by Tina Martin
“Donovan,” Shayla answered. “You have to stop calling me. Carter is going to kill you.”
“I’m not worried about Carter, Shayla.”
“Well you could at least have enough respect for me not to do this. I love Carter. I’m happy with him. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
Donovan processed what she said for a moment. “Then tell me how to fall out of love with you, Shayla, and I’ll do it. Can you tell me how to do that?”
“No, I can’t.”
“Then what do you want me to do?”
“Maybe you should seek counseling.”
“I don’t need counseling. I need you.”
“Donovan...I—”
“I thought you felt something for me.”
“I liked you as a friend but—”
“You know I still think about us sharing an appetizer on the beach, holding hands, the way you rested your head against me on the plane...I replay those things in my head and wonder how you can say that you only wanted to be friends.”
“I love Carter. Please stop calling me.” Shayla hung up the phone.
Donovan slammed the receiver down. He sat on the bed running his hands across his face, frustrated. Why was it so hard for him to get her out of his system?
~ Chapter Four ~
After taking a long nap, he went to dinner alone again, and like yesterday, he went to the top deck of the ship, staring out into the water. The peace, the serenity of it gave him time to reflect. Why was he so fixated on Shayla? Why was he calling her? Even after Carter, Shayla’s husband, threatened his life, he still couldn’t leave her alone.
The sound of sniffles and whimpers disrupted his thoughts and he briefly looked around to see where the noise was coming from. Then he saw her, Kamila, leaned against the railing, same place she was last night, wiping her eyes.
He frowned. Should I go talk to her? Try to console her? He wanted to walk away but something about hearing her cry made him want to reach out to her. He took a few steps closer and said, “Hey, are you okay?”
She looked at him with tears in her eyes, and said, “I’m fine.”
“Um...you don’t look fine.”
“Well, I am. I just want to be miserable and alone right now. You of all people should understand that.”
Donovan sighed and looked away. Then he said, “Look, Kamila, I’m sorry I was rude to you before. I just got a lot on my mind right now.”
“You think you’re the only person in the universe who has issues?”
“No. I simply don’t want to talk about my issues.”
“What makes you think I do? Because I’m crying? Or because I’m a weak, pathetic woman?”
Donovan squinted at her. “I didn’t say you were those things.”
“You’ve said worse. What’s a few more choice adjectives?”
“Well, I don’t know you, but I do know you love to talk as evident by your stalking me for the past couple of days.”
Kamila tried to withhold a laugh, but couldn’t do it successfully. With tears in her eyes, she had a good old fashioned belly chuckle. “I wasn’t stalking you.”
He grinned and said, “Could’ve fooled me.” He watched her wipe her eyes. “Maybe we could start over. Hi, I’m Donovan Sharper.” He extended his hand to her.
Kamila extended her right hand to connect to Donovan’s. “I’m Kamila Jenkins. Nice to meet you, finally.” She noticed the firmness of his large hand and something about it she liked. Maybe it was the way he squeezed her hand, all business-like as if they were having some important meeting up there on the top deck.
“So what are you doing up here crying?”
“It’s a long story.”
“We’re not going anywhere for a while. Shoot.”
“Well...ah...my boyfriend of three years cheated on me. So my best friend brought me on this cruise...said I needed to get away, start over and get him out of my system.”
“And you were crying because you still love him or are you mad at yourself for loving him?”
“Both. We were together for three years after all.” Kamila pulled in a deep breath. “I’ve had enough fresh air...think I’m going to go chill in my room.”
“Well, maybe we’ll run into each other tomorrow,” Donovan said.
“Maybe...or if you like, you can hang out with me in my room and talk for a while?”
“Right now?” he asked.
“Yeah. Right now.”
“Okay.”
Donovan followed her to her room and once there, Kamila sat on the bed and watched Donovan sit on the couch. “So, why are you bitter, Donovan?”
“Bitter?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I’m not bitter.”
“Oh yes you are. You were so mean to me.”
“In my defense, you were bothering me, Kamila.”
“Am I bothering you now?”
“No.”
“Then tell me why you’re bitter.”
He looked at her and smiled. What good would it do him to talk to this young woman about his problems? But if he hadn’t planned on talking, why did he come to her room? “It’s nothing.”
“Oh, c’mon...I’ve told you about my issues, now dish.”
“Ah...okay,” he said, rubbing his hands together. It surprised him that he felt nervous just now, thinking about talking to someone about his life. Shayla was the only women he’d opened up to and he intended for her to be the last. But nervous? He was never nervous about anything, but this was something that weighed heavily on him. “Five years ago, my wife died. There...I said it.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.”
Kamila stretched her arms up in the air, then yawned.
“If you’re ready for bed, I can leave.”
“Leave? You just got here.”
“I know, but I don’t want to hold you back from getting your beauty rest.”
Kamila smiled, realizing she had a charmer on her hands. Who knew? “So what happened to your wife?”
