and I handed Alex over. I kissed them both on the forehead and headed for the bathroom. I turned on the shower and stripped. Part of me was aware of the vial under the loose tile, but I forcefully ignored it as I washed and changed. I headed back out and relieved Anna, who grabbed her own clothes and disappeared to shower.
I bounced Alex as I headed to the main room. Chris was in the kitchen, and as I approached, he grabbed another mug and started another coffee.
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘Is Brian still asleep?’
‘Nope,’ Chris replied. ‘He’s away. For you he said.’
Chris raised his eyebrows and grinned.
‘He told you didn’t him?’ I moaned as Chris nodded, ‘the little cretin.’
Chris laughed and stirred the liquid inside the mugs.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘your secret is safe with me, and I think it’s awesome.’
Anna entered the room and sauntered over. She took Alex into her arms, and Chris handed me my coffee. He motioned for me to join him in his room, and I followed him through. I closed the door behind me, and he walked straight across from it and planted himself in a chair at a table by the window. I sat parallel to him and waited for him to speak.
‘I never had the chance to apologise for the stunt Jessica and I pulled,’ he said and grimaced, ‘when we tried to stop you going after Anna’s brother.’
‘That’s because you don’t need to apologise,’ I replied and sighed. ‘You were right. I was reckless, driven by revenge. I only wish you’d actually succeeded.’
‘No, I said some out of order stuff,’ Chris said. ‘I got too used to taking charge, that when you stepped up, I found it difficult. I was wrong about you not being able to take care of the group, you saved Anna and I.’
‘Chris, you’re the father of this group,’ I chuckled. ‘You’re the smartest, toughest guy here. Plus, I had a big help coming to get you both. I think it’s silly to assume either of us is the leader, because to be honest, we all pitch in. Each of us brings something to the table. We hit a rough patch, you don’t need to apologise.’
Chris nodded and reached into his pocket.
‘Once Brian told me about what you’re planning to do, I had an idea,’ he smiled. ‘Here.’
He pulled a set of keys from his pocket and sat them in my palm. I looked back up, the question written on my face.
‘They’re the keys to my cabin,’ Chris said. ‘I’m giving it to you and Anna.’
My eyes widened.
‘Whoa, Chris,’ I whispered. ‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘I want to,’ he replied. ‘Please, take it. You guys are gonna need somewhere, and I think that place would be perfect.’
I nodded and smiled as we stood, and before I talked myself out of it, I gave Chris a quick hug.
‘Thanks,’ I said.
*
Anna was ecstatic over Chris’s gift, and instead of waiting around, we packed as much as we could into the back of Chris’s rental car and set off. We had waited for Brian, and when he joined us, he inclined his head my way. He had gotten what I asked him to. I nodded back and we all filed in as Chris started the car.
Civilisation soon gave way to countryside, and as I looked in the side mirror on the car, the city of Redburn glistened in the sun. Eventually we were engulfed by trees, and the car bumped and rocked with the dirt road we drove over. Alex laughed the entire time from his car seat, and eventually we had all joined in on its contagiousness. The road evened slightly as we neared the cabin, and we came to a split in the road, Chris taking the right.
‘What’s off to the left?’ I asked.
‘The clearing where we buried Paul,’ Chris answered and checked his mirror to watch Brian. ‘We can go later, once you guys have seen the place.’
Five minutes later and we were pulling up in front of a wooden building. Surprisingly it fit the image I’d had of it, a generic cabin that had been painted white. The paint peeled after being neglected for however long it had been, but as we got out and headed to the front door, I was excited. I took out the key, and Chris left Anna and me with the honour of going first. I slipped the key in the lock, and twisted.
The cabin had only one floor, but as we stepped inside, it already had a homey look. It was open and bright, the wooden planks that made the floor were tight together and smooth, covered in rugs here and there. The living room we’d stepped into led straight into the kitchen. There was no door or wall separating them, but the wooden floor gave way to clean white tiles and black worktops. To the left of the entire space, two closed doors opened to two bedrooms.
‘Electricity, hot water,’ Chris commented, ‘it’s all been modernised and everything works. So all you guys really have to do, is move in.’
‘It’s fantastic, Chris,’ Anna gawped. ‘What prompted you to do this?’
Chris’s eyes caught mine.
‘Can’t a guy just be nice?’ he replied and laughed nervously.
Anna and Chr
is headed back outside to collect the small amount of things we’d brought. Brian and I stayed inside, and without a word, he came over and passed me a small package. It felt like the wrapped shape sent sparks up my arms. My stomach twisted and my heart sped up. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was, and I knew I wanted to do it, sooner, rather than later. I slipped the box into my pocket.
It didn’t take long to settle in, and once we had, we jumped back into Chris’s car and headed back down the road. We reached the fork again, and Chris took the road I’d asked about as he headed to the clearing. The sun dipped in the sky, and an orange hue tinged the horizon. Finally we stopped and got out. The clearing was a few feet away, and what struck me first, was the amount of wooden sticks in the ground. I assumed each marked a grave, but instead of there being one to mark Paul’s, there was upwards of ten.
I looked around at Chris, who waited as Anna explained.
‘My idea,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want Paul to be out her alone, and I wanted us to have somewhere we could go to remember everyone. Each stick represents someone we’ve lost: Jane, Terry, Paul, Jessica; even your Dad and sister.’
I opened my mouth, but words just wouldn’t come. Richard and Hazel had been monsters, but their deaths had affected me in a way I hadn’t expected. For Anna to have picked up on that, and to give them respect they didn’t necessarily deserve was heart-warming and I took her hand and squeezed.
‘Thank you,’ I whispered and swallowed the lump in my throat.
Anna smiled and the five of us entered the clearing. The stick graves sat along a hill in front of us, and we stopped at the base. Brian travelled alone up to what I assumed was Paul’s grave and lay down flowers. He closed his eyes and stood. For the next hour, everyone took turns to say something in regard to the dead, and as the sky darkened, the depressing monologues made me feel worse and worse. It annoyed me, not because of anyone’s individual words, but because of the sadness that laced them.
Child of Recklessness (Trials of Strength Book 2) Page 22
