Whatever protests I had died on my lips the moment he mentioned my scar. How could he know about these things if he weren’t my father? I closed my eyes. My nightmare had become my reality. I turned to my grandfather. Help me, Grampa. Tell me what to do.
No response from him. He was still weak.
Janelle spoke instead. “Don’t listen to him, Lil. He’s a liar. Your birthmark is a rising sun, the symbol of dawn, a new era. And your fear of darkness has nothing to do with being a light-bearer. It means you’re a child of light. You draw strength from light, not darkness.”
Valafar turned to her, his eyes glowing red. He spoke in an ancient language that I never learned, yet I understood every word. “How you twist the truth to suit you. You and I know she’s the one who tips the balance between light and darkness. The one we’ve all been waiting for. And she’s mine to mold and guide, yet you stole her from me and turned her into this.” He waved a hand toward me.
Janelle’s chin shot up. “We didn’t know you were her father. Not even Ares did. Whatever you did to scare Tatiana away is of your own making, not ours. We just picked up the pieces.”
“I loved my wife. I would’ve given her the world.”
“She never wanted the world. No wonder she took Lil and left. We’re her family now.” She waved to include the others. Seth and Hsia nodded. The trainees looked bewildered, obviously not understanding the conversation.
I stared at Valafar, shock colliding with loathing. What did he mean by light and darkness mess? How could I be the one they’d been waiting for? Before I could ask, Valafar’s eyes returned to normal. A frown settled on his face as though Janelle’s words brought him some new revelation. I locked on his psyche and connected with him. Images flashed in his head, confirming what he’d said. My mother, happy, laughing with a dark and handsome man—Valafar with a full head of red hair like mine and no scar on his contented face. The two of them on the beach, at restaurants, at their home, with me on the day I was born….
“How could you kill her if you loved her?” I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks.
“I didn’t mean to do it.” There was pain in his voice, but I couldn’t tell whether it was real or feigned. “I came looking for you. She taunted me. Told me you were dead. That she couldn’t raise my child and had killed you. I should have known Tatiana could never harm you.”
“I grew up without a mother, never lived anywhere long enough to call it home. We moved from place to place because my grandfather didn’t trust the High Council to protect me from you.”
He didn’t flinch at my accusations, but his eyes grew colder. “Forget about the past, Lilith. I’m here now. I’ll teach you. Together, we’ll make those who hurt you pay.”
He didn’t understand anything. Even after Janelle’s explanation, he didn’t get it. I didn’t need revenge. All I’d ever wanted was to fit in, to belong, but not with him. My gaze shifted to Grampa, pale and barely alive. I didn’t need a rerun of my life to remember his love. He’d been there whenever I needed him. But our roles were reversed now. He needed me.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and drew strength from the light. Anger, bitterness and hatred leached out of me. Love warmed my insides, filling me. I love you, Grampa. Please understand and forgive me.
Bran’s psi energy was much stronger than before though he was still unconscious. I knew he couldn’t hear me, couldn’t feel my presence, but it didn’t matter. I pressed my lips to his forehead, every ounce of love I felt for him flowing through my lips. Don’t forget me. No matter how many years it takes, I’ll find my way back to you. I love you, Bran Llyr.
I scrambled to my feet. Dizziness washed over me and my body shook. The battle had drained my powers. I looked at the trainees. Their faces were bathed with concern. No blame. No hatred. The Cardinals’ gazes didn’t waver from Valafar, as though they were waiting for him to step away from Grampa so they could attack. Part of me wished they could vanquish him. The other part knew there was only one solution to this problem.
I looked at Valafar in the eye. “No, I don’t need you fighting my battles,” I said, my voice firm. “I already have a father. He’s taught me everything I know—love, honor and respect. I’m a Guardian, not a Hermonite, or a nature-bender, or a light bearer. No matter where I live, I’ll always be a Guardian. Give back my grandfather and Bran their powers, and I’ll go with you.”
Protests filled the room before I finished the last sentence.
