by Calinda B
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Mrs. Hair-on-Fire said to him. “We’re only trying to help.”
“Well, quit trying to make fun of me,” he blurted.
In unison, the circle of women said, “Ooooooh.”
Cam’s face burned even more. He became angry.
Then the kind woman said, “Be nice, Natalie, he’s just a boy.”
33-years-old is hardly a boy, Cam thought.
“When you’re our age, it’s infancy, sport,” Natalie intoned.
The women laughed again, but this time Cam did not feel like he was the butt of the joke. He actually smiled a bit.
Everyone sat in silence then. The women all closed their eyes. Cam did not know what to do so he kept his open, waiting for a sign or a signal. At last, Natalie’s eyelids fluttered open at the same time as all the other women’s eyes opened.
“Okay, were done here,” Mrs. Hair-on-Fire stated.
“You’re done? That’s it?” Cam asked, incredulous.
“That’s it,” she said brushing her palms together as if ridding them of dust or debris. “You can go now. Shoo…” She flicked the back of her hand at him like he was a street dog begging for scraps.
Cam was stunned. “Aren’t you going to tell me anything more about the star dreamling? Wasn’t that the point of the last three days?”
“Oh, my dear, no,” Natalie chuckled. “The point was to prepare you so you could sit within our sacred circle and not sully it with your energy.”
Cam became belligerent. “I thought the point was to prepare me to meet you so that you could tell me more about this fucking mystery beast? I don’t know whether it wants to kill me or what…” He was really mad, now.
“Oh, my, you do get mad, don’t you?” Natalie joked. She turned to the Doberman woman. “Isn’t he sexy when he’s mad?”
She turned back to Cam and gave him a look that made his cock jerk. A strange pleasurable sensation filled his pelvis like someone was rubbing warm oil over his belly and genitals.
“The things I could do to you, lad, would leave you breathless.”
Cam recoiled in repulsion. She was old. Old and unattractive…and she was coming on to him?
“Do you honestly think you’re that special, sport, that a woman such as myself couldn’t teach you a thing or two?”
“No…I mean, yes…I mean, no, I don’t think that.” Cam stuttered, confused. Since when did he stutter? The warm rubbing sensation continued stoking his arousal until his shaft was stiff. He didn’t want to feel this way in the midst of these old crones. Shit.
“Don’t worry about it cupcake, I would never do anything to you without your consent.” She chuckled again. “You’d like it, though, I can guarantee that.”
Cam frowned at her. “Let’s get back to the star dreamling topic.”
“You’re not in charge here.” Natalie glowered at him, making him wither inside. “You’re used to being the Big Man, the Big Dog, having your way with women. They fawn all over you, don’t they?”
Cam said nothing. He was certainly used to getting women when he wanted to. Only now he only wanted Chérie.
“That’s what I thought. You seek them out as if they were snacks at a convenience store for your enjoyment. You fuck them, crumple up the wrapper, and pitch it in the trash. And they crowd around you like you hold the key to the universe. They think your good looks and charming smile…” She flashed a dazzling ‘Hey look at me’ smile at all the women in the circle. “They think when you smile their way you will give them power or something. Maybe you should let them rub your belly like a fat Buddha.” She laughed. “Or stick coins down your pants like they do at a wishing well.” Now she and all the women shared a belly laugh. When their hysteria had subsided, she went on. “And when they do manage to get in bed with you…which isn’t hard, I can assure you of that…when they do bed you they think they have won the lottery. I think you need a big dose of humility.”
Cam felt his face turn white at this chiding. Busted… Big time… That was how he’d lived most of his life. “I’ve always been nice to the ladies,” he protested.
Natalie turned to the blasé woman. “He’s always been nice to the ladies.”
They all laughed again. Cam was starting to get furious.
