by Virna DePaul
I bit my lip as my orgasm hit and shudders wracked my body. Liam kept his fingers inside me and I rode them through my release. The whole time, I just barely managed to stop myself from screaming, and that effort as well as the strength of my orgasm left me panting and trembling in Liam’s arms. When I finally managed to open my eyes, it was to see him staring at me intently.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You’re just so beautiful,” he said. “Gorgeous. Your expression when I pleasure you…it makes me feel like the most powerful man alive.” His voice was deep and gravelly like he couldn’t get enough breath in to smooth it out.
“I want to feel your power. Come here,” I whispered, urging him up until he was straddling me, his erection resting against my breasts. I stroked it slowly, letting my thumb glide across the pearl of moisture at the tip. Liam moaned and closed his eyes. I stroked him harder. Faster. Spurred on by his moans, which only got longer and deeper. Finally, he grabbed my hands and kissed them. “I—I need to be inside you, Abby. Please.”
I nodded, and he quickly twisted to the side to grab the condom packet. He used his teeth to tear open the wrapper, tossed that aside, then rolled the condom on.
I trembled with anticipation, wanting to feel him inside me so bad. He pulled my legs up around his waist, then took my face in his hands and kissed me, letting his tongue languidly lick every part of the inside of my mouth. I felt the head of his cock pushing against my opening, and then he was inside, pushing steadily deeper. When he was only about half-way in, he kissed his way down my throat and chest, then took one of my nipples into his mouth and sucked hard. He licked and softly bit that nipple, then moved to my other breast to do the same. Finally, he pulled back, stared into my eyes, and pushed the rest of the way inside me.
I cried out softly and Liam moaned.
He slowly withdrew then immediately slammed back in. He did it again. Then again, keeping his pace steady. Determined to drag out the pleasure.
I couldn’t stand it. I felt out of control. I wanted to see him the same way. I reached around him, squeezing the tight muscles of his butt and pushing down while at the same time arching my hips up to meet his. He gasped and moved faster, then reached down to pull my legs over his shoulders. The position left me exposed and allowed him to penetrate me even deeper.
I loved it.
I writhed and mewed.
Liam moved faster. Plunged harder. Our bodies slapped together and tiny beads of sweat dotted his forehead and upper lip. I felt him grow and swell inside me. He was close. So was I. A fireball sparked in the pit of my stomach and within minutes grew into a raging inferno that could no longer be contained. I buried my face against his shoulder as I came again, and before I knew what I was doing, I bit him. He bucked and groaned, but instead of finishing, he pulled out and flipped me around so I was on my knees, my hands braced against the back of the sofa.
He slid into me from behind, feeling harder and thicker than he ever had. Big hands on my hips, he pulled me in to meet every one of his heavy, pounding thrusts. I could actually hear the slap of our flesh, the wet suction of my body clinging to his shaft, and my inner muscles squeezed him tight. His hips jerked, losing their steady rhythm just before he buried himself deep then froze. His every muscle taut, he didn’t make a sound, but as he came, I felt the strong, hot jets that burst from him through the condom.
He curled around me, his harsh breaths in my ear, and I rested my forehead against my forearms, trying to get my bearings. Trying to keep just a small part of myself safe from everything he made me feel.
Then he did something that made guarding any part of me impossible.
He whispered my name.
And for the first time in my life, I felt not only loved by a man…but adored.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Liam
I don’t know why it happened. It couldn’t have been waking up to see Abby lying next to me, naked, asleep, peaceful, innocent, and so incredibly beautiful. We’d already slept together several times, and none of those previous times had thrown me into a panic. Maybe it was the fact she’d brought up Giselle. Or that we’d talked about Vanessa. Or that after we’d fucked last night, I’d felt destroyed and yet reborn, like I’d finally experienced making love. Whatever the reason, when I woke with Abby beside me this time, I was overwhelmed by the haunting feeling I’d never be able to stay true to her. Not until I’d been tested. Not until I’d proven where I stood with her.
And this feeling only magnified when I read the text on her phone.
It wasn’t like I meant to, but her phone was vibrating right next to mine on the nightstand, all lit up, practically begging me to look at it. Last night, she’d texted someone when we first came into my hotel suite. It was a fast and furious exchange, accompanied by lip bites and giggles, so I was sure it was between her and her friend Rosemary.
Wondering what they both thought of me, I just happened to glance down at her screen while she snoozed and saw the last several texts from last night, plus the one from this morning:
OMG YOU LITTLE SLUT!
Ya, you know me, just trying to bed the bachelor. How many points do I get for this one?
At least 100! Seriously, Abby, good for you.
Well, don’t be happy for me yet. I’m not sure how I feel about him yet.
I don’t blame you. I’d be scared shitless too.
I was almost positive it was only girl banter, and like us guys, they said shit to each other they really didn’t mean, just to keep up appearances. But something in her line—I’m not sure how I feel about him yet—threw me for a loop. On top of that, now I felt guilty that I’d looked at her phone when it wasn’t my business. Still, was that really where I stood with her? She was on the fence about me?
Man.
I shouldn’t have given it too much thought, but I slipped out of bed, got dressed, and left her a note hastily written on the hotel paper by her bedside.
