Wait, she did grab at him. She had said she didn’t want it to stop. Was it just in the heat of the moment? Or could she possibly have feelings for him?
The vision of her half-naked body greeting him when he came out of the shower came back to him. He hadn’t noticed her expression, having been so full of turmoil and trying not to get hard again, he hadn't paid attention to her initial reaction. Was she thinking what the hell have I done? Or damn, you rocked my world with the best orgasms of my life. Take me for another ride, stallion.
No, that was wishful thinking on his part. She made it clear that she wanted to spend time alone today. Most likely trying to get some distance from him. Because as he had proven, he was just like every other guy on the island trying to get into her pants.
Slade hoped she didn't think he betrayed her. He couldn’t bear her hatred. He swam further ahead in search of more fish.
What the hell would they say when they saw each other again tonight?
Chapter Eight
Caitlyn tried to lose herself in the hustle and bustle of Naha. Even the numerous pedestrians and traffic couldn't distract her from her thoughts of Slade. They'd wandered down here last night on their way to and from the club.
Before what happened had happened.
She turned off Kokusai-dori, the main street filled with shops and restaurants, to wander through Makisihi Koseu Ichiba, the covered food market. She ogled the colorful displays of fish and produce, buying a few to sample the cuisine. She bought an Asian pear, a juicy morsel that tasted both of apples and pears.
She then meandered through the Tsuboya pottery area, looking for gifts to send back home. Anything to keep her mind off Slade and the disastrous morning after a magical night. She spotted displays of Okinawan shisas, a mix between a lion and a dog that many Okinawans put outside their homes as guardians, similar to how gargoyles were used in other parts of the world. She purchased a pair to send to Laura as a nice gesture, an apology. Laura was right all along. Caitlyn was making a mistake and she had tried to talk some sense into her. She knew Laura only meant the best, which was why she probably called her—for a reality check. She knew Laura would give it to her straight and not sugar-coat anything under some sappy sales pitch of a happily ever after.
She had to call Laura this week. She would do it back at work when she had to face the consequences of her stupidity. Although a part of her was afraid Laura might say “I told you so,” she knew that wouldn’t happen. Too bad they were oceans away. What she'd do right now to have a girlfriend to spill the whole awful story to in person.
Caitlyn resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands. What a fool she was.
How could she go back to work on Monday, declaring how they'd gotten married? She couldn't bear forcing a happy face as a new bride in love.
And moving into their apartment together? What a joke. They couldn't spend one night in the same room together without messing everything up, how would it be any easier living together? To live in close quarters with someone you had such strong feelings for, which weren't reciprocated, would be unbearable. She'd rather endure the gas chamber training she so despised over that anguish.
She hopped on a bus heading south and watched the city bustle give way to more residential areas, her mood darkening with every mile. She put in ear buds and shuffled through songs on her iPod, settling on an Adele playlist.
Bad choice. She yearned along with the lyrics, replaying key phrases to her situation with Slade.
If how she felt was any indication of how her ruse had caught up to her, she suffered her penance.
She transferred onto another bus that took her to the Okinawa Peace Memorial Park.
After she disembarked the bus, she wondered why she picked here of all places. The park was a somber memorial of the devastation that occurred during World War II with countless deaths on both sides. Thousands of Japanese soldiers committed seppaku, or suicide, when they lost the Battle of Okinawa. A memorial with names of American and Japanese military personnel who had died in the battle was carved upon the Cornerstones of Peace memorial. She had ended up a Marine on Okinawa as a direct result of the bloody battles of World War II, after which the US built bases on the island.
Caitlyn let the sadness of the beautiful area surrounding her penetrate before she walked over to Mabuni Cliffs. The Suicide Cliffs. A name given to the beautiful seaside cliffs that was the site of an unimaginable tragedy. In World War II, Japanese soldiers and civilians jumped to their deaths. Mothers were warned that Americans would rape and torture them so they chose to jump to their deaths, some even holding their babies or children to avoid that unimaginable fate. So much tragedy that could have been avoided.
It was Caitlyn's third visit to the area. It never failed to rattle her on many levels. A sobering reminder of misunderstandings and desperation caused by the horrors of war. She knew as a Marine, it was something she might have to face one day.
Or Slade.
She strolled the perimeter of the cliffs, pushing her hair out of her face as the winds tossed it about in all directions. She gazed out at the waters, watching the waves crash against the captivating cliffs that appeared so peaceful, yet was once the site of bloodshed and desperation. Although entranced by the continuous repetitive motion of the waves at first, at some point the impact of the water against stone jolted her back to reality. Did she run here to avoid her problems? Or did she come here as a reality check?
Her problem wasn't so monumental that it couldn’t be overcome. She was certainly not at the level of despair the many people had been here in the past. She'd just made a stupid mistake. One she'd have to fix. Or at least alleviate.
You're a strong, young, confident woman who can take care of herself. You got yourself into this mess, but you're tough enough and capable to get yourself out of it.
Taking a deep breath, she stared out onto the receding waves and resolved to make amends for her mistake.
