Yet, even as a trained psychologist, Renee didn’t feel like she was in any position to judge her secretary’s choice in life partners. Besides, who was she to judge? Her own marriage had been devoid of emotional energy and intimacy for years. This is what had led her to Deek in the first place. Though she found temporary solace in Deek’s arms, adultery didn’t feel right for her. It left a bad taste in her mouth and she felt consumed with guilt when the moment of ecstasy passed. If she couldn’t conquer her own fear of loneliness and go it alone, how could she counsel Brenda to do the same? Brenda would do better seeing another marriage counselor, Renee decided.
“I know an excellent Christian therapist that I can refer you to,” said Dr. Renee, patting Brenda’s hand. “I hope he’ll be able to save your marriage Brenda, if that’s what you and Jerome truly want.”
Brenda got up and hugged her, “Oh, yes, Dr. Renee. I want that more than anything. I want my family to stay together and I’m sure Jerome does too. He’s sick with remorse,” said Brenda, returning to her seat.
“Then that’s what I want also,” said Renee, nodding her head.
Renee was amazed at Brenda’s capacity for forgiveness and unconditional love. She hoped she would one day get to that level in her spiritual growth. Brenda said the mere act of forgiveness felt liberating to her even if her relationship with Jerome didn’t work out. Though she said she planned to do everything in her power to make her marriage work, and with God’s guidance, hopefully it would work if that was His will.
Brenda gathered her belongings and rose to leave. She swung her purse across her shoulder and lifted the baby carrier, with Justin still asleep inside. “Oh, Dr. Renee, don’t forget I’ll be late on Monday because Justin has a follow-up doctor’s appointment in the morning,” said Brenda, “but I’ll drop him off at the sitter’s and come into the office right afterwards.”
“I remember you said you weren’t happy with Justin’s old babysitter. Have you found someone else?” Renee asked.
“Not yet. But I’m interviewing a licensed day care provider on Monday. In the meantime, my mother agreed to watch Justin until I find a new sitter. Hopefully, she won’t change her mind at the last minute like she usually does. I think you know after meeting my mother I have a real incentive to find someone else quick. And, for obvious reasons I can’t trust Jerome right now.”
“Oh, your mother has agreed to watch Justin?” said Renee, unable to hide her surprise and dislike of Brenda’s mother.
“I know she’s not the grandmotherly type but she does love Justin. And, like I said, I can’t leave my baby home with my husband.” Renee nodded. After what Brenda had just told her about what Jerome had done, no further explanation was needed.
“Take all the time you need. I’m sure it’s not easy finding adequate daycare these days. Guess I'll find that out first hand soon enough,” Renee smiled and touched her stomach.
“Thanks for being understanding. I really don’t want to take any more time off if I can help it. With my mother watching Justin that makes it urgent for me to find a permanent babysitter right away.” They both let out an understanding laugh and gave each other a hug goodbye.
On Sunday the next morning, Renee’s telephone rang at 9:00 AM sharp, though because of her exhilaration about being pregnant she had been up for hours. It was Bill calling from Bangalore, India. “Hey, babe, I just wanted to let you know I got here okay. I’m staying at Maurya Hotel. If you need me here’s the number at the hotel in case you can’t get through to my cell phone,” Bill rattled off a long series of digits while Renee wrote them down.
“What’s it like in India and how was your flight? I miss you already, Darling,” said Renee, all in one breath. She burst with excitement to tell him the news about her pregnancy but resisted since she thought it would be better to tell him in person.
“It’s amazing here, Renee. I can’t begin to describe it all right now. I don’t have much time, Hon, but look for something special from me in the next few days. It should be arriving by registered airmail. I know I messed up on your birthday so I’m sending you a present now and I’ll surprise you with something else even more spectacular when I get home.”
“That’s sweet, Bill. When will you be coming home? I have a surprise for you too,” she smiled.
