He looked downwards for a second and then back up.
‘It’s just … the longer we are apart, the more I realize what we had was special. We could still fix everything, Jenny. Forget court. Go back to our old life.’
And then with no warning whatsoever, he slipped an arm around my back and pulled me forwards. His lips met mine and I tried to push him away. Yes, his lips were soft and inviting, but since I’d thought long and hard about our relationship, I no longer tingled from head to toe when his mouth pressed against mine. Noah, on the other hand, stimulated my body and mind. A super-seductive combination that made me feel one hundred per cent alive. Just like sketching did – and the thought of running and funding my own future.
‘Get off!’ I hissed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
‘Christ, Jenny, sorry. I didn’t mean, you see –’
‘The past is the past.’ I got off the bed and rushed from the room.
Straight into Chanelle.
‘Where’s April?’ asked Skye in her sing-song tone.
‘In her room,’ I replied in as steady a voice as I could muster. ‘Please could you tell her we are leaving?’
Without meeting Chanelle’s stare, I hurried downstairs, limbs trembling. I must have still looked shaken when I got back to the cottage. Elle offered to put April to bed whilst Noah sat me down with a cup of tea – even though he, of course, wouldn’t be drinking his.
‘You okay?’ he asked, after some general chit-chat. He watched me intently as we sat at the kitchen table.
‘Yes. Fine. Thanks.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘What happened?’
I swallowed, unable to look away from his concerned tawny eyes. ‘Nothing. It’s just, Zak – he got carried away.’
Noah’s cheeks flushed. ‘What do you mean?’
Elle came downstairs and into the kitchen. She took Noah’s drink. ‘Well you aren’t going to have it, are you?’ she said to him and sipped the tea. She gazed at us. ‘What’s up, Jenny? How did the evening go?’
‘Really good.’ I sighed. ‘Until Zak kissed me and suggested we got back together.’
‘Who the hell does he think he is?’ demanded Noah, roughly.
Elle patted my shoulder. ‘You okay?’
‘It just took me by surprise, that’s all.’
‘Did he hurt you?’ asked Noah, shoulders square, jaw taut.
‘No! No … I mean, he was rough with Elle but that was so out of character – not that I’m making excuses for him. But I felt nothing. Not good, nor bad. Simply … indifference. He just got a bit keen and – I don’t understand, he seemed so happy with Chanelle.’
Noah’s shoulders relaxed. ‘Guess he realizes what he’s lost. Sometimes that happens to people when it’s too late.’ A flicker of emotion crossed his face. He squeezed my arm before wandering out into the garden. I glanced at Elle.
She sipped her drink again. ‘I promised April I’d put up that photo of Celia for her, while she’s over at Zak’s at the weekend – is that okay?’
‘Thanks. In fact, even better – you can supervise me doing it. It’s time I started to learn DIY.’
‘Only if you teach me how to walk in high heels without tripping over.’ She grinned. ‘Lord, what a gender stereotypical conversation.’
She went to the sink to wash up our cups. I headed out into the garden. The sun was setting. A few birds still chirped. Noah sat by the stream, Buttercup near him pouncing on imaginary mice. I smelt barbecue smoke from nearby as I sat down next to him and leant my head against his shoulder.
‘Lucky, aren’t we – having this stream. I find its babbling really relaxing. It’s a safe sound. Secure. Just what I’m going to need to get through the next few months – the custody fight …’ My voice broke. ‘April’s four-week trial period at the local school is now up. Zak and I have agreed to ask her on Sunday for her decision, when he brings her back, about whether she wants to stay at Laventon Primary or start as a boarder at Oakwood Towers in September. I’m keeping everything crossed that she’s now happy as things are.’
I turned to face him and gently he tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear. Oh God. I needed to feel him against me, skin to skin. I wanted his passion inside me. We both leant forwards and our lips touched. Ever so gently, he kissed the corner of my mouth. My pulse raced and I edged forwards feeling as if I would burst if his soft lips didn’t fully melt against mine.
‘Oh Noah …’ I murmured breathlessly. ‘I’ve so wanted this. Every minute of every day. Let’s not fight it, any longer. Zak and I are over. For good. I know that now. My heart just aches to press myself against you so hard that the two of us become one.’