Their support brought fresh tears to my eyes, but I didn’t look at them. I couldn’t or my resolve would waver. My gaze stayed locked on Valafar. “Do you accept my offer? My grandfather and Bran’s powers restored, and in exchange, I’ll leave with you.”
Valafar nodded. “Accepted. But first, we need something.”
One second, he stood by Grampa, the next, his hand gripped my arm. Disbelief and anger slammed into me as darkness replaced the warehouse. We were back in the void, the place the wind demoness had taken me. “What are you doing?!”
I felt something solid under my feet. Valafar let go of me and I stumbled. I still felt woozy, and the ground was slippery. I reached out for anything to break my fall. Found nothing but air.
He gripped my arm, again. “Steady.”
I yanked my arm away. “Why did you bring me here? I already agreed to go with you. Janelle was right. You’re nothing but a liar. Take me back this instant or I—”
An energy ball came to life above Valafar’s hand. It wasn’t an omni, thank goodness. It lit his face, the area where we stood. I looked around, trying hard not to panic. We were inside a cavern. The roof was an arm length away, the frozen walls and floor reflecting the light. I couldn’t see the entrance but two tunnels originated from it. I shivered. It was freezing, the lack of sound bloodcurdling. “Where are we?”
“Mount Hermon, an active volcano on Coronis Isle.”
A chill snaked its way under my skin. “Why did you bring me here?”
“If you want to heal your grandfather and that Llyr boy, we need to find the dagger.”
“What dagger?”
“The dagger Azazel created for Coronis’ sister. Tariel hid it under this mountain. The dagger is the only thing that will restore their powers.”
Was this some kind of a trick? “What makes you think I can find it?”
“You’re the wielder.” He reached inside an invisible crevice in the cave wall and pulled out a sheathed sword. The hilt had a red-eyed flying raven, the wings forming the cross-guard. My hand closed around the dagger in my pocket as he strapped the sword around his waist. I only relaxed when he reached inside the same invisible crevice and came out with a white fur coat. He offered it to me. I glared at him.
“The island is covered with snow and the caves are icy. Take it.”
I lifted my chin. “No, thanks.”
The scar on his face twitched. “Foolish girl.” He pulled out another heavy coat similar to the one he’d offered me and put it on. “Come. We don’t have much time.”
“How do you know I’m the wielder?”
“Coronis had a vision a long time ago about a red-head who would wield the dagger in such a way that had never been done before. I recently had another vision. I didn’t know it was you, until those idiots described you.”
My conversation with Bran about a red-headed leader flashed in my head. “So this is why you came for me, isn’t it? Why you want me?”
His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t answer me. Instead, he turned and started toward one of the tunnels, ice on the ground cracking as he stomped on it. He didn’t seem to care whether I followed him or not.
Fine. I didn’t want to go with him either. I hated him. I wrapped my arms around me and shivered despite the long pants, long-sleeved shirts and coat. My eyes clung to the shaft of light as Valafar continued down the tunnel. Any moment, I expected him to turn around and check to see if I was behind him. He didn’t. Instead, he turned a corner.
Darkness closed arou
nd me. My heart started to pound. Darkness was the bane of my life. To have a panic attack right now would be the final humiliation. What was I thinking? Pride comes before a fall, Grampa often say. This was no time to prove anything to this demon who called himself my father. We were here for the one thing that could restore Grampa and Bran’s powers. And it had better restore them or Valafar would have to deal with me.
I stuck my hands out in front of me like a blind person, shuffling along the frozen cave floor toward the tunnel Valafar had taken. I couldn’t see my hands, couldn’t see anything. Shadows pressed against my skin and wound tight around me. I lost my footing, lunged forward and landed on my knees and hands.
He was beside me in the blink of an eye, helping me up. “You okay?”
What do you think? I wanted to snap, but I held my tongue. “Yes.”
He let go of my arm as soon as I stood and put some distance between us as though being too close to me made him uncomfortable. Good. I didn’t want him touching me either. He created another fiery ball and let it hover behind us. Without saying another word, he led the way with the first one he’d generated.
