Jake dragged himself into the kitchen the next morning. He seriously needed caffeine. Seriously needed more sleep but knew that wasn't going to happen before the day was out. He'd tossed and turned most the night. Dreams of an email highway that stretched out into infinity plagued him through the hours one by one until he'd given up and rolled out of bed. It didn't take much to figure where the abstract nightmare scenario came from. He hadn't obsessed like this about hearing back from anyone since high school. And those weren't pleasant memories he cared to revisit anytime soon.
Almost on automatic he hit the button on the coffee maker. He almost cried with gratitude that he'd had the presence of mind to set it up to be ready to go the night before. Unable to wait he pulled a Coke from the fridge and popped the top and simply guzzled. As he stood in front of the still open refrigerator it became clear he needed to hit a store before the day was out. He checked the freezer. There were still a few TV dinners but other than that the cupboard was getting close to bare.
Still desperate for coffee he shifted the pot slightly to the side and held his cup directly under the flowing brew. Just as he set the pot back down in place the ping of his laptop, signaling a new email, stopped him stone cold. Setting everything down where it landed he opened up his email. Seeing a new email from his daughter cleared his head like a direct injection of caffeine into his veins. He opened it, held his breath, and read her response to the second email he'd sent the night before.
Jake,
I'm not brave. There are some days I don't want to get out of bed. And most days I don't know what to do once I have.
Beth
Jake took another deep breath. He had been there. Maybe not for the same reasons but he had been in that place. He didn't like that she was.
His first thought was to call Mary. Whatever he'd written last night had given her the sense she could confide what he had a feeling she hadn't to anyone else. Did she have anyone to confide anything to? He didn't know much about Lizzie and Jett's life or family. In the middle of war zones talk tended toward the more essential and basic agenda. Survival and what you'd do if you did.
He moved slowly, walked around the kitchen that was as familiar to him today as it was forty years ago. Sipping his coffee as he moved he allowed himself to remember his own time in a place where tomorrow was no longer important. When today was simply something you had to get through, get past, when every hour hurt. When time dragged by slowly and nothing had meaning. And he remembered how Mary had shown up at his door unannounced and uninvited. Made him eat. Cleaned up the piles of clutter strewn all over. Shoved him around as if she'd been twice his size instead of the other way around. And as he stood there and let the freshly brewed coffee fill his cup...the memories of yet another time helped him with at least the beginning of what he wanted to say.
Seated once again in front of his laptop, he stared for a brief moment at the blank screen in front of him. Then began to write.
Beth,
I've been where you are. And will probably be again. Just as you will. People will say they're sorry and they probably are. They'll say they understand and they might but it really doesn't matter whether they do or not. What they won't say is that life sometimes really sucks and that you're lucky to get from day to day, to get one foot in front of the other. This is one of those times.
I lost my mother almost ten years ago. It might as well have been yesterday. I won't lie to you. It never stops hurting. But little by little you find you can deal with it. Then you find you can deal with it better. At some point you can talk about it without feeling like there's a knife stuck in your chest that burns with every word that comes out of your mouth. And eventually you can think of all those times you wish you had more of and be glad for those you had instead of grieving for all the times that will never be again.
There was another time when I could barely drag myself from one day to the next. While I was happy enough to feel sorry for myself one of my cousins told me to find a purpose. A new purpose even if I had to drag myself there. She'd been through a lot and understood the pain if not the cause of what I was going through. But she didn't stop with mere words. She stayed on me until I did. Helped me to see that going through the motions got easier each day but I had to at least go through those motions. She forced me to accept that if there was a reason, something completely different, totally new, and somehow meaningful, whatever it was would make dragging yourself through those days just a little bit easier.
That was when I started writing fiction. She dared me to. Told me I couldn't make the shift from news to storytelling. I set out to prove her wrong. In the process I found I could to do more than just somehow make it from day to day.
Your parents would want you to live. Not just survive. There is a difference. For them you need to work on moving from one to the other.
At the moment I'm staying in a house that the cousin I mentioned above has bought in the small town our parents grew up in. It's actually the house where one of my aunts and uncle lived when we were kids. It's not a huge house but they raised five of my cousins here so there's plenty of room. There's certainly room for one more.
I hope you'll consider taking the scenic drive to Burlington. It's beautiful this time of year. It's a nice town. A quiet place. If you like history there's plenty to see here. There's a couple of parks where you can walk for hours and lose yourself in the beauty of the land that's much as it was a century ago.
Several of my cousins live here also and would love to meet you. I would love to meet you.
And maybe together we can find something totally new...something that draws you...that gives you another reason for dragging yourself through the days.
Jake.
He hit the Send key before he lost his nerve and rewrote it five ways from Sunday in his mind. Even as half a dozen doubts and plausible rewrites seeped through the knock at the door was preceded only moments by the peel of the doorbell. Someone was impatient he thought idly to himself even as he made no move to get up. He continued to look at the now blank screen in front of him. He sighed heavily as the doorbell continued to sound and wondered what it would take to change out the dying bird bell tone.
