by Sue Julsen
“And, I can tell you this, Sarah.” He paused, looking out across the yard. “Sometimes bad things happen to good people. I don’t know why, they just do. I’m sorry for all that has happened to you, but understand this, Sarah.” He turned to look back at me. “None of it was your fault.”
“So you don’t think I’m bad?”
“Of course not, sweetheart. Your daddy, he’s a bad man. It’s unforgivable the hurt he did to you and your Mama.”
We sat in silence for a long time, each lost in our own world of thoughts.
“Granddad, why doesn’t Aunt Olivia like me?”
“Oh, Sarah, she likes you. That’s just her way. She’s hard to get to know, but it was her idea for you to live with them.”
“It was!?” I exclaimed, totally shocked that she might really want me.
“Yep, it was. Henry and I talked about it, and I’ll miss having you around, but we feel it’s best for you to live with them.”
“Just until Auntie leaves, then I can come…?” Damn! I let the cat out of the bag!
“So, you were in the old shed.” He smiled, so I knew he wasn’t mad. “How much did you hear?”
“That’s all, Granddad. They want me to live with them and Auntie’s moving.”
Thank God she didn’t hear about her mother. “Yep, that’s what we talked about. Instead of you goin’ just on weekends, you’ll live there and go to school.”
“But when will I see you and Grandmother? I don’t wanna leave you!”
“You can still visit and spend a weekend with us sometimes.”
“I can?”
“Sure you can.” He took my hand in his and smiled. “Tell you what, you think about it and let me know after this weekend. Henry’s comin’ to pick you up on Friday. They’ll talk to you about it this weekend. Okay?”
“Okay. I’ll think about it.”
After that, we sat in silence until Grandmother called us in for dinner. Granddad tried to act happy, but I knew he wasn’t. Grandmother kept sniffling, claiming she must be catching a cold, but I saw the tears. I’d come to really love those two old people who were trying so hard to make me think they were happy.
That night, none of us were very hungry, or very cheerful, and I went to bed early to think. I didn’t want to live with Olivia full time, but I told Granddad I’d think about it.
So, I’d listen to what they had to say, and I’d think about it.
Usually I would’ve been excited going with Uncle Henry, but Friday came too fast for me that time. I had three days to wait after Granddad talked to me, but it seemed like I went to sleep, and when I woke up it was already Friday.
He showed up at three-thirty, but instead of coming in, he just honked, and waited in the car. My grandparents looked so sad; I gave them each an extra hug. I didn’t want to go, but I had no choice and ran out the door.
Uncle Henry smiled when I climbed into the front seat. “You ready to go home? Olivia’s cooking your favorite: chicken and dumplings.”
Home? Granddad’s house felt like my home. Still, I forced a smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “Can we go to the lake and run the trotlines?” I asked to avoid answering his question.
“I think we can do that tomorrow.”
“Great! I like doing that with you, Uncle Henry.”
The rest of the drive remained in silence, and we ate dinner in silence. When we finished eating I cleared the table and washed dishes. I didn’t want to give Olivia any reason to get mad at me, and I truly believed she’d beat me if I did anything wrong.
I felt I’d had enough beatings to last several lifetimes!
When Uncle Henry told her we’d made plans to go to the lake in the morning, I held my breath. Amazingly, she didn’t make any faces, and said, “Fine. I’ll bring her out.” But, he told her I’d go with him and she could meet us there later!
Her mouth twisted just a bit, but she didn’t say anything else. We watched TV for a while, and before Olivia could tell me, I got ready for bed. Uncle Henry tucked me in.
Awaking to the smell of bacon, I jumped out of bed and ran to the dining room, almost bumping into Olivia as she carried my plate to the table.
“I’m sorry, Aunt Olivia.”
“Sarah! We do not run in the house! Now sit down and eat your breakfast.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I ate everything on my plate and that seemed to please her. “Isn’t Uncle Henry having breakfast?”
“Your uncle left two hours ago. He’ll meet us at the lake.”
“Oh. Did he have to go to work early?”