“You do, huh? I can’t wait to see it. Looks like I’ll be getting in this Thursday afternoon if everything goes as planned. I’ve got a million things to do while I’m here. First, I have to make sure those employment screenings that the Embassy scheduled for tomorrow proceed without a hitch, and then I have to give the guys an Orientation about what to expect when they get to the States, among a hundred other things. I’ll give you another call in a few days before I leave. I’d better get going, Babe. You know how to reach me if you have to.”
“All right. Good-bye, Darling. Love you.”
“Gotta go now. Bye,” he said and blew a quick kiss into the phone, then hung up.
He ended the conversation a little too abruptly and forgot to say he loved her or ask how she was feeling. When the phone rang again a few seconds later, she thought it was Bill calling back to apologize. But it wasn’t Bill. It was Deek.
“Good morning, Sweetheart. I thought it was probably safe to call since you said Bill would be gone for a few days. Forgive me for calling so early, but I just couldn’t resist the urge to hear your voice after I woke up thinking about you this morning. Renee, I swear I can still smell your perfume from Friday night. I didn’t wake you did I, baby?”
“No, I’m awake just not quite up yet. Are you in D.C. or did you go back to your Kent Island cottage?”
“I’m here in the trenches,” he sighed. “I have to confess, Renee I was hoping I could see you again today,” said Deek, “I know we just saw each other yesterday when I dropped you off, but can I take you to lunch at one of my favorite spots? There’s this great Caribbean restaurant on 12th and U called The Islander. Their Calypso Shrimp melts in your mouth. Nothing fancy just good home cooking. You can come as you are. What do you say?”
“Hold on a moment Deek,” said Renee, suddenly feeling nauseous.
She dropped the phone and held one hand over her mouth. Normally, she loved Caribbean cuisine but the thought of spicy food made her stomach feel queasy. She took a bite of a cracker that she had left on her nightstand and slowly swallowed it before coming back to the phone.
“Are you feeling all right, Sweetheart?” asked Deek, “You looked a little pale when I brought you home yesterday. I waited all day on Saturday, hoping you’d call me, but you didn’t. Is there anything you need?”
“No thanks, I’m okay. Please don’t worry about me. I’m sorry I can’t go to lunch. I really need to rest today since I have a lot of commitments on my plate coming up this week. Deek, I have to go now, there’s another call coming in. Goodbye.” After Renee hung up, she realized she must have sounded just as rude and abrupt as Bill did when he had just called her. There was nothing she could do about that now.
Her priorities had suddenly shifted. She was going to have a baby and she knew it meant the end of her close friendship with Deek. She couldn’t face the temptation. He would never want her anyway once he found out she was pregnant with Bill’s child. Eventually, he would find out, but for now she didn’t want to create any stress or complications. She didn’t regret spending time with him on Friday. He always made her feel happy and alive. She still loved Deek and might always love him in a special way. Their time together had transcended her wildest imagination, but it would have to be only an unforgettable memory. Deek could no longer be a part of her life. Since she couldn’t have both, she chose motherhood and her marriage. To her, they were one in the same because she could not risk imposing some future emotional scars on her child like the scars she had suffered growing up. Her unborn baby provided a new purpose and that meant letting go of her impetu
ous, fantasy life of a future with the handsome Detective Deek Hamilton.
Renee quickly got up and dressed and headed out to the bookstore. She spent hours combing through books about pregnancy, childbirth, and the first five years of baby’s life. She bought over $200 worth of books for expectant mothers and a few fatherhood references for Bill. Hopefully, Bill’s books wouldn’t collect dust over the next seven and a half months and he’d actually get around to reading them. When Renee returned home, she curled up on the sofa with an afghan draped across her legs and poured through her new extensive library. The news of her pregnancy would be a blessing for everybody who loved her. She decided to not tell her father while he was still in prison. When he came home for Christmas he’d find out he was going to be a grandfather. By then she would certainly be showing. She felt so happy a permanent smile stayed on her face. When Angel suddenly leaped on top her lap and didn’t get shooed away, Renee realized she had either entered a new state of bliss or complete insanity.