As he turned the door knob he could hear his aunt's voice and another younger voice that had to be Mallie's. His initial curiosity about the unexpected visit increased by layers at the hesitation and uncertainty he saw in both their expressions as they walked past him into the house. Neither was a characteristic typical of either woman. Ever. Aunt Charlie for as long as he'd known her, which was the whole of his life, and Mallie for the whole of hers.
"So, what can I do for you ladies?" He turned to his aunt first. He knew her better....longer certainly. Knew what to watch for.
"I could use a cup of coffee if it's fresh."
"We need a man," Mallie said almost at the same time of her grandmother's polite request for coffee.
"Which first?" He quipped without thinking and because he was watching his aunt he saw her roll her eyes. Looking at his young cousin he wondered if chewing on her lip was a long time habit or a result of whatever it was they were working up to. To give himself a few minutes he took his time getting his aunt her coffee and topping off his own.
He sat down next to Mallie to give himself a better view of his aunt. Whatever it was he could tell she was determined about it but not nearly as certain about including him. And wasn't that interesting? With that in mind he addressed Mallie first thinking she might prove to be the more forthcoming of the two.
"What's up?" He asked casually as if it was every day he heard she needed a man. Knowing her father as he did was enough to explain Charlie's concern about involving him in whatever scheme they were hatching. She'd be worried it would go right in his ear to Jack's, Mallie dad.
Mallie gave her grandmother a swift look. They'd gone over how to approach Jake. But in all those best laid plans they'd figure she would be the one to get things started. With a deep breath
and crossed fingers she plowed forward. "We want to buy the skating rink." She held his eyes, eyes that were steady, curious maybe but not shocked like her Dad's would be at this point. "It's been for sale for a really long time and we need you to be our..." she searched for the right term, afterall this was supposed to be her grandmother's part in the deal and she hadn't been prepared to be the first one up. She gave up looking for how her grandmother would put it and simply explained it in her own way. "We need a man to keep from getting scammed. I'm just a kid and Grandma is," she glanced at her grandmother, saw her slight hesitation...then nod, "well, she's in her golden years." She kept talking right over her grandmother's loud snort hoping Jake hadn't heard it but she could tell from his eyes and the slight smile that he was trying to hold back that he did. "The guy who owns it is really nice but it's all about money. Which we've got," she rushed to assure him. "But we've been researching on the internet and since it's been for sale so long we think we should be able to get it for less than what he's asking." She took a deep sigh, unconsciously tilted her head to one side studying the man who was closely watching her. "We need a man to do that for us and that's why we need you."
Jake leaned back, intrigued and amused. "It's always nice to be needed." It was the best he could come up with and that said a lot to just how caught off guard he was.
"Jake, honey," Charlie began. From the moment she saw the interest in his eyes she believed they had more than a slim chance. He might be amused but he wasn't laughing it off. "We've thought about this for a bit, it's not something we're blindly rushing into."
"We've been going to the rink almost every night, sometimes during the day, just so we can see what kind of business it gets." Mallie leaned forward, warming up to the subject. "Just the snack bar alone makes a killing. We have an idea what they pay for some of the stuff and you just have to look at the menu to see what they're charging for it and what the mark up is. And they have birthday parties going almost every night. The people have to bring their own cake, drinks and everything so the room rental is almost clear profit."
"And a lot of times they spend even more money after the party in the arcade or at the snack bar," Charlie contributed.
"And we don't need your money, just your..." Mallie thought about it. "Your..."
"Manly presence so we don't get ripped off," Charlie finished for her.
"So," Jake leaned back, wondering if fate always snuck up on you like this. He couldn't help but think of the email from Beth as they presented their idea to him. "Why not Carrie?"
"She's not a man," Mallie answered simply.
And wouldn't his cousin just love to hear that. "Aren't you two already busy with everything else you've got going on?" He watched their backs straighten like iron rods had suddenly flipped open under their clothes. Oh yeah, he thought. Two peas out of the same pod. "You're making videos," he spoke to his aunt then turned to his young cousin, "and you've already got at least two part time jobs in addition to the video deal."
"Very part time," Mallie shot back. "I work at Grace's when she needs me and that can vary from five to fifteen hours a week. The videos take about half a day a week. Grandma and I have those down, I mean, really, how hard is it to cook for the camera?" She posed, confidence brimming from the core. "And the editing I do with and for Casey is when she's done with her part and I usually do it at night." She looked at her Grandma, saw her smile and knew that she'd handled the question to her satisfaction. Looked back at the man in front of her. "We can do this."
"I have no doubt you can." Jake looked at his aunt, "I also have no doubt my purpose includes dealing with a certain someone who happens to be your son," he looked back at Mallie, "and your Dad." He leaned back with his coffee, thinking it out. "He's going to wonder when you're going to find time to go to school. I can hear him now without a lot of imagination on my part. Fact is," he focused his attention back onto his aunt. "He probably won't be the only of your sons I'll have to deal with...only the first of them."
