by Fiona Cole
My phone notifications went insane, and I immediately wanted to make it stop.
When I reached for the device, Rae strong-armed me and started tapping buttons. “Let me just turn off some of these pointless things.” More swipes, a few eye rolls, and a lot of scowling with muttered death threats to whatever was being said. “Now, I think I deserve an award for not snooping. I would like my reward to be you telling me every letter of those messages and maybe sending me a dick pic of the Viking, please.”
“What?” I snorted a mixture of nerves and laughter. Only fucking Rae.
“I’ll give you a second to read through them,” she explained, passing the phone back to me.
* * *
Rock Star: I’m so sorry. I was shocked, and I reacted.
* * *
Rock Star: Not just shocked. I was terrified. Here I was trying to keep your privacy safe, and I couldn’t even do that. So, when Aspen started taking control, I let it happen because I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, and the last time I failed you, I really fucking failed.
* * *
Rock Star: Then I got angry. You looked at me like I should know what to do, and I didn’t. I felt useless, and it pissed me off.
* * *
Rock Star: Nova, I still don’t really know what to do, but I do know whatever it is, we need to figure it out together. I’ve spent the past five years having someone tell me what to do, and it’s frustrating as hell sometimes, but it’s easy.
* * *
Rock Star: I get so focused on my job and proving myself to everyone that I forget to think about me and what I want. And Nova, I want you. I meant what I said.
* * *
Rock Star: I wish you would pick up. I wish I could say all of this to you in person. I wish I wouldn’t have to say it at all. I wish I could promise I won’t screw up again. I wish for a lot. But mostly, I just wish for you to be here.
* * *
Rock Star: At least let me know you’re safe. At least give me that this time before you disappear.
* * *
The messages came over time yesterday. But nothing today. Had he changed his mind?
My fingers hovered over the buttons to respond, but I couldn’t form any words.
“Well?” Vera asked.
“He apologized.”
“That’s great.”
“But that was yesterday, and he hasn’t sent anything today, and his last message sounds irritated, and what if I fucked this up too much?”
“Well, it’s a good thing we’re not in middle school, and we can just ask him,” Rae said sarcastically.
“What if he won’t give me a chance?”
“Psshh. Of course, he will,” Rae said. “You’re Naughty Nova. Who turns that down?”
I laughed but shook my head. “I’m serious.”
“So am I. You’re a bomb-ass bitch that can handle everything,” she said fiercely.
“I don’t feel like it. He was right to call me a coward. I always run.”
“You’re not a coward. You just need a few seconds to process things,” Vera chimed in. “You may appear calm, but that fiery redhead is in there, and when you get hit with something big, you just need time to chill for an hour—or a couple of days.”
“Yeeessss,” Rae agreed, drawing out the word. “Remember that one time her mom tried to buy her a condo in Connecticut?”
“Oh, my god,” Vera groaned, clapping her hands. “She left for a week to…to…
“Colorado,” Rae filled in.
They talked across me like I wasn’t even there, and I watched in awe as they listed off a character trait I hadn’t realized was quite so obvious.
“But you always come back when you’ve had time to think it over. Like with your mom. You called her up and very politely told her fuck no,” Rae reminded me.
“But I can’t always run.”
“No, you can’t,” Vera agreed. “So, you work on it. The fact that you recognize it is half the battle. But there’s also nothing wrong with asking for space to think, just maybe let the people you love know you’re not falling off the face of the earth beforehand.”
“What if he doesn’t want someone like that?”
“He’ll have to learn if he wants to keep you,” Rae said.
“And he’d be a complete dumbass to not want you.”
“Especially when you show up at the Grammys looking like fucking fire,” Rae exclaimed, almost bouncing in her seat.
“I don’t know. I—”
Rae’s finger pressed to my lips, halting me mid-excuse. “Mama Rae’s gonna take care of you. Now hush and say thank you.”
I managed a smile under her finger and muttered, “I love you.”
“Close enough,” she conceded.
Vera wrapped around my back, and Rae hugged my front. I’d needed the mountains to process—just like they said, but if I had to choose one over the other—I would always choose this.
All I had to do was win Parker back and prove to him that I may need a second to process, but I would always choose him, too.
Thirty-One
Parker
“Parker, were you in love with your stepsister? Will we be singing any songs about incestual love on the new album?”
“Fuck off, Oren,” I grumbled.
“Hey, man, I’m just prepping you for the red carpet tonight.”
“He’s not wrong,” Aspen confirmed, walking closer with that damn makeup pad thing again. “Now that they’ve uncovered everything about your past with her, it’s a free for all.”
“If you try and put makeup on me one more time, I’m going to break it.”
She gasped and glared, holding the rectangle to her chest like it was her baby. “I’m just trying to help you look more human.”
Shaking my head, I turned back to the full-length mirror in our suite. I adjusted the sleeves of my suit jacket and cringed at the man staring back. Between the tour, fielding questions at every turn, and missing Nova, I looked as tired as I felt. I knew I looked like shit, but I refused to cover any of it no matter how much Aspen tried.