I wiped my muddy hands on my coat, tried to avoid the icy patches on the ground as I struggled to keep up with him. The earth was uneven and rocky, the tunnel wide enough for the two of us to walk side by side without bumping each other. The lights cast flickering shadows, giving the illusion that the walls were undulating.
We walked in silence. I tried to regulate my breathing and think happy thoughts but soon realized I needed sounds. Listening to his stories, fake or real, was a better distraction. “Tell me about my mother.”
“You never knew her so she shouldn’t matter.”
“She matters to me. And I can’t forget her because she’s part of who I am.”
Silence.
I glared at his broad back covered with the bulky white coat. “Fine. Let’s talk about the present. How many souls do you steal a day? How many must one hoard to become a nature-bender?”
He chuckled. “I think you misunderstand how we operate, Lilith. We don’t steal or force mortals to sell their souls. They do it willingly. Remember free will? Or is that something the Guardians forgot to teach you?”
I scrunched my face at his scathing tone. “Hmm, free will. Is that like making me choose between saving the people I love, or myself? Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”
He chuckled, again. “You’re not human, Lilith. So free will doesn’t apply to you.”
Something he’d said while we were in that warehouse retuned to haunt me. “What did you mean about Guardians and redemption?”
He laughed. “They haven’t taught you that either? They hide the truth and feed children lies.”
I hated being his source of amusement. “Never mind.”
“All Nephilim are born without a soul because of what our ancestors, the Watchers, did. Demons attempt to fill that void by stealing human souls. Guardians do by saving souls. They’d like you to believe that they’re continuing what our forefathers were sent to earth to do. The fact is the Guardians’ redemption, everyone in Xenith, depends on the Cardinals’ work on Earth.”
So that was the big reason everyone had hinted at and never told me. Not that it mattered. I was a Guardian. And if I had to sacrifice to help my people, so be it. When Valafar chuckled again, I said, “Why don’t you want to talk about my mother. Do you ever think about her? Feel guilty for killing her?”
He muttered something under his breath.
“What’s that language? You used it earlier with Janelle.” And I understood it even though I had never heard it before, weird.
“Aramaic. What do you want to know about her?”
“How and when did the two of you meet? How come she couldn’t tell you were a nature-bender?”
He grunted, took his time answering. “I met her seventeen years ago at the gaming conference in Seattle. I didn’t know she was the daughter of a Guardian. By the time I found out, it didn’t matter. I loved her.” His voice softened. “Then we had you.”
Was the emotion softening his voice real or fake? “Gaming?”
“Video and computer games. She designed them for a company. Ever played Realm of Gorath? The Serpentine?”
“I don’t play video games.” But I planned to find them as soon as I got back home. If I ever got home.
“Those were hers. She was brilliant.” Again, sadness laced his voice.
“And you? Why were you there?” I asked.
“I enjoy a game or two now and then,” he said with a smile.
I started to ask him “Like what?” but then clammed up. I didn’t want to know anything about him. The tunnel slopped downward and narrowed. The temperature continued to drop. I shivered. As though tuned to my emotions, he offered me the coat. This time, I took it and murmured thanks. The fur coat reached to my ankles. I slipped my arms through the sleeves and buttoned it up. It fit me, as though tailor made for me.
“Before the conference was over, I’d fallen in love with her,” Valafar continued, drawing my attention. I realized he was discussing my mother. “Tatiana was brilliant, funny and full of life. She’d also been hurt and didn’t trust easily.”
Yeah, Grampa had told me about the Guardian who didn’t think Mom was good enough for him because Grandma was a gypsy. But I wasn’t buying Valafar’s story. Everything he said and did was suspect. If I hadn’t needed the distraction, I would’ve stopped asking him questions. “What was her favorite color, food, time of the day? How come she couldn’t tell you were a nature-bender?”
Once again, he answered all the other questions except the last one. I sifted through the information, my feet starting to hurt. It seemed like we’d been walking forever. “How far to go?”