“We don’t ask questions like that around here, Sarah! He’s a grown man and he doesn’t tell me where he’s going.”
Oh boy! I better shut up. With so damn many rules I didn’t know what I could or couldn’t say. I chose to play it safe, and without another word, I ate, washed my dishes and wiped off the table without being told. After I was done in the kitchen, I took my bath and got ready to go.
I had to wait on her to get ready, but at least she couldn’t get mad at me for making her wait!
She hit the side of the house twice backing down the driveway, and only ran halfway through two stop signs. Luckily, no cars were coming, so she didn’t have anyone to yell at for making her slam on the brakes when she stopped abruptly in the middle of the intersections.
She didn’t say much while she drove—if you could call it that—to the lake, and luckily, we arrived at the cabin in one piece. I didn’t see Uncle Henry’s car, but I hoped he’d show up soon. The less time spent with her alone, the better it’d be for me!
The inside of the cabin looked almost like a two bedroom house. The living room, kitchen and one bedroom were altogether in one gigantic L-shaped room; a bathroom and the other bedroom were up a couple of steps off the kitchen. It’d been furnished with stuff you’d find at a yard sale, but kinda nice. The floors were cement with a few throw rugs scattered here and there.
Outside, an old wooden picnic table and a barbeque grill were in the front yard, and near the main road, they’d planted a huge garden. Olivia grabbed a couple of paper sacks and told me to help pick tomatoes while we waited for my uncle.
As we walked toward the garden, I hoped it’d be an okay question, and asked, “Aunt Olivia, what are those tall things over there?” I pointed to the first two rows.
“Those tall stalks are okra. We’ll cut some for dinner.”
“I never had okra before. Is it good?”
“It’s good, and it’s healthy. Your uncle likes the smaller okra boiled and the larger ones I cut up and fry. You’ll have both tonight.”
“Can I help you cook?”
Her mouth twisted as she said, “Children don’t belong in the kitchen, Sarah, and I don’t want you getting in my way! Now get over there and pick the bright red tomatoes while I get some green onions.”
Waiting until she’d moved out of hearing range, I mumbled, “I can’t help cook, but it’s okay for me to wash dishes, mop the floor, and do the dirty work!”
I’d picked over half a bag of tomatoes when Uncle Henry drove in. Waving, I took off running toward the cabin, but Olivia yelled, “Sarah! Get back here!”
“Aunt Olivia, I’m supposed to help with the trotlines!”
“Finish your job! He’ll let you know when he’s ready to go.”
I stayed, but inside I fumed and under my breath, said, “He could’ve told me he wasn’t ready to go, then I could’ve come back. But noooo! I couldn’t even talk to him for two minutes!” Still mumbling, I’d started the last row of tomatoes when he came out to the garden.
“You ‘bout ready to run those lines?”
“I’m ready, but she says I have to finish picking these.” I looked down the long row.
“That’s all right. I’ll have a beer and wait for you.”
I watched him walk back to the cabin, but when he sat down at the picnic table with his beer, I thought about Mama and hastened my pace, picking as fast as possible. I didn’t
want him to get drunk and die!
Grabbing the last red tomato, I ran for the cabin, yelling, “I’m ready, Uncle Henry!” I didn’t look back to see if Olivia glared at me or not. I had to get him away from the beer!
“That didn’t take too long.” Draining the last of his beer, he smiled and stood up. “Let’s go.”
I followed him to where the boat was tied up behind the cabin under a covered area at the edge of the water. Before we left he went back inside the cabin and grabbed two more beers. When he came back to the boat, he must’ve read my mind and said, “Don’t worry, Sarah. I won’t get drunk.”
“I don’t want to lose you, too, Uncle Henry.”
“You’re not gonna lose me. At least not because of a few beers. Come on, now! Cheer up and stop worrying.”
I smiled, but I was still worried, and tried to shake off the unpleasant thoughts as he put the lifejacket on me and I climbed into the boat. I looked at the numerous boathouses lined up on the other side of the narrow channel. The closest neighboring boathouse on our side of the channel sat about three miles down the road. Uncle Henry’s place was the only one that had a cabin and a boathouse.