I hoped Nova saw me on TV tonight and realized what a fucking mess I was without her. I wanted her to see the dark circles and dull eyes. It was hard to sleep when all I saw on the inside of my lids were her tears and mouthing I’m sorry right before she ran.
I was tired of watching her run from me.
I wasn’t even mad this time.
Not like when we were kids, and I raged for months on end.
Not like on New Year’s Eve when irritation hit harder than anger.
No, this time? I ached. Without any other emotion to take up space, all that throbbed and weighed me down was the intense need for her. It both flooded me to bursting and left me with a hollow pit only she could fill.
When she left, I called and called with no answer—not that I expected one. But when it started going straight to voicemail, I knew exactly where she had run to. We’d gotten to know each other better than ever before, and I didn’t need to wonder where she was this time because she’d gone where no one could reach her—the mountains.
I considered calling Raelynn for all of a second, but honestly, I was slightly terrified.
I considered just showing up to find her, but with the Grammys on top of everything else, I had nothing to show but open arms and me begging on my knees for her to come back. Not that I even knew how long she’d stay before running again, even if she did come back. I’d thought she’d stay this time.
She said she could do this with me, but at the first bump—a very big bump—she bailed. Not that I blamed her. Hell, each time I walked outside, someone cornered me, asking about her kidnapping. It wasn’t even my story, and I was exhausted by it. No wonder she never wanted to talk about it. Add in the tidbits and revelations about our pasts and how we met, and the reporters fell on it like a bunch of savages who hadn’t eaten in a week.
The thought of doing it choreographed by Aspen filled me with drea
d.
It left me, for the first time ever, questioning if this career was really worth it.
“You’re messing up my suit, bro,” Oren shouted.
“It’s a fucking T-shirt,” Brogan shot back.
“That has a suit on it,” Oren explained slowly.
“Can you at least wear the jacket?” Aspen almost begged.
“Say please, baby,” Oren cooed.
“Fuck you and wear the jacket,” she deadpanned.
“Ooo,” Oren shuddered. “I love when you swear at me. Makes me hard.”
“Gross.”
“And I’ll wear it, but only because I look damn good in this red,” he claimed, tugging on the dark red jacket.
Ash smacked him in the back of the head, and Brogan smacked him from the front.
I shook my head, watching them act like fools, and was reminded that this band wasn’t all about me. We were brothers, and we didn’t abandon each other. If I tried to run, I had no doubt they would drag me back, and I’d be grateful for it—except for the part of not having Nova with me.
My fists clenched, and my shoulders hung heavy under the weight of frustration and defeat. No matter how many ways I spun the issue, I couldn’t find an answer. How could I want something so much and not know the first thing about making it happen?
“Sonia will be there,” Aspen said.
“No.” I leveled the most serious stare I could muster. “We talked about this. I said no more tricks, not more jumping through hoops. I’m a musician, and if that’s not enough for people to pay attention, then so be it. I’m done trying so damn hard when our music should be enough.”
“I know. I called management and let them know your ultimatum of walking away if they pushed it. I was just saying. It’s my job.”
“I know,” I answered exhaustedly. “I’m glad they let it go.”
“Me, too.”
She studied me a moment with a sad smile, and I hated it but braced myself for it. If I was going to wear my hurt all over my face and walk down the red carpet, then I’d open myself up to the same scrutiny she gave me.
Maybe I should have accepted the makeup.
“Let’s go, bitches,” Ash announced. “Car is waiting.”
Too late now.
We piled into the back of the limo and opened the bottle of bourbon waiting for us.
Aspen poured us all a glass before holding hers up. “To winning a Grammy tonight.”
“To winning all fucking six Grammys,” Brogan corrected.
Managing a semblance of a smile, I clinked my glass with the guys’ and tossed it back. I should have been on cloud nine, just as pumped as the rest of my bandmates. For the first time ever, we were nominated for six Grammys. We’d only been nominated for our first one last year, and it had only been one. And with all the cheers and laughter around me, all I could think about was the empty spot beside me.
She was supposed to be here, holding my hand. She was always supposed to be here from the very beginning.
A ripple of quiet worked its way through the car until no one said a word, and I looked up, finding four sets of eyes look away as soon as I met them.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” Oren answered, snapping back to life, shoving his phone in his pocket.
Everyone rustled, now avoiding looking at me. Brogan put his empty glass to his lips, and Aspen buried her face in her phone.
I looked to Ash, knowing if I pushed, he’d tell me what the fuck was going on. He gave the most forced smile I’d ever seen—more of a grimace than his usual smirk. Now, I really knew something was off.
“What?” I asked more forcefully.
Ash sighed.
“Don’t,” Oren pleaded.
“Fucking, what?” I almost roared.
“Nova posted to Instagram,” Ash explained, passing me his phone.
