So what would I call my new venture? For about half an hour longer I racked my brains, as I tidied up and had a hot chocolate. And then finally I cracked it. IndyVidual. I’d certainly be independent and would tailor my designs in a way that didn’t force kids to label themselves. My stomach fizzed and I felt like waking April up to share my idea! But I didn’t – especially as she’d be up early for her camping trip with Zak.
I headed into the lounge. Noah slept on the sofa. A sudden wave of gratitude overwhelmed me. Noah’s offer of a job and place to live had transformed my life. April was finding new friends and discovering her true identity. And I’d found a renewed passion for a part of my life that used to be massive. Eyes pricking, I headed over to the sofa, knelt down, and kissed Noah on the cheek as softly as I could, before murmuring ‘thank you’ and making my way up to bed.
Chapter Eighteen
I had to laugh. Well, I wanted to. Obviously I didn’t. But Zak turned up at eight a.m. sharp, supposedly ready for camping, dressed as if he were going to play golf. Designer shades. Italian cut shorts. A Ralph Lauren polo shirt. April wore her new trainers and three-quarter-length trousers with a new T-shirt we’d bought her yesterday – with a picture of a bicycle on it. Her hair was scraped back into a high ponytail and she carried a purple rucksack on her back.
We stood in the kitchen. ‘Go and see Noah, sweetie,’ I said to April. ‘He said you could choose as many cakes as you wanted for your weekend away.’
April walked straight past her dad. She’d said hello but still didn’t hug him. The distance between them tugged at my heart. Every day I did my very best not to badmouth Zak – for her sake. And I guess a little for his. I couldn’t just turn off all the feelings that I’d had for him, as if my love flowed out of a tap. I smiled. ‘So you’ve got hold of a tent and sleeping bags?’
‘Don’t worry,’ he said in a tight voice. ‘Everything is in hand. I borrowed most of the equipment from a golf club friend.’
I recognised that tone. Something was up. Perhaps just the prospect of roughing it for a night.
I passed him April’s holdall and a basket. ‘Just some essentials in there. Bread, biscuits, juice boxes, and fruit.’
‘You shouldn’t have. Chanelle’s got it covered. And I’ve bought a small barbecue to use tonight.’
‘At least the weather has come up trumps,’ I said and glanced out of the kitchen window. Noah had muttered something this morning about it being the perfect weather for a run and how he missed the fresh air. Jeez, he was acting like me if someone tried to take my current book away, before I’d finished the final chapter. The sulkiness wasn’t like him and X-rated thoughts briefly came into my mind as to how I could make him feel better.
April returned with a takeaway bag bulging with treats.
‘Why don’t you take them into the car, princess, and choose a CD to play. I just want a word with your mum.’
April shrugged and came over to me. She slipped her arms around my waist and we had the biggest cuddle.
‘Enjoy your little holiday,’ I said.
‘Tom says there are sheep and cows there. And pigs. Apparently they like custard cream biscuits.’ She turned to Zak. ‘Can we buy some on the way?’
‘Of course,’ he said in a super-cheerful voice.
‘Have you packed your asthma inhaler with the spare refill?’ I asked. ‘The canister inside is almost finished, according to the number of puffs you’ve had.’
April nodded and disappeared into the lounge and we heard the front door slam. Zak had parked out the front.
‘What’s the matter?’ I said.
Zak folded his arms. ‘Can’t you guess? This Elle person … The whole village is talking about it. I’m not happy with April living here any more. It’s bad enough to have my daughter slumming it in a loft conversion. But this?’ A sneer curled his top lip. ‘I have to draw the line somewhere.’
You might be surprised – you might expect someone in the fashion industry to be more liberal. But not Zak. He opened doors for women and liked to take the lead in bed. Don’t get me wrong – I’d in no way call him sexist and, to be honest, enjoyed the odd bit of chivalry, but he had a jolly good dose of old-fashioned tradition, underneath his metrosexual appearance. He thought the world would stop if he didn’t have eggs for breakfast and he wasn’t a big fan of breast-feeding in public. He also obsessed about watching the Queen’s speech every Christmas.
