by Carol Davis
“What are you thinking about?”
A large, dark-colored car flew past them on Luca’s side. There were children in the back seat, he noticed. Two of them, it looked like. The father, who was driving, seemed not to know they were there.
How could he put his children in danger like this?
“So fast,” he muttered.
“Hmm,” Allison said. “He’s got to be doing at least eighty. And he’s in the slow lane, for crying out loud. I hope the troopers have an eye out. Hey, are you getting hungry? There’s a rest stop coming up.”
Rest? Luca thought. Yes, rest would be good. It would give him a chance to slow down his thundering heart.
“Yes,” he said.
A couple of minutes later, Allison pulled off the highway, headed toward a large building with a sign identifying it as North Carlton Rest Stop. A lot of cars were parked there, and perhaps a dozen of those massive trucks. People were walking into and out of the building, some of them carrying paper bags of food—he could tell by the smell—and cups of liquid. Many of them looked tired, and a few of them looked angry. One man was yelling at a cell phone as he walked.
“This doesn’t look particularly restful,” Luca said, mostly to himself.
“I guess not,” Allison agreed. “But look—there are picnic tables over there. We can eat outside.”
She hopped out of the car and wiggled her arms and legs. To stretch them, Luca supposed. She’d been sitting in the same position for an awfully long time.
And so had he.
He pushed the door on his side open and got out slowly, feeling as if he’d been jailed for several days and wondering if his limbs would cooperate—and if the wolf was upset enough to break free and bolt off into the field behind the rest stop. It had been quiet for the last half hour or so, but now that Luca wasn’t confined inside a rapidly moving car, it might take advantage of this relative freedom.
He was a little alarmed to realize that the animal was cowering.
“I need to run to the little girls’ room,” Allison said. “I’ll meet you in the food court?”
“If—” he started, but she was already hurrying away.
He knew from their time together four years ago that “little girls’ room” meant the toilet room, something he supposed would be easy to find, even in a place like this. He watched her disappear inside the building, then turned to examine the car. Allison had closed the door on her side, so he did the same.
“You gonna move, pal?” said a strange voice.
It was a man who was trying to get into the car parked next to theirs. Nodding an apology, Luca moved out of the way, only to receive a muttered string of curses for his troubles. The man dropped into the driver’s seat of his car like a sack of potatoes, started the engine and sent the car hurtling ahead, with little attention given to the people who were walking nearby.
Rest? Luca thought again. There was no rest to be had in a place like this—and it seemed that that fool Gary wasn’t alone in his ferocious desire to defend his car from someone who was simply standing nearby.
He started moving slowly toward the building, trying to look calm and relaxed, reminding himself that by human standards this area really wasn’t crowded. He’d seen videos of sports events, and concerts, and New Year’s Eve, where the humans were jammed so tightly together it was a wonder they could breathe. Here, there was plenty of air. Plenty of space to move around in, even though a lot of the humans were so focused on their cell phones, their children, or something going on inside their own heads that they bumped into each other frequently. It made them look like they were sleepwalking, or under the influence of strong drink.
Or a curse.
To his surprise, as he approached the door, a man stepped back and held it open for him.
“Thank you,” he murmured.
The man went away without responding.
Inside, he did quickly spot the sign for the toilet rooms, although he didn’t really need that; the smell would have pointed him in the right direction. Rather than venture in there, he wandered toward the entrance of the gift shop, marveling at the colorful selection of goods—none of which seemed particular useful. Most of it looked cheaply made, likely to fall apart within a short time.
Souvenirs, said a sign overhead.
He’d bought a few things of this kind near the end of his Involvement: small toys for the children of the pack to share, carved wooden boxes for his father and brother, and a soft, bright-colored scarf for his mother. Now, he had no idea what had happened to any of it. Had it all been lost? Ruined somehow?
He supposed it didn’t matter. He couldn’t allow it to matter.
“Mister,” said a voice.
He looked down to see a small boy peering up at a shelf of snack foods. He knew that too much interaction with a child could get him into trouble, so he moved away a little, guessing that he was in the boy’s way.
“I can’t reach it,” the boy told him. Then he pointed to the top shelf, to a row of big purple-and-yellow bags of something called Cheezy Chips.
They were certainly nothing a child—or anyone else—really ought to be eating, but Luca plucked a bag off the shelf and handed it to the boy, who grinned in gratitude and ran off around a corner with his treasure clutched to his chest.
“New friend?”
Allison. Thank the gods.
“I’m useful for reaching up high,” Luca said mildly.
“And other things,” she said with a teasing light in her eyes. It didn’t fade as she laced her fingers with his and leaned against him. “Do you want some lunch, or are you sticking with Cheezy Chips?”
“Lunch, please.”