“Almost there. Tatiana knew I was a demon from our first meeting,” Valafar added. “She didn’t know I was a nature-bender. We agreed to never discuss our pasts. When she became pregnant, I wanted to marry her. She wasn’t ready.” He became quiet and I thought he’d finished his story. “But she was excited about having you. She decorated your bedroom with colorful butterflies. Tatiana loved butterflies. After you were born, she became jittery. When Coronis’ security team paid us a visit, she must have heard our conversation and got scared.”
“Or she probably saw it. She was a powerful clairvoyant.”
He stopped, turned and smiled. The smile transformed his face and gave me a glimpse of the man my mother had loved. “Hmm, I never knew that. She must have seen Coronis’ raven-head guards, heard that I was a nature-bender and a duke in hierarchy. Coronis needed me back on the island as head of security. I would’ve kept two homes if that was what your mother wanted. She never gave me the chance to discuss it. I was away for a week. When I came back, she was gone. The rest you know.” He turned away.
I followed him, mulling over what he’d just told me. Could he be telling me the truth? According to Grampa, Mom was angry when she disappeared. Could she have befriended a demon to hurt Guardians? Or was I letting Valafar sucker me?
We entered another huge cave, the ceiling covered with stalactites shaped like shark teeth and tubular ones with skinny stalagmites under them. These weren’t regular limestone stalactites. They were lavacicles. Ragged lava pillars rose from the floor like buttresses and disappeared into the roof. A huge hole, probably a collapsed lava tube, took up a portion of the floor to our left. Beyond the hole, the cave curved and disappeared into nothingness.
Valafar pointed at the curve. “That leads to the chamber where the dagger is hidden.”
I nodded
“You must continue alone from here.”
Suspicion coursed through me. “Why?”
“None of our people has ever made it past the hole and come back.”
I didn’t like this new information one little bit. “Why not?”
“The dagger won’t let anyone get close. We’ve lost countless people in an attempt to retrieve it. All they see is a bright light, then
they’re gone.”
“What makes you think it won’t hurt me?”
He dismissed my question with a sharp wave of his hand. “You ask senseless questions, Lilith. As the wielder, the dagger will not harm you. It will come to you and you will command it to do anything. Now go and get it.”
Apprehension slithered up my spine, my heart starting to beat hard. The area past the hole was murky. I hesitated.
“Remember your grandfather,” Valafar added in a hard voice.
Right, like I needed to be reminded Grampa and Bran were depending on me. I swallowed past the constriction in my throat. I shouldn’t fear darkness. I’ve seen light come out of darkness. I took a deep breath, let the glow within me expand. I can do this. I must do this. I removed the fur coat and pushed it in Valafar’s hand. I removed my hunter coat, and let it fall to the ground, then I started toward the hole.
My heart drummed an uneven staccato, my breathing shallow. What lay beyond that corner was unknown, and I’d never been more scared in my life, but this was one time I couldn’t afford to panic. Loose rocks and shadows made it next to impossible to tell what I was stepping on. I lost my footing and grabbed a stalagmite to break my fall. I glanced back at Valafar. “You could at least give me the energy balls to light the way.”
He shook his head. “They’ll fizzle before they get to the hole.”
Despite my dire situation, I smirked. That was one smart dagger. No wonder he wanted it. He might not have said so, but I knew he wanted the dagger for himself. The smile died on my lips as I contemplated the missing floor before me. It was wide, and a thrumming sound emanated from it. Fear clenched my gut. “What’s down there? Cerberus?”
Valafar glowered without answering, but he let the two energy balls follow me as far as they could go. I studied the area beyond the gaping floor. The glow from the orbs only illuminated the pillars closest to the hole. Beyond them was nothing but gloom. No, that wasn’t true. A bright light with a green tinge seeped from the shadows, but only illuminated the top of the pillars, the ones at the farthest end of the cave. The area in between was dark. My teleporting had better not fail me.
Awakened Page 28
