Secret Society

by Robin Roseau

  I sat quietly, although I caught myself biting my lip.

  Several of the women made a point of passing me on their return to their seats, each offering a token of support, a brush on my arm, a squeeze, or just a smile and nod.

  Finally Mrs. Shaffer collected the tools of voting. I watched the process intently. They still had only three martini glasses. The first marble that emerged from the hat was blue. It went into Mrs. Franklin's martini glass.

  The judge took a red marble.

  After that, marbles divided fairly evenly between both martini glasses. There were three red marbles before the first green marble appeared. Mrs. Shaffer held it in front of her for everyone to see. It joined the red marbles in Judge Wren's glass. Mrs. Shaffer looked at me and smiled.

  Two marbles later, however, she withdrew a white marble. She stared at it before dropping it into the glass that Mrs. Grafton held. No one said a word.

  Marbles continued to divide between the other two glasses, somewhat evenly, and more green marbles began to appear.

  And a second white marble. That one generated muttering, but Mrs. Shaffer glared around, and everyone quieted.

  My lips tightened, but I maintained my silence.

  The last marble was also white, for three total. Mrs. Shaffer verified the hat was empty then took the glass from Mrs. Grafton. She stared at it for a while.

  "Three," she said quietly. "I see." Then she lowered the glass and looked at me. She barely glanced at Judge Wren's glass. "The initiation period will continue. Judge Wren, did I correctly count four red marbles?"

  "You did," said the judge.

  I'd been counting all the marbles. I had exactly the minimum number of blue marbles as I could have received, only the ones from people who had hazed me since the last vote. Many of the green and red marbles were also obligated to have been green or red, but excepting three, the women who had received my time all voted to continue my initiation.

  I actually wasn't that surprised. They'd told me it would continue, after all.

  I stood up and walked to Mrs. Shaffer. I held out my hand, and she passed the martini glass to me. I lifted it and eyed three white marbles. I stared at the marbles, because I knew if I looked around the room, my gaze would make accusations.

  "Three women in the Order of Circe wish I weren't here," I said. "Do any of these three wish to tell me what I have done to offend them?"

  The room didn't remain silent. I heard whispering. But no one responded to my question.

  "Very well," I said. "3 dissenting votes of 24 is still far fewer than State Senator Marsha Adams experiences in her elections." I returned the glass to Mrs. Shaffer and turned to the judge. She held out her glass to me. I eyed those marbles the same way I did the others. "I will rejoice in the friendships I continue to make and in the good work I do for our village. I regret there are three who wish the sight of the door meeting with my backside, but the friendships of many of the rest of you far outweigh a few detractors." I turned around. "Thank you."

  Breather

  The next day I called on Sylvia. I congratulated her again. She admitted to being stunned, but then she grinned. "But now I get more of you. Only four hours, but four is better than one."

  "Actually," I said. "I was going to offer a hazing."

  Her face fell. "Please don't."

  "Really? I thought you enjoyed dreaming them up."

  "I love dreaming them up. I hate not knowing which are horribly bad ideas." Then she shrugged. "And I started writing this morning."

  "I'm surprised you answered the door, from what I understand."

  "It builds over the next few weeks."

  "So you'll have something for me to edit?"

  "Actually." She paused.

  But I smiled. "What did you really want, Sylvia? Should I bring meals?"

  "No. I pay someone to do that."

  "Do you really?"

  "Lunch and dinner, every day that I'm writing. She has strict orders, too. Get me out of bed, if I'm in bed. She undoubtedly has to make me shower, which involves literally taking my computer away from me. She'll lay out clothes first. Then I don't get the computer back until I've eaten at least some of the lunch. When she comes at dinner, she cleans up whatever I didn't eat and then practically has to feed me, some days."

  I laughed. "Literally?"

  "Sometimes the first few bites, enough my body recognizes the food."

  "Wow. Okay. So do you know what you want from me?"

  "I'm going to give you my codes. I want you to come by in the afternoons, as it fits your schedule, and make me go walking. You'll have to steal my computer from my hands, and I'll probably spend the entire time muttering about the book. But it's spring, and I need to get fresh air. It's good for me. We can walk through the park, or if you have walking to do for your business, you can bring me with. I don't care. A half-hour or so. You get credit only for time I'm actually walking, and the walk to your car doesn't count."

  "All right," I said. "Every day?"

  "Whatever you want. You're going to have to record the time, because frankly, I won't think to do it. Mrs. Grafton knows this is what I'm asking for. Not every day. Spread it out so your time lasts all month. You figure it out."

  "All right, Sylvia. What's the book about?"

  "You'll have to read it when it's done," she said with a smile. "But if I kill you off, you get a free copy." She laughed. "I take Tuckerization to a whole new level."

  "I've heard of that. You're supposed to use our names, not kill us off."

  "I don't go halfway." Then she hugged me. "Are you going to be okay?"

  "I will be now," I said. "It was enough of a change, and I don't have to be so stressed about it."

  "Good. Now kiss me and go away. I need to write."

  "You have to give me your codes."

  "Envelope by the door."