But this? My breathing got quicker. My hands formed fists. ‘Are you serious? Elle is just – as you say – a person, no different to you or me. We were lucky enough to be born into the right body. Elle wasn’t, so she changed it. Isn’t that brave and admirable? Doesn’t that make her a great role model for our daughter?’
‘Admirable?’ he spluttered. ‘Sounds confusing as hell and I don’t want him … her … whatever, left alone with April. She’s at a very impressionable age.’
My mouth fell open. ‘What do you think is going to happen? And he is a she – and she is one of the sweetest people I have ever known: kind, sweet, and funny. Elle and April have huge fun singing together.’
‘I mean it, Jenny. April’s life up is mixed up enough, at the moment.’
I snorted. ‘Well unless you have a court order telling me that, forget it. I’m a twenty-first-century woman not a dinosaur.’ I threw my hands in the air. ‘You ask Chanelle about the Kardashians. She loves transwoman Caitlyn Jenner.’
‘She mentioned that. Chanelle may like the show but she’d be cautious about knowing Jenner in real life.’
I tutted in disgust. ‘That doesn’t surprise me. Two-faced as ever.’
‘Don’t talk like that,’ he said, in a measured voice. ‘Chanelle and I both agree. Elle isn’t to be trusted and –’
‘Not to be trusted? For God’s sake Zak – all she has done is reassign her gender.’
‘But, I mean, is he even straight or gay? Isn’t it just dressing up in clothes?’ Zak’s eyes narrowed. ‘You should take care. Perhaps he has some kind of agenda. I mean, what kick does he get out of pretending to be a woman?’
‘I think you’ll find it’s the other way around – she’s spent her whole life pretending to be a man. And as for an agenda, are you for real?’
He sighed. ‘Look. I have a degree of sympathy for him. Things must have been tough. And if he were anyone else, not living with my daughter, then maybe I’d be more tolerant, but –’
‘So this is all a case of “not in my backyard”?’ I said and shook my head. ‘Even worse, you hypocrite.’
His face turned red. ‘April’s needs come first, so call me whatever you want. You know what …?’ He shook his head. ‘This has made me more determined than ever to get April out of this poxy cottage and back to Oakwood Towers. I’ve humoured you long enough and now I’m bringing in the Big Guns, Jenny. I’m going to be her primary carer – unless you find somewhere else to live by the end of next week. She can stay at Laventon Primary if that is her decision, but I won’t have her living here with a man obsessed with sex.’
I stood speechless for a moment. ‘April loves living here,’ I said eventually, ‘with the back garden and Buttercup, and it’s near to her new friends.’
‘I don’t care. I’ll find the money for a bed and breakfast or whatever you want, until you find somewhere else to stay – or she comes back to me.’
I swallowed, feeling shaky. The thought of not living with April sent shivers up and down my spine. It all of a sudden turned the future into a very dark and scary place. ‘You don’t dictate my life.’
‘Yes but I have an equal say in my daughter’s. I’ll give you a few days to think about it and act. Otherwise expect a solicitor’s letter in the post by this time next week.’
With that he left and I leant on the kitchen table, feeling as if the air had been knocked out of my lungs. I ran to the sink and bent over it for a moment, worried I was about to vomit up all my fears. Then I stood straight
and pursed my lips. Primary carer? When he and Chanelle were such bigots? No way. I’d fight him at every step. We weren’t leaving. I stomped into the café and was about to share Zak’s prehistoric view with Noah, but I bit my tongue as I noticed his downturned mouth. He glanced my way and smiled.
‘Everything okay? Sorry for being a prize prat at the moment. Guess I might love my jogging a little too much.’
‘You said it.’ I managed to keep the anger at Zak out of my voice, and playfully shook a finger. Telling Noah about Zak could wait. Instead I checked that all the sugar bowls were full on the tables. I started the coffee machine and replenished empty cake trays in the glass counter. For a while, I took over making drinks, inhaling the bitter or sweet aromas rising from cups. There was something so visually appealing about the rich chestnut colour of espressos and frothy bronze cappuccino tops.