On Monday morning, Renee spoke to her OB/GYN at Sibley Memorial Hospital and made an appointment for an exam and a urine pregnancy test for the following Monday at 10:30 AM. Renee was disappointed that her doctor couldn’t see her sooner. Next Monday was a full week away. Still, Renee preferred to deliver her baby at Sibley because of its advances and innovative techniques in obstetrics over the years. In addition to the pregnancy test, her doctor ordered a sonogram because of Renee’s age and past medical history. Renee hoped she could convince Bill to come with her to her first prenatal visit since he’d be back from India by then. He’d be able to hear her prognosis straight from the doctor’s mouth. Finally, after fourteen years of marriage they were going to actually have a baby. When he saw their baby growing inside her womb on the sonogram, this would certainly make him excited about becoming a father, she thought. Though nervous about her husband’s reaction to becoming a father, she couldn’t wait to tell him the news. His flight would be coming in at 3 o’clock on Thursday. How could she wait four whole days to tell him? Thursday seemed so far away.
Renee scanned the appointment book on her desk. To her dismay, patients were lined up back-to-back until five o’clock and her first appointment was due to arrive shortly at 9:30 AM. She’d be alone this morning. She recalled Brenda saying she had to come in late because of Justin’s follow-up visit with the pediatrician. Luckily, Renee conducted new patient evaluations only on Fridays. All her appointments today would be longtime clients. After taking a gulp of coffee she suddenly worried if the caffeine and the Lexapro she had been taking might harm the baby. She jumped up and poured the coffee out in the bathroom sink. From now on, milk, juice, herbal tea or Evian water would have to suffice. She still had almost a whole bottle full of pills in her medicine cabinet, but she didn’t need to take those pills now. It had been days since she was struck with an anxiety attack. In fact, she was feeling good about her life.
Renee pulled the patient files and placed the stack on her desk. She previewed the first patient’s file. It occurred to her that she should cut back on her practice until after she had delivered a healthy baby. She couldn’t take any chances with undue stress. Renee decided to refer some of her recently accepted patients to other colleagues. She didn’t want anyone on her caseload that might turn aggressive and troublesome over the next nine months while she was undergoing a delicate pregnancy. She recognized her obligations as a therapist and felt bad about having to drop some new patients, however, she had to be concerned about her health and this pregnancy. That was her main priority now. At forty-five years old and with a history of at-risk pregnancies, she couldn’t afford to take any chances.
Renee analyzed her current workload to see where she could cut back. She finally decided that the only one of her new patients she planned to continue to counsel was the pregnant teenager, Heather Hollingsworth that she had met last week. For many reasons Renee identified with this troubled teenager. She felt she had sparked a rapport with Heather on Friday and could eventually establish communication between the girl and her parents. Mrs. Hollingsworth was clearly one of those mothers who needed to be in control and who was always right—not unlike her Aunt Clara or Brenda’s mother, she thought. There was no way Renee would abandon that young girl and send her somewhere else after establishing trust. That left Renee with only four active cases to deal with and one of the four was clearly asymptomatic, but she still met with Dr. Renee once a week out of habit.
Several hours later, after the morning patient rush had ended, Renee heard a computer boot up outside the office. She figured it was Brenda just getting settled at her desk. Renee opened the office door and walked out into the reception area to greet her and ask about her son. After finding out that Justin was doing fine, she returned to her office to prepare for the next patient. Throughout the day between clients, Renee floated about in ecstasy as if in a daze. She zoned in and out of what her patients were saying. After all, she had heard it before. Renee touched her stomach and could barely contain her joy or think about anything else. When she passed by a mirror and caught her reflection, she noticed a perpetual grin planted on her face. Some of her patients stared at her strangely but she didn’t care.
