When I opened the door to let him in he was standing there with a bunch of flowers carefully wrapped in tissue paper. I smiled, taking them from him and noting with curiosity that they were my favourite kind. Perhaps he had noticed that these were the very same flowers I had been bringing to his bedside.
“Thank you, I love them.” I excused myself for a moment, finding a vase to set them in before turning back to him. He had cleaned up for the occasion, but he was still wearing his trademark black jeans. Instead of a black t-shirt he had swapped it for a nice, albeit black, button up with a grey, washed out skull pattern. He even appeared to have washed and combed his hair.
“You look nice.”
“Not as nice as you.” He countered with a smile, holding his hand out to me. I looked down at the party dress again for confirmation and then flushed as our eyes met once more, while I took the proffered hand.
“Thanks.”
“Taking your time looks good on you.”
I laughed slightly and shrugged, “I actually didn’t spend that much time getting ready. I just wanted you to believe I did.”
“Cat’s out of the bag then.” He smiled at me as he led me out of the apartment; I glanced back for only a moment to see Cerberus watching me with interest.
“I’ll see you later Cerberus!” He barked, like a slow drawn out wail before the door closed between us. “He’s starting to get separation anxiety I fear.”
“But I thought you only got him yesterday?”
Nodding and laughing I shrugged, “I’m just that likeable.”
“Don’t I know it.” Griffin said with another smile. I expected him to take me to his apartment for dinner but instead of going over to the other door in the hallway we left through a different door that opened up into a rather dark room.
“What is this place?”
“My sanctuary.” He said simply, guiding me through the darkness until light began to find us, caused by several floating candles in midair. On the ground he had laid out a blanket with massive pillows for sitting and strewn about the space was dinner, I hoped.
“Wow.” I looked over at Griffin, smiling at the blush growing on his cheeks. The room itself reminded me of the cave where Lincoln had held Savannah hostage, but I wasn’t scared. There was no ominous dripping noises, nor was there any heavy breathing of a three-headed dog. In fact the candles and the picnic like atmosphere he had created gave me a sense of comfort. It wasn’t always necessary to fear the darkness, depending on your companions and what was waiting for you in it.
“Alright, I didn’t know what kind of food you liked so I guessed. I hope it’s okay.” He helped me sit down on one of the cushions. It was so massive it nearly swallowed me as I sat down into it, the edges coming up and pinching my sides. I curled into a small ball, tucking my feet under me while getting comfy before surveying the food Griffin had prepared.
On two plates, one set out in front of each of us, was a heavily stacked roast beef sandwich. The meat was seemingly cooked closed to rare, bright red under the light of the candles. The bread was marble rye, a huge slice on either end. There was a plate of fruits laden with gigantic grapes, orange slices and pomegranate seeds. A board of cheese, each one a flavour different than I had ever known cheese came in: Anthotyros, Kasseri, Metsovone and Xynomizithra. Two goblets filled to the brim with wine or, as I hoped, juice. And then a double layered round carrot cake, dripping with icing. It all looked so good and even if Griffin had cheated and conjured it, it was very thoughtful. He had covered every base.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“A toast?” He asked as he picked up his goblet and held it up toward me in the dim light. I followed suit, trying to subtly sniff it as I did to gauge whether it was alcoholic.
“To what?”
“To new beginnings, a change of season and a turning of the page. To leaving behind old fears and following our hearts.”
I could get behind that, “cheers.” I said with a smile as we clinked our goblets together and drew them back to sip. It was wine, but a sweet wine. It tasted like juice if not for the soft hint of sourness that alcohol added to it. Still though, despite it being booze, I could drink it. At least stomach it for one night I hoped.
Setting our goblets down we both dug into the food, the sandwiches proved to be too much for me so I picked at it until I had my fill before helping myself to the fruit. For the longest time Griffin was silent after his toast, I didn’t know what I should say in order to start the conversation. But it wasn’t awkward. Silence with him was comfortable and we both fell into a rhythm that was unexpected of a couple on a first date.
After a while, he broke the silence: “When I was a kid my dad used to drink a lot.” I stopped chewing to look up at him, it wasn’t exactly the dinner conversation that I had in mind.
Swallowing, I spoke, “I had an uncle who was an alcoholic.” He nodded his head morosely and looked down at his plate again.
He fussed with the crust of his sandwich before speaking again, “he’d come stumbling in close to my bedtime and pick fights with my mom. He never held back, he’d punch her in the mouth and then tell her he loved her. It was the most messed up thing in the world... I knew, I just knew, real love wasn’t like that. I begged my mom to leave, to get us out of there and go somewhere better. The grass is always greener, right? So when my dad drank himself to death I thought: “this is it. We’re free.” Only we weren’t. We weren’t even close.
We had to move out of our house into this shitty little apartment where nothing worked. My mom had this string of boyfriends that came and went as they pleased. They were only coming for one thing, you know? I couldn’t stand it so I left, not for good but long enough that I could do things to forget... Like drinking, like the drugs. I fell down this rabbit hole I wasn’t ready for and did some things I’m not proud of. When I had no more money to pay for the drugs I needed to find another way to get it, so I tried stealing... But I wasn’t very good at it.