Noah still checked the standard of every one and I had to redo a hot chocolate three times. As today was turning out to be our busiest Saturday ever, I switched to pre-preparing paninis for toasting later and left him to produce the yummy liquid creations. We always sold loads of sandwiches at the weekend. Tomato, basil, and mozzarella was a favourite, as was the Cajun chicken and lettuce.
Hmm. The café really was super busy, with. lots of darted looks towards the till every time the door opened. I heard snippets of conversations. ‘I’d never have guessed’ or ‘ah, that makes sense’ and once ‘it’s a disgrace’. A few times Noah and I exchanged looks. It was obvious everyone was talking about Elle.
Postie didn’t turn up for his usual Saturday treat – a large latte and a chocolate muffin. In fact, talking of the post, Noah kept asking if it had arrived yet and practically snatched the bundle of letters from the postman who delivered the Saturday round. We braced ourselves when Steph from the hairdresser’s came in, sporting her usual orange tan and false eyelashes. Despite her middle-aged years, she somehow carried off her bold look.
‘An Americano to go, please,’ she said and Noah made the coffee while I took her money. She looked at me sharply. ‘Us villagers should have been told.’
‘What are you talking about?’ I prayed she’d lower her voice. Unfortunately, the only thing that lowered was the sound of everyone else talking in the room. With them as an attentive audience, she folded her arms and jiggled her bosom. ‘What do you think? That Elle has crossed over from the dark side.’ She shot a half-smile at Noah. ‘No offence, like. But honest is as honest does. I like to know where I stand with people, that’s all.’
He frowned. ‘I don’t think this is the place to –’
But she held up her hand. ‘Not that I give a monkey’s arse. It takes all sorts. You tell Elle she can come over to my place any time for a free blow-dry.’ She took her coffee and minced out of the shop in her high heels.
I looked at Noah and for the first time that day he gave me a proper wide smile.
‘Who’d have thought Steph would be Elle’s champion,’ I said as the last customer left at half past five. I yawned and rubbed my back.
‘It’s a start, I suppose – on getting her accepted, in the village.’ He stared at me for a second. ‘You worked well today, what with Elle being away and me being laid up with my ankle. Thanks.’
‘Well, I certainly don’t feel like cooking tonight. And it won’t do your feet any good to put weight on them in the kitchen. So, I know it’s a little extravagant after the takeaway last night, but why don’t we eat at House of Sushi? They’ve got a special two for one offer on at the moment.’
Two for one. Buy one get one free. Those phrases had never really meant much to me before. I’d also become something of a coupon collector, and was quite proud of myself for knocking three pounds and fifty pence off my last shop at the supermarket.
‘I’m not sure I feel like going out,’ he said.
‘Come on. It’s only down the road. So you can’t run at the moment – instead let’s have a super-healthy tea. Mr Oshiro would love to see you. He always says to me how you converted him to coffee and he’d like to introduce you to sushi culture. You’ve never tried it, right?’
Noah pulled a face. ‘Doesn’t appeal. Seaweed. Raw fish. No thanks.’
‘But think of all the vitamins.’
He leant against the glass counter and rolled his eyes. ‘Okay. But only if you let me pay.’
‘No! It was my idea and –’
‘You don’t earn enough, as it is.’
‘But –’
‘No arguments.’
I smiled. ‘Okay. I’ll return the favour when my bossy boss gives me my next payslip. Thanks. Shall I book a table for, say, eight o’clock?’ The other great thing about the sushi bar was that Zak hated Japanese food so there was no risk of bumping into him and Chanelle. He was more of a traditional meat and two veg man.
‘Fine. But I’m not dressing up.’ His eyes twinkled. ‘I mean – it’s not like this is a date.’
‘Lord no. Can’t think of anything worse,’ I replied and we grinned at each other.
A couple of hours later we sat in the restaurant. Noah chatted to Mr Oshiro whilst I sent April a quick text message. She texted back. They were eating sausages. Apparently Zak had made friends with another dad who was camping with his son and they were drinking cheap beer – out of bottles! April and Callum were excitedly waiting to feed the pigs custard creams. And Zak had slid on some mud and fallen over. April said everyone laughed – including him. I chuckled.
‘Good news?’ said Noah as Mr Oshiro went to get our drinks.