Chapter 17 - Jerome
One of Jerome’s favorite daytime game shows was playing on television, but instead of really listening to it, he sat slumped on the couch, momentarily lost in his thoughts. He hadn’t been able to convince Brenda to leave Baby Buddha home with him this morning. From the way she acted you would think he had to pass Babysitting 101 to take care of his own kid. Instead of leaving the little guy home with his daddy, Brenda took their son to his mother-in-law’s house. He knew his mother-in-law hated him and as far as he was concerned, he felt the same way about Mrs. Irene Adams. He already knew what Brenda’s mama must be saying about him now that he had found himself once again broke, unemployed and living in his Grandmama’s house. He recalled what Mrs. Adams had said to Brenda in earshot of him waiting in the next room just before they got married. “That boy’s a drugged out, lying, womanizing deadbeat and you can do better Baby Girl.” Irene’s words had cut sharp and left no confusion about her feelings toward him. Jerome would never forget her hate spewing eyes that day as she tried to talk Brenda out of marrying him.
Jerome didn’t want to think about Irene Adams. He let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head as he glanced about the cluttered house, wondering where to begin. Clothes and toys were scattered about, dirty dishes sat stacked in the sink, and the vacuum cleaner was parked in the middle of the living room floor, still untouched from Friday, the day Brenda discovered that he had been fired. Since he hadn’t gotten up until close to noon, the day was already half gone and what did he have to show for it? The least he could do is cook dinner and clean the house before Brenda and Baby Buddha got home he decided. That might help start the week off right, he thought.
Jerome sprung from the couch and went into the kitchen. He swung open the freezer door and peered into it. Noise from the television game show echoed from the living room, but he decided to ignore it and focus on what to cook for dinner. “Wonder what my Baby’ll want for dinner tonight?” Jerome asked himself out loud as he tried to decide what Brenda would like for dinner. “Hum, let’s see … pork chops, beef or chicken?” he wondered, while moving packages of frozen food around in the freezer. “Think I’ll fix us a good ole country fried chicken dinner tonight with biscuits and gravy, just like Mama Etta used to make. I bet Shortie’ll like that.”
He had given to talking to himself out loud when nobody else was around. For some reason, the sound of his own voice helped to relax him. He’d give himself private little pep talks that seemed to boost his confidence and morale. Jerome took out a pack of fryer chicken parts and set the package on the counter. He grabbed a large bowl from under the cupboard and filled it with cool water. “Yeah, that’s just what I’ma do,” he nodded to himself, “Surprise my Boo with a clean house and dinner alre
ady cooked when she gets home from work this evening. I gotta do somethin’ to make up for all the mess I got myself into again.” Jerome picked up a silver serving spoon and admired his reflection on the back of the spoon. “But can a Brother help it if the good Lord made him fine as hell and irresistible to women?” said Jerome, rubbing his chin and smiling. “Seems like they either love me or hate me.”
He removed the wrapping and plopped the frozen chicken in the bowl of water. Jerome looked around the kitchen as if trying to decide what to do next. “Let’s see now. I might have to refresh my memory on how to cook this bird. I know I can put it down in the bedroom,” he chuckled, “but I ain’t no Emeril in the kitchen.” Jerome shook his head when he thought about first, his ex-girlfriend, Leenae Lewis and now his former boss, Odessa Dillon who had unjustly fired him. Both women were crazy as hell as far as he was concerned. Neither one wanted to take ‘No’ for an answer, and now they hated him for rejecting them. Like it or not, they would have to accept it because more than anything he loved Brenda and his son. Nothing else mattered to him but doing right by his family.
He opened one of the cabinet doors and pulled down his grandmother’s worn-out cookbook from the top shelf. He sat down at the kitchen table and thumbed through the recipes. When he found the recipe for country fried chicken, he smiled and pointed to it. “Yeah, that’s it,” he said and marked the page with a piece of torn newspaper. “I can read so I should be able to follow these here simple directions.” He thought about how Brenda went out to work every morning and still managed to put things in order when she got home and whip up a decent meal in less than thirty minutes. He didn’t see why he wouldn’t be able to do that too when he had all day to accomplish the same tasks. “Let’s see now,” he said, rubbing his hands together, “I’ma need some Crisco, some flour, and some seasonings.” He retrieved all the ingredients that the recipe called for and set everything out on the counter for easy access once the chicken had thawed enough for him to work with.
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