by Glynis Astie
I had suddenly lost my appetite. I felt completely let down and just wanted to be alone. These are the times when it’s really hard to live with the person who is the source of your sadness.
“I’m not hungry. I guess I had too much cake today.” I examined my shoes.
Louis lifted my chin with his finger and forced me to look him in the eyes. “Are you sure you are alright? You seemed fine, even happy, when I came home and then suddenly you were not.”
I didn’t have it in me to explain this to him. “My headache has gotten worse. I’m sure I’ll be fine after resting.” Right now I wasn’t sure if that was going to be true, but I wanted to believe it.
I got up and went into the bedroom. As I started getting undressed, Louis came in, nostrils flaring. Great. Now he’s upset too.
“Sydney, if we are going to be married, you are going to have to be honest with me. What is the matter?”
Fine. Let’s do this. I turned around to face him. “Today is MY BIRTHDAY.”
He stared at me like I was crazy. “I know this. You love your birthday.” He was clearly waiting for me to elaborate.
“I do love my birthday. And you love me, therefore, you need to love my birthday too.”
He still didn’t understand.
“Louis, I love you very, very much.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Do you remember what I did for you for your birthday?”
He nodded. “You made it very special. I had never had that before. It was amazing.”
“That’s exactly what I wanted for you.” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “I know how much you love me, Bluey. It just....it hurt that you didn’t put more thought into my birthday.”
He seemed utterly bewildered. “But I asked you where you wanted to go to dinner...and I gave you a gift.”
I sighed. I was going to have to give it to him straight. It wasn’t going to sound good.
“You asked me where I wanted to go the evening of my birthday, when it would be too hard to get into a nice restaurant without reservations. You didn’t bring me any flowers and you gave me a gift that wasn’t as nice as the gift you gave me when you came back from France.”
Louis’ face showed signs of anger. “That is not good enough for you? Is this what our relationship comes down to?”
I felt terrible, but if we were going to have an honest relationship, he was going to have to have a clear understanding of what was important to me.
Tears starting spilling down my cheeks. “Louis, it’s not about the amount of money you spend, it’s about the effort. Are you honestly telling me you couldn’t find the time to make a dinner reservation and buy some flowers?”
I could see he was struggling with how to react, between his anger and my tears.
“What is the big deal, Syd? I will buy you flowers tomorrow. We can go to any restaurant that you choose and I will buy you another gift.”
I was completely confused. What happened to my romantic Louis? Did he leave once he moved to the US? I began to freak out, wondering if I had rushed my decision to marry him. My head began to spin, causing me to back away from Louis. I could feel the anxiety descending on me and felt the pressure in my chest. Crap! Of all the times to have a panic attack!
My breathing quickened. “I....I need a minute.” My knees buckled and I found myself sitting on the floor.
Louis rushed over to me. “Syd? Are you OK? What is going on? Do you need a doctor?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine. If you let me have some time to myself, I’ll be fine.”
Louis took my hand. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“I only need a few minutes, alright?”
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Louis looked at me sadly and sighed. “I’ll go get the door.” He got up slowly and left the bedroom. He still seemed to be very confused.
I heard Louis open the door and greet whomever was outside. They exchanged excited conversation for a few minutes and then I heard the door close. What was that about? Did he really think now was a good time for a chat? I found myself even more irritated with him than I had been a few minutes earlier.
Louis came back into the bedroom to find me sitting in the same spot on the floor.
“Who was that?” I asked, refusing to meet his eyes.
"Sydney, please look at me."
I grudgingly peered up at his face. He had the nerve to be grinning from ear to ear. My annoyance was reaching a dangerous level. I must have had an ugly look on my face at that moment.
His smile did not waver. “It was a special delivery.”
Now it was my turn to be bewildered. “Special delivery?”
He sat down next to me on the floor and handed me a square black velvet box.
I glanced over at him with my tearstained face. “What is this?”
His voice was very soft. “Why don’t you open it and find out?”
Well, it probably wouldn’t make things any worse. Opening the box took a bit of effort because my hands were shaking, but when I finally got it open, the contents took my breath away.
I stared up at Louis. “When did you do this?”
“During one of your many wedding planning sessions with Kate and Maya. Do you like it?”
I was speechless. Nestled in this little black velvet box was an exact replica of the costume engagement ring I had purchased at Nordstrom. It was absolutely beautiful.
Tears filled my eyes. “I love it.” I sobbed. “And I love you.”
I put my arms around his neck and started to cry.
“Why are you crying, mon coeur?” He started to chuckle.
“I don’t know.” I continued to sob.
He pulled out of the embrace and stroked my face. “Why don’t you try on your ring?”
My face lit up and I held out my trembling fingers. He removed the costume ring from my finger and replaced it with the dazzling ring he had had made for me. It fit perfectly. He gazed into my eyes and smiled.
“Happy Birthday, Syd.” He kissed me tenderly on the lips.
I buried my face in this chest. “Thank you, Bluey.”
He cleared his throat. “Now, I am sure you are in need of some food. Any interest in the chocolate cake that is currently in the refrigerator?”
I grinned at him. “Is that a trick question?”