I have a meeting with Robbie.
Stay as long as you like.
I’ll see you later. – L
I didn’t have a meeting with Robbie, of course, but I wasn’t about to tell her I was having a holy-shit moment. It wasn’t until I was outside the hotel in the early morning hours with no one around and the peach glow of sunrise peeking around the buildings that I was able to take a deep breath and let it out. What the fuck was going on? Wasn’t Abby what I wanted? Was she not the perfect combination of beauty and brains I always said I’d marry someday?
She was. Of course she was.
But I wasn’t supposed to meet her till two or three years from now.
Plus, there was unfinished business with Helen, and I knew, after our spat, that I had to talk to my best friend. I snuck out the back of the hotel through the pool gate, edged along the property on the sidewalk, and headed toward the venue and buses where the merchandise crew would be setting up. They always came out bright and early to make sure everything was good to go, then around midday, they lunched, took naps, and shot the breeze, coming back in time for the show.
At the corner of Rogers Arena, I pulled my slouch cap tight over my head, narrowly missed a group of fans camping out front to be the first ones let in, and swerved around the building to the back where the buses were parked and most everyone was still sleeping. I could hear the merch girls before I saw them, cackling, talking shit, carrying boxes. I turned the corner, and my stomach sank.
Helen wasn’t there.
Wes stood nearby, watching them, smoking a cigarette, blowing kisses, and making the girls laugh with his stupid faces. He was always good about staying friends with them, and it made me feel extra guilty that I rarely hung out with them anymore. In fact, since this tour began, I’d been all about Abby and hadn’t spent much time with my tribe. At least last year Giselle had had more in common with my friends than Abby did now.
Wes looked surprised to see me. “Good morning, sunshine.” He took a long draw of his cigarette. He was born to b
e a lead guitarist with the tall, lean, slouchy look he’d had since he was a baby. “What got you out of bed so damned early?”
“Your cigarette morning breath, lover. I walked all the way here just to give you this breath mint.” I fake-handed him a breath mint and instead gripped fists with him. He chuckled through the corner of his lips. Wes…my boy, my man.
“Fucking asshole.” He gave me a slap against the back of my head.
“That’s Mr. Asshole to you, Shit For Brains.” I turned and said hello to the merch crew who gave me some mumbles and all-around mediocre vibes. There could be only one reason. I turned my back to them, facing Wes. “Hey, have you seen Helen?”
Wes shifted his body so his mouth was out of their view. He blew out a puff of smoke. “Dude, she left yesterday after you supposedly had some tiff with her.”
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t know, but I heard some of the girls over there say that maybe, perhaps, she went to see…” He leaned his messy bed head toward me and whispered, “Giselle.”
“What? Why would she fucking do that?” I blurted, lowering my tone right at the end.
“Why?” Wes took on the tone of an older, wiser love sage. “Why do birds shit on windshields? Why do frogs cross a busy street? Why does Liam Collier have such a perfect body?” He raised his cigarette into the air poetically.
“Wes,” I said adamantly. “Why did she go see Giselle?”
Wes returned to his normal shrugging self. “You know how chicks are when they get together to talk shit about you. She probably wanted someone she could bond with. Giselle’s fucked you. Helen wants to fuck you. You scorned both of them. That’s all.” He drew on his cigarette.
“In the ten years I’ve known Helen, why she has to go and get all clingy on me now, I don’t know.”
Wes shot me a look like I was quite possibly the stupidest, most naïve person in Vancouver. “Dude, she’s always held a candle for you. You broke her biggest high school rival’s heart at the height of her love for you, you douchebag. That left her feeling she had a chance…”
God, Helen had told me she’d always wanted a chance with me. And of course, I’d never considered how her hopes might have been affected by my break-up with Vanessa…or the fact I’d kept her close to me by offering her the merchandising job. Still… “Helen knew I broke things off with Vanessa before things got crazy. Because I knew things were going to get crazy.”
“That is true, my friend.” Wes nodded. “But she also knew you wanted to settle down some day. I think she was hoping to make her move on you during this tour. You’re not with Giselle anymore, you weren’t supposed to be with anyone…well, until the cello chick.”
“Abby,” I said.
“Yeah, her.” Wes smirk-smiled at me out of the corner of his eye. “Abby Chan, Mystery Woman.”
I smiled, not ignoring the fact that he was respectful instead of calling her names like Tucker. He didn’t tell me I shouldn’t be seeing her, just acknowledged her real, unavoidable presence in my life. Wes was a good guy that way.
“Thanks, man.” I bumped shoulders with him and headed off amid the disquieting whispers of the merch crew and Wes’s cloud of smoke.
“Anytime, buddy. Anytime.”
Against my better judgment, I spent the rest of the morning walking the old downtown streets of Vancouver, taking in the clean summer air, and narrowly missing groups of fans wearing Feel the Burn T-shirts. I wondered whether or not I should show up at Giselle’s house to find Helen and tell her I was sorry.
