“About that,” I said with a little fake laugh, “I didn’t forget, exactly.”
“You thought I’d never find out?”
“Not exactly that, either.”
“So what was it then? When we saw the news, my mom couldn’t believe it. She said she could get in big trouble if your parents didn’t want you to participate because Mom’s the one who contacted the media. You should have heard her! ‘Why didn’t you tell me Sunny’s grandmother owned Luxury Furs and Leathers? I can’t believe you encouraged her to protest against her own grandmother without talking to me about it first!’ And when I told her you never told me, she thought I was the one who wasn’t telling the truth!”
“I’m sorry, really I am! It’s just, well, it’s complicated.”
Lydia put down her pita and looked right at me. “I’m listening.”
“I thought it would be better if you didn’t know—”
“It’s not your fault your grandmother owns a fur store. But you should have trusted me.”
“I know.” The way she was looking at me, as if she really wanted to understand, made the words rush out of my mouth before I could stop them. “I thought about telling you, but I didn’t even plan to go to the protest. I came to that first meeting because I was mad at my mom for lying to me, so I decided I could lie, too. And then, when I heard there were going to be reporters, I figured out the perfect solution to my problems. If I went on TV and said bad things about my grandmother, then she’d tell us we had to leave her house, and we could go back home to New Jersey.” I stopped to take a breath. “So you can see why I couldn’t talk to you about it. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I was afraid I’d chicken out.”
Lydia didn’t say anything for a minute, but the look on her face had changed from understanding to something totally different. “You mean—you protested against your grandmother’s store because you wanted to go home?”
I nodded. “It was a stupid plan. It didn’t work.”
“I can’t believe this,” Lydia said. “You weren’t doing it for the animals? You were doing it for yourself?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I was doing it for the animals, too—”
“But I just heard you!” Pink circles had appeared on Lydia’s cheeks and she looked angrier than I’d ever seen her. “You said you were doing it because you wanted to make your grandmother angry. You were using me and the protest to get what you wanted!”
“No,” I said in my calmest voice, trying to get her to hear what I was saying. “Lydia, it’s not like that. I wanted to help the animals—”
Lydia pushed back her chair and began packing up her lunch. “I don’t have to listen to this. Are you coming?” she asked the other girls. They stood and followed behind her. I watched as they walked away, leaving me alone at the empty table, the same way I’d left Lydia when she’d brought ratatouille for lunch a couple of months ago.
I sank down into an empty chair, dropping my head on my arms. There were mess-ups and there were mess-ups. This was the kind that just kept getting worse and worse. It was like the time I was mowing the grass and a rock hit the window. At first it was a little hole. Then I heard a crackling noise and lines starting shooting down from the hole and, before I knew it, the glass shattered and the window fell into a million pieces.
Except this time, it felt like I was the one cracking.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Sunny, is that you?” Mom called from the sunroom when I got home that afternoon.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“There’s someone here to see you.”
I dropped my book bag on the floor with a loud thud. I didn’t feel like talking, and I didn’t want to face my usual Evergreen load of homework either. All I really wanted to do was climb back in bed and pull the covers up over my head.
I dragged my feet as I walked to the sunroom, hoping I could get away quickly.
Then I heard his voice.
“Scott?” I took off at a run, straight for his arms. As I collapsed into him, all the bad feelings from my horrible day melted away. I didn’t ever want to let go.
Finally, I took a step back. He still looked exactly the same, just like he was supposed to. “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming until Christmas.”
“Changed my mind,” Scott said with a grin.
“Thanks,” I said. Mom must have declared an emergency if Scott was here. But I was glad just the same.
“So how was your day?” he asked, like it was perfectly normal that he was sitting on the wicker couch in Grandma Grace’s sunroom.
I sat down in the rocking chair across from him. “It stunk.”
“What happened?” Scott asked.
“Everyone hates me.”
“Everyone at school?” Mom asked. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, Jessie’s not really my friend anymore, and Lydia won’t talk to me because she says I was using her and the animals for my own selfish purposes.”
“Why does Lydia think you were using her?” Scott asked.
“I don’t feel like talking about it,” I said.
“Whatever you say,” Scott replied. “We’ve got plenty of time for talking.”
“Really? How long are you staying?”
“I flew in this morning, and I’m flying back on Thursday.”
“You can’t even stay the weekend?”
He shook his head. “Not this time. I’ve got the shop covered for the next few days, but it was last-minute planning. I need to get back.”
I rocked back on the chair. Hard.
“Wish I could stay longer. But I’ll be back for Christmas.”
I rocked some more.
“Your mom and I were thinking it wouldn’t hurt for you to miss a day of school. She said there’s a great place to go horseback riding around here if it’s not too cold.”
“Ridge Gap Trail?”
Mom nodded.
“Really? You’ll let me miss school?”
“It would be good for the two of you to have some time to talk,” Mom said.
I looked at Scott. “Just us? What about Autumn?”
Scott said. “Your mom and I will talk to Autumn later.”
I thought about that. Autumn wasn’t going to be happy when she found out we went horseback riding without her, but I liked the idea of having Scott to myself.