The food court was a collection of bad choices and bad odors. Individually, the offerings might have been almost pleasant to smell, but blended together they produced a nasty, stomach-churning soup. Burgers and fries. Chinese food. Fish. Donuts. Pizza. All of it overlaid with the sharp tang of cleansers and urine. The noise was awful, too; the high ceiling amplified everything and turned it into a din that made Luca want to clamp his hands over his ears.
“We can eat outside,” Allison reminded him.
She bought a triple-decker burger for him and a salad for herself. Cookies for dessert, water to drink. She gave him the bags to carry, wrapped her arm around his waist, and steered him toward the big entrance doors.
They had to weave around a number of people—most of them talking on cell phones—on the way out, making their departure seem like a sort of contest. Then they were outside again, breathing the relatively fresh air.
“You look a little glazed,” Allison said.
He supposed he did. “There?” he suggested, nodding toward a picnic table shaded by a row of trees.
The whole time they were eating, his attention kept drifting off into the distance: to that big field, to the trees, to the relative silence he knew he would find there. The better smells. The presence of animals. There would be something like that near Allison’s home, he told himself firmly. There would be a place he could go to relax—it was clearly visible in the pictures she had shown him on her computer.
But could he truly endure living with humans? In Colorado, the place he had always been taught to dread?
Could he…
He set what was left of the burger down on the paper it had been wrapped in. It was all right; it was somewhat overcooked and, like most human foods, far too salty, but drinking from the big bottle of water had helped it go down easily. When he lifted his hand away from it, he saw that his fingers were trembling.
The bond was supposed to be a good thing. Wasn’t it?
Wasn’t a bond the gods telling a wolf that this was the path he was supposed to take?
That was what he’d always been told. By the elders, by his parents, by his brother… Even himself.
But each minute that passed said that that was a lie.
That he was making a terrible mistake.
Nineteen
&nbs
p; Luca finally seemed to relax again as they climbed farther into the mountains—when they could see more trees than cars. At last, he settled back in his seat, his hands resting on his thighs, looking around, drinking it all in.
Allison let him absorb the view for a couple of minutes, then said quietly, “The pictures don’t do it justice, do they?”
“No,” he said. “They don’t.”
Like a child, or a dog, he seemed to want to hang out the window to get a better look. His head swiveled back and forth, back and forth, and his mouth was open a little. Smiling, Allison touched the window control and lowered the window alongside him, letting the fresh mountain air sweep through the car.
“Stop,” Luca said. “Please, can we stop?”
There was an overlook point just a short distance ahead. Allison pulled in off the road and stopped the car with its nose nearly touching the low guardrail at the edge of a graveled area. Before she could turn off the engine, Luca had shoved his door open and scrambled out. When she joined him, he was staring up at the sky, as full of wonder as the little boy she had imagined back on the road.
Then he lowered his head and looked at her, and again he seemed troubled.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
He shook his head and turned away. She was close enough to hear him breathing in big huffs, as if he was trying to build up the strength to do something. Although she suspected it might be better to leave him alone, she rested a hand on his upper arm, and when he didn’t resist, she wrapped her arm around his waist.
“I—” he said.
He was trembling.
“Luca,” she said. “You can tell me. You can always tell me.”
He turned to her with deep shadows in his eyes. “I have always been told this place was a punishment,” he said in a voice full of grief. “The wolves have always said it’s the worst thing imaginable. That wolves who were sent here would suffer and die.” His eyes narrowed. “Wolves are sent here as punishment. The worst of all punishments.”
“You were lied to.”
He shook his head. He seemed far from willing to take her at her word. “Why would they do such a thing? Lie about the world?”
“People do it all the time.”
“We are not people,” he said. “We are wolves. Honorable. True to each other. We do not lie.”
Off in the distance, a hawk was coasting through the air, its wings stretched wider than seemed physically possible. After it had traveled a ways, it beat its wings a few times and climbed a little, then soared again—riding the thermals, Allison supposed.
She could hear the songs of other, smaller birds around her, and the rustle of the wind in the pines. She thought the temperature might be in the low 60s, and the sky was a bright, crisp blue. A few of the deciduous trees had already started to change color.
“Sometimes we lie to ourselves, too, Luca,” she said quietly. “It’s only one more small step to lying to someone else.”
“I don’t lie.”
“Don’t you?”
He stepped away, indignant, and folded his arms over his chest. “You insult my honor.”
“You pretended to be a man.”
His eyebrows crunched together, and she could see storm clouds in his eyes. But they didn’t last long.
“I had to conceal myself among the humans,” he muttered.
“You don’t have to conceal yourself here.”
He opened his mouth as if he intended to protest, but that didn’t last long either. Frowning, with his hands clenched tight, he looked up and down the road. Ready to fight, maybe, but there was no one here to fight.
“Go,” she said. “Do you want to run? I’ll wait for you.”
He needed no further encouragement.