‘Sounds like Zak might be enjoying this camping lark after all.’ I paused and wondered whether to tell Noah about my ex’s bigoted comments. No. Noah was finally looking relaxed. So instead I talked him through the colourful menu and he agreed to try a good selection. We ordered shrimps with wasabi and rice, octopus fingers, vegetable pancakes, and fried chicken. Then some cold potato salad and cucumber rolls. We finished off with fresh fruit and chocolate rice cake balls.
‘You cleared all your plates,’ I said and wiped my mouth. ‘Does that mean you approve?’
Noah had been very quiet, so I’d found myself drinking more wine than I should and rambling to him about my unisex sketching ideas.
‘Not bad, to be honest. Didn’t like the octopus, but everything else tasted really fresh, as if it was cleansing my palate.’
‘So a good choice for your super-clean lifestyle?’
‘Absolutely.’
Mr Oshiro came over carrying two small glasses and a jug. ‘Before you go, my friends, warm saké on the house.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I heard about Elle. You send her our best wishes. People’s fierce tongues will soften over time. In the middle of a storm there is always light to lead the way, be it from lightning or sunshine. Elle is on her journey and will find the right way for her.’ He bowed and poured out the drinks, waiting for us to sip.
My eyes tingled. The Coffee Club had been a sort of sunshine to me.
‘Not for me, thanks,’ said Noah and pushed away the glass.
I stared pointedly at him. How rude when Mr Oshiro had been so sweet.
‘You could have managed a sip,’ I hissed as we went outside. Darkness had fallen and the sky was so clear I mentally pointed out well-known constellations. A great night for camping.
‘Didn’t need to. You soon drank mine as well.’
‘I didn’t want him to be offended.’
He stretched out his hand, palm facing up. ‘Well, it’s just as well the car journey home isn’t far. My foot should be able to manage it.’
Sheepishly I handed him the keys. The restaurant was so near to The Coffee Club I’d forgotten that we had driven, to save Noah’s foot from the walk.
‘What is it with you at the moment, Noah? Running can’t be that important,’ I said after a few minutes of silence, in the car.
‘It may not mean much to you, but I happen to value looking after my health,’ he said in a curt tone. My e
yes tingled again, but with hurt now. Wow. Where had that come from? It had been quite a day, what with Zak’s threat of going for custody, the customers’ murmured comments, and now this. We went into the cottage without speaking and after feeding Buttercup I slumped on the settee.
‘I’d like to stretch out, please,’ said Noah.
‘Oh. Apologies. Yes. Must remember that I’m effectively a guest. Silly me.’
‘I didn’t mean that,’ he said, gruffly. ‘Look, we love having you here. It’s just, my foot, you see …’
My eyes felt wet as I moved out of the way. I thought Noah wanted me to view the cottage as my own place. Perhaps Zak was right after all. Not for his reasons, but maybe April and I should find somewhere else to live.
‘Sorry to be crowding you,’ I said. Uh-oh. My inner teenager was coming to the fore. ‘I might be looking for somewhere new to live next week, anyway, so that should cheer you up. You’ll have the sofa – the whole lounge – all to yourself.’
‘Huh? What’s this all about?’
‘Nothing! Everything! Me learning that I can’t rely on anyone. I’ve only got myself!’ Vision blurry, I exited the room and headed upstairs to the loft. I slammed the door shut behind me and threw myself on the bed, putting the pillow over my head. I’d forgotten how saké always made me morose. Eventually I sat up and covered my eyes with my hands. I gave a strangulated sob.
Just when everything was going all right, my life had done another about-turn. Both Zak and Noah wanted me to discard the new home I’d managed to build for me and April. Was I ever going to have a home again? To be in charge of my own destiny? To watch April grow and develop without the heartache and pressures adults knew?
I stood up, pulled off my plum-coloured dress, and got into my summer PJs. I sat in front of the small dressing table and removed the smudged eyeliner and coral lip gloss. I blew my nose noisily and looked up, out of the loft’s slanted ceiling window. Stars were visible behind wispy cloud and I picked out The Plough among the blanket of bright pinpricks.
The New Beginnings Coffee Club Page 20