"Dad has to get used to the fact that I'm not a baby anymore." Mallie wasn't concerned about her uncles. She knew between Jake and her aunt Carrie they could deal with the others. It was her Dad that she needed to deal with." Besides I am going to college. I need to get a business degree so that I can run all the businesses Grandma and I are going to buy and run."
Jake just stared at the young girl before him wondering if she knew just how much like her old man she was. Then looked at his aunt. She just smiled and nodded in agreement. He sighed. "That might work." And as he turned back to Mallie he wondered if she could also very well be the answer to some of his own prayers. "I'll tell you what," he stood and grabbed the coffee pot to top off his and Charlie's cups. "You give me what you got," and laughed as Mallie and his aunt both immediately dug into their purses to pull out crumpled and folded over files and laid them in front of him. He'd been had and for the life of him he didn't care. "If I do this I want to be an equal partner with equal say and as such I'll put in my share of the money." He watched the two of them communicate in some silent way he'd never understood but accepted as one of the many ways that women were wired differently than men. He continued on as they continued their silent conversation. "I will also take on your son," he said as he nodded at Charlie. "And your Dad," he said as he turned towards Mallie. "Which will be both a challenge and a pleasure."
"How's that?" Mallie interrupted.
"You'll understand that better when you have your own husband and sons, honey." Charlie interjected, understanding full well the look on Jake's face.
"It's one of those men things?"
"It is," her grandmother confirmed.
"Whatever it is, I’ll deal with Jack and however many of the others who decide to weigh in on this." And didn't doubt for a moment they would all be calling at some point. His aunt and uncle had raised their children to hold strong opinions and in that they hadn't failed. "I'll also deal with the realtor and the owner. In return you take me on as a full paying equitable partner."
"How involved do you want to be?" Charlie asked.
Jake thought about it, thought about Beth. Knew the only way she could be part of this was if he was honest about it up front. He studied both women. His family. They would be a perfect balance for his daughter and what she needed. What she might be willing to accept from them that he instinctively knew would be so much more difficult to accept from him. "Personally I wouldn't want to be involved in the day-to-day operations but there's a situation, a person who I might want to take my place in the partnership if it were to work out." He watched the two of them in their silent communication mode again and decided the only way was pure unmitigated truth. And as he began the telling of it, it was his aunt he spoke to. "I have a daughter." And from there he told them the whole of it. With little evasions, all the way to the email he had received that morning which he pulled up and read to them. In regards to his response to her he simply said he'd spoken of his own losses to which Charlie's tears flowed even faster. He also told them of his invitation that she come to Burlington. By the end of the telling both women were in tears. And he was exhausted.
Mallie stood and opened the refrigerator and helped herself to a Coke. She simply couldn't imagine losing her parents. They might drive her nuts but she simply couldn't in her life imagine them not being there to do just that. "So you're thinking that if she shows, and if she wants, you might have her be your, I don't know, representative in the business."
Jake could tell from her tone that while she was still thinking it through, she wasn't completely against the idea. Might have to adjust to it. But there was life for you. Adjustment after adjustment. There was no telling how often or how many adjustments any one person had to make in life. "Yeah. It would give her something to focus on." He looked at his aunt. He'd never had a doubt there. She was one of the most giving individuals he'd ever known in his life. He'd bet his last dollar that while she might be intrigued at owning part of a skating rink, this little venture a
nd her part in it, was all about Mallie. "I don't know if it's something she'd be interested in but it's worth a try," he shrugged. "And if she doesn't I'll be your very silent partner."
"I'll bet she'd go for it," Mallie spoke slowly, thinking it out in her mind as she did. "And we could work it so that she at least tries it for a little," so caught up in her thoughts, she didn't see Jake and her grandmother smile in their own silent communication at each other. Each grateful, for different reasons, that this youngest member of their very extended family was happily making plans that could involve and help someone she didn't even know.
"Jake," Charlie began, "do your cousins know?" And saw the answer and regret before her question was finished.
"They do," Jake wiped his face wearily. "I couldn't tell you yet, Aunt Charlie." He should have, he thought, he should have just told them all. "With everything else that was going on with the story, I just..." I was thinking more of myself than others he thought to himself disgustedly.
"You were dealing with things the best you could, honey." Charlie put a lid on the hurt, there was plenty of it to go around and hers wasn't the worst of it. She thought of the young woman who was her dear sister's granddaughter. Looked at her own, secure and safe in her young world. How horrible she knew it would be for her own precious granddaughter if that world was violently and irrevocably ravaged by such a terrible act. No, she decided, her hurt was a little thing. "We need to think of how we can best help Beth if she comes here." She laid her hand on her nephew's arm. "And I wouldn't be at all surprised if she does."
"Maybe." And God only knew what he would say or do if she did.
And just as if she was reading his mind, his aunt leaned over and hugged him. "One step at a time, honey. Just take things one step at a time."
Retreat to Woodhaven (The Hills of Burlington Book 2) Page 13