There might well be other cars on the road; it was lightly traveled most of the time, but not deserted, so he wouldn’t have much time to shift. She guessed that he was aware of that, because he stripped off his clothes quickly, shirt first, then his shoes and jeans, and tossed it all aside on the gravel. When he had finished, he was standing in a pool of sunlight, his bare skin glowing with perspiration, his cock half-erect.
She thought she could see the wolf already, just underneath his skin.
“Go,” she told him again.
The transformation was much faster this time. The wolf seemed to be fighting to break free, thrusting itself through Luca’s bones and muscles and out through his skin. After only a few seconds, Luca was gone, and the wolf had taken his place.
The wolf lifted its head and peered at her.
Then it ran.
She was able to track it for a minute or two as it moved down the slope away from the overlook. Then it disappeared into the underbrush and all she could see were some bending branches and shifting leaves. Then, not even that.
She didn’t think the wolf would come back for a while, so she took a bottle of water and a power bar from the stash she’d left in the car and leaned against the warm fender while she ate and drank.
A couple of cars did pass by, but they were no threat to the wolf now that it was deep in the woods.
A thought occurred to her, so she pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found the listing for Russell’s cell.
“You’re close,” he said when he answered.
“A few miles away.”
“We’ll be glad to have you home.”
There was a lot he wasn’t saying. She could almost see him standing in front of her: thick gray hair flowing in waves over his broad shoulders, the lines of his face forming a smile even when he wasn’t smiling, his deep brown eyes taking note of everything around him.
She had called him and Helene before she and Luca left the motel, to tell them she was driving home and that she was bringing someone with her. Someone she’d mentioned before, in passing.
Someone she now knew was a wolf.
“He’s upset,” she said quietly now.
“That’s understandable.”
“Is there anything I should do to make him more comfortable? He’s running in the woods now, but it’s hard for him in the car. And he said something about… about Colorado being some place of punishment.”
She could hear Russell wince. “Just come quickly,” he said. “No more delays.”
That was all he’d say, and he’d hung up before Allison could respond.
Almost forty minutes had passed before Luca came back. He’d shifted back into his human form somewhere in the woods, and he stepped up onto the overlook after a careful look around to make sure that Allison was still alone. Then he gathered up his clothes and pulled them back on, still looking around, still wary.
“We’re close now,” she told him. “Just a few more minutes. When we get there, you can sleep if you like. Or shift again.”
To her surprise, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly against his body. He wasn’t aroused now; instead, he seemed ready to sleep, ready to surrender himself to oblivion for a little while. For a moment she thought he might actually lie down in a patch of sunlight on the gravel and drift off.
“I’ve put you through a lot of stress,” she admitted. “I’m sorry.”
His head was resting against hers, so she could feel him shake it. “It was my idea to come. I was aware of…”
“There’s always a bogeyman, Luca,” she said.
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Something they hold over your head so you’ll behave. Parents do it. Everybody in authority does it. They can threaten you with jail, or—or—I don’t know what. Concrete things. But the unknown is always worse. The things that are hiding under your bed in the dark.”
“Wolves do not lie,” he insisted.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” she groaned. “Of course you do.”
“We do not.”
She took a step back so she could look into his eyes, so he’d be sure to take in every bit of the stern look she gave him. “Everything you sa
y, everything you do—it shows me how human you are.” She ignored his frown and went on, “That’s not a bad thing, Luca. We’re all both good and bad. Yes, some humans aren’t worth the air they breathe, but a lot more are really good. Or are you telling me that I bewitched you somehow? That you didn’t fall in love with me simply because you saw something good in me, in spite of the fact that I’m human?”
“We have a bond,” he muttered.
“And that overrides your ability to make a conscious decision?”
“I was…”
“We’ve all been lied to,” she said. “All of us.”
Before he could object to that, she tugged his head down and pressed her lips to his.
For a moment he stood as stiff and unyielding as a tree, secure in his indignation and hurt. It was a shield, she supposed, against all of the unfamiliar things he’d been battered with over the past few days. If he’d spent almost his entire life on that island, where almost nothing changed except the weather…
She didn’t envy him that. It hadn’t taught him to adapt.
“We only have a little ways to go,” she told him. “Then you can rest. After that, we can talk.”
“I don’t think that talking is what I need.”
“Then we’ll do whatever you do need. Let’s get back in the car, okay? We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
He didn’t move, or respond. Instead, he stood looking out over the mountains.
“You’re not alone here,” she said.
That made him move toward the car, but he didn’t seem comforted. He got back into the passenger seat and fastened the seat belt as if he thought he was being carried to his doom.
Twenty
As she had promised, when they reached Allison’s home she led Luca inside and guided him to the bed, where he curled up into a ball and dropped into a deep sleep. There, for the first time in days, he felt truly at peace… until strange sounds and images worked their way into his mind.
He knew they were nightmares, that nothing that seemed to be happening was real, but that didn’t make them any less frightening. He came close to waking several times, breathing heavily and drenched with sweat, then fell back into what seemed like an abyss.