“She was giving birth to our son and something went wrong.”
Kamila gasped in disbelief.
“Sometimes, I can still see the panicked look of the doctors and nurses that day. Anyway, um...that left me traumatized.”
“I can only imagine.”
“So, after five years of avoiding relationships and not searching for anything meaningful, I met an amazing woman who I fell in love with.”
“And?”
“She’s married. Well, she wasn’t married when we met, but she’s married now and I can’t stop thinking about her and what could’ve been, you know.”
“Wow. That’s difficult.”
Donovan nodded. “I’m in love with her. I can’t get her out of my mind and like your friend told you to do, I’m here to try and get her out of my system, but so far it’s not working.”
“You sound like you got it bad.”
“I do.”
“But you do realize you have to let her go, right?”
“Why?”
“Because she’s somebody’s wife. That’s why.”
“But she should’ve been my wife. I was there for her when the man she’s with wasn’t.”
“You know him?”
“Yeah, I know him...went to college with the guy. So what happened was, she was dating him, then she broke it off, moved to Norfolk and started working in my department. I took her to dinner a few times and then, very long story short, she ended up back with the guy and left Norfolk to go back to Charlotte to be with him. Soon after, they got married.”
“And you can’t accept the fact that she’s with the guy?”
“I feel like he stole her from me. Am I wrong?”
“Well, how you feel is how you feel.”
Donovan loosened up a little, even shifted on the couch so he had a good view of her sitting on the bed and said, “I mean, I was finally diggin’ someone after all those years and he swooped in like a hawk
and took her.”
Kamila frowned.
“What?” he asked when he saw the disturbance in her forehead.
“There will be other women, I’m sure.”
“I know, but they may not be what I want. I’m very particular.”
What man isn’t? “And just what does Donovan want?”
“I want a woman I can love...that I can connect with on every level.”
“That’s interesting...thought I had a man like that, but he connected with someone else.”
“Why?”
“Why did he connect with someone else?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him that. You want his number?” she quipped. She yawned again. “Let’s talk about something else. This is depressing.”
“Okay...uh...what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a traveling insurance representative for LightSite Insurance Company.”
“You?”
“I’m head of the accounting department at Zenadel Electronics.”
“Zenadel...I’ve heard of them. We tried to offer some insurance plans to the C.E.O. there a few years ago, but he declined.” Kamila unbuckled her sandals and sat in Indian-style on the bed, rubbing her toes.
“Where do you live?”
“In Richmond. You’re in Norfolk, right?”
“Yep.”
“Cool. I travel there from time to time...haven’t been there in a while, though.” Kamila glanced at the clock. “Hey, you wanna go dancing?”
Donovan lifted a brow. “Dancing? You’ve been yawning like a narcoleptic and now you want to go dancing?”
Kamila laughed then said, “I’m tired, but I didn’t come on this cruise to go to bed early. I came to have fun.” She stood up, took some black suede heels from her closet and slid her feet into them.
“You wanna join me?” she asked, noticing he hadn’t moved an inch.
“I’m not much of a dancer.”
“C’mon. Both of us could use a little cheering up...might as well cheer each other up, right?” She walked over to the couch, reached for his hand, as if she could pull his muscular frame from the couch.
He smirked at her gesture and took her hand for good measure. “You’re a persistent little thang aren’t you?” He stood up.
“That’s what they tell me.”
Holding his hand, she guided him to the fifth deck, where the dance club was located. They could hear the music right off of the elevator.
“I didn’t know there was a club onboard,” Donovan said, walking in.
“Me either, until my friend Lori told me. She’s a partier.”
“And you’re not?”
“No. I’m not, but tonight, I’m feeling adventurous...and we’re on a cruise, so let’s just let loose!”
“All right. Let’s do it.”
Donovan took Kamila’s hand and walked through the crowd to the dance floor. The two danced to some hip hop songs for a while, then after they worked up a sweat, they went back to sit at their table.
“I can’t believe we only have three more days. This is way too short. Remind me to never take a five-day cruise again.”
He grinned. “Remind me to never take a cruise again, period.”
Kamila smiled. “Why’d you come on here if you don’t like cruises?”
“I told you...getting someone out of my system. Plus, my mother literally showed up to my house and shoved me out the door with my suitcases.”
“Yeah...right...I doubt that very seriously.” Kamila laughed.
“You don’t believe anything I tell you, do you?”
“I do,” she said, grinning. “It’s just that you’re built like a football player, so unless your mom is a modern day Goliath, I doubt she shoved you anywhere.”
Donovan grinned. “She’s a feisty one...told me she would hold down the fort, take my son to school and take care of the house while I was gone.”
“That was nice of her.”
“Yeah, but instead of being on this floating building, seeing couples hugged up and happy, I’d rather be working or spending time with my son.”
“Well, I’m glad you came. At least you got a chance to loosen up a little bit. You were pretty stiff out there on the dance floor.”
