by L. A. Casey
“Yeah,” I grumbled. “I’m bein’ overbearin’.”
“You’re a worried daughter,” Bronagh corrected, “and your ma gets that. Everyone gets that, and no one is sayin’ it’s a bad thing because it’s not. I just think that makin’ you aware of how your sudden change in routine will probably appear to her will be helpful to you.”
“Thanks,” I said with a nod. “I didn’t realise it before, but whenever I talk to ’er now or stop by, she’s constantly assurin’ me that she is okay. I don’t want ’er to become tiresome constantly tellin’ me that ’cause it means that ’er cancer is always the centre of attention. She knows she has cancer, and she doesn’t need anyone else remindin’ ’er of that.”
“Exactly,” Bronagh said, exhaling a breath. “I was worried I might offend you.”
“Never,” I said. “You’re me best mate. Tellin’ me shite that no one wants to is your job.”
Bronagh grinned. “And since you’re my best mate, your job is to dish on everythin’ about you and Damien, and I mean everythin’!”
I felt the tip of my ears burn, and Bronagh squealed and wiggled in her seat.
“This is gonna be good!”
“You’re crazy.”
“Everyone knows that,” she said. “Now, get talkin’.”
“Right,” I began, “so, so much has happened since I spoke to you last night. After I found Barbara—”
“I still can’t believe you named the cat Barbara.”
I raised a brow. “You got a problem with ’er name?”
“Nope,” Bronagh answered with a smile plastered on her face. “It’s fantastic.”
My lips twitched.
“Anyway,” I continued, “last night, Damien brought by all the stuff Alec got for Barbara, and we had that talk, and Bronagh, it was so … relievin’. We spoke about everythin’ that happened between us. I apologised—”
“You apologised?” Bronagh cut me off, her eyes wide.
I nodded. “I admitted that I was the one to seduce him, so holdin’ a grudge over what he told me would happen and eventually did happen seemed pointless. Well, it seems pointless now, but at the time, pretendin’ I hated Damien sort of helped me push ’im away, ye’know?”
Bronagh stared at me, unblinking.
“What?” I frowned. “Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?”
“I’ve been tellin’ you for years that—”
“I know.” I cut her off before she launched into an “I told you so” speech. “I know, you’ve been the voice of reason, all of you have, but I was too stubborn to listen or to admit that what happened wasn’t just down to Damien. Trust me when I say I know I’ve been completely unreasonable when it came to ’im, but you have to understand, it was completely out of fear.”
“Fear of what?”
“Fear of possibly bein’ with ’im and things goin’ tits up.”
“And you aren’t scared of that anymore?”
I almost choked on air.
“Are you jokin’? I’m terrified, but I want to be brave, like Damien says I am. Me ma even said to me that not tryin’ somethin’ because you’re scared of the outcome is a shitty way to live. I know it’s a coward’s way to live a life, and I don’t want to live like that, so I bit the bullet and laid everythin’ out to Damien, and it resulted in us becomin’ boyfriend and girlfriend. We don’t want to play games; we want to be together, so we are.”
Bronagh clapped her hands together.
“I’m so happy about this,” she gushed. “You have seriously no idea.”
“Me too.” I smiled. “Now that I’m not forcin’ meself to focus on pushin’ ’im away, I’m goin’ through the stages of fancyin’ ‘im all over again. I miss ’im even though I just saw ’im, I smile when I think of ’im, I can’t wait to be near ’im again. I just … it feels like everythin’ that happened before between us made me realise just how deeply I care about ‘im now that we’re on the same page.”
“That’s deep.”
“I can’t quite believe it’s real, though. Like, I can kiss ’im whenever I want.”
“Have you kissed ’im?”
I looked away from my friend, and she reached over and slapped my hand, resulting in me hissing at her like a cat and cradling my now stinging hand against my chest.
“What was that for?”
“Don’t you dare get embarrassed,” she warned. “We talk about my sex life all the time. I wanna hear about yours.”