Just hearing her name hit me, knocking the wind from my chest. I looked at the outstretched phone like a bomb, knowing I would take it but hoping maybe I wouldn’t. Giving up, I snatched it and looked down. It was a Reel, so I hit play. It started with her from behind, her red hair loose and blowing in the soft breeze. Like I already knew, the mountains and valleys stretched beyond her. She looked like she was standing on the edge of the world.
A violin beat played as the camera backed up, and she took off running. It was then I noticed the harness and framing on either side of her. As soon as she reached the end of the bungee jumping platform, a video voice said run, and she turned in slow motion, striking a finger gun pose, smiling wide at the camera as a rock version of the violins played.
She shined with the sun behind her, her hair a fiery halo. Her face lit up with happiness, and I had the biggest clash of emotions—like two tidal waves slamming together. She was happy, and I was happy for her. I’d been worried she’d been harassed like me, despite not appearing in any reports, and here she was enjoying her life—without me. That realization pulled any joy plummeting to the pit of my stomach.
Nova was happy without me.
Fuck. I wanted to stop the car and get out right now. Fuck the Grammys, fuck all of this. Now, I wanted to run away and not look back. I’d imagined her hurting like me, and now this—this slap in the face.
“I’m glad she’s happy,” I managed, passing the phone back to Ash.
“She showed her face,” Brogan pointed out.
“I noticed.”
“She never shows her face,” Oren added.
“Well, good for fucking her,” I snapped.
They blinked at my outburst. For the first time in weeks, a flicker of anger emerged, but I knew it would be dashed by hurt all over again.
“Aspen,” Ash called. “When do we get another break?”
She flipped through her phone. “Not for a while. And the ones you do have are small and filled with promo.”
“Maybe we can find one of those promos for Parker to miss.”
“Why?” I asked.
“So you can go get her.”
“It won’t change anything,” I muttered.
He watched me—studied me until I wanted to squirm and demand he leave me the fuck alone.
“Then at least go for closure,” he said softly. “All the times she left, you never got to say goodbye.”
Just when I thought I’d experienced the lowest, something proved me wrong. Goodbye. The finality of it kicked the chair out from under me and left me flat on my back.
Fuck. Fuck.
I clutched my chest. I didn’t know how I would make it through the night.
“Holy. Fucking. Shit,” Oren said slowly. His eyes were as wide as his dropped jaw, glued to something outside as we pulled up to the event.
“What?” Brogan asked, shoving Oren out of the way.
Oren pushed him back and rolled down the window, which had Aspen slapping his arm and telling him to roll it back up. But it was too late, Oren leaned halfway out, his dropped jaw shifting to a wide-ass smile.
“Supernova,” he shouted. My heart jumped up into my throat, and I froze. “You beautiful, crazy-ass, bitch. Look at you, standing there like fire.”
“Ow, ow,” Brogan shouted, leaning behind him.
I sat frozen to my seat, wondering if each revelation was really a mirage of insanity and none of this was real.
“Dude,” Ash said, looking out the tinted windows from his seat. He slapped my shoulder and shook me, a real smile on his face.
The guys didn’t feel Nova’s loss like I did, but they did feel it. We were friends—a family, and she didn’t leave just me.
They all jumped at the chance to believe, and I didn’t know how it could be real.
“Parker!” Ash smacked my head. “Are you going to fucking sit there all night?”
Oren and Brogan scrambled out with Aspen gracefully behind them. Ash scooted down the bench seat toward the door and looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind. I kind of thought I did. If I got out, and she wasn’t there, I’d crumble. Then I’
d pick myself up, just to climb back in the car and copy her.
I’d run. Everyone else be damned.
With a deep breath, I scooted to the door and closed my eyes, trying to prepare for whatever waited for me.
The sun shined and blinded me a second from the dark interior. I blinked, and like a dream, the guys parted, and there she was—like a miracle, more done up than I’d ever seen. She was stunning.
My heart pounded like a freight train, and my muscles ached to run to her. She wrung her hands and chewed on her pink, glossy lips.
“Wow,” I breathed.
I looked her up and down, from the full, black, silky skirt to the pale strip of skin bared between the skirt waist and the white tuxedo-like top that looked like it got cut right under her chest. And her eyes—I never wanted to look away. They shined like emeralds hidden in the smoky shadow of her makeup.
“Hi,” she greeted, taking a hesitant step forward.
Her eyes glossed over, and she looked away when I didn’t move. Ungluing my feet from the pavement, I closed the gap but stuffed my hands into my pockets to keep from gripping her to me.
“What are y—” I tried to ask but choked off.
“I said I’d be here.”
“Nova, you don’t have to—”
Her eyes shot up with determination. “I don’t want to miss another moment of you achieving your dream. I don’t want to miss another moment of you.”
“Nova…” I blinked, trying to process what it all meant—trying to adjust from the other side of the pendulum I’d been on in the limo.
“Dammit,” she hissed. “I didn’t plan how much I’d want to run into your arms. I just wanted to be here.”
She blinked back her tears and gave a hesitant smile, and it hit me. I’d let go of the pendulum and landed on my feet with her in front of me. The words sank in, and I smiled back.
“Fuck it,” she muttered.