  And so we kissed, more warmly than I expected, and then I left her to her writing. After that I made a point of fitting our time together not quite every day, but about four times a week. Sylvia didn't notice that we were walking far more than the four hours I owed her. I had another friend, and I was keeping her.

  * * * *

  "What in the world are you wearing?" were Opal's first words when I appeared on her doorstep the following Saturday.

  "You told me you wanted it difficult to undress me."

  I looked like a cyclone had hit a silk scarf factory. I began with my LBD, but then I took every single scarf I owned, as well as all of Grandmother Cadence's, and I added them. The result was quite garish.

  I had three scarves tied around my neck. I used three more, tied separately of course, as a belt. Four were tied around one arm, three around the other. I had two around one ankle, two more just above the opposite knee. And when she finally got the dress off me, she'd find two more quite a bit higher on the first leg. I wore one as a bandana and had two tucked into my cleavage.

  She made me turn a circle for her. "I don't know if I should take those off you or simply get a start on later and retie them."

  "Oh god."

  "Oh please," she said.

  "No. Um. I'm an idiot."

  "Oh, this should be good."

  "More than half these belonged to my Grandmother Cadence, and I really, really do not want her spirit watching later."

  Opal laughed. "Fine. But Blythe, in the future, if you are wearing a scarf -- or anything else that could remotely be considered a restraint -- on a date with me, you will do whatever is required to excise any lingering spirits. Do I make myself clear?"

  "Yes. Thank you, Opal."

  At that, we kissed, and after a minute or two of kissing Opal, I forgot completely about scarves and grandmothers and practically anything else.

  "You make my knees grow weak," I told her.

  "Just a taste," she replied in her sultry voice. "Tonight I am taking my time."

  And she did.

  * * * *

  I found a balance. I worked. I served my hou
rs. I invited hazings. I found time for my friends and even had a small dinner party. I couldn't invite everyone, and so I made a call on Mrs. Franklin and explained my concern.

  "You worry whom you will offend if you host intimate events."

  "Shouldn't I worry?"

  "No. We all host intimate events. No one expects you to have the same relationship with me as you have with Claudine Grafton."

  "All right. But..."

  "And you have won over Harriet Wren, Ms. Todd. If you host an intimate event that includes her but does not include me, I am not going to be offended. If you host a large event, the answer changes. But you are also young and an initiate besides. You are not expected to offer lavish parties. Once or twice a year, perhaps you will invite some of us for tea. When you become comfortable hosting large events, we can talk further."

  I thanked her for her guidance. We drank our tea, and then I took my leave.

  But I decided I wanted one semi-formal event each month. I would invite my parents and some of my closest friends. I checked with schedules, first Mom's, then the judge, then a few others. And then, on the third Saturday in May, I hosted my first real dinner party since moving into Grandmother Cadence's home. Mom and Dad were there, as was Judge Wren and her husband. Claudine, Kiki, Hope, and Liah came, and it was Kiki that ensured Sylvia came, but she spent the early portion of the evening distracted, spoke little during dinner, and quietly asked Kiki to drive her home afterwards.

  "I'm sorry," Sylvia said by the door. "Please tell me you understand."

  "Go write," I said.

  "I'll make it up after the first draft. But I have to go. I'm sorry."

  She didn't need to be sorry.

  Opal came with a date. I hid my jealousy, but I'm not sure how well. And Mary Ellen came alone.

  It was the judge who pulled me to the side later. "Are you all right?"

  "Of course. The green marbles-"

  "I'm not asking about that. I'm asking about Opal and her date."

  "Oh. That. Yeah. I'm a little jealous. Is it showing?"

  "A tiny bit, but I don't think the woman recognizes it."

  "I promised Opal I wouldn't turn possessive."

  "She warned me she was bringing a date, and she also told me she knew you'd have a hard time with it."

  "Is that why she did it?"

  "I think she's making sure your gut knows what your head already knew."

  "Stupid gut."

  Harriet smiled. "I know that feeling."

  "So, does your husband know it wasn't that long ago that I spent time bent over your lap, squirming and moaning?"

  She snorted. "No. Did you care to tell him?"

  "No."

  "Because your parents could listen to that conversation."

  "No!" I said.

  She chuckled.

  "But you told my lover. Shouldn't I tell yours?"

  She snorted again. "So, have you seduced Kiki yet?"

  "Oh, we're playing that game?"

  "You started it."

  "And we're playing that game, too?"

  She snickered. "You're good for me Blythe."

  "Good. Give me a hug and let's see if people want to play a party game. One my parents can play without my extreme embarrassment."

  * * * *

  I received a phone call from, of all people, Dr. Hart. She invited me to visit her home the following evening, if I were free. "It will be perhaps a half hour or so."

  "Of course, Doctor," I said. "Is there a particular style of dress?"

  "Whatever you're wearing," she said. "I'll be dressed casually."

  "Very good."

  I decided I was done trying to impress her, and I wore jeans and a blouse.

  When I presented myself at her door, she answered herself. Her greeting was perfunctory, and I was nearly positive she was one of the white marbles. I thought perhaps she was finally going to display sufficient courage to tell me what I had done.

  She invited me to the living room, inquired as to my needs, and then we both took seats.

