“I’ve never seen anything so breathtaking.” I placed my hand on the window, feeling the beauty of it like I’d touched a living being.
Gaige let me stare into space for a long while. I could feel him watching me. Finally, I turned around. “I love this place. Thank you for bringing me here.”
“I knew you’d love it. It’s my favorite place.” Gaige spread the blanket on the floor. “If the ship changes position, we’ll be able to see some of the planets in your system, too.” Gaige gestured toward the blanket on the floor. “Here, lie down.”
I lay down and looked up into the heavens above. Gaige quietly stretched out next to me. Before either of us could speak a word, I became dizzy and my vision blurred.
“Relax,” Gaige said. “Just let it happen.”
It?
“Relax,” Gaige said, again. “It’s okay.” He took my hands and opened my clenched fists. “Let your body relax. Let the tension flow through your body from its core to your hands and feet. Let it escape out into the universe through your fingers and toes. Visualize it flowing away from you.”
I pretended to push the tension from my stomach, my heart, and my gut to my extremities. Releasing it from my body, I saw it float away like errant shreds of paper on a windy day. My muscles loosened and my body rested light on the blanket. “That worked. My body’s relaxed.”
“Now your thoughts. Close your eyes and relax your mind. Let go of any worries, any thoughts. Pretend they fly off, like birds. Or butterflies. However you want to imagine it. Giving your feelings a visual component can help when you’re learning.”
I closed my eyes and imagined all my worries drifting away. They became lightning bugs—no, not fast enough. They became humming birds, darting quickly away. The weight of all the thoughts they represented left me. Lighter now than the air I breathed, I felt as if I were floating up, rising higher and higher. The observation deck no longer confined me. My world expanded to the edges of the universe. I hovered, suspended in the middle of everything that existed. I felt the stars, and the planets, and the people. They were a part of me, and I was a part of them. My consciousness melded with it all. I felt an inherent belonging, a connection. I was one with the universe. It took my breath away and I gasped to catch it.
“It’s okay,” Gaige said, softly.
The sound of his voice resonated throughout my body and mixed with a euphoria I’d never felt before.
“What’s happening?” I asked him in my thoughts. Too overwhelmed to speak, I knew he’d still hear.
Silently, he responded. “You’re learning what you’re capable of.”
I didn’t try to fight the experience. It was too overpowering to resist. I allowed my soul to float peacefully, mingling with the heavenly bodies of the universe.
After some time in the pure bliss, I opened my eyes again. Though my mind had been drifting through the heavens, I still lay in the observation deck, with the stars looking down upon me and Gaige by my side.
He propped himself up on an elbow and leaned over me. He affectionately ran his finger down the side of my face. “You’re ability to connect is extraordinary. What do you think?”
I looked up into Gaige’s aqua eyes. Their beauty equaled the majesty of the stars behind him. “That was . . . it was incredible.”
“There is an interconnectedness between the universe and all beings in it, beyond that of the physical senses. You have a significant gift in your ability to connect with that.”
“All beings? So all humans have this potential, too? Like with the other traits I have?”
“Not only humans, but every living thing. Not all beings choose to develop it, though, which can be unfortunate. Especially for the ones who become technologically advanced, but who don’t gain the broader mindset needed to respect what they have, and each other.”
I thought of Earth’s murders and wars. Its people disrespected each other on both small and large scales. Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. I tried to swallow it down.
“I’m sorry, Victoria.” Gaige wiped a tear away, catching it as it escaped over my lashes. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, it’s true. Not saying it doesn’t make it go away.”
“Let’s focus on this place,” Gaige said. “It’s too beautiful to waste talking about such things.”
“You’re right. Lie back down with me.”
Gaige shifted his weight off his elbow and lay next to me. I snuggled into the crease of his arm and rested my head on his chest. He tensed. His breathing became shallow, like he was afraid to move enough to even take a breath. Gaige’s muscles relaxed a little more with each second that passed. When he no longer felt like a coil ready to spring loose, he curled his arm around me.
“It is beautiful,” I said. “I could stay forever.”
“The universe can help you through your transition. And anything else. I’ll teach you to use it to find peace and guidance. All you have to do is reach out to it. Go to that place you just were. There, you’ll understand things in a broader perspective. You’ll find the balance you need and your exposure to us will eventually become effortless.”
“Do you really think so?”
“I know so. It won’t happen all at once, but it will happen. You just have to be patient.”
CHAPTER 71 -
LOME
Cruck entered my quarters. Without a word, he walked up to me, within inches of the face. He leaned forward and peered into the eyes. Taking a step back, he scanned the figure all the way down to the floor and back up again. He shook his head like he was trying to shatter the vision. “Ugh, you’re difficult to look at right now, Lome,”
“Yes, I know. Ugly creatures aren’t they?”
“The shift was perfect,” Cruck said, gawking and angling his head this way and that to get every perspective. “I can’t tell the difference. But they all look alike to me.” He touched the hair, and then pressed the smooth backside of his claw into the cheek.