The door squeaked open and I heard the thump of a book bag being dropped in the front hall. “Mom?” Autumn’s voice rang out as she closed the door behind her. “I’m home!”
“Let’s plan on Wednesday,” Scott said with a wink as my sister ran into the room and threw herself into his arms.
***
My TV fame only lasted one day; I went to class on Tuesday and no one asked any more questions. On Wednesday morning, I woke up to the sun shining through my curtains and spilling onto the floor. I pulled up my blinds and looked out at a blue-sky December day. I jumped out of bed and pulled on my clothes, glad that I didn’t have to face another day sitting alone at lunch.
A little while later, Scott and I drove to Ridge Gap Trail. We talked about teachers and schoolwork, avoiding tough subjects like losing friends, parents who keep the truth from you, and what happens after you protest against your grandmother’s store.
After a three-mile hike through the woods and a horseback ride on Ridge Gap Trail, we ended up at Sollecito’s for lunch. I pulled off my gloves and rubbed my hands together before reaching for a piece of warm bread from the basket.
Scott passed me a plate of olive oil and spices. “I’ll say one thing for Grandma Grace. She sure knows how to pick a beautiful place to live.”
I gazed out the windows of the café, taking in the blue haze of the mountains; I knew exactly what he meant.
“So,” Scott said after the waitress came and took our order, “I guess it’s time for us to talk.”
I sat up straighter. I knew he wasn’t angry with me the way Mom had been. He mostly seemed
worried. He must have felt pretty rotten about keeping the truth from me, or he wouldn’t have flown all the way down here in the middle of the week.
“I know you were angry after you found the photo,” Scott said. “Especially when you wouldn’t talk to me for the first few days. I don’t blame you—I would have been plenty mad, too.”
I shrugged. “It was mostly Mom’s fault. She’s the one who lied about the photo when I asked her about it earlier.”
“It was both our faults. We should have explained the situation sooner. So when your mom called me about the protest, I knew I needed to come right away. It just isn’t like you, Sunny. You’ve always had such a big heart and you’ve never hurt anyone purposely before.”
I looked down at my plate, my stomach twisting like a wet towel you want to wring out. Scott always called me soft-hearted and said that I couldn’t hurt a fly, which is why he escorted creepy crawlies out of the house for me instead of killing them.
“I didn’t mean to hurt Grandma Grace.” But the words didn’t make sense, not even to me. “I wasn’t really thinking about her feelings. I was just thinking about getting back home.”
“I know. Your mom figured that out pretty quick. We’d really messed up good, keeping secrets from you like that.”
Pushing the bread around in the olive oil, I felt a tiny drop of hope bubble up inside of me.
The bubble burst with Scott’s next words.
“Even though it was wrong of us to keep the truth from you, that didn’t make it okay for you to lie to your mom or to sneak around without asking permission or, even worse, treat your grandmother disrespectfully. That’s not who you are, Sunflower. Your mother and I are both disappointed in you.”
The words settled in the bottom of my stomach like a hollow peach pit. Now I knew exactly what Mom had tried to tell me: acting out would not get me what I wanted. It only meant I had to live with the consequences.
I was glad when the waitress arrived with our food. It was easier to pay attention to my lunch than to say what I needed to. I took a bite of ravioli and burned my tongue.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I swallowed back tears. “I really am.”
Scott squeezed my shoulder. “I know, honey. And I’m sorry, too.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes, though between my burnt tongue and my guilty conscience I barely tasted my food.
“Anyway, I’ve been thinking about all this,” Scott said, putting his fork down. “I know we’ve all made a lot of mistakes. Your mom and I should have made sure you knew we weren’t really a couple. What I need you to understand is that we didn’t think it mattered.”
“You and Mom keep saying that, but I don’t get it. How could you think it didn’t matter?”
Scott shook his head. “We really were a happy family. We weren’t secretly arguing when you girls weren’t around. Your mom and I have always been best friends. We didn’t think it mattered if we loved each other as friends or loved each other as something more. I mean, love is love, right?”
I shrugged. Maybe this wasn’t about wanting a job change and Mom pursuing her dreams. If it was, she could have gotten her MFA at home in New Jersey. “Maybe Mom decided that best friends love wasn’t enough,” I finally said.
Scott gazed out the window, at the blue mountain tops covered with clouds. “And maybe she wasn’t just thinking of herself,” he said quietly.
“Well, she wasn’t thinking of us!” I said, then clapped my hand over my mouth. Mom thought it was time for Scott to look for a new girlfriend?
Scott looked back at me and nodded. “We’d always thought it was enough. But maybe your mom’s right. We both owe it to ourselves to find out if there’s more.”
“But—but what’s going to happen to me? To me and Autumn?” The words tumbled out, words I’d been holding back for so long. “Mom says we might move back to New Jersey when she finishes her program and we might not. She said we’ll have to wait and see! But it’s not like you adopted me or that you and Mom were married and you’re getting a divorce. Then, at least you’d have to see me a couple of times a year, no matter where we moved.” I slumped back against my chair. I felt a little like that milk carton I’d once dropped on the floor and punctured, the milk spurting out everywhere like a fountain.