He helped me to my feet and carried me into the kitchen. I giggled the whole way and was thankful that my birthday had vastly improved. We then sat at the dining room table and ate cake out of the box. It was the best birthday cake I had ever had.
Later in the evening, Louis explained to me that he had been so nervous I would find out about my engagement ring, he had completely forgotten to execute the birthday plans he had decided on for me. He asked me if he could have a do-over the next day. I was more than happy to take him up on his offer (And sincerely hoped Maya wouldn’t kill me for canceling our plans.) I managed to regain my composure and reminded myself how Louis and I were still getting to know each other; it was understandable that we would need to make some adjustments.
The next day, I came into work to find three dozen roses waiting for me. Between the flowers and my new engagement ring (I did confess the previous ring wasn’t authentic.), the office gossip was flying once again. That night, Louis took me to Il Fornaio for dinner. After we had dessert, he took me outside to the garden where I proposed to him. He told me how surprised and happy he had been that night and how no one had ever made him feel the way I did. He had tears in his eyes when he said he was the luckiest man in the world. It was an unforgettable evening. Despite the rocky start, it ended up being the perfect birthday.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
It’s amazing how quickly time passes when you’re embroiled in planning a wedding. Four weeks had passed since my birthday and we were only a few days away from flying to New York for Thanksgiving. I was becoming genuinely nervous. I had no idea what my dad and Charlie had in store for Louis, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy. The only thin
g I could take comfort in was that Louis was nearly unshockable and from everything I had seen, would always come out on top. This didn’t mean my dad wouldn’t put in his best effort though.
Just what had I accomplished in these past four weeks? As you know, the wedding site had been booked and the florist had been secured. After a lot of hard work (and a lot of help from Kate and Maya), I had booked a photographer and a dj, had chosen invitations and wedding favors and had even found THE dress. That’s right! I had found the dress I had been imagining since I was a little girl. OK, I hadn’t known exactly what it would look like, but I had a good idea. I knew it would make me feel like a princess.
The week before, Kate, Maya and I had ventured out on our first dress shopping trip. Naturally, prior to this expedition, we had spent countless hours poring over bridal magazines in order to choose the general style of the gown I wanted. After much deliberation, I decided on a pure white gown, with a full skirt and a fitted bodice. I knew I didn’t want long sleeves, but wasn’t sure if I wanted cap sleeves, spaghetti straps or a strapless dress. Of course, I knew this was all just theory at this point; I would have to try the dresses on to know for sure.
Maya insisted we start at the Bridal Galleria in San Francisco. She said we wouldn’t find any acceptable dresses outside of the city. While I definitely trusted her fashion expertise, I wasn’t sure I could afford what this expertise would dictate I wear. Kate advised me to keep an open mind, since you never knew when someone would have some kind of crazy sample sale. I knew she was right, but honestly, the idea of a sample sale scared the crap out of me. I often joked about being Bridezilla, but I knew they actually existed. I also knew they could eat me for lunch. Not that Maya would let them...
We spent the first hour perusing our options. Per our pre-shopping discussion, we would each select three dresses for me to try on. (I had to impose a limit on Maya or I could easily end up with thirty or more.) Any opportunity for her to dress someone brought out her inner child - as in, time to dress my dolly! I also had to remind her that she was choosing for me, so she should select dresses I would like, not dresses she would like to see me wear. It was MY wedding day, after all; I had to be the one to be happy with my dress choice. She could complain all she wanted!
Due to Maya’s complete lack of patience, I tried on her dresses first. She had chosen an ivory satin halter with an ankle-length skirt (and a huge slit up the side), a white lace strapless dress with a calf-length skirt and a white silk short-sleeved dress with a generous scoop neck, a very fitted bodice, a full-length skirt and a crimson sash. She certainly went for variety! Unfortunately for her, I felt like a trollop in the first, a debutante in the second and a prom queen in the third. Maya could have easily pulled off any one of them, but I lacked not only her confidence but also her petite frame.
Kate’s dresses were much more in line with my taste. She was the opposite of Maya in that she would purposely choose dresses she knew I would like, rather than trying to push me to make “daring fashion choices.” Kate had chosen a white strapless chiffon gown with a full-length train and a jeweled sash, an ivory strapless organza gown with antique lace and a white satin ball gown with illusion straps and a beaded bodice. I loved them all, but if I had to choose, I would have gone with the ivory organza.
Now we have come to my gowns. I chose an ivory basket weave organza strapless gown with floral detail, a white satin off the shoulder A-line gown with a side drape bodice and a white spaghetti strap ball gown with a satin beaded bodice and a full tulle skirt. The skirt of my last gown choice was particularly beautiful as it had additional beading patterned into the tulle. The first two gowns looked lovely, but the last gown was breathtaking. It also seemed…oddly familiar. Perhaps I had seen it in one of the endless parade of bridal magazines I had perused over the last couple of months?
A knock on the door to the dressing room brought me back to the present.
Kate sounded concerned. “Are you alright, Syd? You made a very strange noise.”
I opened the door and walked out. Kate took one look at me and her mouth fell to the floor. As the tears started to well in her eyes, she whispered, “That’s it.”
