by E. Jamie
"I don't understand. Why? Why didn't you tell—oh no, Aaron,” Sara moaned her eyes filling with tears.
"Yeah. I was afraid if I told you, you'd leave.” His voice was bitter with self-hatred. She recognized the tone well because she'd been feeling it ever since she'd come back from Manhattan.
"And go back to Connor,” Sara finished for him. She felt angry because she had no right to feel angry. What she had done had been a hundred times worse. “Did you really think I was with you out of pity?” Sara asked grabbing his face in her hands. Her tears ran down her cheeks. “I love you damn it."
"More than Connor?"
There it was. Damn him! Damn them both for making her look at herself in ways she had no desire to. Unable to look at him, Sara cast her eyes down, without words giving him her answer.
"Sara, I want a divorce,” Aaron said quietly.
Her head snapped up. “What?” she asked, horrified.
"You love Connor. He's the one you want. Go to him. You're free."
"Why are you doing this?” she asked, shaking her head. “I love you, and I know you love me so what are you doing?"
"Something I should've done the day Connor came back. I've watched you turn yourself inside out for both of us, and I'm putting a stop to it. I'm letting you go.” His voice was calm in contrast to the naked pain she saw in his eyes.
She watched him roll the chair back a few inches, then stand up on his feet with absolutely no effort. The sobs came from deep within and burst from her. She wrapped her arms around him, grief and joy at war within her.
"Please, go. Be happy. If we cut each other loose, maybe I can find happiness, too.” He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. “Although I have no idea how I'd do that because whatever woman I find, she wouldn't be you.” He leaned forward and kissed her mouth, slowly then with increasing hunger because they both knew it would be the last time.
Her tongue met his, and she clutched at him, afraid, devastated, guilty, and ecstatic. His fingers were in her hair, tilting her head back to open her mouth more to him while she memorized the taste of him. Finally breathless, they pulled apart. “No, she'd be better than me. She'd love you with her whole heart,” Sara whispered as he held her.
"God, can you imagine how good we'd have been if you'd love me with your whole heart? Damn,” Aaron joked.
Sara held onto him as tight as she could. “Part of me will always love you. Please, believe that.” She closed her eyes and inhaled the strong male scent of him, memorizing it.
"I do,” he said, taking them both back to their wedding day memories, to a life that had to now take its place in the past because their futures lay with other people.
* * * *
Where is Connor? Sara wondered while the studio buzzed with activity around her. It had been a month since they had been together and not a word from him since. He'd had to have found a place by now.
One of the seamstresses, her arms overflowing with fabrics, whirled past her.
Nathan chased one of the models, Geri, while holding a piece of purple velvet around him like a cape. “I'm gonna get youuuuuuuuu,” he screamed chasing the laughing nineteen-year-old. “I'm Superman!"
She tried to focus on the designs she was helping the template cutter outline. “I made the bust too small. Try to fill it out more would you?” Sara instructed her as both women leaned over to inspect the changes. She had brought Nathan to work with her that morning so that she could explain to him that she and Aaron wouldn't be living together anymore but that they both love him very much, and Nathan could still see him whenever he wanted. He took it pretty well, but Sara was certain he didn't really understand. Sara followed Maggie to the table with fabrics sprawled across it. “Who in God's name picked this green?” Sara shuddered, holding up the offending fabric. “I hate this green. It's like ... like..."
"Boogers!” Nathan ran into the room and ran off with the green fabric.
Maggie turned to try to get it back from him.
"Ugh, let him take it. It does look like boogers,” she said dismissively.
"Riley thought it would look good with the new low-cut gown, make the breasts look perkier."
"If women want perky breasts, they can stuff their bras. Now who's Riley?"
"He's the new assistant fabric specialist you hired to help out Mona."
"Oh! The one she ran at with the scissors last week because he said her hips were too wide? The Irish guy?"
"That's the one,” Maggie said.
Sara's head suddenly shot up.
"What is it?"
Sara couldn't be sure, but she thought she knew where Connor was. “Can you hang on here one second while I go make a phone call?” Sara asked. Maggie nodded, and Sara hurried back to her office. After dialing the operator, she asked for the inn in Ireland where she and Connor had honeymooned. That had been where they'd been happiest. Would he return there to live permanently? She thought there was a good chance.
"Sara! Oh my goodness how good it is to hear from you!” Mary said, excited.