“You talk about your sex life. I just listen.”
Bronagh narrowed her eyes at me, so I held my hands up in surrender.
“Okay, okay. Down girl.”
I was about to launch into a play by play of what went down between Damien and me when Bronagh raised a finger.
“Before you say anythin’, I want to ask you a question that has been botherin’ me.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you remember when we all took pregnancy tests before we found out Aideen was pregnant with Jax? We weren’t sure who it was that could be up the duff. You said, and I quote, ‘there’s been no tick in me clock for six months, so it’s not me who’s pregnant’ … was that a lie?”
“Obviously.” I snorted. “I didn’t want you to know how pathetic I was for only havin’ sex that one time with Damien.”
“I’d have never thought that, and ye’know it.”
“I know.” I sighed. “I was just embarrassed. I mean, apart from sex a few times with Dante and that one time with Damien, I’ve no experience. Not like you or the girls, anyway.”
“Alannah, that doesn’t mean anythin’,” Bronagh said with a frown. “It took me at least a year of sex with Dominic before I became confident enough to know what I was doin’. He had to teach me everythin’. He literally had to tell me how to give ’im a blowjob because I was worried I’d mess it up.”
“You see, that freaks me out, because I’m inexperienced like that right now, and Damien has boatloads of experience.”
“Damien also hasn’t had sex in six years, so your lad is bound to be rusty.”
My cheeks heat. “Not accordin’ to what he did to me last night.”
Bronagh leaned in, her eyes gleaming.
“What’d he do?”
“He … went down on me.”
Bronagh rested her palms under her chin. “And?”
“And what?”
“Ye’know bloody well what, how was it?”
I gnawed on my inner cheek before I said, “I think mind-blowin’ is the perfect word.”
Bronagh grinned. “Continue.”
I relaxed into the conversation.
“He just seems to know exactly what to do to make me lose me mind,” I said with a shake of my head. “I mean, he teased me. God in Heaven, he teased me to the point where I wanted to scream, then bam, an abundance of attention went to me clit, and I just about died right there on the bed.”
Bronagh laughed joyfully. “Sounds to me like he can give a hell of an orgasm.”
“You can say that again.”
“Did you have sex afterward?”
I shook my head. “No, the oral itself was a surprise because I was clear about us goin’ slow, but Damien asked me if I trusted ’im to make me feel good, and I did, so he did.”
“Did you reciprocate?”
I cleared my throat.
“Yeah,” I said, my voice low, “but not last night because I knocked out when he got me off.”
Bronagh snorted.
“I gave ’im a nice wake-up call,” I said, feeling proud when I thought of him waking up and seeing my mouth on him. “I was so nervous I’d do it wrong, but I wanted to pleasure ’im, and I did.”
“Did he wake up with you suckin’ on ’im, or did you just surprise ’im?”
“Woke ’im up,” I answered. “You should have seen his face. He looked like he was about to die.”
Bronagh laughed.
“How did he work his way into your bed?”
“He didn’t,” I answered. “I asked ’im to sleep with me. I wanted to sleep next to ’im and wake up with ’im by me side.”
Bronagh sighed. “That’s so cute.”
“I think I’m in a state of shock whenever I sit and think about it because yesterday I was plannin’ on just talkin’ to ’im, and today, we’re in an exclusive relationship. I never believed somethin’ like this could happen, let alone happen so rapidly.”
“Anythin’ can happen at the drop of a hat.” Bronagh shrugged. “There are no rules when it comes to bein’ with someone. Though I know there are people out there who enjoy forcin’ their opinion down people’s throats. All that matters is that it feels right to you and Damien. If anyone else has a problem or thinks it’s ‘too fast’, they can take a seat and shut the fuck up because what works for you won’t work for everyone.”
“Well, feck me, you’ve gotten your point across.”
Bronagh grinned. “Good.”
“I think it’s funny that we are goin’ out with twins. I’d have never thought this was possible when we were kids.”