Then Mrs. Hair-on-Fire continued. “Only now you are with a woman of substance.” The old woman’s eyes were piercing Cam now like razor sharp skewers cutting through a hunk of raw meat. “You’re either going to make it here…Cam…” She spat out his name. “Or you’re not. That’s up to you. Why this star dreamling has marked you is still a mystery. My associates and I…” she gestured to the circle. “…will have to discuss this further… Meanwhile, you’ll go back to your little world and see if you can manage to turn it into something sacred, not something tawdry. Can you do that, Cam?” Again, she spat his name out as if it were something foul on her tongue.
He swallowed and nodded.
“Good. And you’ll also have to learn to control that temper of yours, won’t you?”
“I’ve already started,” Cam began.
“Well, finish what you’ve started, sport, before it finishes you.”
There was something righteous about being chewed out by this old hag. Cam did not care whether the woman heard his thoughts or not. He had never respected a woman with the same respect he felt towards this strange old woman…not even his Grandma Guinevere had commanded this kind of veneration. He could see that now. He saw her give a small nod at that.
“We’re done here. Try not to make a botch of your life. Now shoo…” Natalie waved him out of the circle.
Cam picked himself up, thanked the women, and stumbled out into the dark. “And don’t forget, tobacco can be sacred,” she called to his back.
Chapter 21 – Chérie
Cam had finished his sweat lodge journey a few days ago. I had been super busy, teaching aerobics night and day and developing new routines for the class. I was getting bored with my old stuff. But today Cam and I were going on another date. I was excited. I wanted to see and hear of the changes Cam had gone through.
The nights were getting long again so we’d agreed to take the kayaks and paddle around Lake Washington in the afternoon and then bring a take-out picnic back to my house. I could cook a mean omelet, but when it came to preparing dinner-type meals I usually punted to someone else or else ate simply – salads, yogurt, cottage cheese, pizza – whatever struck my fancy that didn’t require food prep. Cam, however, had a hearty appetite.
I sat on the porch in clean jeans, a soft orange cotton scoop neck t-shirt, and my light green jacket and waited for him to arrive, the cats by my side.
Get ready, thought Mac.
He’s in a mood, added Jack.
They each took turns grooming my hands as if to prepare me. Little butterflies danced in my tummy as I waited with excited anticipation. At last I saw his big green Land Rover turn up the long driveway. I jumped to my feet and ran towards the driveway waving.
When he got out of the car we were both nervous and awkward, as if we had first date jitters.
“Hi,” I uttered breathlessly.
“Hey.”
We stood there smiling at one another. I broke the moment with a sentence. “This is awkward.” I laughed.
“I’ll say.” He gave a hesitant smile. “Can I hug you?”
“Do you have to ask?”
“I don’t know…yeah, I guess that feels right…to not assume anything right now.”
Why the formality? This seemed kind of unusual. “Well, then…yes, please, let’s, er, hug.”
Cam started to reach for me and then stopped, his face becoming all serious. “Let’s go sit on the steps for a bit…unless you’d prefer to sit on the couch.”
Perplexed, I thought about it for a moment and said, “Couch…it’s kind of cool out here.”
We wandered into the house and settled on the soft green couch, side by side, a few feet apart. We each turne
d to face one another, resting our opposite arms on the back of the plush sofa. Quietly, we each took in the other as if we’d never beheld one another. He looked different. Stronger...more peaceful perhaps…yet, there was a touch of strain behind his eyes. Was it fatigue or was it wisdom? I scrutinized him and chose the fatigue option.
“So…” I began. “How are you?” Good grief, we felt like strangers again. When had the brick walls been erected?
“Not sure how to answer that…” he replied. “A bit tweaked in the head, maybe.”
“What does that mean?” He seemed so distant I wanted to cry.
“It means what it means. I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened to me.”
“What happened to you?”
“It’s hard to say…”
I started to get exasperated. “Try…” This was not going the way I’d planned it.