I nodded. I hugged her close (carefully, of course) and felt the tears forming in my eyes as well. Something about this dress in particular made me feel like a princess. It was just...me.
I turned to Kate and put my nose to hers. Then I whispered, “I’m so glad you’re here with me, Kate. Everything feels more special when I’m with you.”
She threw her arms around my neck and started to bawl. Uh oh. I had forgotten about the uncontrollable hormones of my pregnant sister. I had unleashed a massive amount of emotion. Crap! I had to find something to bring her out of it quickly. My eyes searched the room and settled on exactly what I needed. Thank God!
I cleared my throat. “Kate! I see a candy bowl across the room. Should we take a peek and see what we can find? I could sure use some sugar!”
She smiled and led the way to the candy bowl. I let out a sigh of relief. That was close. Nick would have killed me if I had brought her home in tears again. I was on serious probation after taking her to see Pretty in Pink last week. It was playing at the dollar theater and I thought Kate would enjoy the experience of seeing it on the big screen again. It was one of our favorites when we were younger. (We were both in love with Andrew McCarthy, despite his heinous hair in this movie.)
Unfortunately, she empathized with the characters a little too much and the resulting feelings were too overwhelming for her to contain. Apparently, it took Nick two hours to get her to stop crying. Who could possibly have predicted such a reaction? Navigating the emotions of a pregnant woman was like walking through an active mine field. You really never knew when something was going to blow up. At least I had diffused the current situation for the time being...
After we had made our selections, I discovered Maya was nowhere to be found. Where had she gotten off to this time?
“Kate, where did Maya go?” I craned my neck and searched every part of the store within my sight, but wasn’t able to locate her.
Kate peered at me with confusion. “She was just here. Maybe she went to the bathroom?”
“You sit tight and enjoy your snack. I’m going to see if I can find her.” Granted, I had already decided I was going to buy this dress, but I still wanted her to see me in it.
I began to comb the aisles for Maya. The store was relatively deserted and for some reason the silence was making me nervous. Did something happen to her? I sighed, realizing I was losing what little hold I had left on my sanity. What could possibly have happened to her in a bridal salon?
I heard a small yelp behind me. What was that? I quickly turned around, forgetting I was wearing a wedding dress with a HUGE skirt and promptly fell on my face. Nice, Syd. That bodes well for your wedding day. Evidently, I would have to practice walking in this dress a lot before the big day. I didn’t need to end up on the floor in a gigantic poof ball in front of everyone I knew.
As I clumsily got to my feet, I caught a glimpse of someone in my peripheral vision. I turned around to find Maya admiring herself in a full length mirror. This in itself isn’t an unusual sight; Maya often went over her appearance with a fine-tooth comb. The odd part was that she was wearing one of the wedding gowns she had chosen for me. This was an interesting development indeed. Maya had never expressed any interest in getting married. I now wondered if all her bravado was simply a cover.
I stepped behind a rack of dresses and weighed my options. I was dying to know what was going on (And I was still convinced it had something to do with Jean.), but I didn’t want to embarrass her. I peeked around the rack and saw an expression of pure joy on her face in the mirror. Maya rarely showed signs of genuine emotion. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel anything, she just didn’t want to share her private feelings with others. I didn’t want to catch her off guard and make her feel vulnerable.
Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me.
“I bet you’re wondering why I’m wearing a wedding dress.” It shouldn’t surprise me that Maya made my decision for me.
I turned around and locked eyes with her. “I was only wondering where you went. I wanted to show you my dress.”
Maya gave me a quick once over. “You’re exquisite, Syd. This is the one?”
I nodded. “This is the one.”
She smiled at me. “Excellent choice. By the time Kate and I are through with you, you’re going to look like you just stepped off a magazine cover.”
I looked...well, I tried to look at my shoes. I couldn’t see them under all the poof. I had to ask Maya what was going on, but it wasn’t going to be pleasant.
I brought my gaze up to meet hers. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
She laughed. “What makes you think something is going on?”
“Uh...you’re trying on wedding dresses. You have never in your life expressed any interest in getting married. You’ve always discussed marriage with a certain amount of distaste.” I wrinkled my nose for emphasis.
“Syd, I only wanted to see what this dress would look like on. It’s gorgeous.” She turned back to the mirror and admired the fitted white dress with the red sash. She looked particularly stunning. “Besides, I did have a life before I met you. I thought about marriage then.”
“Really?” I sounded more shocked than I meant to. “I’m sorry; that sounded bad. What changed your mind?”
She sighed. “I guess the men I met in college and the years since graduation have just turned me off to the idea. None of them were anything like the man I had imagined marrying.”
I raised my eyebrows at her. “Does this mean you’ve met someone who’s reminded you why you once believed in marriage?” And if so, is his name Jean?
She closed her eyes. “Maybe.”
“Ah hah! I knew it.” I giggled. “Who is he?”
She slowly opened her eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I was seriously going to kill her. “You invade every aspect of my life, push me outside of every comfort zone I have, extract information I don’t necessarily want to share and you won’t share this with me?”