“You ready to hit the waves?”
“Ready!”
He started the motor and backed slowly away from the dock. Once we got going my concerns left me, and I had fun as the boat bounced up and down, splashing water in my face. It felt so good.
If life could always be like this, I thought, I’d always be happy.
I looked out over the blue-green water, watching cattails take a bow as the boat passed over them, and at that very moment, I felt free from all cares. Especially after Uncle Henry drank one beer going out to the lines, and he seemed to be okay.
We checked the last line and had fourteen good-sized catfish. He’d thrown four smaller ones back, saying, “Grow up before you get on my line, fish!”
We laughed.
With Uncle Henry I laughed a lot, but with Olivia, I didn’t laugh very much. I always felt uneasy and afraid I’d do or say something to get her dander up.
Uncle Henry baited the last hook, and we headed back across the lake. He drank the other beer on the way back, which made me start to worry again. We got back to the dock, and when he started to get out of the boat, I held my breath.
Amazingly, he didn’t stagger or fall down, so I decided never to worry about him drinking too much again.
He fried the fish while Olivia cooked the other stuff, and I chased lizards until she called me for dinner. We sat at the picnic table and had fried catfish, fried and boiled okra, fresh green beans, cucumbers, and the tomatoes I picked.
I cleaned my plate, then asked for seconds on the fried okra. Olivia looked pleased I ate so much. I learned I liked okra both ways, but my favorite had to be boiled. That was Uncle Henry’s favorite, too!
He left for work after dinner, and Olivia helped me clean the kitchen since she didn’t like driving at night. It had been a good day and I went to bed feeling content, but wondered when they planned to talk to me about living with them.
Uncle Henry came in late and went straight to bed. Moments later, Olivia came and got in my bed. I didn’t understand why she didn’t sleep with him, but I wouldn’t ask.
By the time I woke up and crawled out of bed my uncle had already gone to work. Wandering out and into the living room, I found Olivia sitting on the couch reading her Bible. She glanced up for a brief moment when I entered the room, then asked, “Do you want to go to church, Sarah?”
“I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Yes, you do. Your uncle got your clothes last night.”
“He did! Why?”
“We’ll talk about that tonight when he gets home. Your clothes are in your closet. I suggest you get in there and get ready to go to church.”
I’m confused. She asked if I wanted to go, then suggested I get ready.
“Sarah! Don’t stand there like a moron! Get ready for church!”
“Yes, ma’am.” I went to my room and just like she’d said, my clothes hung in the closet. “Damn! I can’t believe I didn’t hear a sound while she did this!”
I put on my nicest dress and had just gone back into the living room when Olivia came out of Uncle Henry’s room dressed in a dark blue dress past her calves. It looked like a sack, and it made her look much bigger than she already was.
Three times she went back to check that the back door had been locked while I waited on the porch. When she checked the door for the fourth, and last time, I headed for the car. I hadn’t been to church since the funeral.
“Where are you going, Sarah?” she barked. “We’re walking to church.”
“But, that’s a long walk!” I exclaimed.
“You’re younger than I am, and I can walk, so get your butt up here. Don’t dawdle!”
I ran to catch up with her. “Aren’t we going to Brother Joe’s church?”
“No!” she snapped. “We’re going to the Baptist church around the corner.”
Seeing her alien mouth twitch, I followed beside her, doing my best to keep up with her. I didn’t say anything else. After church, we walked home in silence until we reached the porch.
“Sunday’s the only day your uncle comes home for lunch. Hurry up and get your good dress off, then set the table. He’ll be here in half an hour.”
I went to my room while she went into the kitchen to finish getting lunch ready. I couldn’t tell what was cooking, but it smelled good. Uncle Henry walked in just as she sat the last dish on the table.
“Lunch is ready. Sarah, go wash your hands, then get back in here.”