He said nothing for a long, drawn out moment that stretched to the edges of my patience. Then he held up his palm to reveal huge blisters that were starting to scab over. He twisted around and pulled up his shirt to expose giant red welts scoring his skin. Then he did something completely out of character…he stood up and stripped off all his clothes and pivoted in a circle so I could view his scored leg, the massive welts on his back and his blistered palm, over and over and over. He looked like he had been in a fight at a camp fire with a bear.
Now my eyes did tear up. “Oh, Cam,” I said quietly. “That’s the work of the star dreamling, isn’t it?”
He quietly dressed again, yanking up his jeans with one hand, pulling his long sleeved blue t-shirt over his head, shoving his feet into his gray socks. Then he sat down with a sigh. “Yup, that’s the work of the star dreamling. And I’m no closer to having any answers. I thought I was, but the last couple of days I’ve had too much time to myself to think…”
“Why didn’t you call me? Or come over?”
“You were busy, and I was bummed. I don’t know how to integrate all the changes that have taken place lately.”
I furrowed my brow. “Isolating never helps…it never helps me, anyway.”
“I know, babe, I just wanted to see you from a stronger place, not this confused and injured place. I don’t want sympathy. I want to understand. And I don’t know where to look to find it.”
“You look stronger to me.”
He gave a wan smile.
“You do…I mean it. And I know a thing or two about earth-shattering experiences, Cam. How do you think I dealt when I discovered the ka’kriyayaga inside of me?”
“I don’t know…I guess I never thought about it.”
“Right…because you weren’t here. You left me. I had to figure out how to integrate the changes inside of me all by myself. Even Kayden disappeared at one point. I just slogged through the winter months, angry, weepy, and miserable and yet, slowly, understanding dawned. I still don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, but I’m closer. And I have more understanding of how to accept growth and change. I can help you, Cam, really I can.”
His face softened as if he’d removed a mask. That youthful appearance that was starting to emerge in him spread across his face. “I’d like that. I guess I’m not used to accepting help for anything.”
“Hard-ass…” I reached over to slug his shoulder, but he caught my hand instead and pulled me close.
I started to put my arms around him, but he winced. Instead I propped my hands on his shoulders and rested my forehead on his. “I’m not quite ready to kiss you from that soft place, Chér. I’ve got enough pain shooting through my body…don’t think I can deal with any mistakes that might set off the claw marks in my leg.”
“I’ll be gentle…” I replied. “Where can I touch you that won’t hurt?”
He looked down at his crotch with a bemused face.
I snickered. “I should have said where can I touch you that won’t hurt and won’t set off any pain elsewhere?”
He smiled and said, “I think my face is okay…then there’s my shoulders and arms…one of my legs…feet, neck…well, gee whiz, there are a lot of places.” He shook his head. “I sure wish I could ‘get’ the lesson of this…this…whatever this is. I’m getting worn out.”
“I know, love. It will take time, but you’ll get it.”
We sat in companionable silence for a moment or two. Then Cam picked up my hand and kissed the palm. “What a peculiar experience that was, Chér… I had these sickening encounters with the beast.”
He described the two encounters with the star dreamling in vivid detail. He shared the stuff about his horrible, horrible father. I listened, gasped, nodded, and supported.
“I felt so different when I left the sweat lodge…like I had made significant changes. Only then I had to go meet the Grandmothers. Then I thought I knew nothing. That was a trip and a half. There was this one woman…she was like the High Priestess. She freaked me out. And her hair was on fire. It was fucking on fire, but the hair didn’t burn.”
I looked at him with amusement. “Braids? Auburn hair? Kind of sturdy, stocky-like? Yellow-gold eyes that stare at you unblinking?”
Cam nodded.
I laughed. “You met Natalie Epic, Cam. You never believed me before when I told you about her, but that’s her, alright. She scares the bejesus out of me. I haven’t seen her for a while. She’s a trip and a half.”
“That’s one way of looking at it. I think she’s part of the reason I feel so hesitant around you. She schooled me about me and…well, about me and women. It was rough. But I actually respected her after she was done drilling me a new one.”