He pulled back and studied my face. ‘What if I hurt you?’ His voice broke. ‘You’ve been through so much and I care more than you’ll ever know.’
My insides turned to mush. ‘You wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone me,’ I whispered. ‘And I can’t live in a risk-free bubble. Life gets messy. No one can guarantee anything. But I reckon we stand a pretty good chance.’
My phone bleeped and Noah stood up. ‘I’ll give you some privacy,’ he said gently and, before I could reply, headed into the house. I glanced at my phone. A text from Zak.
Sorry about today. It’s five years exactly since Dad died. Feeling sorry for myself. Clinging to the past, I guess. Please forget it happened. Zak
Of course. How could I have forgotten? I picked up Buttercup and gave her a stroke. The tone of Zak’s voice today, the look in his eye – would he and Chanelle really stay together?
‘Men, eh?’ I said to Buttercup and put her down.
‘I know. More trouble than they are worth. Best to get shot of them,’ said Elle and sat down next to me. I caught her eye and we both laughed. She linked her arm through mine as we sat, gazing at the moonlight-dappled waves. Two women together, trying their best to be strong; trying oh so hard to get everything they wanted – once they’d worked out exactly what that was.
Chapter Twenty-Four
‘That chicken tikka panini was to die for,’ said Steph as she stood by the till in The Coffee Club, waiting to pay. It was Sunday afternoon. The day had been as busy as ever. Toasted teacakes all morning. Paninis all lunch and early afternoon. Noah’s latest coffee beans were going down well – a light roast with a hint of cinnamon. They’d been such a hit at one of the tasting sessions, he’d decided to stock them permanently. Elle had trialled some new low-calorie cakes about the size of a fifty-pence piece but full-flavoured with crumbly pastry and rich chocolate buttercream.
Steph glanced at my nails. ‘Why don’t you pay a visit to my salon, darling? You’ve got fab hair and great dress sense, I can tell – but those stumps really let you down.’
‘Don’t hold back!’ I said and laughed as I passed her a takeaway latte. I glanced at Noah who focused steadfastly on the coffee machine. Since Friday night he hadn’t been his usual charming self, even with the customers. He’d also upped his amount of running, going two or three times a day, and he’d started drinking loads of sparkling water. The charity race was one week today. I took in the dark patches under his eyes. It was also his birthday this coming Saturday. Perhaps it was weighing on his mind that he probably wouldn’t get a card from his parents.
Elle waved her fingers in the air, chocolate talons giving her hands extra length. ‘You really should, Jenny. Steph can work magic.’
‘Could she magic me up a decent date for once, then,’ muttered Postie who was standing next to her.
Steph turned to him and smiled. ‘Well, I’ve had offers more nicely phrased, gorgeous, but if you’re paying, dinner sounds great.’
His cheeks flushed. ‘No, what I meant was, you see my online dates have been rubbish. I was just joking that –’
‘How about tomorrow night at eight?’ she said. ‘I always find Mondays a bit of an anticlimax after the weekend. You know where I live.’ She winked at him, took her change
from Elle, and left.
Postie stood with his mouth open. ‘What just happened?’
Me and Elle chuckled. ‘You’ve just got yourself a date with the hottest hairdresser south of Watford.’
In a daze he paid and left, mumbling about having nothing smart enough to wear.
‘Don’t you admire Steph’s confidence?’ said Elle and her shoulders sagged. ‘I’d never have the courage to ask a man out like that.’
‘You might one day.’ I squeezed her arm. ‘Or take the easy option and ask Steph to do the legwork and set you up.’
Elle half-smiled. We both knew that her morale had taken a knock after Zak’s confrontation. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out. As if the universe had been listening to my thoughts, it was a text from my ex:
April insists on coming back to the cottage early. We’ll arrive in half an hour.
My brow knotted. How odd. My phone vibrated again. It was from April:
I hate Daddy. Can’t wait to see you. Horrible weekend.