Scott’s eyes widened.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s just”—he shook his head—“I guess I’m a little dense about things. Sunflower, I need you to listen to me.” He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “It doesn’t matter whether your mom and I are together. It doesn’t matter if my name is on your adoption certificate or whether your mom and I were once married and now we’re divorced. I don’t need a custody letter to tell me when I can visit my own daughter. I love you and your sister more than anyone else in the world, and that is never going to change. Okay?”
I nodded, tears filling my eyes. “Okay.” I may have wanted things to turn out differently, but for now, holding Scott’s hand and believing that he would always be there for me would have to be enough.
***
Mom and Scott took Autumn out for dinner by herself that evening. She knew I’d stayed home to spend some time with Scott that day, but she figured it was because of all the trouble I’d gotten into and she didn’t protest too much about it.
I decided it was best not to mention Ridge Gap Trail.
They were gone for almost two hours. I heard the front door open around 7:45, followed by the pound of Autumn’s feet on the stairs. I looked up from my sketchbook when I heard her stop at my doorway.
“How was dinner?” I asked.
“Great! We went to Burger-Rama and Scott let me order a large order of cheese fries and onion rings! Then we stopped at Menchies for frozen yogurt. I got chocolate and cheesecake and a ton of toppings.”
“Lucky,” I said.
“Too bad you had to stay home with Grandma Grace. I bet you had to eat something super healthy.”
I shrugged. “It was okay. We had Lean Cuisines, and she let us eat in front of the TV.”
Autumn’s mouth dropped open. “In the living room?”
“Yup. Grandma Grace has these special folding tables. I guess she used to eat in front of the TV all the time, before we came along.”
“Well, I’m asking her if she’ll let me use one next time,” Autumn said.
“Don’t press your luck.” I knew the real reason we used the folding tables was so we didn’t have to fill up the silence between us. “Besides, you got to have a junk food dinner. There were probably TVs all over the restaurant.”
“That’s true.” She stood there in the doorway a minute like she wanted to say something, not coming in but not leaving either. “What are you working on?”
I held up my sketchbook, showing her the picture of a cat with caramel swirls.
Autumn’s eyes widened. “Is that the little cat you’ve been feeding in Grandma’s backyard?”
I shook my head, and looked back down at the picture. “It’s just a random drawing—”
“Ha! I know you’ve been feeding that kitty. You can’t fool me. You’re just like Mom and Scott. They think I’m too young to pay attention, that I don’t have any idea what’s going on, but they’re wrong. Everyone acts like I’m stupid or something.”
“I didn’t say you were stupid.”
“No, but you didn’t tell me about the cat.”
“What did Mom and Scott tell you? At dinner, I mean.”
Autumn crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Mom said they were splitting up.”
I put my sketchbook down on my desk. “Mom said that?”
“Well, she said they were still friends, that they’d always be friends, and that we’d always be a family. But she said they’re not going to be a couple anymore.” Autumn bit her lip, and tears swam in her eyes.
I jumped up from my seat and put my arm around her. “It’s going to be okay.”
She shrugged my arm away and
swiped at her eyes. “I know that, Sunny. I told you, I know things. Of course they’re splitting up. Why else would Mom move us all the way down here?”
“Bennetsville’s not such a bad place to live,” I found myself saying. “And Scott’s always going to be our dad, no matter where he lives.”
Autumn nodded, and sniffed. “I know,” she said. “I just wish—I just wish things were different.”
This time I was the one nodding. “I know,” I said. “Me, too.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
WHERE ARE YOU????
SUNNY! What’s going on? Is everything okay? I haven’t heard from you in a looong time. Did you get my Thanksgiving card? Miss you so much!
XOXO,
Maddy
P.S. Are you mad at me? Please, please write back.
Scott left the next morning. We had a long talk about Grandma Grace, and I knew it was up to me to make things right. This weekend, I told myself. I couldn’t put it off any longer. Giving her a brief apology card because Mom made me didn’t take the place of a real apology that I meant.
Somehow, I got through the rest of the week. Lydia ignored me, Jessie’s table was overflowing with new cheerleaders, and I started getting used to sitting in the back of the cafeteria with my sketchbook again.
On Saturday afternoon, Mom dropped me off at Lydia’s for the OM meeting. After knocking a few times, I opened the door and walked inside.
“Hi, Sunny,” Mrs. Applebaum called from the kitchen. “Everyone’s already downstairs—you know the way.”
“Okay,” I said as I slipped past her. She hadn’t mentioned the protest, so I wasn’t going to bring it up, either.
Coach Baker had already started a hands-on warm-up that involved tape, toothpicks, and rubber bands. I sat down next to Jalia and tried to help, but the first rubber band shot across the room and the next one broke in half.
I walked over to pick up the rubber band when one of the posters tacked to the wall caught my eye. It was a picture of a unicorn leaping through the clouds, and it said: NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. THE WORD ITSELF SAYS I’M POSSIBLE.
Call Me Sunflower Page 15
