by Sedona Venez
“You’re arguing with me like I have anything to do with this. I told you a long time ago, family and business is not a good mix. I understand at the time why you chose him but you’ve changed and so has he.”
I blinked back the tears that burned my eyes because she got to the root of the issue, and like usual, she was brutal with her honesty, which was straight-up with no chaser. For years Mason and I chased the illusion that we were still at the place when he got me and I got him. A time when we understood each other on a deeper level. A time when we were a team, him and I, orphans from the Fire and Ash war, adopted and loved by mom.
Inside, I wept for the time when he was once my best friend, my world and defender when the kids at school made fun of my vivid imagination and the dreaded ravens that followed me around everywhere. He was even the one who recorded me goofing around singing, and laughed at the ridiculousness when the recording went viral which started my career. He was the one who supported me in my fight to go into the music industry when mom was adamant that I didn’t. It was him and me against the world, or so I thought.
“I just never thought that it would end this way. But now all we do is spend our time figuring out all the ways we can hurt each other. He’s angry at me for some ungodly reason, which just ticks me the hell off and makes me retaliate. It’s a vicious circle that’s freaking destructive.”
Mom clucked her tongue, shaking her head. “Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms with the reality of someone slipping through your fingers like sand. You can become desperate to hold on to what you can.”
My heart thumped. “But there’s a fine line between love and obsession, and he’s dangerously close to that edge. I ignored the many years of him chasing guys away because I really wasn’t interested in any of them to put up a fight. And the business, well, I was interested in making music so I let him take care of everything else. But the things I’m seeing and hearing are not good.” I sighed, “I just don’t understand how a man that I idolized could just vanish into thin air.” Now, all that is left is the serious, grumpy and very secretive man who was plotting my downfall.
Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t forget that wicked crush you had on him.”
“Yes mom. Thanks for pointing that out!”
“Well, if you’re going for the truth, let’s air it, baby. Besides, the truth of the matter is that things between you two haven’t been the same since he left years ago.”
I just stared because I hated those memories—memories of waking-up that horrid morning to find him gone, with no note, no goodbye and mom refusing to divulge his whereabouts. I hated the memories of the hurt that lingered from his absence. The crying for weeks, feeling like my soul had been ripped apart without him. Eventually, the tears dried up and I found myself a little bit harder, and a little bit less trusting of the people in my life. When he came back years later, it was hard to rebuild trust, but we tried to make it work. It was hard at times, real hard—but we loved each other, so we made it work somehow.
“But I thought we were rebuilding our relationship. Then, I woke up from my Rejuvenator haze and found out that things between us were not what they seemed. It’s just the end of our business relationship, he’ll always be my brother.”
She exhaled, “Has it ever felt like that’s all he’s wanted from you?”
“No. But that’s all that it could ever be,” I sighed. I was venting shamelessly about a situation that I created, and was at a loss in how to prevent the inevitable fallout from happening. “It’s time for a regime change,” I whispered before pausing to stare at the moon helplessly, “How do you fire your brother without causing total havoc?”
She didn’t look at me, just touched me on the arm comfortingly, “You start by telling him it’s time to let go.”
I closed my eyes, breathing deep, calming breathes because I didn’t want to acknowledge the truth—at least not right now. “What in the hell am I doing out here?”
She looked at me with exasperation, “You’re training to protect yourself from whatever may come.”
I stopped her abruptly, “See, that comment right there is what irks the hell out of me. For once can you just explain what you mean by, ‘whatever may come’?” I paused, “Wait a minute, did you have some premonition that I’m going to be attacked by rabid fans while performing some booty jumping song? Just tell me what’s got you so rattled lately.”
“I don’t think that you’re ready to handle the truth. You just got off the Rejuvenators and you’re grappling with all the shit for the concert…”
Oh, that’s it. I couldn’t take this secret squirrel shit anymore. I let out an ear piercing, frustrated scream that was so loud the ravens croaked in protest. “Stop! Stop, mom! If you’re not going to be straight up with me then just stop with the nonsensical rambling.”
She looked at me indignantly, “I’ve always been straight up with you, Infinity.”
“Not when it comes to this,” I paused. “You think that I don’t get that not everyone can ‘sense’,” I did air quotes, “things about people like I do? And that I actually believe that my freaky dreams are some fluke birth defect from the Fire and Ash war? Really? Do you actually think I’m stupid?”
“I know that you’re not stupid, Infinity. I never mislead you about your gifts. I have always been honest. You’re simply not ready to know the truth. One, you simply can’t handle it, and two, it’s dangerous if you know too much, too soon. I’m sorry, but that’s the facts.”
“No, the facts are that I know there are things out there,” she tried to interrupt but I continued, “Things that are not…human…these are facts, and my dreams tell me that every fucking day. As addicted as I am to those fucking Rejuvenator pills, I know that it’s tied to all of this shit.”
She looked at me curiously, “Is that what you’re dreams are telling you?”
“Yes! There’s like a big damn red arrow that’s practically screaming for me to pay attention. Just tell me….those non-humans things in my dreams…..they’re what I think they are, right?”