‘Um, excuse me a minute,’ I said to Elle and went out the back, to the kitchen. A delicious smell wafted through the cottage. Martini had dropped in early to get a stew going in the slow cooker, before heading off to church.
I texted April back:
See you soon, sweetie. I’m waiting with a big hug.
What on earth could have happened? She and Zak had finally seemed to be getting close again, on Friday night, back at The Willows. Perhaps April had had an argument with Skye or didn’t feel well.
The next half an hour seemed like an eternity, and I busied myself clearing tables and taking orders from the post-lunch cake customers. It was almost four when I saw Zak’s car pull up outside. Usually April returned from a weekend with him at seven, leaving just enough time for a bath before bed. I’d given Noah the heads-up that I might need to nip out the back for a while but could do extra time after the café closed, replenishing sugar bowls and salt cellars for the week ahead. But he said not to worry – he was glad, at the moment, to keep busy.
He’d kept his distance since Friday’s kiss. Perhaps his concerns about us being ready for a relationship were still there and were more about him, now, than me.
As April hurried in, I took off my apron and reached for her hand. The two of us went out the back. She dumped her rucksack on the kitchen table. Zak appeared. I closed the kitchen door behind him. I leant down and gave my little sweetheart the biggest of hugs.
‘What’s up?’
She folded her arms. That bottom lip jutted out. ‘I told you – I hate Daddy,’ she said, a wobble in her voice belying her bold stance.
‘Oh, April – hate is a strong word. What’s happened?’ I looked at Zak.
‘I heard him and Chanelle talking. About Elle. They said spiteful stuff. Skye says Daddy won’t let me live here because of her.’
‘That decision isn’t completely up to Daddy,’ I said in a firm voice.
‘Look, princess –’
April snorted. ‘Don’t call me that. If I’m your princess, that makes you a king, and the best kings rule wisely and are fair.’ Her voice trembled. ‘But you’re like Scar from The Lion King who kills his brother and makes Simba run away.’
‘April. Don’t speak to Daddy like that,’ I managed to say, even though I agreed with her.
‘But you can’t think he’s right about Elle?’
‘No, but –’
The door opened. ‘Did I hear my name?’ said Elle, in a bright voice. ‘Sorry to interrupt. Mrs Carlton has run out of cat biscuits for Marmalade and the pet shop is closed so …’
Tears streamed down April’s face.
‘Daddy doesn’t want me living here because of you. I heard him talking with Chanelle,’ she blurted out.
‘Sorry, Elle,’ I whispered.
‘Don’t apologize on my behalf,’ said Zak, in a low voice. ‘I have nothing to say sorry for. Look. April. It’s just because I worry about you, because I want the best for you.’
‘But Elle is the best! She sings with me. Plays board games. Bakes tasty cakes. And she’s taught Mummy how to wire a plug.’
Under other circumstances, I would have smiled. That particular DIY lesson had taken a few hours.
‘I don’t want to move out. I like living here. And what about Buttercup? Who will play with her?’ April gave a big sob.
‘We can buy you another cat,’ said Zak.
I rolled my eyes. Hadn’t he learned yet that money didn’t always make an effective sticking plaster?
‘It would get chased by Prada and, anyway, Chanelle hates cats. She says they would shed hair and mess up her furniture.’ April sniffed. ‘The house could do with messing up. It looks like a show home since she moved in.’
‘How was Skye this weekend?’ I said, softly.
‘Showing off her new skateboard. I’d forgotten how my friends at Oakwood Towers always tried to outdo each other.’
She slumped at the pine table. ‘I’ve been at my new school four weeks now, haven’t I? Now that my four wishes are complete? So I can decide if I want to stay?’
‘Yes,’ I squeaked. My chest tightened at the moment I’d been dreading. A sense of nausea flirted with the back of my throat.
‘Well, I want to,’ she announced. ‘I want to stay with Tom. And Lizzie. And my teacher. Then there’s the Minecraft club. I don’t want to miss the summer fair. And I don’t wish I could wear a silly straw hat any more. Caps stay on better.’
A gasp escaped my lips and the knots in my stomach unfurled. Thank God.
Zak pursed his lips as Elle busied herself getting cat biscuits out of the cupboard and made to go.