“Oh, you’re dissing my dancing.” Donovan laughed. “Okay.”
“Nah, I’m kidding.”
“It’s cool. I know I’m a lil’ rusty. I haven’t danced in...man, I can’t remember the last time I went dancing.”
“I bet. Your life sounds very full. It’s a wonder you would even have the time for a woman.”
“I would make time. I intentionally flood my life with work and such just to keep my mind off of things.”
“See...that’s why it’s a good thing you came...need to loosen up a bit.”
He smirked. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“I’ll drink whatever you drink.”
“Then I hope you brought your I.D. You’re probably going to get carded.”
“No I’m not. You’re the only one who seems to think I’m under twenty-one...told you I was twenty-six.”
“Okay. We’ll see.” Donovan flagged down a waitress and ordered two Rum and Cokes.
When the waitress walked away without asking for I.D., Kamila looked at Donovan and stuck out her tongue.
He smiled, then laid back in his chair and watched Kamila as she bobbed her head to the music, her long hair waving about. She was pretty, he concluded, but he had no interest in her. He only had eyes for one woman, and she was not available to him. “Can I ask you something, Kamila?”
“What’s up?”
“The guy you were telling me about...your ex-boyfriend...how were you able to get over him?”
“I wasn’t. I mean, I’m not over him. That’s the problem. It’s like a part of me hates him, but when I see him, I get excited. It’s like I remember the good times we had and I fantasize about what might’ve been and that sometimes makes me want to give him another chance...like maybe it was my fault he cheated.”
“You can’t control his actions, so why would you blame yourself?”
Kamila shrugged. “I think all women who’ve been cheated on go through that phase. Men too.”
“What phase?”
“You know...the phase when you look back on the relationship to see if you were somehow at fault for the other person’s infidelity. Like I sometimes think that maybe I didn’t dress sexy enough or wear my hair pretty enough or work out enough.”
“Those are all superficial things.”
“I know, but I still have to think along those lines.”
“Interesting.”
“Why’s that interesting?”
He looked at her and instantly decided she was too fragile and inexperienced to handle his dissection of her aforementioned, one-dimensional, self-assessment. She had to be a fool if she thought her boyfriend left her because of those things. So instead of breaking it down for her, he responded, “No reason.”
“Hmm.”
Shifting gears, he said, “It took me a long time to get over my wife’s death and when I finally had the courage to love again, the woman wasn’t available and I don’t know which feeling is worse – losing someone in death, or having someone not return my love.”
“Jeez...that’s a tough one.”
“Tell me about it.” Donovan rubbed his face.
The waitress came over with their drinks and placed the glasses on the table.
“I do know that it’s detrimental to put yourself through that kind of heartache unnecessarily. I mean, if you love someone and they don’t return your love, you need to move on.”
Donovan took a long swig of his drink. “Moving on is easier said than done, sweetheart.”
“Don’t I know it. I’m having a hard time moving on right now. Tony still calls me and tells me that he’s sorry...that he wants me back, but I can’t take him back. I just can’t.”
“You
shouldn’t. You’re too sweet and beautiful to be with someone who hurts you.”
Kamila blushed. “Thanks.”
Donovan took a sip of his drink and bobbed his head to the music. “So what’s on tap after we leave here?”
“Look at you getting into the groove,” she said, gently slapping his forearm. “I like it.”
“Told you I wasn’t a jerk.”
Kamila giggled. “You sure was a couple of days ago. Shrew!”
Donovan smiled and Kamila could swear she saw stars. The man was gorgeous, his smile impeccable and there was something about his presence, his swag that made him much more appealing than other men his rank. He was serious, but had an incredible sense of humor. Handsome, but not stuck on himself. Cautious but not rigid.
Kamila checked her watch. “I’m gonna head to my room. I’m tired, and this drink is going to put me right out.” Kamila turned up the glass and finished it.
“Okay. I’ll walk you there.”
On the walk, Donovan spoke briefly about his son, even digging a picture of his little boy out of his wallet and showing it to her. When they stopped in front of her room door, he was surprised she invited him in.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yeah. Come on in. I know you’re not ready to go to your room just yet.”
“Yeah, but there are plenty of other things I could do instead of being in your hair, little lady.”
“You’re not in my hair, big man,” Kamila said, taking his hand and leading him to the couch.
Donovan sat down there while she kicked off her shoes and laid on the bed. He watched her eyes close then got up from the couch and walked over to the bed, kneeling beside it. “Kamila,” he whispered. “I’m going to let you get some rest.”
“No, don’t go,” she told him. “I got a spot for you right here.” She pat the area of the bed next to her. “Lay down.”
“Kamila, you don’t have to—”
“Shh,” she told him. “Lay down.”
And he laid down next to her, feeling the warm exhales from her calm breathing brush up against his face. It soothed him to be this close to a woman again. At the same time, he felt out of place. What was he doing in this woman’s room? Laying on her bed?