“Be careful, you’ll tear it. They’re fragile creatures.” I stumbled away from Cruck, still trying to learn how to maneuver the human body. He’d examined enough. The shift had gone well. There would be no questions.
“Why do this, Lome? These humans will handle the scientist with only a word from you. Why do it personally?”
“Because, it is personal! And because these stupid Earthlings botch everything they touch. You were young when we arrived here, Cruck, but listen to my words. They provided us refuge, but that’s about all they’ve managed to do correctly. We have watched their mistakes time and again. The mess they made with the mother, for one. Granted, the refugees were still weak, but they made a poor decision enlisting the Earthlings’ help with that. Even in our crippled state, we’d have done a better job alone.”
“They are exceedingly incompetent,” Cruck said, still ogling the human form to which I’d reduced myself.
“When I took control of what was left of our kind, I vowed to be patient until our population and our armies could rebuild. That time is drawing near, and now these perpetually incompetent Earthlings have let the girl—the most precious piece of my revenge—transition off Earth right in front of their faces! I will have no more mistakes. That is why I’m doing this personally. The scientist will pay for interfering with the girl, and he will pay at my hands.”
CHAPTER 72 -
VICTORIA
Gaige scooped the blanket from the floor of the observation deck while I, once more, scanned the countless stars and galaxies suspended around us. Even with the scene spread out in front of me, it was hard to believe such breathtaking beauty actually existed. My imagination could never have come up with such a vision. But now I had it, etched in my mind forever.
Gaige hesitantly put his arm around my shoulder. His gesture could only be supportive right now—adjustment first. He’d made that clear. After a couple uncomfortable emotional episodes, I understood better why it had to be that way. I was grateful h
e hadn’t completely stepped away from me, and that he was trying to manage touching me again. Even if it had to stay on a small scale. Not experiencing his touch at all would have been like living in a desert without water. I put my arm around his waist and patted his side. A silent thank you for his effort.
“This is my favorite place on the entire ship.” He’d told me that already, but it was worth hearing again.
“I think it will be mine, too,” I said.
I hated to leave. That place reached in and touched the soul. But there was so much more to see. When we reached the constructor cubby near the ibbs, I watched Gaige place the blanket inside, where it disappeared as magically as it had appeared.
“Come here,” Gaige said. “I want to show you how to use this.” He positioned me in front of the constructor and dictated instructions over my shoulder for me to carry out.
With Gaige’s help, I brought the blanket back then sent it away again. “It’s easier than I thought it would be.”
“Yes. Now you can order whatever you want—clothes, food, anything—whenever you want.”
Gaige and I left the observation deck to see the rest of the ship, but moved through almost-empty corridors. No doubt a part of Gaige’s strategy to keep me tucked away in a safe little bubble. I didn’t want to remain in a bubble, though. More and more, I felt like I’d wither up and die if I couldn’t mix with these people. Convincing Gaige to allow that would be like moving a mountain. But I had to try.
“Gaige, I want to see the people. Meeting your Dad didn’t upset me, beyond a little nervousness. It was the fact that you lied about it that affected me so much. I handled the people part fine.”
He shook his head. “It’s not a good idea.”
Anger started to build inside of me, like dynamite nearing detonation. I told myself to be rational, to stay calm. Gaige had his reason—protecting me. But my fury burned, ready to consume me in a hot flash.
“Victoria, you’re angry with me, aren’t you?”
I gritted my teeth and tried to reason with myself that I shouldn’t be this upset. He was only trying to help me. I should be grateful and appreciative. And I was. But at the same time, I was also damn mad. “Yes, Gaige. I’m angry with you. But I’m really trying not to be.”
“Seating,” Gaige said, and a bench rotated out from the wall. “You can’t help how you feel. Sit with me and let’s see if we can work through this.” Gaige sat and waited patiently for me to join him.
I didn’t want to sit or talk. I wanted to be allowed to blend in.
Gaige held his hand out to me. “Please, Victoria.”
I ignored his hand, but sat. “I don’t want to be isolated. I don’t want to be the alien. I want to be a part of this world. Please let me be with the people. Help me fit in here.”
“Victoria, I understand how you feel—”
“Oh, you’re a displaced Earthling? I didn’t realize that.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
The hurt in his eyes reached inside me, like someone had stabbed me in the heart. My anger dissipated immediately and I hugged him. “I’m sorry.”
He stroked my back. “It’s okay. I know you can’t help it.”
“It’s so strange that I can’t control these irrational feelings. I know they don’t make sense.”
“That’s part of adjusting to us. These emotional extremes seem completely illogical, but they’re not. Not really. You’re trying to sort out the higher levels of emotional energy the Anuans emit. The illogical extremes are just a part of that process. You’re making progress, though, even if it doesn’t seem like it yet. Look how much shorter this episode was than the last. You’re putting your new environment in order, slowly but surely.”