She sighed, “Yes, Others. Wolves, vampires....”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Finally, confirmation that I’m not losing my damn mind. But, how do they stay hidden?”
“Because they go to great lengths to make the world think that they don’t exist.” Mom continued, “And all those over the top fairytale stories? They were written to help humans’ process the fact that there are Other beings like wolves and vampires living among us. And no, despite what movies want you to believe…humans cannot be turned by being bitten.”
I wanted to push for more, craving information. “And these brutal sparring sessions that we’ve been having since I could walk?”
“So that you can protect yourself against the unpredictability of some of these beings.”
“I’m rich and have a security detail…well, had one. Anyway, that’s their job, to protect me against the unpredictable.”
Her mouth twisted angrily. “No, that’s your job. Never rely on anyone but yourself to ensure your safety. That’s what happened before and during the Fire and Ash war. Everyone was looking around for a savior because they had their heads up their asses thinking that it would somehow fix itself.” She shook her head and sighed. “But, obviously, it didn’t. This world paid a heavy price for their naivety.”
I turned my head, looking at the eerily quiet ravens perched in the tree looking at me before responding flatly. “You don’t think that I can take care of myself.”
She raised a brow, “Where the hell did that crap come from?”
“You and the way you’ve been coddling me lately.” I paused, “I messed up with the pills and not telling you about my nightmares returning, but you have got to cut the strings. I’m not going to fold to those things.”
She jumped up pulling me with her. “You’re my little girl. It’s hard for me to let go.” She hesitated before smiling softly.
I looked at her suspiciously, she was hidi
ng something, I could just feel it. “Are you sure that’s it?”
She smoothed back the strands that escaped my ponytail. “For now, it is. I really can’t tell you more, baby. Just trust me on this.” She smiled before looking at the moon, "Tonight’s a good night for a walk. The spirits have seemed to calm down.”
I looked at the now calm ravens. “What, the flock of chaos not following?”
“Nope. They are giving us mother and daughter bonding time.” Her eyes narrowed playfully as she guided me past the trees and through the woods that were attached to the sprawling and secluded estate that everyone called the ‘K’ compound. She smirked, “Your aura is still white which means that you’re still pure and brimming with virginity.”
Yes, my sex status was another sore point for me. I huffed with frustration, “Yes, but that’s because I haven’t been motivated to lose it. What about you?”
“I haven’t been pure, or a virgin for centuries.”
“I’ve been out of the house for years. Why aren’t you married or at the very least having plenty of wild cougar sex.”
“Married? Uh, hell no, now the wild cougar sex? I’ve been having that for a while now, baby.”
She winked at me causing me to groan painfully.
“Do you know how painful it is for me to hear that my mother is having more sex than me?”
She snorted loudly, “Baby, you’re a virgin, that’s means by default I’m having more sex than you.”
“Uh, thanks for the clarification.”
“Well, that’s my job, to clarify.” She nudged me, “So? What’s really bothering you? It’s got to be more than your virgin status.”
I blurted out with wild eyes, “When the hell am I going to meet the one that I will be remotely motivated to go past the lackluster groping stage?”
No, I wasn’t the least bit embarrassed about talking about sex with my mom. In fact, my first sex talk with her amounted to a graphic discussion that ended with everything you don’t want to hear about oral sex from an obviously well versed mother.
I surged on with my crazy tirade, “I’ve been kissed. I’ve kissed. I’ve groped. I’ve been groped, but after that....nothing...fizzle…I’m starting to feel like some kind of freak here. How in the hell could I be named ‘one of the sexiest women in music’ and work around some of the most drool worthy men and not be remotely attracted enough to take it to the next level?”
She grabbed my arms looking at me with intensity. “You’re special, Infinity, and you need a special man to get everything that you are. Subliminally, you know that, and you’re waiting for the one. Simply, it’s the true mate syndrome.”
I pulled away, burying my face in my hands. “Not that stupid true mate shit! One man made for you. When you find him the scent will lead you to him like a dog in heat, shit again?”
Propping her hands on her hips, she responded with irritation. “Not shit. Fact. Don’t forget that some people have more than one true mate, baby.”
“Mom! That’s a freaking myth. There’s no such thing as a true mate.” I paused, “Millions of divorces and desperate single people disprove that crazy bull crap.”
She pointed at me. “First, the true mate syndrome doesn’t apply to everyone. Others, like wolf-shifters live to find their true mate. The one person they were born to love, have kids with and have the greatest sex ever with. As for vampires, they have a consort, the same thing as a true mate.”
My heart stopped, still not able to wrap my mind around the fact that they did exist and lived among us in plain sight. “Well, since I don’t know any Others to dispute your story, I’ll just assume that the true mate phenomenon does exist.”
She smiled winningly, pumping her fist like she won some damn victory.
I continued, “For them. Not for humans, which I certainly am. So give me something real that I can work with please.”
She hugged me to her side, smiling like some beauty contestant. “You’re special by default so you fall into that category. That means a special person like you can have an Other as a true mate.”
“English please.”
She responded quickly. “Vampires, wolves, other shifters...it’s all left up to fate.”
I looked at her like she lost her mind. “Wait, what? There are other things besides vampires and wolves?”