"I've missed talking to you, too. Can you tell me if Connor's been staying there?” Sara asked, her heart pounding in anticipation.
"No, honey, he's not a guest at the inn,” she replied, and Sara's heart fell. “But he is staying in one of our rented cottages. We built those about a year ago after we bought more property. It was Jake's idea to expand, and when—"
"So he's there?” Sara asked, her heart racing.
"Well, not right now, dear. He's at work. He's gotten himself a job down at the docks helping the shipbuilders. He should be off in a few hours. If you'd like I could have him call you,” Mary offered.
Why hadn't he told her, Sara wondered. He'd promised he'd call when he'd found a place. Was he avoiding her? “No thanks, Mary. I think I'll surprise him. Please don't tell him I called."
"I see. Will your husband be coming with you?” Mary asked, not bothering to hide her disapproval.
"Aaron and I are getting a divorce. I'm hoping Connor and I can be a family with Nathan."
"Well, I'm sorry about your husband, but I do believe things happen as they are meant to. I'll have a room ready for you when you arrive. When will that be?” Mary asked.
"I'm hoping we'll be staying with Connor. I'll be there in a few days."
"I can't wait to meet your little boy. Connor can't stop raving about him,” Mary told her.
Sara hung up the phone and tried to control her breathing. Oh God, could she really do it? Could she go to him? There was nothing stopping her anymore. Sara tilted her head back, took a deep breath, and smiled. She walked back to Maggie. “How would you like to take over Connara Studios in the U.S.?"
Maggie's mouth dropped open. “What on earth are you talking about? Where are you going?"
"I'm thinking of expanding the business to Europe, and I'll head things there, starting with Ireland. I'll still own the business, but I want to make you my second-in-command here. What do you say?"
"I don't know anything about running a business."
"Oh, sure you do! You practically helped me run this one. You'd make a great boss, Maggie. Come on. I don't trust anyone else to take over for me, pleeeeeeeeease!” Sara begged, laughing.
"Oh, God yes!” Maggie screamed, jumping up and down with Sara as they hugged.
Sara reached down and grabbed her son, hugging him and showering his face with kisses. “Baby, how'd you like to go live with Daddy Connor in Ireland?"
* * * *
The plane landed with a sharp bump that startled Nathan awake. He looked around, disoriented, until he found his mother's reassuring face and closed his eyes again.
"Time to wake up, sweetie. We're home,” Sara said her eyes filling with tears. She exhaled a nervous breath. They were home with Connor where they had always belonged.
"We're gonna see Daddy now?” Nathan asked, still groggy while she unbuckled his seatbelt.
"Yep, we sure are, baby. I bet he's gonna be so happy to see u
s."
"Is my other Daddy gonna be there?"
Sara sighed. “No, sweetie. We're not gonna live with him anymore, remember? But you can still visit him, promise.” Sara kissed his face and held his hand when they walked off the plane.
* * * *
The inn was just how she remembered. Her place of greatest joy and greatest grief. Sara shivered, and they walked inside and were immediately greeted by Mary.
"Oh my goodness, you made it just in time for lunch. Oh! Is this him? Let me look at you, lovey,” Mary asked, excited, looking down at Nathan.
"This is Nathan. Honey, this is my friend Mary that I told you about."
"Nice to meet you,” Nathan murmured before a yawn escaped.
"Poor thing. You must be exhausted. How would you like a nap sweetie, and afterward I've got some delicious chocolate cookies warming in the oven. How's that sound?"
"Yummy,” Nathan replied, the promise of cookies making him a little more alert.
"Actually, I think I'm gonna skip lunch, but Nathan, honey, you stay here with Mary and rest, sweetie. Mommy will be back with Daddy, okay?"
"I'll save some cookies for Daddy,” Nathan promised.
"I'm sure he'll like that."
"Jake, could you take Sara down to the docks?” Mary asked, her gaze moving past Sara.
"Sure thing,” the old man nodded.
* * * *
She didn't see him at first. She had sent Jake home assuring him that Connor would drive her back. One of the attendants led her down to where the shipbuilders were working. She got a few appreciative whistles and blushed while she continued to scan the area.
"Who are ye looking fer, lovey?” one of the workers asked, his Irish accent so thick Sara strained to understand him.
"She is looking for me, Murphy. I'm the man of her dreams!” another worker replied.
The other workers laughed.