I laughed again. “She doesn’t hold back, that’s for sure. What did she tell you?”
Cam looked away, suddenly interested in the carpet pattern.
“Cam, what did she say?” I pressed.
He turned back towards me, his face all serious. “She told me that I had sex with women like I was snacking at the convenience store, pitching the wrappers in the trash when I was done.”
“Ouch…”
“Yeah, ouch… And then she said I had a woman of substance now…that’s you…and that I needed to learn that life is sacred, and I might make it or I might not.”
“That’s vague,” I concurred. “Except the part about me,” I teased.
“Yeah, it doesn’t make me feel very good about myself, that’s for sure. I don’t know which is worse; being clawed by an apparition or schooled by a bunch of crones. Anyways, I’m done talking. Since I can’t have sex with you, we may as well go paddle or I’m going to go out of my fucking mind.” He stood up and started pacing.
“I had another idea…”
“What…?”
“You’d have to be willing to try out that soft place.”
“I don’t know, babe. I’m like tenderized beef. That’s a bit too soft, don’t ya think?”
“Okay, then…” I got up and headed for the door.
“Wait a minute…” He grasped my arm, twirling me around. “Not so fast. I changed my mind. I’d like to hear your idea. You seem to have good ideas.”
There was a tone of desperation in his voice, like he had just returned from a desert island, found a woman, and didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I peeled his fingers off my arm. “Okay, alright, I’ll tell you. Remember I told you that I wanted you to know that you don’t have to hold back with me? That you can show me all of your ravenous sexuality?”
He regarded me with suspicion. “Yes, I remember…”
“Well…while you were doing the sweat lodge thing, I was getting tips from Zuri.”
“Tips in what?”
I gulped and flicked my eyes over at him and away. “You know…”
He gave me an earnest, eager look. “No, I don’t know. Tell me.”
I considered my shoe-clad feet. “You said you were too raw to try to stay in your heart place…this is not the right time to experiment. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Let’s go paddling.”
“I want to hear your
idea.”
“I think I misspoke…” I was beginning to perspire in nervousness. I pulled at my collar.
“Just tell me…then we can decide.” The excitement in his voice was obvious.
“Well…”
“Chér, tell me your idea…”
“I don’t know if I’m ready.”
He groaned and threw back his head. “You’re torturing me here, babe. Just fucking tell me. Then we can decide if it’s a good idea or not. I might be wrong about the heart place thing…I might change my mind and have another go.”
“Okay…well…I got tips from Zuri on…er…on going down on a man.” I saw a mixture of shocked surprise and delight stretch over Cam’s face.
“Did you now?”
I could see a bulge start to form in his 501s. “Easy there…stay in your heart, now Cam. We don’t want to cause you any pain here.”
“I’m ready.” he stated.
“Just like that?
“Just like that. Here, I’ll even take out my lucky talisman.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out the cat’s eye. “Where do you want to try this out?”
“Where would you be most comfortable?”
“Here, there, anywhere…you name it.”
Someone was sure eager. “How about the couch?”
He went over and sat down. “Now what?”
“Well, now I think we should practice with that heart place stuff…with a kiss first…you’re going to find that it’s much harder to focus when I am stimulating your…your…”
“…cock,” he finished for me. He gestured towards his crotch. “These are not ‘bits,’ Chér, like you used to call them. It’s a cock, Chér. Cock, shaft, whatever…”
“Okay. With your cock…it’s harder to stay in your heart when I stimulate your cock.”
“And you know this how?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Let’s leave Kayden out of the picture. He and I never got physical like that. Let’s focus on you and me…and my mouth…around your…cock.” Cam inhaled sharply. “And practice first with a kiss…” I took his face in mine, careful not to let too much energy escape from my palms. “Wait…let me hold the cat’s eye next to your heart.” I held the tiny orb in my fingertips and placed it over this chest. “Okay…ready…”