Sex seemed like the answer, I used to like it, so why not do it for money? There were enough rich cougars out there looking for some young, virile thing to amuse them when their husbands couldn’t anymore so I profited. But it got out of hand, mostly thanks to the drugs. I lost control of my clientele and it changed, but I hardly noticed by that point because I was so doped up I didn’t care.”
He had picked the crust of his sandwich clean off and had formed a small pyramid on his plate, adjusting and readjusting the pile absently as he spoke. The motions kept my eyes peeled to his fingers. Those hands had done things even I couldn’t understand.
“It was money, that’s what I told myself when I did remember... I just needed the money. I would have a fortune some day soon and I could get my mom out of there and we could go somewhere better. That was always the plan: go somewhere better... Except I was saving for a future with a woman who didn’t even notice I was gone, or if she did she didn’t bother coming to look for me.”
As he stopped talking I turned my eyes from his fingers to look up at his face. It was screwed up in that way I had grown so accustomed to seeing. So those were the memories that haunted him. I stretched out my hand across our small picnic and touched his gently. His eyes came back to me and he smiled in his twisted, sad way. He was holding back, there was something else he wanted to tell me but the words never came.
So I waited, holding my breath, until he was ready to continue. Or stop. Whichever he chose first. I didn’t fully understand why he was telling me this but I was glad for it. It meant he trusted me enough with his secrets, and that made me feel proud.
“I thought maybe that coming here would mean that I was finally free. I thought maybe this was the green grass I’d been looking for. But it just turned out I’m as unwanted here as I was back home. I repel people as if they can see on me the stains of my past. It’s hard to wash your hands of some things Val, some things just never come clean and I’m afraid I might be one of them.”
&n
bsp; “We all have baggage Griffin, it’s just a matter of deciding whether we’re going to let that baggage bring us down and define us. There are things that absolutely cut me to ribbons, but here I am and you wouldn’t know, would you?”
“Kindred spirits...”
I smiled sadly and bowed my head in contention, “well, that’s a different story. But the others here, they don’t know because I don’t let it show.”
I stared at him for a long time, and for the first time since waking up here, I was truly considering telling someone what my uncle had done to me. But I couldn’t. The words weren’t there. They weren’t ready to come out quite yet.
So I smiled, squeezing his hand and drew myself back fully onto my cushion.
“Why don’t we have some of that carrot cake, it looks amazing.” He nodded his head, obviously grateful for the change of topic as he reached for a knife to cut it. Even in that moment I could see the difference in him. Some weight, somewhere, had been lifted from him. I was glad I was the one to help with that.
“I’ve never told someone that story.”
“It’s not much of a story.” I said sullenly.
Griffin chuckled darkly, nodding in agreement, “no, it’s not is it? Definitely not the kind of bedtime story you tell children.”
“I think you kept a lot out for my delicate sensibilities.” I chanced a glance upwards at him and his expression darkened for a moment. The memories threatened to haunt him before he shrugged, shaking them away.
“I didn’t want to scare you, I just wanted you to understand.” I wanted to move closer to him again, to comfort him in some way but refrained this time as I nodded my head.
“You didn’t have to tell me anything to make me understand Griffin. I can do that without making you uncomfortable.”
“That’s the thing,” he said confidently, looking back up at me, “I’m not uncomfortable telling you. I can feel it: your non-judgment, your earnestness, and your trustworthiness... I feel like I could tell you the whole story and you wouldn’t think any less of me.”
I smiled and nodded my head; “I would try not to think any less of you for ever.”
“It’s hard, I know.”
“That wasn’t what I meant...” I bit down on my lip for a second, frowning as I considered a better way to phrase it. “I try and have mindful thoughts, but sometimes... Sometimes it’s hard not judging books by their cover. I catch myself sometimes looking at someone and thinking bad thoughts. It’s a constant struggle looking for the silver lining, it certainly doesn’t come easily.”
“I was teasing Val.” He said with an awkward grin, helping himself to some pomegranate seeds. “Everyone, even the most Godly person, has some kind of judgmental thought at some point or another. There’s nothing wrong with you struggling with that.”
“You know, you’re a lot more insightful than I first thought you were.”
“See, there we go. Now I know you really are judgmental.” I flushed and shook my head, quickly trying to cover my tracks but he spoke first, “I’m kidding. I know... Most people don’t consider drug addicts to be people with worldly views, trust me – most of them aren’t. But a few of us might surprise you.”
“You, Griffin, definitely surprise me.”
He smiled at me, “well you, Valentina, always take my breath away.”
Almost immediately I could feel my cheeks burning. I bowed my head and the silence resumed after that. Reaching up I pressed a cool palm to my skin, relieving some of the growing temperature as I smiled to myself. He really did like me. And I really did like him I decided.
Griffin reached out and set the tea plate of cake in front of me, the slice half toppled over from its shaky removal. He was still embarrassed and my reaction probably wasn’t helping. Chancing a glance upwards I smiled shyly at him before refocusing my energies on the carrot cake, picking my way through the layers and eating more of the icing than the cake itself.