She meditated for several minutes. Then she prayed. She didn't usually pray, but the overwhelming sadness that pervaded the scene compelled her to do something. She prayed for the souls of those whose lives were lost here, hoping they were finally at peace. And hoping that some sort of cultural understanding had come to the world since then so tragedies like what happened here would never occur again.
Taking an expensive taxi back into Naha, she played what she'd say to Slade at dinner over and over in her head. It wasn't going to be easy. And if past indications had any bearing on the present, she'd probably screw up the first words that came out of her mouth no matter how many times she repeated them.
Be strong, Cait.
****
Despite what lay ahead at dinner, Caitlyn wanted to look good.
With luck, she would avoid Slade in the hotel room. Seeing him when she got out of the shower was not a challenge her body would be able to handle, especially when remembering how deftly he used his hands and what pleasure could come from his lips. It would make what she had to do all the more difficult.
She lathered quickly with a lavender body wash and hoped she still had plenty of time before he'd arrive. After rinsing off, she dried off and put on a blue and yellow gingham sleeveless dress, dismissing Slade’s remark that replayed in her head on how she always wore blue. Wearing camouflage all week gave her little opportunity to dress like a woman so she took the chance whenever she could. Unless she felt like a bum and wanted to loll around in shorts and a tank top, which happened more than she'd like to admit. She reminded herself of this as she dressed. She was definitely not looking nice for Slade.
What was the use?
After blow-drying her hair so it fanned over her shoulders and applying light make up, she went downstairs to kill some time in the hotel before meeting Slade.
She perused the hotel gift shop for reading material they had in English. After looking over the magazines and the latest paperback releases, she saw a romance by an author she enjoyed. No, definitely not romance right
now. Nor anything too deep, she wouldn't be able to focus. She chose a humor book by a well-known comedian and picked out some vanilla breath mints and then walked down to the hotel coffee shop. She tried to focus on the words on the page, but caught herself glancing up numerous times for the tall American Marine who'd stand out among the many Asian tourists here.
She picked up her coffee stirrer and chewed on it nervously. Within a few minutes, she discarded the mangled red piece of plastic and glanced up again at the clock.
****
“What are you doing here” Cortez asked. “I thought you’d be gone all weekend.
“I was snorkeling nearby, so I came by to rinse off,” he lied.
The truth was, he showered in the barracks to avoid an awkward replay of his shower this morning in the hotel room. Although he typically hated spending any time in his room there, this time he found it more preferable than returning to the hotel. Within hours, he had experienced a magical night with Caitlyn there followed by an awkward morning after.
“What are you doing anyway?”
Getting married.
“Exploring the island.” Slade tried to deflect the conversation back to Cortez. “What about you?”
“Actually, I took a page from your book and went exploring with the guys. We checked out this habu-mongoose fight, it was sick! Have you seen it?”
Slade tried to keep the distaste out of his voice. “Not my thing.”
“The mongoose destroyed the habu. A fight to the death. Crazy shit.”
Slade muttered “Uh huh” only half-listening as he scanned his room to see if he needed to grab anything else. His eyes caught a tiny jade elephant on his bookshelf. He had bought a pair of these trinkets a month back, one each for Caitlyn and himself. He had told her they were for good luck and left out the part about how they reminded him of her eyes. Would her eyes be filled with hatred when he saw her next?
Cortez raised his chin. “You with O’Neill?”
“Why?” Slade asked, tightening his jaw.
“Defensive much, man?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You look pissed all of a sudden. You were out yesterday, she was out yesterday. Neither of you were in the barracks last night and people saw you both dressed up yesterday. It’s hard to keep a secret here. Marines wag their tongues.”
“Oh yeah, what are they saying?”
“They’re saying she must have finally given it up and you banged her.”
Slade raised his fist before he knew what he realized what he was doing and grabbed Cortez by the collar. “Don’t talk about her that way.”
“What the fuck, Masters. You asked me, so I’m just telling you. I didn’t say it.”
The anger gave way to shame as Slade let Cortez go. They had always gotten along well; he had no right to grab him like that. “Sorry, man. I don’t know what came over me.”
No matter how he planned, there was no avoiding speculation from Marines you lived and worked with day in and out. No privacy whatsoever, another reason why he craved some personal space.
The wagging tongues were right. She had been with him. But now he doubted she wanted to see him ever again.
“I can see she’s driving you crazy, man. I got to ask you something and don’t take it the wrong way.”
“What?”
“Is she worth it?”
Slade strode to their door in two steps and paused when he turned the knob. Without looking back, he muttered. “Yes.”
He drove down Highway 58 back to the hotel in Naha. For someone who always had the details planned out, this time he had nothing. He debated between booking another room for himself in the hotel or returning to sleep in the barracks.
No, if they were going to pull off this marriage idea—if they could—it would look very suspicious.
The worst part of this situation was not knowing what Caitlyn thought. Did she spend the day thinking how he betrayed her, took advantage of her at the first possible moment? He couldn't control how Caitlyn felt about him. If she wasn't interested in being more than friends, he had to accept it.