She shook her head at me like I was a two-year old. “Baby, there are always other things…some good, some bad.” She stared into space, drifting off into her own thoughts before looking at me sadly, “Let’s hope that your true mate, or mates, are more good than bad. Don’t confuse true mate with mind numbing sex, because you can have that with an Other that’s not your true mate.”
She was totally losing it. Like I was ever going to let one of those monsters put their grungy third, fourth or fifth leg anywhere near me. “Can you tell me how we got from the topic of me not getting some, to this? It’s not related.”
She grabbed my hand, tugging me along. “Believe me, it’s all related. Just promise me that you won’t force the sex issue just to get this whole virgin experience over with. You’ve waited this long, you can wait a little longer for your true mate. Whoever it may be.”
I groaned, feeling like a total slut for voicing this, “That’s the point. I can’t force the sex issue. Literally. I’ve tried, frankly, with several guys…”
She raised an eyebrow with disapproving eyes. “Several?”
“Uh, I know that you’re not judging me. You’re the one having wild cougar sex with countless cubs.”
“Countless, no. I don’t spread myself around and neither will you.” She smiled wickedly. “And sex, yes, there’s lots of it.”
I gave her the ‘what the hell’ stare. “Back to me, please. Anyway, I’ve experimented with several guys and it all ended abruptly with me either freezing up like a popsicle, or me feeling like I wanted to hurl. The frustrating part is that I’m there….ready….really ready.” Like I know that he’s out there ready.
She was grinning with satisfaction. Throwing my hands up with defeat. “Okay, I give up. True mates, or mates, it is. I guess that’s the only thing that makes any sense at this point. But tell me this. Since you’re such a big believer in this crap, where exactly is your true mate?”
She scowled, “Languishing in a cesspool of evil and blood.”
“Mom, I love when you go all crazy talk on me. Now, can you explain again in language that a two-year-old can understand?”
She sighed, “My true mate, disgustingly, is a vampire.”
I gasped, was I really hearing this shit? My mother was sleeping with a vampire? I rubbed my chin while listening.
“It’s freaking ironic. He’s the one thing that I despise, and yet the one thing that can truly bring me happiness. He’s evil, cruel, bloodthirsty and literally the bottom feeder of society.” Her smile was twisted, her eyes tortured. “I can’t be with anyone like that. So we play this weird game of who will cave first to our lust for each other.” She shrugged her shoulders, “I’m not going to lie, I have sex with him occasionally, but the relationship will not go anywhere past that. He’s too screwed-up and thinks there’s nothing to change.”
My eyes widened, “Wait, so that’s it? You’ve got a messed up true mate and you don’t fight to change him?”
She smiled with her head tilted, “Sometimes I forget that you’re just a newbie to this love game. You’ll learn that you can’t make a person change. They have to want to. Besides, I’m good with the sexual part of the thing we’ve got going on, because he knows how to do that really well.”
Tugging on my ear, I scowled. “Okay, please, enough. I’m trying to get past the fact that my mom is sexing a vampire, but can you please not add to the visual of you really enjoying it.”
Her lips curled into a self-satisfied smirk. “What can I say; he has a huge….gift.”
“Really? Too much information. That’s so wrong on too many levels to count.” I gagged before continuing, “This much I
know, men are just so fucked up that sometimes you have to smack them on the head with a rolled up paper and tell them to get their shit together.”
She started laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. “I can’t wait until you find your match, baby. It’s going to be fun watching those sparks fly.”
I smiled widely, “Well, I’m a lot of woman, this I know, and not everyone can deal with what it takes to be with me. There’s a lot of fire waiting to be unleashed.”
“I don’t doubt that he’ll be able to unleash the fire known as, Infinity.”
I preened playfully, “Yeah, we’ll see. All I know is that he better have a huge gift, and be multi-talented because I have a lot of pent up sexual aggression that’s been simmering for years. I will not accept a second rate performer.”
She shook her head, “I’ve created a monster. Come on.”
I started humming as we walked along in comfortable silence.
“So how’s the concert stuff going?”
“Yes mom, I’m exhausted, and no mom, I haven’t changed my mind about it. It’s going to happen. I’ve made up my mind.”
“But why now!”
My eyes narrowed, “You mean why so soon after my mental breakdown?”
“Will you stop saying that shit? It wasn’t a mental breakdown, it was you refusing to accept who and what you really are.”
“You know what, mom, you’re right. I can’t accept the fact that I have a very twisted dark side that scares me to death. I can’t accept the fact that I know, given the chance, I’m capable of doing some wicked horrible things that make me question my character.”
She stumbled, looking at me with shock. “Why would you say that, Infinity?”
I impatiently dashed away the tears that trickled down my cheeks. “Because that’s what my dreams revealed to me, mom, along with the fact that those Others had something to do with my mother’s death. Which, by the way, you conveniently forgot to mention. That’s why I take those damn Rejuvenator pills, because I want to numb my mind to the ugly facts.” Finally, I said it aloud. There were no filters, just facts that scared the shit out of me, because if I couldn’t accept who I was, how in the hell did I expect to find a man that would be able to.