  "I'm going to get to the point. Who do you believe gave you those three white marbles?"

  "I'm sure I don't know."

  "Guess."

  "There are a few women who have treated me exceedingly well," I said. "A larger number who have been at least inviting, and a very small number who have been exceedingly dismissive."

  "How small a number is the last group?"

  "Five, if one counts one woman I would consider a borderline case."

  "And you believe the three white marbles came from this group of five women."

  "No. I believe the three white marbles came from you, your sister, and Ms. Mayer. But what I believe and what I would accuse are two different things. I have repeatedly reached out to all of you whereas with most of the women, the reaching out has come from them, and I have had to do very little. The three of you are actively shunning me, or at least it feels that way."

  "Ah, good. We get past dancing around. I'm a busy woman, and I hate dancing."

  "You invited me, and you began asking me to make guesses. I would say you invited me to dance."

  "Perhaps I did. Frankly, I am not good at subtlety."

  "I see. Do you care to finally confirm my guesses?"

  "My marble was green."

  "You understand I'm not sure I believe you."

  "I'm not shunning you. I don't have time for you. I will admit. I did not like your grandmother. It was mutual. I am biased against you. But you are not your grandmother, and I realize that. I know I am biased, and so I have done my best to treat you as indifferently as I am allowed. My marbles have been red. Now they are green. If you don't do something incredibly stupid to intentionally anger me, they will remain green. If you remain an initiate into the summer, then you will have opportunity to help on the only project I host each year. But I am not interested in your time in a personal nature. When I get home from 12 or 14-hour shifts, I don't want to have to be polite to anyone. I'm tired now and don't want to be polite. And I have no need of your professional services. And so there is no opportunity to pay your hours to me. I'd transfer them to someone else if they'd let me."

  I looked away. I was sure she'd been the first white marble. She let me think about it for a while.

  "I don't play these games, Ms. Todd. I don't have time for them, any more than you do. The white marbles were not mine."

  I turned back to her. "Your sister, or Ms. Mayer."

  "I have not talked to my sister. I flat out asked Leanne. She told me 'no'. She's a lot like me. She would rather not be bothered by any of this."

  "I didn't ask for this process."

  "No, you didn't. I believe there will be changes to the process, and I believe one of those changes will be to allow some members to opt out of the process entirely. I have asked before, but I have been told it's important. It might be important, but frankly, it's not remotely as important as my peace of mind when I arrive at work each day."

  I nodded. "Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry I suspected you."

  "Your suspicion was logical. I will say one more thing, then I expect this matter to be over. Leanne also did not like your grandmother, and your grandmother didn't like her. I believe the reason for the antipathy had to do with our attitudes regarding the order. Your grandmother felt our balance of priorities was skewed, and we fought more than once when they needed volunteers, and neither Leanne nor I stepped forward."

  "Thank you for explaining."

  "You may stop trying to contact either of us. If we need you for a committee project, we will call you. I don't know what is going on with my sister. She had a different relationship with your grandmother than I did. If you want to know what she is thinking, you should ask her."

  "May I ask one more question?"

  "You may ask."

  "If the order is a burden to your schedule, why do you make every dinner meeting?"

  "Because they're the only meetings I make, and if I didn't attend thos
e once a month, I wouldn't have a social life at all."

  * * * *

  The month of May flew past. I received notice the May meeting would include a vote on my status. With four days until the meeting, I had paid off much of my service debt and took enough hazing that only four women remained obligated to give me a red or green marble.

  Although I was pretty sure they weren't going to let me off that easily.

  But then Opal asked me to "stop by, only for a few minutes. Not to play."

  And so I walked over, taking the path through the park. It was a pleasant spring evening, although it would be dusk for my walk home.

  Opal invited me in, although her greeting was brief, and there was no kiss.

  "Are you dumping me? You're in love with that woman I met a week ago?"

  "What?" she said. "Why would you think that?"

  "No kiss. Not even a hug. And you're nervous."

  "Oh." She paused. "Come with me." She led me to her kitchen, and we took stools at her center island. "Glass of wine?"

  "Am I going to need it?"

  "No, I'm not in love with her. I fully intend to continue what we've been doing, now and again, until you stop accepting my invitations."

  "Oh. All right then. Are you sick?"

  "No! Stop guessing."

  "You're nervous. It's making me nervous. Maybe the wine... Whatever you're having."

  She had a bottle of red open. She poured a glass for me and topped off hers. Then we saluted with our glasses and sipped slowly. She set her glass down then she took mine and set it down for me as well.

  "Do you trust me?"

  "You're asking that now? I think handing my body to you and asking you to do the things you do should be a hint."

  "I suppose it is," she said. "Do you trust that I have your best interests at heart? Think carefully."

  "I don't know what there is to think about. Yes. Maybe not as your first priority, but yes, I do."

  "I want you to ask me to haze you."

  "Opal, will you haze me?"

  She smiled, but it was brief. "I am going to tell you a few things, and then you may ask again. Or you may change your mind." She leaned closer. "You're going to hate it. You're going to be mortified. It's going to be uncomfortable, at best, in a number of ways. And it's going to last for a while."