"I'm looking for Connor Nolan,” she replied.
"Ah Connor? Why you want him? Irish men are much better lovers than those boring Americans. They have no imagination."
Sara burst out laughing. If they only knew. “He's Irish too, you know."
The man snorted. “Yankee Irish. That's like a watered-down pint."
Sara felt someone's eyes on her and turned around. Her breath caught, and for a second, she couldn't move. He looked different. His skin had been darkened by the sun, even though it was still on the tail end of winter. She began to walk toward him. The muscles on his arms and legs were more defined by hard work. His eyes stayed locked on her, and for a few moments, they just stared at each other. Sara said the first thing that came to her mind. “I didn't take the pills."
For a second, Connor stared at her blankly then his gaze went to her stomach.
"I'm not pregnant, but I wanted to be. I wanted to be with you. That's why I'm here."
He stared at her in disbelief. “I don't understand."
"Aaron asked me for a divorce.” She saw his eyes darken and his jaw tighten. She hadn't expected that look at what she thought would have been welcome news. Why wasn't he taking her in his arms like she wanted?
"I see,” he said turning away from her.
Sara's head spun confused. “What? Aren't you happy? We can be together now."
"Right. Because Aaron doesn't want you anymore,” Connor snapped at her.
Sara was suddenly afraid that she had made the wrong decision in coming here. “I'm here because I love you."
"Really, that's damn convenient now, ain't it?"
"That is not fair,” Sara said, her eyes filling with tears.
Connor threw down the hammer he was holding and jumped off the deck to stand in front of her. “You wanna talk about fair? How about coming back from the dead to find the woman I loved married to my best friend? How about watching my son being raised by another man? How about after the most beautiful night of my life watching the woman I love leaving me a second time? What is this now? You figure third time's a charm? I'm about to go on my lunch break. How about a quick fuck below deck?"
"Stop it!” Sara pleaded covering her ears.
Connor grabbed her wrists and pulled them down. “But you know the thing I can't forget?” he asked, lowering his voice. His breath was hot against her face. “That last night when I was inside of you I wanted you to promise me always, and you turned your face away from me. You had never ever done that before, and I felt like someone had taken my heart and ripped it to shreds. I will never allow you to hurt me like that again."
"I thought I was doing the right thing!” Sara cried, pushing at him. “I'm here not because Aaron wants a divorce. I could've taken Nathan and raised him on my own, but I wanted to be with you. I wanted to raise our son together. I love you, you fucking bastard! I stayed with Aaron because I loved him. A part of me always will."
Connor turned to walk away from her, but she grabbed his arm. “Don't you dare! I spent almost ten years with that man. I love him, and that's just a fact you're going to have to live with, but my love for him and my loyalty to my marriage vows were the only things keeping me from running back to you. Now my marriage is over. Why can't we be happy? Why not?"
Connor sat down, listening to her words. “I don't know,” he said with a sigh. He shook his head. “I don't fucking know anything anymore. You took that from me, dammit. When I knew nothing, remembered nothing, our love was the one thing that registered, the only thing I knew I could count on. You took that away, Sara."
She kneeled in front of him. “I know I hurt you. I hurt you so much, and I'll never forgive myself for the pain I caused you, but I did what was right at the time. Now it's a different time, and you and I are what's right. You and me and Nathan. A family. The way we should've been. Are you going to throw that away because of your stupid pride? Don't you love me anymore?” Sara asked, trembling.
"I told you I would never stop loving you. I meant it then, and I mean it now,” Connor assured her.
"Then please, Connor. Let us be together. I wanna grow old with you. I want to be your wife. I want you, Connor. Just you, always."
Connor's eyes filed with tears at the promise she had denied him that night. “You won't leave me again.” It wasn't a question. It was a demand. “It'll kill me to lose you again."
Sara pressed her mouth to his. “Never,” she vowed, gasping when his arm came around and he grabbed her up off her feet when he stood. He kissed her hard. She clutched at him meeting his tongue, and her senses exploded at the taste of him. His hands dove into her hair as he reclaimed what had been rightfully his from the moment she met him. Whistles and catcalls erupted around the passionate couple, but neither of them cared. They kissed each other knowing it wouldn't be the last time, knowing that this time they'd have each other forever. Always.
The End
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About the Author
E. Jamie lives in Toronto, Canada. She discovered writing when she was 11 years old and hasn't been bored a day in her life since.
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