Griffin was just as content to eat and watch me as I ate too; neither of us needed to say anything else. As we finished up, scraping at the last remains on our plates Griffin’s eyes caught mine and he smiled.
“I like you Valentina.” He said quietly. I was thankful that we were the only ones here, had we been in a crowded room I worried I might not have heard him.
“I like you too Griffin.” He nodded his head with contentment, swiping his hand over the blanket and the food disappeared for us. He stood, holding out his hand to help me as I rose next to him.
Who would have thought that I would have a boyfriend? The prospect of it had been unimaginable only a few weeks ago.
My father was a very strict man who believed in the old fashion idea of marriage – I would marry someone he approved of. It would be someone that I had barely ever met whom I would only ever really date after we were married. And by that time I would be expected to start having babies...
Thinking back on it all, my life before this, I realised that I would’ve never been able to fit into the mould I had been so desperately trying to squish myself into. Maybe I had always known, deep down inside, that I was different from my siblings and through that acknowledgement they had sensed my difference. Maybe that’s why I had been the black sheep.
I hated thinking of myself like that, as if I had been an outcast in my own family, but from the outside looking in that’s what it had been. That’s how it had been all along. I was little Valentina that no one noticed, not because I wasn’t outstanding – no, because I could see in Griffin’s eyes he thought I was – but because I was different and for people like my siblings, different was never good.
I glanced down to fix my dress and when I looked back up there was a curious expression on his face. I didn’t have long to scrutinise it though as it disappeared again and he was back to grinning.
“Ready to party?”
“Always.” I teased, letting him guide me from our sanctuary to the door that would take us to Styx.
Chapter Twelve
The party was in full swing by the time we walked in. It seemed everyone had turned up for the celebration, or at least for the booze. I glanced up at Griffin who was already eying the bar. It hadn’t gone unnoticed to me that he had drunk his way through the two bottles for dinner that I hadn’t even touched.
Not that I was offended or anything, it saved me having to drink. I just wondered if he still felt like he needed it or if he was simply using it as a crutch to get through the night. A part of me wanted to save him but then another part of me knew to pick my battles. He’d given up drugs coming here, giving up the alcohol would take just as much time and maybe he wasn’t ready to invest.
“Want to go get drinks?” I shouted at him over the noise of the music. It was the excuse he needed to nod and then weave his way through the crowd to the bar. I looked around slowly trying to see if I could find anyone I recognised.
I wasn’t, of course, standing in a room of pure strangers but it was nicer to talk to people who actually knew your name than having to go through the formalities of introductions again. Plus, I was hoping to spot Aidan and Savannah so I could say hi. Maybe even tell them about our dinner, minus Griffin’s past. That wasn’t for me to share.
But they were lost in the crowd if they were even here at all. I spotted Charlotte though, and Nicola alongside Zane and Royce. Jed was probably somewhere here as well if not at the bar with Griffin. He was a borderline alcoholic, I probably should express my concern to him sooner rather than later.
“Orange soda.” Griffin returned holding out a glass of bright orange liquid with a smile, in his other hand he held a very full glass of some amber liquid.
"Thank you!" I grinned as I took the glass, he had noticed I didn't like the alcohol. Or maybe he had guessed from my half drank cup at dinner. I sipped the soda and nodded contently to myself. Better. Not to say his choice in wine was horrible, my taste buds just didn't like it. I probably would never be able to stomach alcohol after living with my uncle.
"Let's find somewhere to sit down, we don't have to dance just because it's a party." I couldn't help but laugh at the relieved look on his face as he nodded. Taking my free hand he started guiding me through the bodies toward the booths looking for a free one. It grew steadily more disheartening the more packed we found the tables and booths to be. At the very least everyone was enjoying themselves, so you couldn't fault the club for that. It was the perfect venue for these kinds of things.
"Alright." Griffin said with an edge of determination. He nodded toward the back wall alongside the bar, I followed happily, eyes still flicking around the room looking for Savannah or Aidan. Griffin conjured out of no where a booth for us. "When in doubt, recreate." I laughed in pleasure and agreed with him as we both slipped in, setting our drinks down.
"You know, when Atlas brought us all back I doubt he had in mind that we'd spend our days sleeping and our nights drinking ourselves in a coma while hooking up with each other."
"Probably not."
"That's what you get for collecting a bunch of teenagers and barely mature adults."
I laughed and shrugged, "let them enjoy themselves now. Atlas gave me the impression this sort of happy-go-lucky mood wasn't going to last long. Once we truly start coming into ourselves and taking charge of our duties I get the impression something big is coming. He wouldn't have brought us back for no reason."
Griffin looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding his head slowly. I wondered what he was thinking as his expression became unreadable so quickly it was hard to discern thoughts or even emotions.
"Wonder what it is." He finally said, though his tone made me think he had an idea. "Atlas isn't particularly helpful when you ask questions. He has too many rules and guards himself far too well. I imagine there's all sorts of things he hasn't told us. And then things he has decided not to tell us because he would rather just sit back and watch us flounder when these things crop up. Things he could've prepared us for."
Gods Save the Princess (Grace of Gods Book 2) Page 11