‘You won’t hate me, will you, Elle,’ blurted out April, ‘if Daddy makes me and Mummy move out? You know it’s him and not us thinking nasty things.’
‘For Christ’s sake,’ muttered Zak, his face dark red.
Elle swallowed, then put down the biscuits and went over to April. She knelt down.
‘Never in a million years. Don’t upset yourself. You are lucky to have a daddy who cares so much, even if you don’t agree with his view.’
‘Does your daddy care about you?’ she said in a thick voice. ‘Since you became Elle, does he call you bad words?’
Elle ruffled April’s hair. ‘No. I’m lucky like you. My dad loves me regardless – even though it’s been hard.’
She stood up and walked straight past Zak, grabbing the cat biscuits on the way out of the room.
‘Do you love me regardless?’ April asked Zak as the kitchen door closed.
‘Of course!’ He stepped forward but she moved back.
‘Then why did you let Chanelle call me fat?’
‘What?’ I glared at him.
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘She didn’t. April. All she said was –’
‘That I had filled out since being at the cottage. She said I must be eating lots of Noah’s cake.’
‘Chanelle didn’t mean it as an insult,’ he said. ‘Just that you looked … good.’
Words failed me. Polite ones anyway. How could even Chanelle be so stupid as to mention such a sensitive subject?
‘Would you love Skye more than me, if I got big?’ she asked and her bottom lip trembled.
‘April! Of course not. Skye’s not my little girl. My feelings for her could never compare to those for you. I love you no matter what. You’re not fat, but even if you were it wouldn’t matter. It’s your heart I love – not your appearance.’
April digested this for a moment. ‘So why do you hate Elle? She has a good heart. Why do you hate her just because her body has changed? Just because she has changed the outside?’
Zak opened his mouth and then closed it again. Words failed him, it would seem.
‘Skye asked me if I was hoping to get a bottom as big as Kim Kardashian’s …’ April’s eyes shone and she gulped. ‘I hate you and I hate Chanelle and I never want to stay
with you all again. Or board at my old school. And you can’t make me,’ she shouted and turned and ran upstairs. A door slammed.
I sank onto a chair at the table and Zak did the same.
‘Look, Jenny …’ Zak found his voice. ‘It doesn’t sound good but honestly, Chanelle didn’t mean it that way. We both thought she looked great and Skye probably got jealous. Seeing her now, skin tanned, itching to get on her bike the whole time, it makes me realise that perhaps her lifestyle wasn’t the healthiest before.’
I stared into those dark eyes. ‘Well you have your answer about Laventon Primary. April wants to stay there.’
He held his palms wide in the air.
‘Okay. I’ll stick to my word. If that’s what she really wants.’ He sighed and looked at his watch. ‘I’d better get off. Chanelle wants me home for seven.’ He stood up. ‘Have you found a solicitor yet? Mine haven’t heard from your representation.’
‘I’ll give them a nudge,’ I said in a flat voice. ‘You can see yourself out.’ I headed upstairs and knocked on the bedroom door.
‘Who is it?’ said a muffled voice.
‘Mummy.’ I went in and April was face down on her bed. She sat up and pointed to the wall.
‘That photo of Granny looks good, doesn’t it? I was just telling her about Skye’s mean comments.’
‘It’s a lovely picture of her.’ I sat down next to her on the bed. ‘Are you sure about your choice of school? It’s not just because you and Skye fell out?’
She shook her head. ‘Some of my old friends came over to The Willows to listen to music and watch telly on Saturday night.’ She shrugged. ‘It seemed boring, compared to before. Tom texted to say he’d found a hedgehog in the garden. His mum gave him some money to go and buy some dog food to feed it. That sounded like much more fun. I still enjoyed the Kardashians though. And I told Skye I’d be proud to have a bottom like Kim.’
I smiled. ‘Daddy explained. He thinks Skye was just jealous because he and Chanelle were saying they thought you looked really good – healthy.’
April cocked her head to one side and thought for a moment. She sighed. ‘I don’t understand why he doesn’t like Elle.’
The New Beginnings Coffee Club Page 26