While I snuggled against Gaige, he continued to rub my back, smooth my hair, and massage my neck. All of it soothed me. I loved him. I wanted him. But no amount of wanting could bring us together. I had to get through the rest first—whatever that entailed. He’d made that clear.
I raised my head. “I’ll do whatever you think is best.”
“I have an idea,” he said. “What if I show you some of the places where many people go? But for now you’d have to promise to watch from a distance.”
I jumped up. “Yes! I promise.”
A smile spread across his face. “Okay, I’ll show you one of our binmars.”
I grabbed him by the arm, pulling him up. “Yes, a binmar. I want to see a binmar. What’s a binmar?”
He laughed. “I’ll show you.”
We reached the end of a corridor that opened up into a large gathering area filled with shops, restaurants, galleries, and a number of more dynamic activities to keep the Anuans entertained during their off hours. The Anuans and Earthlings had taken different paths many centuries before, but it appeared both craved the same social connections.
I moved forward, drawn to the people.
Gaige grabbed my arm and pulled me back into the corridor. “This is close enough.”
“But I feel fine.”
Gaige didn’t let go. “You’re fine now, but remember how quickly that can change.”
I relaxed, resigning myself to watch the people from where we stood. “Okay, I did promise.”
Almost an hour later, I still stood in the same place, leaning a shoulder against the corridor wall, peering out into the binmar. Gaige sat on a bench, holding a display tablet he’d retrieved from the wall. He was supposed to be reviewing information regarding his mission to see Brian—who he’d assured me was still fine—but every time I looked at him, he was watching me.
“Would you like to see some other things now?” Gaige finally asked.
“Oh. Okay. Do we have to go through nearly empty hallways? Look at all the people at the binmar. We’re not that far away and I’m doing fine.”
He pushed himself up from the bench and returned the tablet to the wall, where it blended in smoothly. “Well . . .”
“Please, Gaige?” I locked my hands together and held them under my chin in a praying—or begging—posture. “Please?”
He rolled his eyes and tilted his head back. “Uh, how can I say no to that?” He put his face in his hands, let out a groan, and then looked back at me with a sigh. “All right, maybe we can take a route that’s not quite so isolated.”
On our new route, we only saw a few more people than we’d seen in the other mostly desolate hallways. It was progress, though, and I was doing so well, Gaige had even started introducing me to people we passed. He knew them all and had something personal to say to each one. How is this project? How is that relative? The Anuans were like one big, happy family. I had no idea how many people were on the ship. I guessed it must have been hundreds, because I could feel the presence of each and every one of them.
We were about to pass a young couple. I happily prepared myself for another introduction. As the couple came closer, they seemed to blur, divide, and come back together again, before waffling wildly. My chest tightened and I couldn’t get air.
“Victoria, what’s wrong?” Gaige asked.
“I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.” I sucked in empty breaths that couldn’t satisfy the need of my lungs. My body weakened, as if every ounce of energy I possessed had been sucked out all at once. I couldn’t keep Gaige in my sight as a single individual. He shattered then re-formed, only to break apart again, just as the couple had. I tried hard to pull in air, but nothing came.
“Liiiiiink tooooo Zaaaaadaaaaa.” I heard Gaige say in a slow, deep slur as my surroundings dimmed.
CHAPTER 73 -
GAIGE
I reached my arm out just in time to catch Victoria before she hit the floor. I clutched her to me. Her head rolled against my chest and her hair fell across her face. She inhaled a long breath and exhaled peacefully. At least she could breathe now.
Zada’s voice resonated in my ear. “We picked up the readings from Victoria’s monitors. Her condition deteriorated quickly. We didn’t have a chance to w
arn you. Is she still unconscious?”
“Yes. I’m bringing her to sickbay.”
I held her close, hoping she wouldn’t suffer any negative effects from her episode. The couple I was about to introduce Victoria to offered to help. I knew there was nothing they could do, so they went on their way, continuing to send Victoria positive thoughts for recovery.
The corridors we’d been traveling through weren’t that busy. And I’d only introduced her to one or two people at a time. Maybe she’d reached a level where distance was no longer a boundary. The numbers Zada recorded showed she had that potential. If she’d reached that level already, I wouldn’t be able to protect her from being bombarded by the energy of everybody on the ship at once, regardless of how isolated I kept her.
I rushed into sickbay. Zada stood waiting, a bed already extended for Victoria.
“She didn’t have any emotional upset,” I said. “She seemed happy, and then she just collapsed.”
I laid Victoria on the bed, then took her limp hand in mine. I brushed the hair away from her face and watched her, still breathing comfortably.
“No damage has been done,” Zada said, after scanning Victoria’s entire body. She shut off her medical wand and leaned back against the edge of the bed. “We saw a quick spike in her numbers and then they leveled back out immediately. Instead of struggling against her new environment, it appears her system is reaching out to it now, but shutting itself down before it gets too overwhelmed. Her body has learned to protect itself, buffering any overloads before they become harmful.”
The Anuan Legacy: Book 1 of The Anuan Legacy Series Page 19