Too bad he'd botched it up with the whole marriage idea. And then seducing her. What an idiot he was.
What the hell was going to happen next?
When he saw her looking at the rack of tourist brochures in the lobby, he inhaled sharply. She appeared radiant in a summery dress, fitted around her breasts and flaring out from her narrow waist over her hips. He froze as he took in the vision. That was one of the things he loved about her—how she appeared tough and professional at work in her military uniforms and then so feminine and irresistible in something as simple as a little dress and strappy sandals.
Her silky touch came back to him. Although he’d fantasized about her numerous times, now that he had a touch, a taste, he wouldn’t be able to forget it. The scent of her lingered in his mind, torturing him, reminding him he only had one night to treasure her.
“Hi?” It came out more of a question then a statement. What the hell was wrong with him?
“Oh, hello,” she said. She spun around and caught his eye briefly and then turned away.
Yes, she hated him. She couldn't even look at him.
“Are you ready for dinner?”
“Yes.”
Slade noticed the pervasive silence on their way to the restaurant. This was unlike Caitlyn who could chirp for hours on any number of topics that would amuse him. It didn't bode well. He peered over at her and noticed her arms crossed while she bit her lip.
How had this happened with someone he had been so close to that he could spend hours hiking with her where the silences had always been natural, comfortable. Not like this.
“So what did you do today?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Walked around. You know, stuff like that. You?”
“Snorkeled.”
He focused on her hand. Why couldn't he reach over and hold it like they had last night?
Had their sexual act created such a gap between them that it could never be breached? He hoped, desperately hoped, they hadn’t destroyed their friendship.
The awkward silence continued throughout dinner.
“You've barely touched your food, Caitlyn. Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” she said, moving her food around on her plate.
“No, you're not,” he said. “In the entire time I've known you, I have never seen you without a voracious appetite.”
She peered at him and forced a smile, but Slade saw the sadness in her jade eyes.
“Is it because what happened last night?”
She focused on something in the distance and took a deep breath before looking back at him. “Of course it is.”
“I'm sorry. We can forget it ever happened and stick with our original plan.”
“Your plan.” She shook her head. “No, we can't. I shouldn't have agreed to it. It was a stupid idea.”
“Hey, I'm sorry, okay? I thought you agreed it was a good idea.”
Caitlyn pushed her plate away. “I'm going to say something and please don't interrupt me because I don't even know how I'll get it out.”
He nodded. What was coming next?
She stared at the tablecloth halfway between them. Then she grabbed her napkin and sneezed.
“God bless you.”
“Thanks. Excuse me.”
She sneezed again twice.
“God bless you.”
“Oh no!” she said. “Not now.”
“What is it? Are you allergic to something here, you think?”
She shook her said and sneezed twice more. “I don’t know. Maybe.” Her eyes were now watery. “Or it’s nervousness.” She stood up. “I'll be right back.”
His eyes followed her as she hurried to the ladies room. Nervousness? What was that about? Whatever it was, it didn't help settle his uneasiness about what was to come. He spun his glass of Orion beer around, studying the liquid as if it would provide answers.
Caitlyn
returned a few minutes later with all signs of watery eyes gone. She smiled and sat back down. “Sorry. I sometimes get a sneezing fit when I get nervous.”
“What? That doesn't even make sense physiologically. Why would that happen?”
“I don't know,” she protested. “It's better than farting uncontrollably!”
Their laughter cut through the thick tension and he hoped it meant the worst was over.
“How have I never seen that before?” Slade asked.
“I don't know. I haven't had cause to be nervous around you before.”
“And here I thought I knew everything about you. Guess there are still things I have yet to discover.”
She chewed on her lip.
“There are plenty of nerve-wracking moments in the Marines. How have you managed to keep a reaction like that under control?”
She groaned. “I haven't yet. There was one time during an inspectionand well, you saw what happened.”
“No way!” he said, laughing, envisioning a dead-silent military inspection with Marines in ranks and then one cute blond causing a ruckus with a sneezing fit. “You'd be great to have on hand during a battle.”
“Shut up,” she said, swatting me playfully on the arm. “It wouldn't happen then. Not with adrenaline kicking in like that.” Although she was still laughing, she said, “Stop laughing. I have something important to tell you.”
“Okay, okay.” He wiped tears of laughter out of his eyes. “Go ahead.”
The smile left her face as her features froze, her jade eyes now filled with determination. The beautiful sensuous woman he spent the night with hardened into a warrior with steely resolve.
She took a deep breath and began. “I shouldn't have agreed to this marriage idea because I haven't been straight with you. I've grown feelings for you, more than just our friendship. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe some stupid schoolgirl fantasy of it being real—I don't know—it’s so stupid. But I've wanted what happened last night to happen for so long. And I should have been honest with you from the beginning. But I didn’t. I didn’t really know how I felt about you. And I was so excited and confused and…and…I know you think it was a mistake. And now I know that I can't bear pretending that we're all happy and in love and living together when it's just one big farce. So I can't go along with it on Monday.”
A Marine’s Proposal Page 9