I daydreamed about it a lot, but never imagined it could be a reality.
“We’ll never get them mixed up,” she joked. “And I’m not talkin’ about their hair colour.”
“Right?” I said, chuckling. “I could never mistake Damien for Nico, not ever. They’re way too different.”
“Like night and day,” Bronagh concluded.
We spent twenty minutes talking about everything from my new relationship, to being a cat mother, to my parents, and finally to Gavin.
“Gav’s bailin’ on me this past month,” Bronagh commented. “He is always ‘busy’ whenever I phone or text ’im. I called ’im yesterday, and had to leave a fuckin’ voicemail. The dickhead still hasn’t phoned me back.”
I felt my hands become sweaty as the information I had about Gavin weighed down on me like a tonne of bricks. At that moment, I could have smacked him silly for making me promise to keep his secret.
“I know.” I cleared my throat. “I wish he wasn’t workin’ for Mr Daley. Whatever he does is shady.”
Bronagh began to look as uncomfortable as I felt.
“What do you mean exactly when you say ‘shady’?”
I shrugged. “You’ve heard the rumours that Mr Daley is a businessman, but the … scary kind.”
“Scary kind?”
“C’mon,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I know you’ve heard that he’s involved with the … with the mob.”
I said the last part in a whisper, and it made Bronagh’s lips twitch.
“Have you ever spoken to Gavin about your concerns for who his boss does business with?”
My hand went to my chest. “I’d die with fright before I could get a word out.”
Bronagh laughed. “You’re such a chicken.”
“And proud,” I said, my head held high. “I can barely watch mob films, so bein’ involved with anythin’ like that or havin’ any connection to it … I’d just die. I wouldn’t be able to stomach it. It’s why I’m always so worried over Gavin.”
Bronagh looked away from me suddenly.
“Yeah,” she said. “I know what you mean.”
The vibe between us changed then, and for some reason, I felt that there was something left unspoken between us. I felt like that a lot with my friends whenever we got into random conversation. I would say something, and they would shut down, and I’d felt like there was more to be said … but nothing further would happen, and I’d be left feeling like I was missing something. This was one of those times, and just like all the other times, I was too apprehensive to question it, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and pretended it was all in my head.
“I’m goin’ to the jacks.”
“I’ll put the kettle back on,” Bronagh said, jumping to her feet. “I’m hungry. Do you want some chicken stir-fry? I’ve loads left over from last night.”
“Sounds good.”
When I left the room and reached the stairs, the front door opened, and Nico walked into the house with Ryder in tow. They both stopped when they saw me, and identical grins stretched across their lips.
“Don’t,” I warned them. “Don’t either of you think to embarrass me. I’ve had enough to me face burnin’ like the sun to last me a lifetime.”
They tittered like kids, then Nico stepped toward me, and when he leaned down and kissed my cheek, he said, “You’re officially my sister now.”
That did it; my face burned like lava.
“That was so cute,” I whispered before I turned and fled up the stairs, the lads’ laughter echoing behind me.
I didn’t even get to question why either of them were home from work, and of course, since Ryder worked with Damien, I wondered where he was, too. I pondered on this as I went to the toilet. After I was finished and had washed my hands, I turned to leave the room, but on the counter, inches away from me, was the biggest spider I had ever seen in my entire twenty-four years of living.
I stared at it, and I knew it was staring back at me, challenging me ... waiting for me to make the first move. I reluctantly did when I exhaled my sucked in breath. The spider seemed to fucking glide straight for me, so I did what any normal person would do. I jumped onto the toilet and screamed bloody murder. I think roughly ten to fifteen seconds passed before the bathroom door flew open and Nico and Ryder burst in.
“It’s goin’ to eat me!” I screeched as I lunged at Nico with absolutely no warning.