She’d filled my plate while I washed up, and when I asked for seconds she looked at me like I had two heads, stating, “I don’t think you’ll eat any more, Sarah, and it’s a sin to waste food!”
Damn! When I wasn’t hungry she got on my case, and now that I am…
“Maybe she’s still hungry, Olivia,” Henry said in my defense.
“If I give you more, you’d better eat every bite. Do you hear me?”
“I just want a little bit more. It’s good, and it’s my favorite.”
“Fine! But, you’d better eat every bite. What do you want?”
“Meatloaf and potatoes, please.”
She put the food on my plate, more than what I’d wanted, then sat and watched me eat. I think she hoped I couldn’t finish it, but I wasn’t gonna give her the opportunity to say I told you so, or the satisfaction of saying it!
Totally stuffed, I shoved in the last bite and I looked at Olivia. Her alien mouth twisted around! I didn’t say anything, but figured I got that look because she didn’t get to yell at me for wasting food.
I’d cleared the table and had just started washing dishes when Uncle Henry stuck his head in the kitchen door. “Sarah, when I get home tonight I want to talk to you. We have something very important to talk about. I’ll be home around seven.”
I knew it would be a long day waiting for him, so when I’d finished in the kitchen I sat down in the living room floor with a big sigh. Olivia read her Bible, and I watched TV until I got bored. Then, I went outside and sat on the porch swing until bored. Next, I went to the garage and got interested in finding pretty little rocks in the driveway. That entertained me until dinner.
After cleaning the kitchen, I sat on the floor to watch TV again, and waited. At seven o’clock sharp I heard his car pull in the driveway. Instantly, my heart leaped into my throat. He came in, said a quick hello, then went to his bedroom to hang up his coat and put his hat on the shelf like he always did.
My racing heart pounded inside my chest. I didn’t know if I felt excited or frightened about living with them, but either way, I suspected I wouldn’t have a choice. I’d have to live with their decision and try to make the best of it.
When Uncle Henry returned and sat in his recliner behind me, I turned to face him, and waited. It seemed like an hour before he looked at me, then began.
“Sarah,
Olivia and I have discussed this for several weeks. We had a decision to make and your grandparents already know that decision. It’s time for you to hear it.”
I held my breath.
I must’ve looked frightened, or maybe I turned blue because he said, “It’s okay, Sarah, breathe! It’s a good decision.” He laughed, looked at Olivia, then back at me. “Olivia and I want you to be our little girl and live here all the time.” He sat back in his chair, and took a deep breath.
Granddad hadn’t told him I’d been inside the shed when they talked, but hearing the words come from his mouth, in person, sounded scary.
“Sarah, did you understand what your uncle said?”
“Give her time, Olivia. Let it soak in. This is a total surprise to the child.”
That’s what you think! I knew about it four months ago! But, I had to be very careful what I said next. He’d understand I wasn’t hiding in the shed to listen on purpose, but Olivia wouldn’t understand—or believe me.
“Are you sure, Uncle Henry?” Then, looking straight at Olivia, “Both of you want me to live here?”
“Of course we do! We’ve talked about this since the funeral, and we think it would be best.”
“Can I still visit Grandmother and Granddad?”
“Sarah! We’re offering you a stable home,” Olivia snapped, and her alien mouth formed. “I’d think you’d be more appreciative!”
Oh shit! Now I’ve gone and done it!
“I’m sure she appreciates it, Olivia. It’s all new to her. She hasn’t had a home, a permanent home, in a very long time.”
“Well, she doesn’t act like she appreciates anything we do for her, Henry!”
Her alien mouth tightened and her eyes turned black as an oil slick as she glared down at me. My stomach tied in knots.
I had to swallow several times before I could speak. I felt on the verge of tears when I looked into her scowling face. “I do appreciate what you do for me, Aunt Olivia. Please don’t be mad. I just want to see Grandmother and Granddad. I love them.”
“Sarah, we visit them often. You’ll see them anytime you want. We aren’t taking you away from your grandparents. We just want you to be our daughter.” He smiled. “Wouldn’t you like that?”