I’d never be with her romantically, but the least I could do was offer an apology for being so stupid. It was then, cutting through a park, that I realized what else was bothering me. Maybe the one I’d had the intention of being with, the one I had been holding a candle for was Vanessa. Maybe, in the back of my mind, I figured that once my wild side died down I’d try finding her again. When I was ready. Despite the fact she was married.
But that all changed when I met Abby.
I realized—if my brain would allow me to think of something so goddamn painful—that I wanted Helen and Vanessa’s forgiveness before deciding which direction to go with Abby. For the longest time, besides my mother, they were the women in my life. Their blessing mattered to me. It was like the time my grandmother was dying in the hospital, and my mother leaned in close and told her, right there on her deathbed, that she was free to go if she wanted. We would all be okay without her, and so my grandmother sighed her last breath and left us.
Vanessa wasn’t in my life now, but there were too many unspoken things between Helen and me. It was mostly my fault for turning a blind eye to her. But I loved her, so she needed to know how much I was starting to love Abby. And how much it scared me, too.
Was I doing the right thing, or was I leading Abby on? Some might say that Abby would change me, tame me, strip me of my rocker skin, and make me a decent man. Some might say she’d lead me to be someone I am not. And if that happened, who would I be? I’d spent years trying to become Liam Collier, front man for Point Break, and now that I’d arrived, where had that gotten me?
When I finally made it back to the hotel, I crept in through the back, past Nathan, opting to take the stairs. I paused outside my hotel room, taking a deep breath, hoping Abby wouldn’t still be inside. I needed my space today. If, after a day without her—after the show tonight, let’s say—I still wanted to see her, then I’d take that as a sign. But if I didn’t—maybe I was getting myself in too deep.
Especially if she wasn’t sure what she felt for me.
Running my card key through the slot, I heard a voice from down the hall. “Hey, you.” It was Ab, looking freshly showered and hot, a weird smile on her, face like she wasn’t sure what to think. “I was just going to rehearsal. How was the meeting?”
“Huh?” I felt stupid and was sure I looked it, too.
“The meeting with Robbie? In your note?” She paused in front of me, leaning against the hallway wall. When she realized I probably had no meeting with Robbie, her face fell, and I felt like a huge jackass.
“Oh, it was fine. Everything’s great. Our shows tonight and tomorrow are both sold out.”
“That’s great,” she said, chewing her lip. “When you hadn’t texted or called all morning, I just…” She glanced away, at the colorful pattern of the carpet, anywhere but at my face. I had to say something.
“Abby.” I reached out for her hand, squeezing it softly. “Everything’s fine. I just…I needed to spend time with the band so they wouldn’t think I was…”
“Was what?” Her eyebrows sloped. “Spending too much time with Asian Persuasion?” Slowly, she took back her hand and crossed her arms.
“What? No, of course not. Listen, I can’t talk now. I have to shower then get to a sound check. But—”
“You never make sound checks, Liam. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I tried convincing her. “Nothing is going on. I had an amazing time with you last night. I loved sleeping with you again.” Her demeanor shifted slightly, considering the truth to my words. “So…please don’t think anything is going on. I just…need time to myself today, that’s all.”
I knew she was worried about Giselle, about whether or not I had a double life, just like her father had with her mother. I could see it in her face, but I couldn’t tell her with a hundred percent certainty that I could be true to her. Not yet. But soon.
She inhaled a deep, cleansing breath. “Take your time, Liam. We’re in the same place, you and I.”
And there it was. The same uncertainty in her text to Rosemary. So it was true. She wasn’t sure what to think of me. “Trust me, I get it,” I said.
She narrowed her eyes. Okay, maybe not the best choice of words. “Like I said, take all the time you need. I’ll be sure to do the same.”
With that, she turned and strolled down the hall, disappearing around the corner without so much as a glance back my way.
*
&nbs
p; The show went kickass, but for the first time in a long time, I felt distracted. It was like I could hear the crowd and see the crowd, I didn’t miss any beats, and everything went without a hitch, but it all went down as though I’d performed behind a glass wall. My body went through the motions, but my soul just wasn’t there.
I never saw Giselle in the front row, thank God, although my reaction to seeing her face would have been a good indication about how true my love for Abby really was. But it was better this way.
During Save Me Tonight, Abby’s solo rang out smoother and more beautiful than ever, but she never looked at me, only after the song when I faced her and bowed to her, as usual. She gave me a polite smile and bowed back, and that was it. No lit-up smile, the one that made my chest expand, made my heart ache. Could I live without it? The very thought made me feel sick.
After the show, the backstage energy was stronger, louder, and more raucous than ever before. Tucker and Corbin were determined to get me to party, shoving shots in my face, introducing me to buoyant-breasted chicks left and right, whooping it up, spraying champagne, not relenting until I hit the high notes right along with them. Through the haze of alcohol, I caught Wes’s face a few times, his eyes sadly examining me as though he felt sorry for the sack of shit I was.
I hoped Abby wasn’t watching. I was being an asshole, a rock ’n’ roll bad boy, and there was a lot that was comforting about that. Being who I was, who I worked hard to be, living the life, the dream, relishing in my earned persona. With Abby, I’d been a much more guarded Liam, a best-behavior Liam, which I could do for a while, but…could I keep it up forever just for her?