He widened his eyes and opened his arms a split second before my body collided with his. My chest bumped his, my crotch slammed against his stomach, my legs wrapped around his waist, while my arms encircled his neck so tight, I knew I was choking him, but I couldn’t let up.
“Getoutgetoutgetout!” I all but screamed.
Nico stumbled back into his brother as he tried to make a quick and clean exit from the bathroom. Ryder rounded on us, and the bastard was laughing. I could hear him now that I wasn’t screaming.
He was really laughing.
“Shut up!” I bellowed at him. “Just kill it! My God! It’s the size of me hand, Ryder, me fuckin’ hand!”
He laughed louder.
“What is it?” Nico rasped, trying to breathe around my chokehold.
“Spider.” I sobbed. “Big spider.”
“You’re screaming like that over a fucking spider?”
I remained attached to him.
“You didn’t see it, Nico,” I said and realised I was sobbing. “It was hu-huge.”
I heard a baby’s cry then, and my heart broke knowing I woke Georgie up.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I called out to her but couldn’t let go of her father.
Bronagh ran up the stairs, shouting, “I’ve got ’er, you … continue.”
Nico managed to peel my death like hold off his body, and when my feet touched the ground, he placed his hands firmly on my shoulders and stared down at me.
“A spider really made you scream like that?” he gaped. “Alannah Ryan, I am disappointed in you.”
“It had fuckin’ knees, Nico! KNEES!”
Ryder’s laughter almost knocked him off his feet while I was still and brushing myself off like a madwoman. Nico looked at the cackling hyena and began snickering too, which only upset me further because I was beyond scared. I felt immense relief when Damien suddenly jogged up the stairs.
“What’s going—Alannah!”
He pushed Dominic aside and surged forward, planting his hands on my forearms.
“Baby, what is it?”
“A spider,” I cried. “It was huge, and it was on me, and now I don’t know where it is, but no one is helpin’ me and—”
Damien scooped me up off the floor like I weighed nothing and whisked me down the stairs before I had time to comprehend what had happened. When we got into the kitchen, he put me down and helped me brush my clothing.
“It’s gone,” he said as he twirled me around, brushing me off a
ll over. “It’s not on you.”
Sobs wracked my body, and my breathing was laboured.
“I was so s-scared.”
“I know,” Damien said, wrapping his arms around me. “I know you were.”
I didn’t let go of Damien until Bronagh came into the room and said, “Lana, are you okay? The spider is dead. Ryder killed it.”
Relief filled me, but I didn’t let go of Damien.
“The lads laughed at ‘er,” Bronagh said, her voice tight as Georgie babbled in, what I assumed was her mother’s arms. “I don’t think they realise how scared she is of spiders.”
I was terrified of them.
I tensed when Nico and Ryder came down the stairs and entered the kitchen. I released Damien only because he nudged for me to do so. I took a tissue from Bronagh when she extended some my way. I took it with a smile, then took Georgie when she reached for me. I snuggled her against my chest and stared down at her face, delighted that I was relaxing.
“Apologise,” Damien demanded of his brothers.
“For what?” Nico bristled. “We just laughed.”
“She is terrified!” Damien snapped, balling his hands into fists. “Laugh at her again when she needs you, and I’ll put my fist through your skull.” He switched his glare to Ryder and growled, “You fucking, too.”
Bronagh’s mouth dropped open, Ryder raised a brow, and Nico grunted but didn’t say a word.
“Damien.” I sniffled, bouncing Georgie. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not,” he replied, his tone firm. “Branna is terrified of rats, and Bronagh is frightened of moths, and if I laughed at them when something they feared was scaring them, these two assholes would beat the shit out of me. And they fucking know it.”
I was surprised when Ryder and Nico sort of hung their heads like they were ashamed of themselves.
“I’m sorry, Alannah,” Ryder spoke first. “I didn’t think you were that scared. I wouldn’t have laughed otherwise.”
“Me either,” Nico added. “You’re important to me, and to laugh while you’re scared is something I would never want to do. Can you forgive me?”
